The Guest Stars of
"A History Channel Thanksgiving"

by Wild Willie Westwood


The History Channel Group

Agents 1 and 2, Agent 3, Agent 4

Agent 8, Agent 6, THC President, Agent 7, Agent 5, Agent 9

Agent 10, Agent 11, Agent 12

Agents 1 and 2 spot the boys and bring them in for an interrogation. Agent 1 asks the boys if they came by some kind of ship. Agent 2 points out how a hand print superimposed on a picture of Cape Cod points to five Pilgrim settlements, and Agent 2 shows how a hand print superimposed on the night sky points to corresponding points in space. Agent 3 points out how it sometimes takes a child to show us the most simple things. At Plymouth Rock Agent 4 tells everyone to disperse, and Agent 5 concludes that Kyle must have been wrong when a handprint put on the rock had no effect on it. After Standish crashes into Earth, Agent 6 tells the THC president that the object that crashed is a Pilgrim. Agent 7 tells the president about the Pilgrim being put in the back seat of a truck, and Agent 6 adds that the truck belongs to Natalie Portman. Agent 8 adds that there's a stuffing shortage, and Agent 9 quips that Natalie Portman knows about stuffing. When the THC group finds the Pilgrims and his compnay, Agent 10 reports that Professor Kyle is with them. Agent 11 puts two and two together - Natalie Portman is the keeper of the portal! Agent 12 reminds everyone that the window of opportunity is closing and that the wormhole needs to be opened now!


Duncan Everton, Charles Biggens, Donald T. Brown

These three men are guest experts on the History Channel Thanksgiving specials. Duncan Everton says there's no journal entry that denies that aliens were present at the first Thanksgiving. Charles Biggens says that there's no mention of stuffing before 1621. The History Channel ties this in with aliens being at the first Thanksgiving. Donald T. Brown says there's no evidence that the first Thanksgiving wasn't haunted.


Miles Standish, Natalie Portman, Pilgrim King, Pilgrim

Miles Standish is pulled towards earth by a wormhole that was activated by a hand print and Natalie Portman - he stumbled into her truck's path after he landed, and she became his driver to wherever he needed to go. She was also asked to open her wormhole, which she resisterd until Kyle dined her and wined her. Once she said yes, members of the History Channel group helped ehr to open the wormhole. When it was opened, Miles Standish ran towards it, jumped into it, and went back to planet Plymouth to defeat the Indians and take back the stuffing mines. The Pilgrim King worries about his people while Miles Standish is missing. He proposes that all Pilgrims should abandon Plymouth. He's with Miles Standish when Miles leads the Pilgrims to victory. While the King is waiting for word from Miles, a Pilgrim goes to him to tell of the losses the Pilgrims are taking in the stuffing mines.


David Running Horse Sawitsky, Indian Chief, Attendant 1 amd Chet

David Sawitsky is invited to South Park Elementary to talk to the fourth graders about Thanksgiving from a Native American viewpoint. He later learns of Stan and Kyle appearing on The History Channel and confronts Kyle about it. Miles Standish shows up and puts an orb in Sawitsky's moust to see if he's a full-blooded Native American. The orb destroys him, so he wasn't a full-blooded Native American.
The Indian Chief leads his men to war against the Pilgrims over ownership of the stuffing mines. He and his people are destroyed when Captain Miles Standish returns to Planet Plymouth. Cartman sees Attendant 1 and asks him where to find the stuffing. The attendant leads him to it, but sees that the shelf is empty. He calls Chet over, and Chet tells him he put all the stuffing on the shelf, so there's nothing in the back.