The Secrets of
"Cartman Sucks"

by Wild Willie Westwood, with sources from all over the Web


Sucking another man's penis doesn't automatically make you guy, but it indicates that you probably already are.

The laught you hear after "I got his whole wiener in my mouth, see?" is a genuine Trey Parker laugh, not a Cartman one. :)

Cartman has sucked a penis before. It's how he got sea men from a hose in "The Simpsons Already Did It"

bicurious - sad of a person who hasn't made up his or her mind about which sexual preference to pursue, but who's unsure about his or her current one. He or she wants to sample both kinds - homosexual and heterosexual - and may spend the rest of his or her life sampling them.

In Christian teaching, to be confused about something is to be weak and at Satan's mercy. The only way to counteract that is to ask for Jesus' help so he'll strengthen you against Satan and you can come out of your confusion.

"A secluded camp where lots of bicurious boys are all put together? That sounds like a good idea." - many bad ideas sound good when they come out of the mouths of religious clergy, as many otherwise sensible people yield to their persuasion.

The boys are playing Living, a version of Life that requires dice.

The red book Ryan put on the stool simply says "ENCYCLOPEDIA"

"Humble yourselves therefore under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up." - Peter 5:6 ("in due time" is omitted)

The Bible verses used are from the NIV.

Bradley is a nervous boy, memorizing verses as much to keep him calm as to mold his sexual preference. He sucks his thumb and holds his left hand to his cheek. If he had a security blanket with him, he's be Linus van Pelt's long-lost twin. :D He could easily become a smoker in the future, judging from his mannerisms.

Pastor Phiillips is much like Big Gay Al.

"So let's purify ourselves from everything that makes the body or soul unclean. - Corinthians, chapter 7" - specifically, 2 Corinthians, chapter 7, verse 1 (2 Cor. 7:1).

"Ah I don't understand. What's wrong with underwear?" - Butters hasn't been sensitized to sexual nuances yet.

If being a good Christian means denying some integral aspect of yourself, it's better to keep that aspect intact. This is the reason Paul said people who want to get married should get married rather than declare themselves celibate and then begin lusting after women.

"...but that He sent His Only Son to be the satisfaction of our sins." - 1 John 4:10 ("loved us and" is omitted)

"We're fixing your confusion!!" - Butters never does learn what bicuriosity means. He only knows that he has it, and then learns that his father has it too, but that confuses him, as his father is bicurious too, which leads to the question, "Why did he want to send his son to that camp?"

"Through the power of Christ we have saved this child!" - Christians are taught to attribute all good things to Jesus no matter who should actually get the credit. If Jesus is indeed the one to credit for Bradley changing his mind, he's not the Jesus Camp New Grace is preaching about.