Cannibal! The Musical

Lyrics

Shpadoinkle Day
Shpadoinkle Day (Reprise)
All I'm Asking For
On Top Of You
The Trapper Song
This Side Of Me
Snowman
Snowman (reprise)
All I'm Asking For (Reprise)
Hang The Bastard
On Top Of You (reprise)
Shpadoinkle Day (Duet)
Bonus Material
Don't Be Stupid
Shatterproof


Shpadoinkle Day

Packer: The sky is blue, and all the leaves are green.
The suns's as warm as a baked potato.
I think I know precisely what I mean,
When I say it's a shpadoinkle day!

And as I ride with my girl
She's my best friend in the whole world.
We move along, set our goals high
With eyes full of hope as we aim for the-

Sky is blue, and all the leaves are green.
My heart's as full as a baked potato.
I think I know precisely what I mean,
When I say it's a shpadoinkle day!

[slowing down]
When I say it's a-happy-go-moinkly-lucky-shpadoinkly day!

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Shpadoinkle Day (Reprise)

Bell: It's a long long way for us to go,
But if we don't try, we'll never know.
Stay optimistic, set our goals high.
There's nothin' we can't do if we aim for the-
Group: Sky is blue, and all the leaves are green!
The air's as pure as a baked potato!
We think we know exactly what we mean
When we say it's a shpadoinkle day!
When we say it's a shpadoinkle day!

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All I'm Asking For

Noon: I know that there's more to life than women.
I just can't seem to figure out what else there is.
I don't need it every night. Every morning would be just fine.
A little sex, that's all I'm askin' for.

That's all I'm askin' for.
Bell, Swan: That's all he's askin' for
Noon: Something I can test. A gal would suit me best.
I got a thing to use; I know what to use it for.
A girl I can love and kiss and hold and fu- 'm.
That's all I'm askin' for.
Bell: Now, I don't wanna be rich for the sake of women
I wanna be rich for the sake of o-ur Lord
Enough to build a church where everyone can come.
Enough for the Lord, that's all I'm askin' for.

That's all I'm askin' for.

Swan, Packer: That's all he's askin' for.
Humphrey: It's not a lot to ask. I'm sure we'll get it fast.
A friend of mine was minin' and he made a lot of cash
He made a gazillion dollars! How is that?!
That's all I'm askin' for.
Miller: He did NOT make a gazillion dollars!
Humphrey: You wanna ask him? I'll tell you where he lives!
Miners: That's all he's askin' for.
Humphrey: That's all I'm askin' for.
Swan: We're tired of being sick. We're sick of being poor.
We've had a little luck. Now we want a little more!
Swan, Bell, Noon, Humphrey: Enough so we never do anything any-more
That's all we're askin' for!
Swan: Hey, what about you, Mr. Miller? What are YOU askin' for?
Miller: No, no. I don't sing.
Bell: Oh, come on. If you can talk, you can sing.
Miller: I just wanna make enough so I can open up a shop of my own and, go on with my family trade.
Bell: Well there, that's great! What is it you do?
Miller: I'm a butcher.
Noon: You're a butcher?
Bell: Yeah.
Packer: [begins slowly] I've never had much in the way of family
My horse is the only pal I've ever known
I'd like to build a ranch in the Rocky Mountain air
[quickening] A home for us, that's all I'm askin' for.
Miners: That's all we're askin' for. That's all we're askin' for.
We're tired of being sick. We're sick of being poor.
We've had a little luck, now we want a little more.
Noon: A girl I can love!
Bell: A church!
Packer: A ranch!
Miller: [flatly] A store.
Miners: That's all we as-kin'... That's all we as-kin'...
That's all we askin' for!
Noon: Shpadoinkle!

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On Top Of You

Packer: She will never know what she meant to me.
Whenever I was with her, I was always as gentle as I could be
Now, I don't know why, but she's gone away...
And I'll just have to stand on my own two legs...

Your eyes, your smile... made my little life worthwhile.
There was nothing I couldn't do...
When I was on top of you...

I'd pull her hair, she'd know to stop
And when she looked behind her, I'd always be there
And now I don't know why, but she, she's gone
And all I can do is try to carry on...

Your eyes, your smile... made my little life worthwhile.
The sky was a lot more blue...
When I was on top of you...

When I was on top of you...

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The Trapper Song

Cabazon: [starts off slowly, in Fm] I can catch a helpless animal,
Skin it with my bare hands.
I wake up muddy, and I go to bed bloody
'Cause I'm a trappin man!

[fast] I can brave the nastiest weather.

Trappers: Weather!
Cabazon: Even if it's eighty below
Trappers: Below!
Cabazon: My pa was an elephant, but that's irrelevant
My mom was an eskimo.
I eat rabbits' heads for breakfast.
Trappers: Breakfast!
Cabazon: With beaver butt on the side
Trappers: The side!
Cabazon: My mind's magnificent, my body no different.
I'm full of trapper pride!

Yoho!

Nutter: Yoho!
Loutzenheizer: Yoho!
Cabazon: Rip their fur, cut their skin with my knife. Yoho!
Nutter: Yoho!
Loutzenheizer: Yoho!
Cabazon: One thing's for sure, there's nothin' like the trappin' life!

I'm badder than the baddest sailor.

Trappers: Sailor!
Cabazon: I make love to women ten feet tall.
Trappers: Good Lord!
Cabazon: I got a chest of wonder and balls of thunder
I can break right through a wall!
I love the sound of metal-
Trappers: Metal!
Cabazon: -snapping on an animal's head!
Trappers: Ka chink!
Cabazon: Sometimes they scamper, sometimes they whimper,
But they always end up dead!
Nutter: [softly, slowly] I've always wanted to be somebody
Who didn't get pushed around
Now that I'm a trapper
I'm the meanest guy around.
Cabazon: [interjects] Second meanest!
The blood of a fresh-killed rodent
Is as sweet as brandy wine
And the brain of an antelope tastes like cantaloupe
What a yummy life!

