The Guest Stars of
"Cartman's Silly Hate Crime 2000"

by Wild Willie Westwood


The Girls' sled team, including the girl in pink parka, who now is known as LizzyThe Girls, including Girl In Pink

The boys decide to race on sleds, and the girls want to race as well. One of the girls, Lizzy, is particularly keen on beating the boys. The boys resist, but finally decide to let the girls compete. The day of the race is set for Saturday, and the girls spend the rest of the week needling the boys. When the girls discover Cartman has been arrested and placed in juvenile hall, their needling only gets meaner. When Kenny dies, the girls are all but sure they'll win the race. On Saturday, the girls face Stan, Kyle, Token, and a newly-freed Cartman. They almost win - until Cartman brings out the gift Romper Stomper gave him, the Romper Stomper pail shoes. Cartman tosses the pail shoes at the girls' sled and tangles the skis, causing the girls' sled to leave the race and go over a cliff. With the girls out of the race, the boys win handily.

Agent Keen and Agent Shart
Prosecutor, Agents Keen and Sharp, and Honorable Judge

Keen and Sharp are the agents who arrest Cartman for tossing a rock at Token and knocking him down with it. They arrest him on the premise that his action was a hate crime against blacks. The prosecutor bases his entire case on Cartman calling Token "black" in court, and linking that to the stone-throwing incident back at school. Wihtout hearing the defense, the judge announces Cartman guilty, and Cartman... escapes!

Leslie Smith, Trial TV host
Leslie Smith, Trial TV host, and A New Colorado Governor

Leslie Smith covers the court trial for Trial TV. The governor of Colorado listens to many presentations during his working day, and on the day that Stan, Kyle, and Token show up to give their presentation on hate-crime laws. Later, the governor says that the boys' presentation is the most logical one he's heard in the last three years.


Romper Stomper

Romper Stomper is the most menacing boy in juvenile hall. All the kids cower when he approaches, and Cartman is made to be his cellmate. The only way Cartman can survive with Stomper is to get him stuff from the outside, from his friends. Cartman begins with cigarettes, but realizes his ass is so roomy he can bring other stuff in there without being detected. And so Stomper gets a Tic-Tac-Throw game, a bit ripe for the smell, but good. Stomper takes a liking to Cartman, but doesn't want to show it, so he lets Cartman escape from the hall with him. They escape, but the prison guards arrive to detain them both. Cartman resists, only to find he's been pardoned, and so he runs off happily. Later, he returns to visit Stomper and gives him a gift he'll never forget - Disneyland, straight from the ass!