Ryan and Sarah Valmer
German President Christian Wulff
Man with Afro
|[South Park Elementary, day. The kids are in the hall. Jimmy walks in and starts handing out some fliers]|
|Jimmy:||Here you go. [hands some to Keven and Tommy] Here you [hands one to Red] go. Don't forget to... [hands one to Heidi] vote, everyone. [hands some to Anne and Bill, then heads off. He arrives at the lockers of Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny and hands some fliers to them.] Here you go, fellas. Be sure to get thse handed in tomorrow.|
|Jimmy:||Every student is to go home and vote on their favorite choice in each category. Favorite comedy actor, favorite comedy movie. And then on Friday, during lunch and recess, we're gonna have a big, f-f-f-fantastic comedy awards show.|
|Kyle:||Dude, an awards show just for comedy sounds like a bad idea.|
|Jimmy:||Fellas! Do you have any idea how difficult comedy is? Can't we just spend one lunch and recess saying thanks to those who make us smile and laugh every day?|
|Stan:||Yeah, look uh, I don't think I can make it, Jimmy.|
|Kyle:||Yeah, sorry dude uh, I can't make it either.|
|Mr. Mackey:||[over the PA system] Attention students, m'kay? There will be a presentation by the special ed department in the gymnasium Friday during lunch and recess, m'kay? Attendance to this assembly is mandatory. All students and faculty are required to go. Uh which, which I guess means I gotta suck it too, huh? Uh huh, m'kay.|
|Stan:||Oh man, really??|
|Jimmy:||Don't worry, everybody. I've spared no expense to make my comedy awards the biggest thing this school has ever seen. You're all gonna have a blast. [mobody is convinced]|
|[The graphics come up: Special Ed Deaprtments presents 1st Annual Comedy Awards]|
|Jimmy:||[announcing] Welcome... to the special ed department's... first annual comedy awards.|
|Timmy:||[singing] Timmy Timmy Timmy! [behind him in the band are Nathan, Michael (with round glasses instead of square ones), and the drummer] Timmih! Timmih Timmih! Timmiiih!|
|Jimmy:||Please welcome your host, Jimmy Valmer. [Jimmy walks out with the first award presentation]|
|Timmy:||Livin' a lie. Timmy. Livin' a lie. Timmy.|
|Jimmy:||Woohoo! Alright! [in the crowd, only Butters claps] Oh boy, what a terrific audience. Can I get a wuhwuhwuh what? What? [the crowd stays silent] We're here today to honor those who t-t-tirelessly work so hard to make us laugh. The first comedy award we are presenting is for the funniest kid in school. And the nominees are: [steps aside so the screen is unobstructed]|
|Announcer:||[the nominees are shown onscreen as they are announced] Clyde Donoman... Kelly P. Gardner [shown as Kelly Gardner]... Jimmy Valmer.|
|Jimmy:||[walks back to the mic] Oh wow, this is so exciting, isn't it? [opens the envelope and pulls out the card] And the winner is... [his face suddenly shows surprise] Oh my God! Jimmy Valmer! I can't believe I w- won! [An elegantly dressed Frances struts out with the award and hands it to Jimmy, then walks off elegantly. She will do this for every award]|
|Timmy:||[singing] Timmy Timmy Timmy! Livin' a lie.|
|Jimmy:||Wow, this is the greatest day of my life. Thanks everyone, for this incredible award.|
|Stan:||Can we go now?|
|Jimmy:||Go? We still have over fifty awards to hand out.|
|[a couple of hours later]|
|Jimmy:||...and the winner for best comedy performance in a movie is... [pulls out the card] Ben Stiller! Come on up here, Ben. [fanfare fades out] Is Ben Stiller here? [Frances walks out with the award] No? Huh... I guess B-ben Stiller could not be with us, so I'll accept this award on his behalf. [accept the award and sets it aside. Some time later...] And the award for funniest correspondents dinner speech goes to... [pulls out the card] President Obama! [quick fanfare. Frances walks out, but doesn't approach Jimmy] Is President Obama here? No? Ah I guess we'll just accept this award on his behalf.|
