The Third Season

Click on the icons to read the content. The book leads to the transcripts, the magnifier leads to the dyns, and the bust leads to the guests
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301. Rainforest Schmainforest (Original Airdate: 4/7/99)
Bad behavior force Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny into the "Getting Gay with Kids Choir" as part of an expedition down to the Costa Rican Rainforest with a do-gooder hippie music teacher (the voice of Jennifer Aniston). But when the group winds up lost in the rainforest, they develop a new-found "respect" for nature. Meanwhile, Mr. Mackey must reassure the concerned El Presidente that the show will go on.
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302. Spontaneous Combustion (Original Airdate: 4/14/99)
Stan, Kenny and Cartman help Kyle find an erection for his dad but learn a valuable lesson from the Stations of the Cross. Meanwhile, it's up to Randy Marsh to stop the rash of spontaneous combustions before South Park is reduced to ashes. But when his "gaseous" solution leads to a rip in the ozone layer that will kill everyone, Randy Marsh becomes a marked man.
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303. Chef's Mama, aka Succubus (Original Airdate: 4/21/99)
Jealousy takes over when Chef decides to get married causing the boys to spring into action to stop the impending nuptials. When evidence starts to mount that Chef's bride-to-be may not be all she seems, Stan, Cartman, Kyle and Kenny devise a plan to save their friend Chef before it's too late. Meanwhile, Cartman is forced to endure several trips to the eye doctor.
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304. Tweek Vs. Craig (Original Airdate: 6/23/99)
The boys set up a fight between Tweek and Craig by spreading rumors about both of them. Neither of them really wants to fight, but the boys egg them on. Meanwhile, Mr. Adler is careful to tell his students not to play too rough in his shop class, or they might hurt themselves. Cartman takes Craig under his wing and teaches him to fight with the help of a martial arts teacher. Stan and Kyle take Tweek and teach him to fight with Jimbo and Ned's help.
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305. Jakovasaurs (Original Airdate: 6/16/99)
Egged on by members of the Department of the Interior and the Mayor, the boys and all of South Park rally around the notion of bringing back the Jakovasaurs from the brink of extinction by helping reunite the male creature with his female mate. However, everyone but Cartman realize that the Jakovasaurs is quite possibly the MOST annoying creature that's ever lived! Things get worse when the birth rate exceeds that of rabbits, creating a platoon of even more annoying baby Jakovasaurs that threaten to take over the whole town.
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306. Sexual Harassment Panda (Original Airdate: 7/7/99)
Mr. Garrison decides to teach the children about sexual harassment, and he brings in a mascot to help him with the lesson. This leads to a rash of sexual harassment allegations and to the kids suing each other and then some adults. Mr. Broflovski takes on the cases, and each victory leads to a bigger and bigger house. The mascot loses his job, and the boys seek him out to help stop any more sexual harassment suits from being made.
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307. Cat Orgy (Original Airdate: 7/14/99)
Cartman's mom is invited to a meteor shower party hosted by Mr. Mackey. She hires Shelley to babysit Cartman while she's gone, and Shelley sneaks her boyfriend in. Cartman bristles at Shelley babysitting him, until he notices Skyler making moves on her in spite of his age. Cartman and Shelley then team up to get rid of Skyler, and Cartman finds that Shelley isn't such a bad babysitter after all.
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308. Two Guys Naked In A Hot Tub (Original Airdate: 7/21/99)
That same night, Stan's parents attend the party and take Stan with them. Stan is forced to spend his time in the basement, as the party is basically adults only. Stan finds Pip, Butters, and a kid named Dougie in there, and they plot a way to escape. Meanwhile, Mr. Mackey's house is surrounded by the FBI under the impression that there's a cult gathering in the house.
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309. Jewbilee (Original Airdate: 7/28/99)
This night of the meteor shower falls on the night of Jewbilee, an evening camp when the Jew Scouts around Colorado gather and participate in various activities. Squirts, or Jewish kindergartners bound for Scouthood, are also present, and several of them are abducted by a bear. Turns out the bear's cub has a birthday that night, but had no one to celebrate with. The bear abducted the Squirts so her cub could have some company.
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310. Chinpoko Mon (Original Airdate: 11/3/99)
When the children of South Park become obsessed with the latest Japanese toy phenomenon Chinpoko Mon, the adult citizens of South Park start to question the motivation behind it. But the marketing blitz is too great, causing the gang to run out and buy the figurines and the video game, culminating in a Chinpoko Mon camp with brainwashing effects. The town decides that the only way to stop what appears to be a Japanese take-over of the U.S.A. is to turn the kids on to the next big thing.
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311. Starvin' Marvin In Space (Original Airdate: 11/17/99)
When Starvin' Marvin uncovers a crashed spaceship in Ethiopia, he steals it and heads out on a trek across the globe in search of food for his people. Shortly after, the CIA descends on South Park and interrogates the gang in hopes they will give up Marvin'. But Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny decide to help their old pal and wind up joining Marvin on his adventure. Meanwhile, an old nemesis resurfaces and is "bigger" than ever.
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312. KORN's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery (Original Airdate: 10/27/99)
KORN stumbles into South Park and is confronted by what look like pirate ghosts. The boys participate in a Halloween carnival and run into Korn. Together they try to solve the mystery behind these pirate ghosts. In a side story, the boys try to get back at the fifth graders by digging up Kyle's grandma's corpse and propping her up to scare the older boys. Unfortunately, it disappears, but is coughed up whole by a stray dog later on.
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313. Hooked On Monkey Fonics (Original Airdate: 11/10/99)
The gang competes in the South Park Elementary School Annual Spelling Bee, but gets tough competition from two home-schooled kids, Rebecca and Mark. Meanwhile, Kyle tries to teach Rebecca what love is, while Cartman tries to convince his mom that he should be home-schooled. His mom gets him a Fonics Monkey to help him learn how to spell, but it's useless.
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314. The Red Badge Of Gayness (Original Airdate: 11/24/99)
The town reenacts the Civil War, with Marvin Marsh hosting the reenactment. Cartman wants to change the outcome, since the outcome is the same year after year, so he steals the town bell. After the reenactment is ruined, Cartman returns to rouse the participants to march to Washington and declare victory for the South. Truckloads of Jagerman's S'mores-flavored schnapps help keep the men drunk and docile. Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Marvin do their best to stop Cartman and the men.
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315. Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics (Original Airdate: 12/1/99)
A collection of songs hosted by Mr. Hankey. Mailman Timmy begins things with his rendition of "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo." Mr. Garrison sings about Christmas, Mr. Mackey sings the Carol of the Bells, the Broflovskis sing the Dreidl song, Cartman sings about O Holy Night. Satan sings about Christmastime in Hell. Santa and Jesus perform a duet.
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316. Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus. (Original Airdate: 12/29/99)
The year 2000 approaches and the world awaits God's return. Jesus, who already lives in South Park, announces a delay in God's return and the town turns on him. He and the boys decide to hold a concert in Las Vegas in the hopes that God will appear there and show everyone that He indeed exists. Stan, meanwhile, decides to take some pills to enter puberty, as Cartman announces his puberty first, and grows some boobs.
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317. Worldwide Recorder Concert (Original Airdate: 1/12/00)
The class is asked to join schoolchildren from around the nation to participate in playing "My Country Tis of Thee" in Oklahoma City. The boys run into some boys from New York, who taunt them for being such white-trash kids. The boys decide to find the brown noise and then use that to make the New Yorkers crap in their pants. Since this concert is being broadcast worldwide, the New Yorkers won't be the only ones crapping!