You know, I've learned something today...

What have YOU learned from South Park? Here's a collection of things people have learned from the show. Send in your own lessons.. This being South Park, not every lesson here is true in real life. :)
  1. "Disintegration" is the greatest album ever!
  2. "The Line Ride" at Cow Days festivals really suck, but offers great souvenier pictures.
  3. A boy can die and come back again on a weekly basis... or used to
  4. A clitoris has the power to talk
  5. A dildo is a big stick that goes in our moms' vaginas.
  6. A divorce is a bad thing
  7. A dodgeball can kill you.
  8. A dog can bite half of your head off.
  9. A foot can be created that can kick your ass under its own power, not attached to any other body part
  10. A giant ash snake can kill you.
  11. A goldfish can kill you.
  12. A group of old people farting can smell really bad.
  13. A hermaphrodite cannot bear children
  14. A man's fireman does not get chopped off during a Bris
  15. A monkey can kill you.
  16. A pig can make love to an elephant & have a piglet that looks like Mr. Garrison.
  17. A poor little kid being run over by a motercycle is VERY funny!
  18. A talking taco that craps ice cream is cool.
  19. A toy frog can send you into a coma.
  20. Airport lines suck ass
  21. Aliens are real! Believe!
  22. Aliens have big, long heads and big, black eyes, abduct people, and mutilate cows.
  23. Aliens mostly come at night.....mostly!
  24. All Canadians have flapping heads and beady eyes.
  25. All independent films are just gay cowboys eating pudding.
  26. All Japanese people have small penises.
  27. All mexican people eat tacos and burritos
  28. All rich people are African-American.
  29. All you need to make a pirate ghost is a flashlight and some cotton swabs, and a cup and a piece of cheese for sound effects.
  30. Always respect Cartman's authoritah.
  31. America has hippies and rednecks. It's like having your cake and eating it too
  32. Americans have big penis
  33. Animation is really hard
  34. Apparently there are two NAMBLAs.
  35. Atheism can ruin your life.
  36. Back Door Sluts 9 makes Crotch Capers 3 look like Naughty Nurses 2
  37. Barbra Streisand is the ultimate in evil.
  38. Bears abduct children to keep their cubs company for their birthdays.
  39. Beware of Janet Reno in an Easter Bunny costume.
  40. Beware of Native Americans giving out blankets when they're trying to bulldoze you town
  41. Boys think they have periods.
  42. Brian Boitano CAN do anything.
  43. Butters' mom is a murderer and his dad is a closet homosexual
  44. Calling Native American people Indians is wrong, even when they try and take your land, try to tear down your town, take your money, and give you SARS.
  45. Canada's national anthem is much better than the USA's.
  46. Canadian babies make good table posts.
  47. Canadians break into song and dance at random. All. The. Time.
  48. Canadians don't say "about." They say "aboot," and they can make you laugh in saying it.
  49. Canadians have smaller penises than Americans.
  50. Canadians use "chemical warfare." FAAART!!!
  51. Cartman's mom really likes German dudes.
  52. Cartman's mom is a dirty slut.
  53. Cartman can be nice, (in a parallel universe)
  54. Cartman can make you eat your parents
  55. Cartman DOES have a future self.
  56. Cartman has such a fat ass, that when people walk down the street, they go "Goddamn, thats a big fat ass!
  57. Cartman hates Stan and Kyle
  58. Cartman is not fat, he is big boned.
  59. Cartoons kick ass!
  60. Chances are, the Simpsons already did it.
  61. Chef is into bestiality.
  62. Chef is the original writer of "Stinky Britches."
  63. Chickenpox is a form of herpes.
  64. Christmas isn't about ham, it's about one important thing, presents.
  65. Christopher Reeve is a b b b butthole
  66. Cows are suicidal.
  67. Cows turn themselves inside out all the time.
  68. Crap does talk, and sing and dance. It can also have a family of its own.
  69. Damien can turn you into a duck-billed platypus.
  70. David Blain is a douche. But not the biggest one. Still, he can eat his own head.
  71. Des Mones will forever be behind the rest of the US.
  72. Dogs can be gay
  73. Don't be dissing Jimmy's niggaz.
  74. Don't fuck with Wendy Testaburger.
  75. DON'T put the magic hat on Frosty.
  76. Don't screw around in Shop Class. You screw around too much.
  77. Don't shock Santa's balls.
  78. Don't stare at the Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka.
  79. Don't watch two green aliens sucking each others' jagons
  80. Dream about Ice Cream when you have flashbacks.
  81. Dressing up like hitler in school, isnt cool! Dressing up in white sheets is another matter.
  82. Drugs are bad because they're an addictive solution to a greater problem causing disease of both body and mind with consequences far outweighing their supposed benifits.