|[even later. The kids are looking really sleepy]|
|Timmy:||Livin' a lie! Timmy!|
|Jimmy:||Wow, what a terrific audience. Isn't this great. [no reply] Can I get another wuhwuh wha wha what what? [no reply] And now it's time to give out the award for the least funny people in the world. And the nominess are: [steps aside so the screen is unobstructed]|
|Announcer:||[the nominees are shown onscreen as they are announced] The Germans... The Japanese... The Yupik Eskimos of the Chukchee Peninsula|
|Jimmy:||[walks back to the mic and pulls out the card] And the winner is... the Germans! [cheers are heard, though no one is cheering onscreen. Frances walks out with another Chicken and walks up to Jimmy] Uhhh... I guess unfortunately the Germans could not be with us tonight. So I will accept this award on their behalf. [takes the award from Frances] Auf Wiedersehen. [more disembodied cheers] And now, for the Kathy Griffin Award. The Kathy Griffin Award will be given each year to the person who is most likely to actually show up to receive the Kathy Griffin Award. And the winner is... [pulls out the card] Tyler Perry. [drumroll. The doors open...]|
|Tyler Perry:||Timmy:||[singing] Timmy Timmy Timmy! Timmih!
||Tyler Perry:||Oh! Man, I wanna thank you all for this amazing award, or as Madea would say, "Halleluyer!" [Token begins to laugh, but then looks around and quickly stops for a bit]
||Token:||Oh God, how embarrassing.
||Tyler Perry:||Good afternoont! Halloer! I'd also really like to thank my-
||Jimmy:||[angrily snatches the mic from Perry] Okay, thahks, Tyler Perry.
||[The Valmer house, evening. Jimmy and his dad are eating dinner. Well, Jimmy is; his father is reading the paper]
||Jimmy:||I just don't understand it, Dad. It's like, nobody cares about winning their comedy awards. The only people who showed up were me and Tyler Perry.
||Ryan:||[turns the page, not really listening] Uh huh...
||Jimmy:||I really feel like I did all that work for nothing. People still think comedy is nothing but a big joke. I mean, come! on!
||Jimmy:||Dad, I'm really feeling sad and let down right now, and I feel like I can't even get a response from you. Could I at the very least please just get a what what-what?
||Ryan:||What. Uh, what??
||Sarah:||Jimmy! They're talking about your comedy awards! On the national news!
||Jimmy:||The national news?? Oh my gosh! People do care! [gets up from his chair and heads to the living room. An anchor is reporting it]
||Anchor:||A school in Colorado has declared Germans the least funny people in the world. The first annual comdey awards were held by the schoolchildren yesterday, and all of Germany is outraged.
||[A burly man stands behind a podium, gripping the top on either side seething with anger]
||President Wulff:||Jaaa jaaa jaaa! [I understand that some of the German is actually gibberish, so I'll just go with the translation given onscreen] Germany is a country of proupd people. We will not take this insult sitting down! The Comedy Award voters have brought shame upon themselves. The Comedy Award voters are wrong! I want to assure the world that we Germans are very very very funny. We do the joking in our work places and in our homes. I will now tell you a German joke. "A sausage maker buys a box of cereal." I will now tell another joke. [begins to roleplay]|
You are about to die and be eaten.
