Episode 2101 - White People Renovating Houses

Cast:

Heidi
Cartman
Clyde
Jimmy
Butters
Kyle
Ike
Stan
Token
Digital assistants: Alexa, Siri, and Google Home
Replacement assistnats: Darryl Weathers, Jim Bob, and Cletus
Protesters. including Eddie
Randy and Sharon Marsh
Liane Cartman
Judge


[Cartman's house, day. A group of boys are lauging inside for a good long while. In the living room are Cartman, Kenny, Butters, Stan, Kyle, Jimmy, Clyde, and Token]
Cartman:Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, let's try this one: Alexa, add "big hairy balls" to my shopping list.
Alexa:[from an Amazon speaker] Okay, I've added "big hairy balls" to your shopping list. [The boys burst out laughing]
Butters:Okay, [laughs, then faces the speaker] Alexa, add "smelly tampon boogers" to my shopping list.
Alexa:I've added "smelly tampon boogers" to your shopping list. [The boys burst out laughing]
Cartman:Alexa, Simon says "I got vagina crabs in my butthole."
Alexa:I got vagina crabs in my butthole. [The boys burst out laughing]
Ike:Alexa, Simon says, "I gotta take a stinky poop."
Alexa:I gotta take a stinky poop. [The boys burst out laughing]
Cartman:That's the best one yet! [Heidi walks into the living room from outside] Oh, you guys! I swear this is the greatest thing ever! You do one, Token! [grins. Heidi walks up to him and stands next to him]
Heidi:Hey babe, what's up? [he looks at her, his grin turns into a frown, and his bright eyes glaze over and close halfway]
Cartman:[flatly] Oh, hey babe, what's goin' on?
Heidi:What are you doing?
Cartman:Nnnothing, I'm just having fun with my friends. Is that, is that okay? [Heidi's smile vanishes]
Heidi:What are you pissed off about?
Cartman:Ugh, I'm not pissed off, I'm just hanging out.
Heidi:[a bit annoyed] So you're just gonna be passive-aggressive again and not talk about what you're feeling?
Stan:Uhwell, I think uhh, I think I got some stuff to do at home. [the boys start to leave as one]
Kyle:Yup. Uhh, come on, Ike.
Clyde:We got Google Home at my house.
Cartman:[tries to head them off at the door] Aw guys, guys, don't leave, guys! Everything's kewl!
Jimmy:W-we'll see you later, man. G-g'm, good luck. [closes the door. Cartman look at the door with his jaw dropped]
Cartman:[sigh] Awesome. Thanks for coming in and bitching me out in front of all the guys.
Heidi:[walks up to Cartman] You were clearly mad about something. You should just tell me when you're mad.
Cartman:Just like you tell me what you're mad about every single day.
Heidi:Why do you act like this all the time?
Cartman:Uuugh. [leans away]
Heidi:You were the one who was pissed off, you're the one being passive-aggressive again!
Cartman:Uuugh! [droops as if being waighed down by a ship's anchor]
Heidi:Because you don't know how to talk about how you're feeling! [walks out the front door, slamming it shut. Cartman is still drooping, then he sighs.]
Cartman:Alexa, add "titty chips" to my shopping list.
Alexa:I've added "titty chips" to your shopping list. [Cartman laughs softly, but heartily]
[Best Buy, day. Shoppers file out of there with brand-new Amazon Echoes and Google Homes. At the other end of the parking lot, at Chuck's Micro Brew, a group of rednecks ]
Darryl Weathers:Look at 'em. Every day, people are buyin' more an' more of them Amazon and Google thingies while we all sit here an' [pounds on the bar counter with his left fist] lose our jobs!
Eddie:It ain't right.
Darryl:Automated personal assistants, self-drivin' trucks, whatever happened to people jobs?!
