The Guest Stars of
"Margaritaville"

by Wild Willie Westwood


Stan's Story

Bank Teller, Elderly Woman, Sur La Table Clerk

The receptionist, Josh, Stockbroker

Three Treasurers and a Sir

Stan's story is all about getting his money back for the Margaritaville Randy bought and now can't use because of the recession. Stan's story begins at the bank, where he opens up a savings account so his money can earn interest. The teller instead puts the money into various accounts and loses it all. The teller does the same thing to the elderly woman, Mrs. Farnicle, and then to Randy. At dinner, Randy drinks a margarita from his new Margaritaville maker, tellsl Stan why there's no money, and asks Stan if he understands. Stan says he gets it, and then tries to get back the cost of the Margaritaville. He tries Sur la Table, but the clerk there says he has to go to the financial group that sponsored part of the payment plan that came with the Margaritaville. Stan goes to the financial group, Big Orange Finance Company, and talks to the receptionist, who sends him to Josh, her boss. Josh tells him he has to go to Wall Street, since the payment plan was combined with thousands of others into a big Margaritaville security. Stan goes to Wall Street to talk to a stockbroker about getting his money back, but the stockbroker tells him to go to the Department of the Treasury in Washington, D.C. Stan goes there and finds out from the three treasurers how important decisions about the economy are made - a headless chicken is let loose on a chart until it does. The spot it lands on is announced by one of the treasueres and the Sir makes the decision official. Stan, disgusted by this procedure, throws the Margaritaville onto the chart, where it shatters, and walks away.

Randy and Kyle's Story

Dan Banks, Orator 1, Orator 2

Man 1 and Man 2, Man 8 and Man 9, Man 11

Councilman 1, Councilman 2, Councilman 2

Randy and Kyle represent two views of the economy. Randy wants people to save money in the hopes that the economy will shrink and that prices will go down low enough for people to consider shopping again. Until then, he wants extreme frugality. Kyle, on the other hand, wants people to shop so the economy can get revved up.
Randy's story begins at the bank, where he has Stan open up a savings account so his money can earn interest. The teller instead puts the money into various accounts and loses it all. The teller does the same thing to the elderly woman, Mrs. Farnicle, and then to Randy. When news of a South Park bank failure airs, reporter Dan Banks takes his gun and shoots his brains out on air. Soon, a few people begin to preach about the economy. The first orator blames low interest rates from the Fed, while the second one blames Wall Street stockbrokers. The third one, Cartman, blames the Jews, and the fourth one, Randy, blames the consumer for living beyond his means. He urges everyone to save money and dress and live simply.
Men 1 and 2 believe that Randy preaches the truth, and so begins Randy's cult and subsequent Council of Economic Recovery. Men 8, 9, and 11 report any dissenting voices to the Council - in this case, Kyle. Councilman 1 leads the stoning of Mr. Garrision with squirrels. Councilman 2 reports that the Jew continues to preach spending as the way to revitalize the economy. Councilman 3 votes to kill the Jew. Other councilmen, including Father Maxi, agree. Cartman arrives with a promise to deliver him, but Kyle senses that someone will betray him and tells his friends that he won't let that someone have the opportounity. Kyle instead passes out from paying off everyone's debt with a no-limit AmEx platinum card.