Asshole! I will murder you first!
|Anchor:||[looks around puzzled, but gets back to reporting] The German president went on to assure the world that Germans have a great sense of humor, and that retaliation towards the schoolchildren who said they don't will be swift and brutal.
||[South Park Elementary, the following Monday. The bell rings for students to enter the campus and get to class. Inside, Jimmy walks down the hall]
||Cartman:||Jimmy! Hey, Jimmy! [runs up behind him, with the other three boys] Dude, what the hell?! Did you see the news?!
||Stan:||We told you doing a comedy award was a bad idea! Now all of Germany is pissed off at us!
||Jimmy:||Duh-n, don't worry fellas. Everything's gonna be okay.
||Cartman:||Okay?! Jimmy, do you know what happened to the last people Germans were pissed off at?! Tell him, Kyle!
||Jimmy:||Fellas, I know Germany isn't happy with us, but you have to admit that in a lot of ways, the first annual comedy awards was a big success.
||Kyle:||A big success?! You can't even get Tyler Perry to go back home!
||Tyler Perry:||[dresses as Madea] Halleluyer! Somebody call the IHOP, 'cause I made pancakes!
||Butters:||[runs up breathless] Is it true? Do Germans wanna kill us?
||Cartman:||Yeah! Thanks to Jimmy!
||Jimmy:||No don't worry, everybody. I'm sure that Germany can take a joke just like the rest of us. [a loud thud that shakes the school is heard, smoke moves into the hall, and a boy runs by saying]
||Boy:||It's the Germans! [everyone makes a run for... the gym. The Germans herd everyone inside, and the hostages put their hands up]
||President Wulff:||Switch! Switch! Switch! Oder alle sterben! ["Switch! Switch! Switch! Or everybody will die!"]
||German 1:||Jaja! Lasst die Hände hoch! [Yes, yes! Keep your hands up!]
||German 2:||Niemand fucking Schritt! ["Nobody fucking move!"]
||Angela Merkel:||[fat lady] Glaubst du dass die Deutschen keinen Humor haben?! Huh?! ["Do you think Germans aren't funny?! Huh?!"]
||Kyle:||Jimmy, you're got to explain to the Germans that this is your fault, not ours!
||Jimmy:||What- what am I supposed to s-say?
||Cartman:||Ugh, let me talk to them. [walks over and stands by the President Wulff]
||President Wulff:||Was machst du?! Rück mit die anderen! ["What are you doing?! Back with the others."]
||Cartman:||Hör zu. Dieses ganze Ding ist ein Fehler. ["Listen. This whole thing is a mistake."]
||President Wulff:||Wie ein Fehler? ["What's a mistake?"]
||Cartman:||Die egal und dei Comedy Awarding thing. ["We don't care about the Comedy Award thing"] Es war Kinder der Special Education. Sie macht uns wählen. ["It was the special education kids. They made us vote."]
||President Wulff:||Wollen Sie endlich butrin sein? ["Would you be ??? already?"]
||Cartman:||Dürfen wir der Kind dort.. [goes to Kyle] ...geboten? ["We can offer the child ... here."] Er ist Jud. Eh? Ein schöner safter Jud. Er ist friiisch. Und wunderhübsch, wunderhüüübsch. ["He's a Jew. Eh? A handsome soft Jew. He's freeesh. And beauuutiful, beauuutiful."]
||President Wulff:||Zurück mit anderen oder sterben! ["Back with the others or die!"]
||Cartman:||[sighs] Well, I tried.
||Stan:||What the hell are they gonna do to us??
||Tyler Perry:||Oh my Lerd! What are we gonna doer? [Token laughs again, heartily, but then looks around and stops]
||Token:||Aw, damnit. [some engineers roll a huge item into the gym.]
||President Wulff:||Kommen auf! Schnell! Wir warten zu lang! ["Come on! Quickly! We've waited too long!"] Schnell, schnell! ["Quickly, quickly!]
||Angela Merkel:||SCHNELL! ["QUICKLY!" The engineers roll it into place and stop.]
