The Guest Stars of
"Hummels & Heroin"

by Wild Willie Westwood



Marcus Preston and his parents, Annie

Chuck E. Cheese, Swiper, Peppa Pig

Marcus is thte featured guest this week, the new kid in school. He cares a lot for the costumed characters he sees on TV and at live events like birthday parties. He finds his mission when Chuck E. Cheese dies of an opioid overdose. His parents hired Chuck to perform at Marcus's birthday, but are alarmed when they see him stumble on stage and slur his songs, and finally die. Annie calls Preston to report that Peppa Pig had collapsed on stage at another girl's party. Chuck E. Cheese tries to perform, but barfs and falls off the stage, and dies. The paramedics come and take him away. Swiper exchanges a crochet pillow from Stan for a Hummel figurine, but is later found dead from an overdose. Before he dies, Peppa Pig tells Marcus that the Hummels are going to old people.

Annie first appeared in "Butters' Bottom Bitch" but didn't speak. She's included here because she finally spoke.


Coroner, Coroner's Receptionist, Johnson the paramedic, Mimi the paramedic

The coroner performs the autopsy on Chuck E. Cheese and finds two Hummel figurines in Chuck's rectum. The receptionist doesn't let Marcus witness the autopsy on Chuck E. Cheese. Johnson is one of the paramedics who take Chuck to the coroner at the beginning of the episode. Mimi is one of the paramedics who take Peppa Pig away.

Shady Acres Retirement Community

Vicky, Tony, Toby, Delivery Man

Beatrice McGullicutty, Mr. Standish, Elderly Man 1, Elderly Man 2, Elderly Man 3

Vicky is the receptionist and head nurse at the retirement community. She allows Stan to visit Marvin after Tony and Toby clear him. She lets the boys in when they come to perform for the residents as a barbershop quartet. Tony and Toby are nurses who function as security when needed, making sure even unruly residents go into the solitaire room. The delivery man brings in a truckload of medications for the residents. Beatrice McGullicutty is the queenpin, or top bitch, at the retirement community, for running a drug operation in there that's making her rich from all the Hummels she's amassing. Sne runs the place, getting other residents in trouble when they don't do as she says. She tells the barbershop quartet that they're awful, and takes a beating from Marvin when he has her Hummel collection and can thus change things in the community. Mr. Standish is the first resident put into solitaire, while Ms. McGullicutty ends up there at the end of the episode. Elderly Man 1 promises to get better Hummels for Ms. McGullicutty just before she enters his room. Elderly Man 2 isn't enthused to see another kids choir show up to perform for the residents. Elderly Man 3 tells the barbershop quartet that they suck, and tells Cartman to fuck off.