The Guest Stars of
"The Wacky Molestation Adventure"

by Wild Willie Westwood


Mark and Linda Cotner

This couple entered South Park looking for Breckenridge but got lost in the mountain roads. They entered South Park without knowing it, for the sign had been covered over and the letters read "Welcome to Smiley Town." Mark is looking for a place that'll fix his car. He comes to a gas station looking for a mechanic and talks to Butters and Craig. Finding no real mechanic at the gas station, he asks for a phone to use. They direct him to Treasure Cove. When they cross the white line to Treasure Cove they enter a strange world run by kindergartners. A little truck squirts the couple with lemon juice, then the kindergartners show up to "play" with the couple. At this, they escape back to Smiley Town, where Craig taeks them to the Mayor - Cartman! At the mayor's office the couple wintesses even stranger things, including a means of communication that involves jars that can carry voice messages without any loss in sound quality. Cartman tells them what they can do to get a phone. The couple goes to John Elway Memorial Park, where they are to find a book under a statue of Elway and deliver it back to Cartman before Mark can use a real phone. The couple finds Kenny dead under the statue, a recent sacrifice to the Provider. The kindergartners show up again with other kids and captures the couple. Back in Treausre Cove, Stan and Kyle explain that they have the only working phone and tell the story of how Smiley Town and Treasure Cove came to be. Later, Mark sends Linda back to the car while he goes to get the book. She goes there and finds Butters, who tells her a window handle was the problem. She looks at the car and finds it dismantled. Cartman's group finds her and seizes her. Mark returns to Treasure Cove with Smiley Town's book, and Cartman goes there with Mark's wife hostage. The couple and all the kids return to John Elway Memorial Park to see the Provider. Snce Smiley Town's book is missing, Smiley Town has to offer a sacrifice - Butters! But Mark intervenes and tries to explain to the kids that the birthgaviers they sent to prison love them and miss them, that the rules they set were for their benefit. The kids ponder this and realize he's right. Kyle hands Mark the cell phone and Mark calls the police to get the parents released.


Social Worker, Scott Evans, Prison Rehabilitation Counselor, Jenny's Parents

The social worker shows up when the kids of South Park start calling the police on their parents. She's there to see Kyle's parents arrested and hauled off to jail. She then walks up to Kyle and hugs him. She then takes off with the law enforcement personnel. Scott is the Canyon City Maximum Security Prison rehab counselor who tries to rehabilitate the new prisoners by having them look at a life-size cutout of Beaver Cleaver, list other things they can do besides molest children, etc. Jenny's parents are welcomed home by her when the kids' parents are released and return home.

Fidel Castro

He reads the letter Kyle sends to him and is moved by it. He calls everyone to gather together for a press conference. He announces the end of Communism and the return of tourism to Cuba, saying it was Kyle's letter that changed his ways.