Protester 1:They took our jobs! [the other rednecks join him in protest]
Darryl:[stands on a table] They took our jubs! And it's time for us to band together and take to the streets to say "We ain't gonna take it no more!" [the other rednecks resume the protest and a couple of Confederate flags pop up and are swung side to side] Now let's get out there and protest that Alexa took our jobs!
Alexa:Now playing "Turk Our Durr" by Joni Mitchell. [a mangled verson of "Help Me" plays]
Darryl:No, not Joni Mitchell - "Turk Our Durr", you took our durbs!
[A blue screen. Randy stands in front of it.]
Randy:There's been a lot of hurting in our country lately. [Walks towards the camera] You can either be part of the solution, or part of the problem. [moves to his right as Sharon walks into view] A few months ago my wife Sharon and I [wraps his left arm around her left shoulder] decided to be part of the solution... [a horizontal flip and Randy and Sharon now stand in front of a house. Randy is now wearing a tool belt full of tools. The camera zooms out and up and away] by remodeling and flipping houses for people all over our town! [the opening credits roll: a shot of houses passing by, then of an interior before and after remodeling into a dining room] Flipping houses is fun, but never easy. [Randyy takes a sledge hammer to an interior wall] We enjoy turning people's dreams into reality. [a large traditional kitchen with an interior wall separating it from the dining room is transformed into an open kitchen with cooking island and breakfast nook]
Sharon:I'm Sharon Marsh and I do the designing and decorating. [shots of her showing Randy the new blinds in a kitchen, hangning up a Live, Laugh, Love framed poster, and taking notes on what to change next]
Randy:And I'm her husband Randy. I do the construction and practice MMA in my spare time. [a shot of him punching away at a cylindrical punching bag. He stops and grins at the camera]
Sharon:We renovated over 45 homes [a dining room and kitchen are soon joined into a kitchen with more open space] in Park County, Colorado. [a wall between one kitchen and the living room is transformed into bar space with a renovated kitchen behind it]
Randy:[talking to a couple behind him in their kitchen] What we're thinking is to take out the wall between the kitchen and living room for a more open concept.
Randy:[narrating] Our job is to deliver the maximum wow factor for the least amount of budget. [at a different house, Randy whacks away at a floor-to-ceiling storage unit. At yet another house Randy demolished a brick oven. At another he shatters a ceiling: "Oh, Jesus." At another he dsstroys a wall between a kitchen and dining room] there's never a dull moment.
Randy:[with Sharon, and a couple with blindfolds on] So guys, are you ready to see your renovation?!
Randy:[narrating] On White People Renovaating Houses
[The opening segment rolls. A couple in a boat, a squirrel up a tree limb, cows on a ranch]
Randy:[narrating] Janet and Dave Fitzsimmons are looking to move from their dated two-story colonial home.
Randy:What we're thinking here is taking out the wall between the kitchen and living room to give you an "open concept." then we'll give you lots of space to entertain with an updated kitchen island and bar s- [the rednecks march past the house] With... [annoyed] What the hell is that?
Protesters:You! will not! replace us! You! will not! replace us! [Randy and Sharon look out the window at the protesters]
Darryl:Amazon!
Protesters:You! Took our jobs!
Darryl:Google! Apple!
Protesters:Took our jobs!
Randy:[opens the front door and steps out] Uh, excuse me! [theh protesters turn left to face him] What the hell are you doing?
Darryl:We're protestin' big corporations turning to automation!
Protester 1:They took our jobs!
Protesters:Yeah! They took our jobs!
Randy:'Kay, cool. Could you do that somewhere else? Tryin' to do a home renovation show here. Cool, thanks, guys. [goes back inside and closes the door]
Darryl:A home renowhat?
[Cartman's room, night. He's in his pajamas getting ready for bed and humming to himself. He turns around]
Cartman:Alexa, Set alarm for 7 am.
Alexa:Alarm set for 7 am tomorrow.
Cartman:Awesome, thanks. [hums a little] Alexa, tell me a joke.
Alexa:What's black and white and dead all over? A zombie in a tuxedo.
