The Guest Stars of
"The Ring"

by Wild Willie Westwood



The Jonas Brothers (Nick, Joe, and Kevin), Girls at the Pepsi Center concert

Little girl (at Pepsi Center concert), Girl 1 (at school), Girl 2 (at Good Mornin' Denver)

Purity Boy 1 and Sarah, Purity Boy 2 and Carole, Purity Boy 3 and Nancy

The Jonas Bros. are Disney's newest gimmick in keeping its fanbase young, but the brothers don't like it and want to walk away from it - they don't want their music to be about purity rings or about selling sex to little girls anymore. All the girls go crazy for them though, and the youngest fans are just infants. At the Pepsi Center concert, six girls are chosen to go backstage to meet the band. Among the girls are the girl in puppy T-shirt, Tammy, the girl in O T-shirt, and the fat girl. The fat girl seems to have experience going backstage, as she says she wants to cut straight to the blowjobs.
Tammy is the tallest girl in that group. Kenny ran into her some time back and they started dating. She confessed that she had given a boy a quick blowjob, which she apologizes for. Kenny is quite happy that he's dating a slut with experience, but he doesn't let her see that. He gets the concert tickets, and some condoms for later. After the concert he wants to take her to TGI Fridays for the blowjob, but an assistant picks her and five other girls to go backstage. Kenny wants to go in too, but he's kicked out. He finds a window and looks in to see what's happening. The brothers give the girls purity rings to wear and to hand out to their friends, so Tammy keeps one and gives the other one to Kenny, who now can't get the blowjob because he has to be pure. He and Tammy spend a lot of time together, but they don't do much of anything but watch TV and eat. Tammy sometimes does homework as Kenny watches. Once the Red Rocks concert ends in failure, Tammy finally takes off her ring. Kenny does as well, and they promise to each other to be kids and not think about purity stuff - that can come later when they're in their late 30s. She then invites him to TGI Fridays, which he eagerly accepts. A funeral is held for Kenny a few weeks later, and Tammy is not present.
The little girl in row 2 announces that her 'giny tickles. This happens at the Pepsi Center concert. Most of the girls there get tickly or tingly down there when the band is performing, so they're trying to scratch their tingles and tickles away. Girl 1 makes a random comment in the school hall. Girl 2 asks what Stan, Kyle, and Cartman are doing as the three boys break through the audience at the Good Mornin' Denver show.
The purity couples in the bottom row appear in the video "I Have A Ring". It seems purity couples behave much like married couples do - once you're hitched, the need for sex takes a big dive, and you start talking about TV shows like Grey's Anatomy.


Assitant 1 and Director, Assitant 2, Assitant 3, Assitant 4

Good Mornin' Denver Host, Red Rocks Hosts, Mickey Mouse

Assistant 1 goes around the stadium in the Pepsi Center looking for fans to take backstage to meet the Jonas Brothers. Once he finds them he takes them to the band's room, where the music video director leads them in and goes to get the brothers. Assistant 2 tells the girls to wait, and walks away. Later he expresses concern that the brothers might refuse to wear the purity rings. The brothers threaten to quit performing, but the director wonders if they have the balls to tell that straight to the Boss's face. They say they do, but Assistant 3 gets off the phone with Boss's people and tells the band that the Boss is coming. Assistant 4 greets the Boss at the door - the Boss turns out to be Mickey Mouse.
The host of Good Mornin' Denver interview the Jonas Bros., who tell him about the Red Rocks concert they're headlining later in the day. The brothers also demonstrate the white foam they spray on the audience during their concerts. The Red Rocks hosts only get to introduce the Jonas Brothers: 3-D Concert Experience.
Mickey shows up to deal with the Jonas Brothers. He punches Joe in the nuts, making Joe fall to the ground. Mickey then kicks Joe all over for a few seconds before making him stand up and makes sure they understand each other. The brothers understand and Mickey walks out confident that there are no problems. Later he sees Stan, Kyle and Cartman at the Good Mornin' Denver interview telling everyone that the purity rings made Kenny a douche. He thinks they're doing this to ruin Disney's big night at Red Rocks for Dreamworks. He shoots darts at their necks through a straw and knocks them out with the sleeping potion each dart had. He has the boys taken to Red Rocks, where he waits for them to wake up. He resumes grilling them about working for Dreamworks, but he soon says things that reveal Disney's true intentions and the boys take action to have the audience hear what Mickey is saying. Kyle turns up the volume on a mic and Cartman raises the curtains. Mickey hears his voice echo in his ears and realizes what happened. He faces the audience and meekly introduces the Jonas Bros. The audience boos and the brothers walk offstage. Mickey, losing control of the situation, becomes a giant fire-breathing mouse and scatters everyone away with flames. The last we see of him is as a float drifting over the city breathing fire. maybe going to Valhalla to slumber and feed.


Blond Girl (Katie) and her family, Clerk, Clerk 2, Reporter

Katie asks her father if they should put on their 3-D glasses on. He tells her it's not time yet. After Mickey Mouse inadvertently reveals Disney's real plan for its young girl fans, the father turns the TV off and tells his girls they won't be seeing Disney TV for a while.
The first clerk sells Kenny the Jonas Brothers concert tickets, the second sells him a bag of condoms so Tammy could give Kenny a blowjob safely. It didn't work. The reporter covers the failure of the Red Rocks live concert and Mickey throwing a fit over it.