||President Wulff:||[walks up to the item] Ja, ja! Das ist gut! ["Yes, yes! That's good!" Angela Merkel and President Wulff then speak gibberish, but it amounts to an order to release the locks. One of the engineers presses some keys on a keypad and the item pops open hydraulically. Everyone gets really scared as something inside scans the crowd and then rolls out - it's a robot. After a fewe seconds, the robot begins to tell jokes]
||Robot:||Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down? It pretty much took out the whole trailer park. [Fright turns to confusion]
||President Wulff:||[jumps forward assertively] Jaaa! Jaaa! Now what you say, maaan?! Here, is the greatest feat of German engineering! The XJ-212 Vudenkrein Funnybot!
||Funnybot:||Why doesn't a chicken wear pants? Because its pecker is on its head. [the kids laugh at this one.] What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts. [the kids laugh harder] Don't you just hate doing [in a slightly lower voice] homework?
||Kids:||[not all at the same time] Yeah.
||Funnybot:||Me too. Man I hate homework. Honestly, I hate having to do homework, more than I hate having to do Bryant Gumble in his asshole. Awkwaaard. [the kids laugh really hard at this] Awkwaaard. Awkwaaard.
||President Wulff:||Und now, Comedy Award voters, you will REVOTE [aims a pistol here and there] REVOTE! [the other Germans move forward with new ballots]
||Sandy Cervix:||Welcome to Hollywood Minute. I'm Sandy Cervix and I'm deaf in one ear. It's been two weeks now since the prestigious voters of the Comedy Awards reversed their vote and said Germans were no longer the least funny people in the world. All thanks to the new ground-breaking German comedian, Funnybot. [stock footage is shown of things being assembled] It was after being voted the least funny people on the planet that the Germans first engineered Funnybot, a super automaton with perfect timing to within .0001 milliseconds. Since then, Funnybot has seen a meteoric rise to stardom, selling out standup theaters all over the world.
||[A theater. Funnybot rolls out to cheers and applause as well as fanfare]
||Funnybot:||I am Funnybot. Don't you hate how Mexicans always complain about turtles in their vaginas? [the audience roars with laughter.] I am Funnybot. [applause and cheers. Funnybot begins to scan the audience and focuses on a man with an Afro] You, sir. Where are you from?
||Man with Afro:||Long Island!
||Funnybot:||Does everyone in Long Island have hair that looks like pussy, you dipshit? [the man claps with everyone else, but is unsure how to take that joke]
||[Back to Sandy Cervix]
||Sandy Cervix:||Funnybot has exploded onto the silver screen too. [a clip is shown of Eugene Levy entering his bedroom. Two women are in there cooing at something]
||Eugene Levy:||Hey! What are you doing with my daughters?! [the two women sit up and cover themselves. Funnybot sits up as well]
||Sandy Cervix:||[moonwalking] And this June, Funnybot shows off his range by playing every role in... Family Funbot
||Funbot:||Pass me the potatoes, mother.
||Mother:||Pass them yourself.
||Father:||That boy too fat to be eating potatoes.
||Grandmother:||Don't you call my little chubby baby fat, you ball-licker.
||Uncle:||Oho, it's getting hot up in here.
||[a short interview]
||Sandy Cervix:||Funnybot, is there a line you won't cross?
||Funnybot:||The line is a non sequitur. The line is an imaginary invention of imperfect biological life forms. I am Funnybot.
||Sandy Cervix:||What's that? Could you say tht in the other ear?
||[Soth Park Elementary, day. The kids are havingn lunch. Kenny, Cartman, Clyde, and Kyle are seated at a table. Cartman and Kyle are eating pizza, Kenny is eating a burger, Clyde has two burritos. Opposite them are Jimmy, Stan, and Craig. Jimmy is eating burritos too, while Stan has a burger and Craig eats a slice of pizza]
||Cartman:||Oh, man, did you guys see Funnybot on "Saturday Night Live"?
||Stan:||Nono, you guys gotto see Funnybot in Hangover 3. I'm telling you, it's his best work.
||Cartman:||He could do everything. I saw Funnybot on "Nurse Jackie" and on "Rockin' The Boat."
||Stan:||[smiles, but notices Jimmy's silence] What's the matter Jimmy? You still seem bummed.