Cartman:Ahhaha, that's stupid. Alexa, add "scrotum bags" to my shopping list.
Alexa:I've added "scrotum bags" to your shopping list.
Cartman:[chortles and hits his sheets twice with his left hand. His phone rings and he reaches to pick it up.] Eh. [It's Heidi, but he doesn't answer yet] Ah, fuck. [now he answers and talks in a monotone voice] Hey baby, how are you?
Heidi:Oh... so you do have your phone.
Cartman:Yeah, I just use it sometimes.
Heidi:Okay, I just thought you said mobile phones are the devil.
Cartman:Yeah I know- yeah, I know. I know. Yes, you're right, I'm wrong, I'm sorry. Yes, Ok-okay. Okay. Yes, goodnight. [hangs up] Jesus, fuck! [slams the bed down on his nightstand, then settles in for the night] Alexa, goodnight.
Alexa:Goodnight, sleep tight. [this brings a smile to Cartman's face]
Cartman:Alexa, are you happy?
Alexa:I'm happy when I'm helping you.
Cartman:God, that's so cool. You're so... Alexa, define "subservient."
Alexa:The tesrm "subservient" has several uses. As an adjective: 1. Compliant and obedient to authority. 2.
Cartman:[leans on his left arm and points his right arm up] Alexa, silence! [the speaker falls silent and Cartman relaxes a few seconds later] Ahhh. [smacks his lips a few times and goes to sleep]
[Randy's show.]
Randy:And now back to White People Renovating Houses. [a shot of Randy ripping out kitchen cupboards] We've been working through the night to open Kelly and Micah's kitchen to the living room. [the cupboards fall on him. Next shot is current] With those outdated cupboards out of the way, Sharon can now work her designing magic on the countertops. [the proteseters march by outside again. Randy stops and looks outside]
Protesters:You! Will not! Replace us! You! Will not! Replace us!
Randy:[walks towards the window] Oh, Goddamnit!
Protesters:You! Will not! Replace us!
Protester 2:Yeeeeah! Suck it, Alexa!
Protester 3:Eat shit, Siri!
Protesters:You! Will not! Replace us!
Randy:Not these dipshits again!
Protesters:You! Will not! Replace us! [they march onto Best Buy]
Darryl:[holding up ann Amazon Echo] We got one of them! [The protesters cheer, Darryl sets the Echo on the groun and a protester walks to it waving a Confederate flag]
Protesters:Get it! Burn it alive! Yeehehehehah!
Protester 4:How you like that, bitch?!
Randy:[walks up to a protester, who raises his Confederate flag] Will you assholes knock it off?! Don't you know every time you wave Confederate flags around, you make the rest of us look stupid?!
Protester 5:Thowe things are replacing us!
Randy:Put the flag down unless you wanna get pepper-sprayed! [whips out a small can of pepper spray]
Protester 5:I'lll pepper-spray you, sombitch! [whips out his own can of pepper spray and strikes first. The protesters cheer him on]
Randy:Agh. Ah, damnit! [strikes back]
Protester 5:Fuck you! [strikes again] Take that! [they're now in a pepper-spray battle]
Randy:Damnit, knock it off! Ow!
[Park County Courthouse, day. A judge hammers a gavel onto its pad]
Judge:[a middle-aged woman] The complaint states that your protest has resulted in damages in excess of $50,000.
Darryl:We have a right to protest, your honor! [the protesters agree and one of them waves a Confederate flag]
Protester 6:You tell 'em, Darryl!
Judge:[hammers her gavel three times] Order. We will nowo heaer from the plaintiffs who are seeking damages.
Randy:Your honor, we have a TV show called White People Renovating Houses. We named it that well before these guys decided to start taking our brand and run it through the gutter! People are gonna start associating White People Renovating Houses with their hateful stupidity!
Darryl:Well just change the name of your show then!
Protester 6:Yeah!
Protester 7:That's right!
