The Guest Stars of
"Timmy 2000"

by Wild Willie Westwood

Clinic Doctor, Mark the Pharmacist, Dr. Shay, Christina Aguilera monster

The Clinic Doctor read to the kids from "A Farewell To Arms". As none of the kids could answer a question about the book, the doctor prescribed Ritalin to all of them. Mark, the pharmacist, dutifully filled out the prescriptions and told the parents that Ritalin could have side effects in some children. Chef, hearing about the kids being on Ritalin, decided to do something about it. He tried playing a video of Dr. Shay, who endorsed a radical form of corporal punishment (i.e., spanking or paddling), but found that the parents, too, had fallen to the calming effects of Ritalin. Chef then went to the pharmacist to warn him and the doctor about the dangers of Ritalin and the effects the drug was already having on the people of South Park. When Chef arrived, he saw the doctor and pharmacist exchange money between them, and they put it away quickly when he knocked on the door. He entered and pleaded his case, but they laughed at him untl he told them about Lalapalalapaza, and that the kids were going to see Phil Collins at that concert. The doctor and pharmacist broke down after that and did as Chef told them: they created an antidote called Ritalout. One of the effects of Ritalin was the appearance of Christina Aguilera monsters to Cartman. At the concert, Chef passed out the antidote to Ritalin to all the people in attendance, and the antidote went to work. The people soon remembered that Phil Collins suck, and the effects of Ritalin vanished.

VH1 reporterCharlie RosePhil CollinsSisters of Mercy Hold No Pain Against the Dark Lord
host of VH1 News, Charlie Rose, Phil Collins, Sisters of Mercy Hold No Pain Against the Dark Lord

Both Charlie Rose and the VH1 reporter had news items on Phil Collins and Timmy. Charlie Rose did an analytical piece on the rise of Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld while the VH1 reporter anounced the breakup of the group. Phil Collins had a role to play in each report. Phil Collins was headlining at Lalapalalapaza until Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld took his place. When he learned he had been replaced as the headliner, he did his best to discourage this in the media and to convince Skyler that Timmy was taking his place as frontman in the band. Skyler began to see things this way and soon left the group for a solo carreer. This bit of news resulted in Phil Collins getting to be the headliner again, and the kids, as they were on Ritalin, went along with it. When Phil Collins sang his song at the concert, Chef passed out the antidote Ritalout and the audience came to its senses. Phil Collins was taken from the stage and bounced above the audience. Someone took the Oscar he carried with him at all times and shoved it up his ass.
Sisters of Mercy Hold No Pain Against the Dark Lord was one of the bands in the Battle of the Bands. They lost to Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld.