The Guest Stars of
"Dead Celebrities"

by Wild Willie Westwood

The Doctors

Dr. Land, Dr. Carroll, Dr. Phillips

Dr. Land tries to understand how Ike sees dead celebrities and to cure him of it, but it doesn't work. The boys take Ike to Denver Children's Hospital, where Dr. Carroll believes in the existence of ghosts and brings in a specialist in that area, Dr. Tangina Phillips. She explains to the boys why ghosts exist and how to get ghosts to move on to the other side. She then sets up equipment that allows the living to communicate with the dead, and several dead celebrities talk to her and the boys. Michael speaks and then enters Ike, making the equipment shake and spark violently. A ball of plasma shoves Dr. Phillips out the window to her death a half block away.


Jason, Grant, Kris, and another member

TAPS comes in to investigate the existence of ghosts in the Broflovski house, but their outrageous behavior.has the boys wondering if these guys are real ghost hunters - the guys make the biggest deals out of such mundane things as peeing in your pants. They run out of the house in terror even though no ghosts were found... but Billy Mays appears to Ike again. Only Ike can see them.

The Tiny Miss Pageant Judege, Contestants and their Moms

Brandy's Mom, Jessica's Mom

Kylie and her Mom, Heidi and her Mom

MC, Lady Judge

Brandy's Mom and Jessia's Mom encourage their daughters to do well in the pageant. Brandy's Mom urges Brandy to blow a kiss to the judges. Brandy does this, and one of the male judges catches the imaginary kiss and masturbates with it. Kylie's Mom thinks her daughter should win the pageant and squeezes her daughter's cheeks. Kylie complains that her Mom is squeezing her cheek implants. Heidi's Mom tells Heidi that she's sure to win because the lady Judge likes her a lot, but when Heidi apologizes for not winning, her mother slaps her hard. The MC runs the show and gives Ike the trophy. The Lady Judge is a no-nonsense woman who has a weakness for Chipotle burritos. Cartman takes advantage of this to tell her about Chipotlaway and she returns the favor by choosing Ike to win. She gives Ike the crown. Michael, who has been possessing Ike, finally finds rest and freedom, having been lauded for something he always wanted to be: a little white girl. He goes to purgatory with his own copies of the crown and trophy.

Other people

Man 1, Man 2, Flight Attendant

Man 1 and Man 2 appear in in Mays' Chipotlaway commercial. Man 1 complains how getting blood stains out of his underwear was a nightmare, while Man 2 shows off a Chipotle burrito on some clean underwear and then begins to eat that burrito. The flight attendant has her hands full keeping the celebrity passengers calm until Michael Jackson finally finds rest and freedom from his ghostly state.

The Dead Celebrities and the Purgatorial Plane
(the ones who had no lines are greyed out)

Ted Kennedy, Billy Mays, Natasha Richardson, Ricardo Montalban, David Carradine, Oscar Mayer

Patrick Swayze, Bea Arthur, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Dom DeLuise

Walter Cronkite, DJ AM (Adam Goldstein)

Nothing of note to say about them except that they were all waiting for Michael Jackson to come back to the plane so they could take off to the next plane of existence, which turns out to be Hell. Billy Mays is still pitching products after his death, Michael Jackson was in denial until he possessed Ike and won the Tiny Miss Beauty Pageant, Walter Cronkite has been waiting to use the restroom for three months...