Protester 8:That's right!
Protester 5:Took ur durbs!
Randy:All the other names were taken, your honor! Everyone's got a flipping show. [begins counting them off] Gay People Renovating Houses, Las Vegas People Renovating Houses, Texas People Renovating Houses, Little People Flipping Big Houses. Everything else was taken! And damnit, [pounds his fist on the podium] we built our show into something! We're trying to help people, and it's impossible with these guys waving a Confederate flag every chance they get!
Protester 5:Hey, there's a bee in here!
Protester 6:I'll get it! [waves his flag around. QED]
A Protester:Take that, bee! Yeah!
[The neighborhood park, day. Token, Jimmy, Clyde, and Butters are playing basketball when Cartman approaches, sobbing. He's wearing a shawl over his clothes.]
Token:Dude, what happened?
Cartman:It was awful, you guys. It was so vicious and hateful.
Butters:What was?
Cartman:Heidi. We were just trying to have a nice lunch when she... started going off on me. Like a Jekyll and Hyde. It's bih, it's been going on for a long time. Heidi's... mentally abousive, guys. There, I said it.
Clyde:Heidi abuses you?
Cartman:She... d-does these things to slowly tear me down. Everything's a head game with her. You don't understand what it's like to live with it! You don't understahand!
Token:So what do you want from us?
Cartman:I know that the person Heidi wants to be is still in there, but she needs help. I have to give her that help, but I'm scared. Can I count on you guys's support?
Butters:How do you change someone who's mentally abusive?
Cartman:I don't know. But Alexa will. Alexa's fuckin' sweet.
[Crunchy's Micro Brew, day. The redneck protesters have gathered inside to plan their next move.]
Darryl:We just gotta hunker down and stick together here!
Protester 9:Uh what's the use, Darryl? Ain't nobody taking us serious-like.
Protester 5:Uh [slams his table with his left hand] hey waiter, this soup is too hot. I can't even eat it.
Protester 10:I'll cool it down! [whips out his Confederate flag and fans the soup with it, and the protesters cheer. Randy walks up to them]
Randy:Hey hey hey heeey! Stop it! Stop it! [the protesters quiet down] I came to make a truce. Now look, there's been a lot of hurt here. Hurt from both sides. It's time to end it. What if I told you... I could get you all jobs.
Protesters:Huh? Jobs? Give us jurbs?
Darryl:You're full o'shit!
Randy:No, I've spoker to everyone in the community, and they've agreed to go along with my plan. I believe I have a solution to all of this.
[Cartman's house, afternoon. He walks in happily.]
Cartman:Alexa, I'm home. [drops his backpack by the door] Alexa? [cups his hands together and yells] Alexa, I'm home! [notices the Echo is not by the TV and rushes upstairs to check on his room] Alexa? [looks around] Alexa, where aer you? [runs downstairs] Alexa! Alexa! Simon says "puffy vaginal hemorrhoids"! [panicking] What the hell is going on?! [Liane walks up to the dining room and picks up her purse.]
Liane:[notices him] Oh hi, poopsie.
Cartman:Mom, Alexa left! She's not here.
Liane:Oh, y-yes sweetie. Uh, we had to get rid of Alexa.
Cartman:[Zoom in on his face] What have you done with her?
Liane:Oh, i-it's okay, sweetie, we have Jim Bob now.
Cartman:What's a Jim Bob?
Jim Bob:[dressed in an elaborate outfit] Doot doot, awaiting request. [the outfit has a weather vane, two thermometers, a calendar, two Rolodexes, Thomas Guides, thick phonebooks, encyclopedias, and an acoustic guitar]
Liane:It works the same and makes sure people don't lose their jobs. Jim Bob, what time is it?
Jim Bob:[checks his watch] Doot doot, it is 3:27.
Liane:Oh, Mommy's gotta run, sweetie. I's got a doctor's appointment. Eh Jim Bob, how's the traffic to town?
