The Secrets of

by Wild Willie Westwood, with sources from all over the Web

The Terminator being his own son and Skeletor wanting to kill him are references to Arnold Schwarzenegger revealing that he had a son with one of his maids, and the possibility of Maria Shriver wanting to kill him for it. Maria Shriver looks a lot like Skeletor.

Lunch tables can be pretty light, so a pissed off boy could shake one hard enough to ruin everyone else's lunch. I have a nephew that rattles stuff around when he's pissed off. Once he almost threw a bar stool down he was shaking it so hard.

Principal Victoria reveals it later, but the numbers the boys were reading were the inches each of them grew over the past year.

For years I've called Tweek, heh, Tweek Tweek, but this episode reveals it to be Tweek Tweak. Even though his father runs Tweek Bros. Coffee, not Tweak Bros. Coffee, and sells Tweeker's Blend coffee.

Now we get last names for the following boys: Timmy Burch, Bill Allen, Dogpoo Petuski, Fosse McDonald, and Damien Thorn.

People wonder why the girls weren't included in the plot. I'm sure a girls chart could have been made too, but there isn't a girl who is a counterpart to Cartman, so that story wouldn't go anywhere.

Cartman reads his growth spurt right the first time - 1.2 inches - but misremembers it later as 1.4 inches.

Comparison of growth differential to penis length
BoyDifferential Length
Craig Tucker2.42.2
Butters Stotch2.22.4
Stan Marsh2.12.1
Kyle Broflovski2.42.0
Token Black2.32.2
Timmy Burch2.41.5
Kenny McCormick2.42.0
Tweek Tweak1.91.45
Bill Allen2.41.8
Dogpoo Petuski2.21.9
Fosse McDonald2.11.89
Leroy Jenkins2.42.1
Damien Thorn2.31.97
Bridon Gueermo2.41.7
James Patton2.42.9
Miles Byrne1.9---
BoyDifferential Length
Clyde Donovan2.22.3
Andrew Stan2.31.9
John Abbott2.22.2
Jay Dillinger2.02.1
Will Handle1.82.5
Eric Cartman1.21.2
Jimmy Valmer1.71.7
Dominic Palotta1.62.4
Michael Rogers1.82.7
Adam Briggs1.91.7
Chris Andrews2.2---
Brock Sampson2.02.1
Justin Hall1.83
Hugo Benz2.12.5
Andrew Mutt1.72.4
Kevin Stoley2.12.2
Cartman on Clyde's measurement: "That's .2 inches more than what the school said." - nope, it's just .1 inch more.

Miles Byrne is missing from the "Actual Boys Penis Size" list, while Chris Andrews' measurement is hidden by Craig's left hand.

Cartman thinks his penis is 1.4 inches long, but the actual boys penis size chart shows it as 1.2 inches.

Randy has become the go-to man. Chef is gone and Mr. Mackey would have lectured the class about penis length ten seasons ago (see Proper Condom Use), but then, Ms. Choksondik is gone too.

The little girl in the brown coat sounds like Wendy did in the unaired pilot.

Weird how the doctor can still carry out the ange management class so soon after his wife's suicide.

The Tea Bag participant is also a Birther (a birther will not rest until he's satisfied a birth certificate is authentic)

A flaccid girth of 1 in in diameter should be 3.1415926 inches in circumference.

Randy mixes up measurements in his example: inches AND centimeters? Hmmm, the only measurement that isn't metric here is the length of the penis.

You may have noticed that T.M.I. is spoofing B.M.I., the Body Mass Index, which uses a formula for measuring how fat you are that is rather complicated, and seems to have changed a few times over the years. The regions are somewhat arbitrary.

Randy's under the impression that Federal Express has anything to do with the Federal Government. Usually, when people talk about shutting down the Fed, they mean the Federal Reserve System, not Federal Express.

The current Surgeon General is Regina M. Benjamin. "Rebecca Turnod" is close enough, lol.

The anger management doctor fails to note that yaw is the angle of the shaft, if we use Randy's definition from early in the episode.

"true solid science, which cannot be changed" - science is solid, but can be changed in light of new information.