The Guest Stars of
"Ass Burgers"

by Wild Willie Westwood



Riley, Molly, Boys 1 and 2, Douglas

Riley is the first customer after Kyle to try Cartman's hamburgers. Both of them love the taste. Molly gets her burger from Cartman, and a bag of chips. The two boys standing together comment on Wendy and Kyle's conversation.
Douglas is here because it's the first time we see a face shot of him in a speaking role.

Fast Food Executives

Subway, Burger King, Pizza Hut, McDonald's, Chick-fil-A, Taco Bell, KFC

These executives have joined forces to find out why Cartman Burgers are so yummy. The McDonald's exec leads the group and the Chick-fil-A exec is a sniper dressed as a chicken. They are all killed by the Secret Society of Cynics shown below.

The Secret Society of Cynics: The Matrix Hits South Park
Researcher/Morpheus
Mr. Mathers
Martin
Neo
Neo 2
Cypher
Captain Niobe

A Twin, Trinity

The researcher takes Stan in as a new patient. Later on, he turns into Morpheus, leader of the Secret Society of Cynics. Morpheus gets Stan to go back into society as a messenger of truth, but screws things up by having Stan drink whiskey, which made Stan drunk and unusually happy for a while. The two Neos tell Stan that they, and the other members of the Society, know the truth behind this world's ills. Neo 1 accidentally shoots himself in the head and dies when they're taking out the fast food executives. Mr. Mathers is shown as a patient who must have been a gymnast before, because he's wrapped his legs around the back of his neck. He's blowing fart bubbles through a blower. Later on, he's participating in the slaughter of the fast food executives. Mr. Mathers is shown pissing on the wall when the reseacher passes by. He seems to have a bottomless bladder, since he doesn't stop pissing when he turns to introduce himself and is still pissing when he enters the meeting room moments later. But he does stop pissing when he's seated. Later on he offers Stan some whiskey when its effects wear off from the last drink. Chpher is resomsible for Stan's vitals, so he mentions that Stan's beta levels are fine before Stan gets his first mission. Later he assures Stan that his hangover is perfectly normal. The three ladies don't have speaking roles, but they are part of the Society, so they're included here.


Aide 1, Aide 2, Nurse Bronski

The two aides get President Duck to sign - er, poop on - Stan's Bill. Nurse Bronski has replaced Nurse Gollum as the school nurse. Cartman goes to see her complaining of some strange symptoms, and she finds some hamburgers in his underwear. He wonders if they're ass burgers - his take on Asperger's - and she runs him out of her office.