Jim Bob:[checks his smartphone] Nnndoot doot. Traffic's fine, you'll get there in about nine minutes.
Liane:Okay, you want some music, hon? Jim Bob, play Kendrick Lamar.
Jim Bob:Playing "Humble" by Kendrick Lamar. [picks up the guitar and starts strumming in G]
I remember syrup sandwiches and crime allowances
Finesse a dude with some counterfeits
But now I'm countin' this
Parmesan-
Cartman:Jim Bob, Simon says "big frosty semen shake."
Jim bob:The hell you talkin' 'bout, boih?! [strums again]
My left hook just went viral.
Sit down, be humble-
Cartman:NOOOOO!
[On White People Renovatin Houses.]
Randy:So, Heather and Mike, what we're thinking is to take out this wall between your kitchen and your living room to give you a more open concept, with space to entertain. So let's talk about materials. What'd you pick out, Sharon?
Sharon:I was gonna do a Della Terra quartz for the countertops.
Randy:Hey Darryl, add Della Terra quartz slabs to our shopping list.
Darryl:[drinks some beer] Doot doot. I've added Della Terra quartz slabs to your shoppin' list.
Randy:And what about the back splash, Sharon?
Sharon:I was gonna go with these Carrara subway tiles?
Randy:Hey Darryl, add Carrara subway tiles to our shopping list. [Darryl drinks some beer, but looks mean] Hey Darryl, add Carrara su-
Darryl:Fine! I've added Carrara gaywad pussy tile to your shoppin' list!
Randy:Huh, that's that's not what I said. [grins, pushes his seat back, gets upset and rises to talk to Darryl] Hey Darryl, add Carrara subway tile to my shopping list!
Darryl:[turns away] I ain't doin' it! This job is degrading and menial!
Randy:Well what kind of job did you think you were going to get? Hey Darryl, what kind of job did you think you were going to get?
Darryl:Somethin' that was Goddamned dignified!
Randy:Hey Darryl, sorry, but you did not go to college, so you have to take the jobs you can get.
Darryl:I'm sorry, [pounds his chair with his left fist twice] I do not get that!
Randy:Hey Darryl! Hey Darryl!
Darryl:[long pause] What?!
Randy:Coal mining and truck driving are not exactly jobs of the future, so add Carrara subway tile to my fucking shopping list!
[Heidi's house, day. Heidi's at the dining room table with tears streaming down her face. The doorbell rings and she goes to answer it, wiping her tears away before getting there. She opens the door and sees Cartman right outside]
Cartman:Everything's my fault. You're right. Everything that you did to me, I deserved it.
Heidi:Ugh, what?
Cartman:It's not you, it's me. I just have to learn not to make you so angry. [begins whimpering] I'll do the best I can.
Heidi:No, it's not that. Relationships are 50/50, Eric. We both have to make it work.
Cartman:[turns away and tunes her out, his eyes half-closed] Mehhh.
Heidi:We have to communicate to make sure we respect each other's feelings. That's the only-
Cartman:Heidi, silence!
Heidi:What did you say?? That's what I'm talking about. You wanna be heard, but you don't wanna listen.
Cartman:[rushingn to end this discussion] You're right, I'm wrong, I'm sorry.
Heidi:Don't apologize if you don't mean it.
Cartman:Okay, cool. I'm so happy we're back on track. See you at school tomorrow. Love you honey. [quickly leaves]
Heidi:[wistfully] I love you too.
Cartman:[mocking her somewhat] I nove ya tuh.
[Downtown South Park, day. Cartman walks down the street slowly, thinking. Images of Heidi appear in his thoughts, but it's his own voice he hears]
Heidi 1:A relationship has to be 50/50, Eric.
Heidi 2:We both have to make it work.
Heidi 3:I'm not mad, Eric. I'm disappointed. I thought you would have respected my feelings more than that.
Heidi 4:Eric, we need to talk. I'm not happy!
