The Guest Stars of
"Pinewood Derby"

by Wild Willie Westwood



Agents Clark and Marx, General, Kevern Zaksor/Baby Fark McGee-zax, Two Space Officers, the General

The agents come to Stan's house following up on a report they received about the Pinewood Derby car Stan won the finals with. An alien had encountered the car in space and traced it to Earth, so he's coming to Earth to find the makers of the car. First contact is made with all the world leaders on the line with Randy. The alien calls himself Baby Fark McGee-zax and pretends to be a gangster. He demands that Randy and Stan make him a new car because his ship's warp drive is busted and he needs to escape the space police. He sees the cops coming from the sky and cloaks the ship, then takes Stan captive. The cops ask about McGee-zax and are told no one has seen him. The cops reveal that McGee-zax is wanted for stealing some space cash from the universal bank The cops leave and McGee-zax comes out again. He urges the Marsh team to finish the car. Randy and Stan do so. Randy has filed a butter knofe into a shank and gives it to Stan, telling him to kill McGee-zax while Randy demonstrates the car to him. Randy calls McGee-zax over and tells him about the car. Stan stabs McGee-zax and McGee-zax groans from the wound and bleeds to death. Randy, the general, some technicians and a few other people inspect the ship and fine some space money. They decide to keep it for themselves and the planet, and each nation gets its share. Some of the nations begin spending it immediately, not considering that the cash might not be worth a thing outside of Earth. The cops return and notice the fugitive ship, so they know McGee-zax was there after all. They learn that the Earthlings killed him, then ask about the space cash. No one claims to has seen it. The cops note that Mexico has new hospitals and water parks, but Randy tells them the other nations pitched in to help Mexico out. He didn't specify what currency was used, but the cops let that slide. The cops leave and Randy gets on Mexico's case. Finland gets cold feet and Randy asks its leader to go on hold for a moment. He does so and Randy tells the other leaders that they need to get rid of Finland. They agree, and Finland is bombed. The space cops return to ask about that, and that's when Stan comes clean. The cops ask if anyone else has anything to say, but no one offers anything new. The cops then call out their boss, who turns out to be McGee-zax... or Kevern Zaksor. Zaksor explains what they're doing on the planet - now that Earth has warp power, they wanted to see if humans were worthy of it. He says we failed and leaves the planet with the two cops, who weren't cops at all. Earth is now in a cube made of energy shields, forever banned from the Federation of Planets.
The general gives the phone to Randy so he can talk to the other world leaders. Later on, the general has the space money put in boxes and later on has it distributed evenly among the nations.

The World Leaders

England (Prime Minister Gordon Brown), South Korea (Primer Minister Han Sueng-Soo)
Kenya (Prime Minister Raila Odinga), France (President Nicolas Sarkozy)

Italy (Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi), China (Premier Wen Jiabao)
Japan (Prime Minister Taro Aso), Brazil (President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva)

Australia (Prime Minister John Howard), Finland (Prime Minister Matti Vanhanen)

Germany (Chancellor Angela Merkel), Russia (Prime Minister Vladimir Putin)

Mexico (President Felipe Calderon)

Italy's government buildings were attacked early on, but Finland was destroyed after it decided to tell the truth about the space cash. Mexico stayed mute about the hospitals and water parks it built .

Pinewood Derby Finals

Pinewood Derby Judge, Mr. Hollis and Emmett

Pinewood Derby Official, Tommy and his dad

The judge runs the derby and announces the winners, and later on gets the trophy Stan is returning for cheating. The official is one of three who make sure the cars are qualified to race in the derby. Tommy Brett wins his round and gives a high-five to his father. Emmett loses his round to Stan's warp-enabled car. Later on, his father shoots himself in the head over the loss. Unfortunately, Emmett witnesses it and starts to hyperventilate.