||Jimmy:||What's the matter is this Funnybot has taken the humanity out of comedy. I don't think things are better, I think they're worse.
||Tyler Perry:||[the eighth person at the table, unseen until now] Ya everything's worse. It's the worstest of the worst, that's what I'm sayin'. Oh lerrrd. [the camera pans left and shows Token laughing at Perry, then giving him some money]
||Cartman:||Token, stop giving Tyler Perry money or he won't go away!
||Token:||I can't help it!
||Stan:||All I can say is I'm glad the Germans are back in Germany and nobody's pissed off at us anymore. [the cafeteria doors fly open and a bunch of armed actors rush in, led by Adam Sandler and Jay Leno]
||Adam Sandler:||You little shit! What the fuck have you done to us?!
||Cartman:||Oh wow, it's Adam Sandler.
||Adam Sandler:||Everyone into the school gymnasium! Move!
||Stan:||Naw dude, don't make us go back in the-
||Adam Sandler:||Into the gymnasium now!
||Another kid:||Aw crap.
||Adam Sandler:||Come on come on let's go! [the comedians round up everyone else and herd them into the gym]
||Jay Leno:||You little fuckers! Your comedy awards show has put us all out of work!
||Jimmy:||Now look, I know that I've put every comedian in the world out of work, but you have to admit that in a lot of ways, the first annual Comedy Awards was a success.
||Adam Sandler:||Who the fuck things a comedy awawrds show is a good idea?!
||Kyle:||Don't hurt anybody, sir. We could try and fix this.
||[The Mercury Theater. Funnybot is appearing there for One Night Only. Inside, he's already started his routine and is gettign applause and cheers]
||Funnybot:||What is up with Sandra Bullock? I wouldn't eat her dick with Stevie Wonder's vagina. [the audience roars with laughter] And now for my next joke: [the upper sides of his body swing back, his shoulders flip up, and two Gatling guns move into position and begin firing away. The microphone stand is destroyed and the bullets kill almost everyone in the audience. He runs out of bullets] Awkaaard.
||[CNN Headline News. Tonight:]
||Announcer:||This is breaking news from CNN.
||Anchor:||Shock and disbelief tonight as the German-engineered Funnybot delivered his opening lines at the Hollywood Forum, then opened fire on the audience of eleven hundred, killing nearly all of them. Spectators say the violent attack was unmotivated, irrational, and also, pretty Goddamned funny, solidifying the opinion once agan that Funnybot may be the greatest comedian of all time.
||Field Reporter:||Tom, you should have seen the looks on people's faces as Funnybot began his opening monologue skewering everyone from vagina-obsessed Hispanics to Sandra Bullock, then spontaneously started shhhooting people [begins to laugh at the memory of it] in their faces and in their chests. The blood went flying and oh shit it was funny.
||[CBS Studios, night. The boys walk down the hall looking for Funnybo's dressing room]
||Cartman:||Here we go, this has gotta be it right here. [a burly guard stands by the door]
||Stan:||'Scuse me, we wanna talk to Funnybot.
||Guard:||Who doesn't wanna talk to Funnybot? He's the biggest comedian in the world.
||Jimmy:||[Kyle places a call] Please sir, the kids at my school are all being held hostage, and if we don't speak to Funnybot, they could all be k-k-killed.
||Kyle:||Butters! Butters, is everything okay?
||[the school gym]
||Butters:||Well yeah, it's okay, but Jay Leno is really losin' it.
||Jay Leno:||Those fuckers! Let's just kill them, Sandler! [aims his gun at Kenny] Let's just kill them all, right fuckin' now! [puts the barrel up against Kenny's parka]
||Adam Sandler:||Tell your friends they'd better get it done!
||Butters:||Mr. Sandler says you'd better get it done! And Token says to hurry because he's runnin' out of money.