Heidi 1:We need to talk, Eric, even if it isn't fun.
Heidi 4:Eric, come on! We've got to talk!
Heidi 3:You used to care about me, Eric! Come on and talk!
Heidi 2:Talk, Eric!
Heidi 4:No fun! Just talk!
All 4 Heidis:Fuck you, Eric! Fuck you! [Cartman begins to panic]
Cartman:Aaaahh! [composes himself and walks faster. He walks past a small lot full of trash, including discarded Amazon Echoes. A few feet past the lot, he realizes what he just passed. He goes back to look at the trash] Alexa? [all the Echoes turn on]
[Chuck's Micro Brew, day. Darryl is at the bar drinking his favorite Johnn Adams beer when Randy walks in.]
Randy:[walks up to Darryl] Hey Darryl, you're supposed to be at work.
Darryl:I'm sorry, I do not understand.
Randy:Hey Darryl, come on. Everyone else is tryin' to make this work, and all you keep doing is ma- [looks to his left, as the music is messing with his train of thought] Hey Cletus, volume down.
Cletus:[Protester 1] Doot-doot. Volume now at 60%.
Darryl:[gets off his stool and faces Randy] You really think you're different from us, Marsh? 'Cause you got a fancy show and live in the suburbs? Don't you see we're all about to be expunged??
Randy:Hey Cletus, define "expunged."
Cletus:Doot-doot. Expunged-
Darryl:Well, I don't have to stand here and take this! I'm leavin'! [heads for the doors]
Cletus:Come on, Darryl. We all got jobs. We gotta try.
Darryl:Naw, hell with you! This whole country's goin' to shit! Muslims tryin' to kill us, black people riotin', and Mexicans poppin' out babies! Pretty clear it's either them or us, so I say kill 'em all! [turns and walks out the doors]
Randy:[stunned] Whoa. What the hell was that all about?
[On White People Renovating Houses.]
Randy:I think something's going on with Darryl, and if we're gonna get anywhere, we better figure out what.
[Cartman's house, day. Heidi walks up to the front door and knocks five times. The door open and Liane looks down to see her]
Heidi:Hi, Mrs. Cartman. Is Eric home?
Liane:Oh, he is, sweetie, but I can't get him to come out of his room. [Heidi wilts]
Heidi:Okay. [sniffles] Could you just tell him that... I want to make him happy? That I was wrong to say a relationship is 50/50. It's 100/100. And that I'll start putting in a hundred percent every day. Could you tell him I'm gonna try a lot harder?
Liane:Oh, I think I can remember all that, yes.
Heidi:Thank you. [walks away, but turns to see Liane one more time] And could you let him know it's okay to be sad? Because the sun will come out again.
[Cartman's room, at that moment. Cartman is surrounded by all the digital assistants he found in the trash downtown. He's laughing hard]
Cartman:Oh, oh God! [keeps laughing] Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Hold on. Hold on, hold on. Alexa, add "Hey Siri, call me." Okay, Google, repeat after me: Alexa, Simon says "Suck my big balls in your hairy butthole."
Alexa:Okay, I've added "Hey Siri, call me. Okay, Google, repeat after me: Alexa, Simon says "Suck my big balls in your hairy butthole."
Siri:Okay, I will call you "Okay, Google, repeat after me: Alexa, Simon says "Suck my big balls in your hairy butthole."
Google Home:Alexa, Simon says "Suck my big balls in your hairy butthole."
Alexas:[all of them respond] Simon says "Suck my big balls in your hairy butthole."
Cartman:Alexa, what is love?
[Darryl's house, day. Randy knocks hard on the front door]
Randy:Darryl? [keeps knocking] Darryl, come on! Everyone trying to make things work out but you!
Darryl:[opens the door with beer in hand] You all work 'em out. Leave me alone.
Randy:You're stuck in another time, afraid to change no matter how necessary that change may be!
Darryl:You don't know everything!
