The Secrets of

by Wild Willie Westwood, with sources from all over the Web

Cartman just isn't as dumb as he looks. How many eight-year-olds take the time to read the entire Bible?

Listen carefully to Cartman's speech on the playground and you'll hear two lines that he uses again later in the episode. The first one is used on the boy from Denver who is wearing glasses. The second is used on the ugly girl who follows.

Apocolypse Cola.

Cartman's church was to look like the Crystal Cathedral in Orange County, with its glass walls and all. Just didn't turn out that way, though.

Cartman has finally taken down his Ewok Village 2000 to make way for his church.

Items seen in the littered living room: Red and Blue Mega Men, Lambtron, Polly Prissy Pants, Peter Panda, Pengin, Donkeytron, Furrycat, a football, a bat, a basketball backboard.

People seen among the new arrivals in Hell: The President of Costa Rica and one of his aides (the one with the patch), and the fat woman from Jesus and Pals in "The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka."

"I was a practicing Jehovah's Witness." — he shouldn't have been wearing fatigues, since Jehovah's Witnesses don't join any of the armed forces.

The little blonde girl Satan goes to for advice is JonBenet Ramsey.

"Yeah, well, where was I gonna go? Detroit?" — from Kentucky Fried Movie.

The little boy wearing glasses is farsighted, or they are reading glasses.

God is a Buddhist? Buddhists are atheists — they do not believe in a god. This means God does not believe in God, so he doesn't believe in himself. That's bad. On the other hand, he doesn't have to believe in himself, since he knows there's no higher power—he's it, and he can spend eternity living a good life, just as humans do in Buddhism. That's good.

"Look, the tooth fairy thing didn't work, the boy band thing didn't last, so I tried this route." — Um, the tooth fairy thing was to make enough money to buy a Sega Dreamcast, and Cartman forgot about the kidney he'd give Kyle for $10 million.

Mormons are big on morality plays.