The Guest Stars of
"Lice Capades"

by Wild Willie Westwood

The lice colony

Travis Mayfield, Kelly, President and Vice President, Redhead, Angelina Jolie

Travis is a scientist louse, harvesting the choicest hair from Clyde's head like other lice are, but he begins to worry that he and other lice will soon have to move to a new world. The first warning is rain, in the form of a shower Clyde takes one night. The second sign is a flood of green liquid which destroys the lice it comes in contact with. The third sign is hurricane force winds. Travis takes Kelly and their growing egg Hope and climb up a hair to escape the green liquid, but he doesn't foresee the powerful winds coming from the hair dryer. He loses Kelly when the winds rip her from one of her forelegs, and he's left holding just that foreleg. The President, a bald louse, doesn't have much of a role, but his Vice-President does - he decides to go to the new world with Travis and a redhead. When the three of them reach the Forbidden Zone - Clyde's hairline on his neck - the Vice President kills the redhead and is about to kill Travis when he decides to show Travis that the world won't feel any bullets, since it's not a living entity. He quickly learns he's wrong when two fingers reach down to pick him up and throw him away. Travis relaxes and breaks out crying, and a fly comes by to take him to a new world...
Angelina Jolie's crotch turns out to be the world where lice go to live undisturbed, which says something pretty bad about Jolie's genital hygiene. The fly drops Travis off there, where he's welcomed by the resident crabs.

Getting rid of the lice

Lead Screener, Girl, Nurse, Doctor

The lead screener has all the students line up by grade. She takes charge of the fourth grade students and checks them for lice. She discovers them on Clyde and has him go to his doctor for treatment. At the doctor's office he meets a girl there who's going to see the doctor about an ear infection. The nurse calls Clyde in, and the doctor gives him the prescription for a powerful lice-killing paste.