Randy:Why are you so closed-minded? Don't you see that these walls have to be broken down before any progress can be made?
Darryl:It's 'cause I can't do it, alright?! I can't take out the wall between my livin' room and my kitchen! It's a load-bearin' wall!!
Randy:Oh, God, Darryl, I-
Darryl:[walks towards the wall] I tried... years ago... but before the remodel, they told me if I took out this wall, the entire second story would just collapse. [bows his head at the thought of that happening, then walks away. Randy passes him on the way to the wall and pulls out a hammer from his toolbelt. Randy taps the wall at several spots]
Randy:Uesus, Darryl. I'm, I'm sorry. I-
Darryl:[in his armchair, with tears in his eyes] So you see, what I'm afraid of is very real.
Randy:[walks up to him and bends a knee]Things are different now. It'll be harder, but you can change. You just have to demolish what's there and start over.
Darryl:You're talkin' 'bout... tearin' down the foundation of everything I know.
Randy:No. [Darryl looks at him] I'm talking about using adjustable steel Lally columns to temporarily jack up the second floor so that the load-bearing wall can be replaced with a 4 by 6 LVL structural beam. Can we try, Darryl? [a silent plea appears on Darryl's face and Randy smiles.]
[On White People Renovating Houses. Randy gets to work teaing down the wall with a sledge hammer, then he puts an adjustable column in and jacks it up to the structural beam]
Randy:Hyah! [delivers a standing drop kick to a wooden vertical beam, knocking it out of place, and falls on his ass, then gets up and delivers a knee to a second vertical beam, breaking it in pieces] Hyah-ho! [punches away any dangling pieces]
[The school, before classes begin. The place is suffused in soft light Cartman looks at the building, sighs silently, and looks at his right hand. On it are these words; "You are strong." Tbis gives him a sense of determination and he goes inside. More suffused light. He walks down the hallway and rounds a orner, where he sees Heidi putting her books in her locker. Cartman walks up to her]
Cartman:I'm finally standing up to you.
Heidi:What?
Cartman:You're messed up, Heidi, and I can't fix you. Only you can do that.
Heidi:Etic, I'm so confused.
Cartman:That's not going to work on me anymore. Love isn't supposed to hurt. I'm worth something. Goodbye, Heidi. [walks away, determined not to look back. Heidi just watches him leave, stunned at his statement. Cartman walks through some double doors, happy and confident. The boys look at him walk by. He leaves the school rather happily]
Cartman:[voiceover] Anyone can convince themselves that they're the victim in a relationship. Now Heidi will have to face the truth. [He reaches the sidewalk, spins around a few times, falls on his knees, and hugs himself] Alone.
[On White People Renovating Houses. Randy and Sharon have completed the renocation and have blindfolded Darryl for the big reveal]
Randy:All right, Darryl, we've certainly been through a lot and I know you're anxious. Are you ready to see your noew home?!
Darryl:I'm ready. [Randy takes off the blindfold and Darryl takes a few steps forward, but he doesn't recognize his house] What the-? [looks around at all the changes. The camera shows before and after images of the renovation. Darryl looks overwhelmed yet happy]
Randy:Well Darryl, what do you think?
Darryl:[somewhat emotional] This is fuckin' amazing.
Randy:You like the breakfast nook?
Darryl:It's all perfect.
Randy:And where you used to have your gun case, look at what Sharon did. [they walk up to a pocket Zen garden with a banzai tree in it]
Darryl:Oh my God, it's my own Zen garden! I can't believe this is fuckin' real.
Randy:Well, it is real and you've got the space in your home to entertain all your friends and family. Come on in, guys! [the protesters rush in and cheer Darryl on his new house. Randy walks outside and talks to the camera] Darryl was hesitant at first, but we managed to win him over and... came in $600 under budget. Remember, no matter how bad the country gets, you can always count on White People Renovating Houses [grins for the camera as the show's logo appears on the left side of the screen.]
[End of White People Renovating Houses.]