The Guest Stars of
"With Apologies to Jesse Jackson"

by Wild Willie Westwood


Randy, Nigger Guy

Pat Sajak, Jesse Jackson, Brian, Field Reporter

We all know about Pat Sajak and Jesse Jackson, right? Anyway, Pat Sajak hosts Wheel of Fortune, and ends up trying to ask the cameraman to cut away to commercial after Randy flubs the answer, NAGGERS. Jesse Jackson hears Randy out and accepts his apology - on condition that Randy kiss his bare butt. Randy kisses it and leaves, feeling like he's accomplished something good.

Randy is targeted

Laugh Factory Comedian, Man 2 at the Laugh Factory, Man 3 on the sidewalk, Convenience Store Clerk

Convention Member; driver, Skeeter, and passenger, Michael Richards, Mark Fuhrman

The comedian at the Laugh Factory goes through his routine when he notices Randy in the audience, then teases him a bit. Another man notices Randy there as well. Randy is first embarassed, then ashamed, and walks out leaving his Corona unfinished. Outside, a thired man notices him and mentions him to his wife. The couple walks away, and Randy hangs his head in shame. Randy goes before a group of black people to announce a new foundation, but it met with silence when he tries to relate his own persecution to that experienced by black people over centuries. One person asks if Randy is being serious. After the meeting he walks outside. Some rednecks pass by in their truck, back up, and notice Randy as the nigger guy on TV. Randy sees their shotguns and runs. They pursue him in their truck and corner him in an open field. Four other guys appear and defend Randy against the rednecks. Richards and Fuhrman are members of a group of men who've been labeled "nigger guys" for various reasons.

Randy gets help

Scott, U.S. Senators

Randy and the other "nigger guys" appear before the Senate and petition to have "nigger guy" banned. The first Senator doesn't know what the term means, the second one wonders if that term could soon refer to all white people, the third one says he's never had a racist thought, but he's debunked by the black Senator to his left. The first Senator acknowledges the importance of Randy's bill and asks for a vote. The bill is passed with one dissenting vote - the black Senator's. Outside, the third Senator announces the new bill, saying that "nigger" can be no closer than seven words to "guy." If the words are any closer, as the field reporter finds out, you get arrested.

A Little Person

Mr. Nelson, Woman at the gym

A businesswoman introduces Mr. Nelson, a dwarf, to the school. Mr. Nelson talks to the kids about the harmful power of words and how to overcome it. Cartman sees him and goes into long bouts of laughter, which doesn't please Mr. Nelson any. He talks to the principal about this and asks to speak to Cartman one on one. She allows it, and Cartman enters and laughs at Mr. Nelson again. Mr. Nelson loses his composure and startles everyone present in the office. A few second later, Cartma starts laughing at Mr. Nelson again. Mr. Nelson tries to turn the tables on Cartman, but that doesn't work. Mr. Nelson engages Cartman in a wrestling match, but Cartman defeats him. Just as Cartman declares victory, Mr. Nelson knocks him down and Cartman doesn't move for a few seconds. Mr. Nelson leaves, satisfied that he made his point and put Cartman in his place. Cartman wakes up and laughs at Mr. Nelson again. The kids don't see how, but Stan finally realizes that he doesn't see how black people are still hurt by the use of the word "nigger" even as words like "fuck" have lost almost all their shock value.