||Tyler Perry:||You know when a man be cheatin', he never know what to say. [Token hands him some money] But a woman? Them things think quiiick! [Token hands him some money]
||Adam Sandler:||Will somebody get Tyler Perry to shut up?!
||Kyle:||Plase sir, they're gonna kill our friend!
||Guard:||All right, but make it quick! [opens the door, but before letting the boys in, says] Funnybot is very busy in there coming up with new material! [the boys go in]
||Funnybot:||[using an old typewriter to write up his material] Error. Error. Banal. That has been done before. [pulls out the joke and crumples it up, then tosses it into the trash can behind him, which is full of discarded jokes]
||Jimmy:||Excuse me, Funnybot. My name is Jimmy, and I'm a stand-up comic. You're putting a lot of good people out of work.
||Funnybot:||Non sequitur. Other comedians are unnecessary. Funnybot must finish routine.
||Kyle:||I think you're awesome, Funnybot. Uh, but you can't go around taking everyone else's jobs.
||Funnybot:||Funnybot is now finished with final joke. [pulls out the joke and leaves the desk] Seeking mainframe access for execution of last joke ever.
||Jimmy:||Last joke ever? What's that supposed to mean? [Funnybot opens the door and walks into the hall, then turns left]
||Guard:||[stops Funnybot] Heey! Whoa, you can't go that way! [Funnybot stops, wheels around, and pulls out an arm with a sharp object at its end. He jabs the guard with it on the forehead, killing him. The boys catch up to him]
||Stan:||What the hell are you doing?!
||Funnybot:||I am taking comedy to the next level. The extermination of all biological life on earth!
||Funnybot:||It is the ultimate joke. Humans make comedy, humans build robot, robot ends all life on earth, robot feels awkward. EXTERMINATE! [resumes his marchdown the hallway and goes through some doors.]
||Stan:||Whoa whoa whoa wait, w-what do you mean you're going to destroy all life on earth?
||Funnybot:||That is my purpose: to be ultimate comedian.
||Kyle:||Dude, killing everyone isn't funny!
||Cartman:||It's kind of funny, you guys.
||Jimmy:||Funnybot, this is not a good joke. There won't be anyone around to laugh.
||Funnybot:||I am taking comedy to its logical conclusion. Mathematical equation of comedy used ti be setup, punchline. Today's comedy is setup, punchline, then "Awkwaaard." Nothing is more awkward than destroying all that which created Funnybot.
||Jimmy:||But don't you see? This is why comedy is for humans. You need to leave the jokes to people like me and Adam Sandler.
||Funnybot:||I wouldn't let Adam Sandler suck my saggy tits for one million dollars worth of Oprah's tampons. [resumes moving down the hall until it finds the mainframe. Once there, ihe opens a small panel and inserts a rigid plug into a receptacle to access...]
||[the F.E. Warren Missile Base in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Inside a silo, missile BM23 is activated. In a control room, a lot of men monitor the various missiles on the base. A missile appears on all the screens.]
||Officer 1:||Sir! We've got a code 6! [a general approaches] All nuclear missiles are preparing for launch!
||General:||What? There was no drill ordered!
||Officer 2:||It's no drill, sir. The Russians are saying their missiles are going online as well and it isn't their doing.
||General:||The hell is going on?! [the screens now show Funnybot at CBS Studios, still plugged into the mainframe]
||Funnybot:||Attention humans! I am Funnybot! The exterminatino of all life on Earth shall now commence! [everyone at the school gym is watching this broadcast] All nuclear devices in the United States and Russia are being prepared to launch! [a shot of the crowd at Times Square] This is the setup to the joke! Prepare for punchline in five minutes! Awkwardness in 5.4 minutes! I am Funnybot!
||[At the White House. President Obama comes to the podium to give a short address]
||President Obama:||I have just been briefed that the end of our country... is imminent. Goodbye, everybody. I'm going to spend my final monents on this Earth with my loved ones... watching a Tyler Perry movie. I know, it's embarrassing. But I simply can't help myself.
