The Guest Stars of
"The Coon"

by Wild Willie Westwood

Lisa and Josh, The Coon, Mysterion

Lisa and Josh are just minding their mind, having a romantic date when they decide to kiss. The Coon watches from the roof of a restroom building, thinking Josh is about to rape Lisa. When they finally kiss, the Coon leaps into action, attacking Josh and telling Lisa to run away, which she does. After a few seconds he runs off. When the Coon waits atop the Walgreens buildings for his new fans, another superkid walks up to the roof's edga and waits for his signal. Cartman notices and quizzes him about whom he is, even suggesting several other classmates this superkid could be. The superkid would only say that he's Mysterion, but he could be anyone in his class. Could be Craig, could be someone else. The police welcome Mysterion into their offices, but they're annoyed by the Coon to they point that Detective Yates wants the window Coon enters through to get locked. The Coon and Mysterion fight to be South Park's superhero symbol. Professor Chaos enters the fray and fights the Coon at first, but the Coon offers to help Professor Chaos defeat Mysterion. They join forces and wait for Mysterion to arrive. Mysterion and Professor Chaos fight as the Coon goes to buy some lighters for the TNT in the construction site they're fighting in, and Chaos gets help from General Disarray. Between them they knock Mysterion out. The crowd below think Mysterion dead, but he comes back. The Coon arrives and decides to help Mysterion. After Professor Chaos runs off with a broken tooth and bloody nose, the Coon warns Mysterion South Park would continue to be attacked by other villains if Mysterion doesn't reveal himself to the town. Mysterion decides to reveal his identity, but only the town knows who it is - we viewers only see the face, which can belong to a normal white kid.

The Two News Anchor and the Reporter, and a well-known YouTube personality

The two news anchors and the reporter cover the news about Mysterion but conpletely ignore the Coon. Both anchors just have to know who Mysterion is. The reporter is there when Mysterion seems to have died at Professor Chaos' hand, but Mysterion wakes up, and everyone cheers.
There were a bunch of other people I'd have included here, but they all just had one line or so and they're not real important to the story, except for the one dude with the gold front teeth. He comes from this video right hmyah, which also forms much of the first newscast in the episode:

The video is from 2006. As far as I can tell, it was a slow news day and this was a piece made to fill out the news show. :D