Yoho!

Nutter: Yoho!
Loutzenheizer: Yoho!
Cabazon: Rip their fur, cut their eyes out with my knife. Yoho!
Nutter: Yoho!
Loutzenheizer: Yoho!
Noon: Oh, stop!

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This Side Of Me

Pry: What is this magic I feel?
Seems no matter where I am, it finds me.
Puts the memories of hope inside me,
Makes me warm once more.
He's just a quiet man,
But his eyes can see right through me.
Is it only that I feel pity?
Could it be something more?
Safe as an island far off to sea.
I'd almost forgotten this side of me.

What is this magic I feel?
Thought this mushy stuff was below me
Could it be he is the one to show me
What compassion is for?
Safe as an island far off to sea.
I'd almost forgotten this side of me.
Perhaps I'm not the cold bitch I pretended to be.
I'd almost forgotten this side of me.

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Snowman

Swan: [slow] Sometimes... the world is black, and tears run from your eyes
And maybe we'll all get... really sick. And maybe we'll all die...

Soooooooooooooooooooo...

[fast] Let's build a snowman. We can make him our best friend.
We can name him Tom, we can name him George.
We can make him tall, or we can make him not so tall.
Snowman!

He'll have a happy face, a happy smile, a happy point of view!
If you build me a snowman, then I'll build one for you!

So, let's build a snowman. We can make him our best friend.
We can name him Bob, or we can name him Beowulf.
We can make him tall, or we can make him not so tall.
Snowman!

Hey!

He'll have a happy face, a happy smile, a happy point of view!
If you build me a snowman, then I'll build one for you!

Snowmaaan!
Snowmaaan!
Snowmaaan!

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Snowman (reprise)

Swan: Let's build a snowman. We can make him our best friend.
We can name him Shannon! Shannon Wilson Bell
We can make him tall, or we can make him not so tall- [bang]

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All I'm Asking For (Reprise)

Miller: [slowly, taking his time] You know, it's funny.
When we started out on this trip, all I wanted was to be rich.
But now, just some food, some warnth.
That's all I'm askin' for.
Miners: [barely able to sing]
That's all we're askin' for. That's all we're askin' for.
Forget our piece of pie, we just don't wanna die.
We've had some rotten luck. We can't take it anymore.
We don't care if we're forever poor.
That's all___ we're as___
kin'___ for.

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Hang The Bastard

Sheriff: Hang the bastard, hang him high. Hoist his body to the sky.
It's as nice as a day can be.
Mills: Won't you come to the hanging with me?
Crowd: [cheering] Hang the bastard, hang him high. Hoist his body to the sky.
It's as nice as a day can be. Won't you come to the hanging with me?
Hang the bastard, hang him well. Send his sorry soul to hell
When his neck bones snap, we'll know that the cannibal won't be killing anymore
Man In Barrel: His face will turn red then purple, then blue!
Nutter: We'll watch from up here to get a good view.
Cabazon: [falsetto] And when his eye bug out we'll know
It's the end of him and the end of the show!
Crowd: So, hang the bastard, hang him with cheer.
We'll make some hot dogs and drink a few beers
And when his tongue rolls out we'll know
It's the end of the show and we all can go home.
Drunks: But not till we hang the bastard, hang him here.
The most exciting thing this town has seen in years
When his body stops jerking we'll know
Women: It's the end of him.
Drunks: It's the end of him.
Women: It's the end of him
Crowd: And the end of the show!
Drunk: Cowbell solo!
Crowd: Sooooo, Hang the bastard, hang him high. Kiss his guilty butt good-bye!
It's as nice as a day can be. Won't you come to the hanging with me?
Green Puppet: His vains will pop out all over his head!
Red Puppet: We'll tickle his armpits to make sure he's dead!
And when his tongue rolls out we'll know
It's the end of him and we all can go home.
Crowd: [slowly] But___ not___ till___ we___
Hang the bastard, hang him high. Hoist his body to the sky.
And when his body stops jerking we'll know______
Nutter: [breaks the spell] It's the end of him
Mills: It's the end of him
Sheriff: It's the end of him
Crowd: And the end of the show!

Hooray!

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On Top Of You (reprise)

Pry: Your eyes, your smile, make my little life worthwhile
There's nowhere I'd rather be, if you were on top of-

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Shpadoinkle Day (Duet)

Pry: The sky is blue, and all the leaves are green.
Packer: My heart's as full as a baked potato.
Packer, Pry: I'm sure you know exactly what I mean
When I say it's a shpadoinkle day!
Crowd: When we say it's a shpadoin___kle___ day______!

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Bonus Material

Don't Be Stupid!

This song is in the official movie script, but didn't make it onto the American DVD. I hear tell it can be heard (and seen) on foreign DVDs though. It is also one of three songs on the Shatterproof CD at Crap TV. If anyone has a nice clip of it, send it to me or let me know where I can download it.

Other Miners: Don't be stupid! Wait until Spring!
The mountains in the Winter are a treacherous thing!
Just look at these fools, they think they can make it!
It'll be twenty below, and they say they can take it!
What a bunch of stupid mother...

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Shatterproof

This song, the title cut on the Shatterproof CD, is a rap number that Trey decided to cut from the movie since time was getting short and he had to finish this film.

Moi: Heh, check back later. :).

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