The Guest Stars of
"Tsst"

by Wild Willie Westwood



Nanny 911 Nanny Stella, Supernanny Jo, Doctor At Mental Hospital, Cesar Millan

Liane knows that treating her son as a buddy has caused him to get unmanageable, and she doesn't know how to regain control. Mr. Mackey suggests that she try some nannies out - nannies from TV, like... Stella from Nanny 911. She shows up to rein Cartman in by reasoning with him, but that doesn't work: he reasons with her by exploring her love for children but lack of her own, and apparenty gets her right, as she becomes speechless and Cartman goes after her for never having found someone who'd have kids with her. Jo, the Super Nanny, is next, but she's reduced to being in a mental hospital eating her own shit after just three days of dealing with Cartman. The doctor shows Liane where Jo is, and Liane declares that she's run out of ideas. The doctor has one more suggestion.
Cesar Millan shows up and tries to rehabilitate Cartman the way he does dogs: he tries the alpha dog approach. He ignores Cartman at first, then stifles him by nipping him on the neck every time he interrupts the conversation. This irritates Cartman, then frustrates him after Cesar shows Liane how to calm Cartman down and how to get the upper hand. Cartman runs away... for four hours. He tries to move in with any of his friends, but each one rejects him for quite good reasons. He then returns home expecting his mom to have learned her lesson, but she has instead taken to painting with Cesar supervising her work. Cartman decides to kill his mom as she sleeps, then tries to get the other boys to kill her for him as he appears elsewhere at the time of her murder. No one volunteers to help him out, so he does it himself. Before he jabs his mom with a large kitchen knife he gets some pangs of conscience, resulting with his good and bad sides fighting for his soul. He passes out, but several weeks later, a thinner, more conscientious Cartman appears, and Cesar is pleased with him. For Cesar, this means his work is done and he's on his way home. For Liane, this means she has a new friend to replace Cartman and Cartman can be the son he should be and she didn't have. When Cesar tells her he's going home, her hopes are dashed, and Cartman is the only person she can turn to for comfort - she'll give him whatever he wants if only he goes to Madame Butterfly with her on Friday night. Cartman knows this and smiles, hugging her as Cesar walks out of their lives.