Things To Learn From
South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut

The 8th Draft

by Wild Willie Westwood

I'd love to hear the introductory song they had there... "Going to see the movies"

A boy with piercing blue eyes and a strong chin? This is indeed Trey Parker. Blue eyes belong to blonds. In "Starvin Marvin" we learned that Kenny has blue eyes, and in the movie we find he has blond hair. In "Spontaneous Combustion" we find that the stand-in for Stan has blond hair. And in this draft, Stan has blue eyes. So, Stan would be the blond-haired, blue-eyed leader of the group except for one thing: in "A Very Crappy Christmas" we see Stan with black hair peeking out from under his beanie..

The opening song is different. Sharon's part is missing. Kenny has HAZEL eyes here.

Terrance tells of a letter he got from Phillip's mother. In the movie, the letter is there, but no reference is made to it.

The bridge (an instrumental interlude within a song) in "Uncle Fucka" had not been developed yet.

Stan sings a version of the song in "Tom's Rinoplasty," the one that plays when Wendy reminisces about Stan and her... which is probably why Kyle reacted the way he did.

"I have been Wendy's counter-cousin for some time." since Wendy was skating with Gregory at the time, it seems that Wendy was seeing Gregory without telling anyone else, and certainly before he joined the class. "Counter-cousin" would thus imply a counterpart, a partner, a match, something you would find on the same counter as something else, like salt and pepper, or the mind and the universe. Wendy found a match in Gregory. As an aside, there are generic drugs that are "over the counter couisns" of brand drugs, of which "counter cousin" seems a corruption.

Mr. Garrison is indeed a gay man. He is 46 years old here, though in "Worldwide Recorder Concert" his age can be determined to be 41.

Mr. Garrison says "precious little time" first.

Several statements in the introductory segment indicate that the movie was once going to be geared towards the general public, not the fans. Instances: Cartman asking why Terrance and Phillip look weird, Mr. Garrison asking why the kids are wearing Sigfried and Roy shirts,

"Fragile" made more sense than "Jew." But Cartman isn't that sensical, so they changed the word.

The segment where Mr. Garrison quizzes the class on math appears later in the draft. Here he talks about the environment.

In the movie Principal Victoria's lines are spoken by Mr. Mackey. He also has her office. I thought Principal Victoria was the original choice. It was incongruous to have Mr. Mackey in what appeared to be her office.

Wow! Sheila as PTA head! That makes sense.

There were once two cafeteria scenes, with the second one coming right before the gymnasium scene. In the movie, the two scenes are melded together and the gymnasium scene comes after a short stint in Garrison's classroom.

Wendy breaks up with Stan, like Bebe did with Kyle in "Clubhouses"

A quadriplegic midget in a bikini?



Dr. Gauche became Dr. Gouache.

Kenny's mother finally says Stan's line, and his father says Kyle's line.

The song that became "Blame Canada" comes in abruptly in this draft. It's a good thing they put some distance between the hospital scene and this song.

*** A rock group called Ministry ***

Officer Barbrady had a couple of lines in the draft.

That the boys are going to watch Conan O'Brien that night is introduced.

The place where the boys see the Conan O'Brien show moves from Cartman's house to Stan's house. The only thing that remains of the original segment is Cartman with the remote control.

In the draft, instead of throwing himself out the window to his death, Conan shoots himself.

Kyle's and Kenny's moms show up at the UN meeting.

Cheesy Poofs are Canadian? If so, the front panel must be redesigned.

Cheesy Poofs as "a taste sensation with a delightful cheddar crunch" is replaced with Happy S'mores, "the creamy fun of s'mores in a delightful cookie crunch." in the introductory song.

The rim job reference moves from Cartman's lips and erased. The next lines move to an earlier poing in the movie, where they replace the fisting reference.

Even Mr. Mackey gets in trouble with MAC.

Kenny's last name here is spelled both "McCormick" and "McKormick." In "Pink Eye" it is "McCormick." Ever since the 4th grade years began, Kenny's name has been spelled McKormick.

Mr. Mackey shows the 1 minute version of the movie at the Betty Ford Clinic. Asses of Fire was 93 minutes long in the draft. In the movie it was 180 minutes 3 hours long.

The entire trial of Terrance and Phillip is glossed over in the movie.

The Clockwork Orange references are more plentiful here

Whew! It's a good thing they got rid of Kenny's quest for Snacky S'mores proofs of purchase!

In the draft, the boys' parents aren't around during the bonfire, but in the movie, their moms are present, with Kyle's mom leading the way.

The scene where the boys get Cartman to curse and get zapped for it for quite a while is moved from the classroom to the bonfire.

The film has no scenes at the Supreme Court or the Pentagon.

When Ghostly Kenny goes to visit Cartman for the first time he makes no sound, try as he might, but in the movie he does speak.

Who is Bo?

Saddam's head does not appear in the strategy meeting as it does in the movie.

We do not get to meet the Mole's mother, nor do we get to meet him at his house.

In the movie, the MAC mothers strap Terrance and Phillip into the electric chairs, not the executioner.

The segment where Stan walks through South Park in the dead of night was removed. No "Marco."