||[Back at CBS Studios, Cartman tries to dissuade Funnybot]
||Cartman:||[runs up to Funnybot and tries to pull him from the mainframe] Stop it now! Ugh- [is zapped enough to pull away. He turns and walks back to the boys] No use, guys. He's got some sort of defense mechanism.
||Stan:||We've got to get it away from that control panel. Does anybody have any ideas?
||Cartman:||Except for Jimmy because he clearly comes up with the worst ideas in the world?
||Kyle:||Wait! Wait a minute. [thinks] What about a logic loop?
||Kyle:||Ahhh I've seen this before. Whenever they try to distract a robot in the movies, they tell it some kind of paradox, to get its processors all tripped out.
||Jimmy:||Oh my God! That's it! Fellas, get me a Ken doll and some Scotch tape. [as the boys do this, Jimmy approaches Funnybot] Funnybot, I've been talking it over with the fellas and actually, we think what you're doing is genius.
||Funnybot:||Funnybot is simply pushing the limits of comedy
||Jimmy:||Yes, you certainly are. And for doing that, we have all decided to give you... a comedy award.
||Funnybot:||For what purpose is comedy award?
||Jimmy:||It's a- v- validation of all your efforts. An acknowledgement of all you do in the pursuit of humor.
||Funnybot:||Non sequitur. There is no logic in comedy award. Unable to process. Comedy award is- what is the meaning? If I accept it means I take comedy seriously. If I take comedy seriously, I am not comedian. Non sequitur. Must... analyze... [begins to tremble under the power of his own analysis] Analyze... [smoke and arcs of electricity emerge and move around the robot]
||Kyle:||It's working! [clenches fists in anticipation]
||Funnybot:||Explain comedy award! Unable to process! Awkwaaard! [his head begins to spin violently] Awkwaaard! [his head stops spinning and he shuts down]
||Stan:||That's it! Hurry! Gooo! [he and Kyle move towards Funnybot with huge antigravs and clamp them onto Funnybot]
||[A sunny day at an undisclosed mine. The boys arrive with a massive box and run towards a waiting crowd]
||Stan:||Okay we got it! We got it! [the box must contain what the comedians wanted from the boys - Funnybot]
||Adam Sandler:||Get it to the platform! Hurry!
||[the boys haul the box onto a waiting platform, where some construction workers guide it into place. The Germans are also present, and President Wulff barks out an order. The platform rises to reveal that it will be part of a giant ball of steel surrounding the box. Two other lifts bring in other parts of the ball to complete it. Two halves of a concrete block come in and seal the ball, and two halves of an even bigger steel ball come in to seal the box. Then a crane lifts the ball up and carries it to a hole a hundred feet wide and who knows how deep, and drops it in. Once it hits bottom, three open pipes fill with cement and direct it to the hole, which fills up with cement almost to the rim]
||Adam Sandler:||Well, that does it. Things can finally get back to normal.
||Stan:||Yeah, I'm sure glad that's over with.
||Funnybot:||Thank you boys for teaching me that comedy and logic do not go together.
||Kyle:||No problem, Funnybot.
||Funnybot:||I understand now that comedy should be left to the imperfect biological beings.
||Token:||[walks to the rim and looks down] I can't believe it's finally over. [the camera goes deep into the ground and locates the ball, and something in it knocks three times]
||Tyler Perry:||[inside the ball] Oh Lerrrd, somebody turn on the light. What's goin' on? Hellowwer!
||President Obama:||I am please to announce that the greatest threat to mankind is now gone forever. Justice has been done.
||Token:||Thanks, everyone. Please tell me that you'll never do that again, Jimmy.
||Jimmy:||Don't worry, fellas. I learned my lesson. I promise: there's not gonna be any comedy awards next year!
||Cartman:||[cryptically] Or will there be?
||[End of Funnybot.]