  83. Drugs are bad because, if you do drugs, you're a hippie. And hippies suck.
  84. Drugs are bad, m'kay!
  85. Drugs are good, m'kay! (disclaimer: this is in reference to prescription drugs.)
  86. Duck and cover.
  87. Elton John isn't a big candy bar fan.
  88. Elvis isn't really the King of Rock n' Roll.
  89. Every child in South Park was molestered
  90. Every Thursday should be free ice cream day.
  91. Everybody watches Terrence and Phillip.
  92. Everyone dies, some poeple come back to life.
  93. Everyone hates Animaniacs.
  94. Everyone knows it's Butters!
  95. Fingerbang is when you pretend to use your finger like a gun or something.
  96. Fireworks should never be banned from any city.
  97. Freaks have their own union.
  98. Gays aren't allowed in Scouts.
  99. Genetically-made towels like joints.
  100. Gerbils can travel through a gay man's ass.
  101. Gnomes exist, and they are not pussies.
  102. Gobbles and Timmy are perfect for each other because of their disabilities.
  103. God-damn Mongolians always break down Mr. Kim's city wall
  104. God looks like a weird monkey/hippo thing.
  105. God? He is ze biggest beetch of zem all.
  106. Halloween is about being good to one another and giving and loving.
  107. Handicapped kids make great back-up singers.
  108. Hanging on the edge of a cliff while stuck in a schoolbus is an excellent time to have flashbacks.
  109. Harry Potter is for fags
  110. Having boobs sucks.
  111. Heaven is a bunch of hot angel chicks without tops!
  112. Heaven is full of Mormons - and Saddam.
  113. Hell isn't good. Except for Luau Sundays.
  114. Hippies and drugs are bad, Charlie Manson is good.
  115. Hippies want to save the earth, but they just smoke pot and smell bad.
  116. Holistic medicine won't stop a fatal illness.
  117. Hollywood people suck.
  118. Home-schooled kids get duct-taped to the bench.
  119. Home school sucks
  120. Hunting sober is like fishing... sober.
  121. I learned how NOT to spell chair
  122. I learned how to give a hot lunch.
  123. I learned how to Hitler somebody.
  124. I learned how to sing "Kyle's Mom Is A Bitch" in 5 different languages.
  125. I learned that being a sellout is sweet, cause you make a lot of money. And when you have money, you don't have to hang out with any poor-ass losers like you guys
  126. I learned that one time, the boys followed Ally Sheedy out to her car, but on the way they were accosted by five Scientologists who wanted to give them all personality tests, which were administered at the Scientology Center in Denver until 10:45, at which time they accidentally boarded the wrong bus home and ended up in Rancho de Burritos Rojos, south of Castle Rock, and finally got a ride home with a man who was missing his left index finger, named Gary Bushwell, arriving home at 11:46
  127. I learned the words to the Canadian National Anthem.
  128. I learned to "kick the baby!"
  129. I learned to French Fry to go, Pizza to stop
  130. I learned what Brian Boitano would do.
  131. If 4,000,000 people play the Brown Noise at the same time, everyone on Earth will hear it & crap their pants.
  132. If all else fails, you must kill the problem with a wiffle bat.
  133. If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit.
  134. If freeing a man from the evil succubus, sing the eerie melody "(There's Got To Be A) Mornig After" backwards
  135. If someone rips you off, you declare Shenanigans on them, and beat them up with a broom.
  136. If something goes wrong, blame Canada.
  137. If we didn't eat Cheesy Poofs, we'd be lame.
  138. If you curse too much, you can actually get cursed, with the black plague (latoya jackson)
  139. If you don't eat meat you'll turn into a giant pussy.
  140. If you don't like Jimmy's gang you can just pass the blunt to the nigga on your left
  141. If you don't poot, you'll explode.
  142. If you ever need to get a law passed by Congress, sing "Heat of the Moment"
  143. If you French-fry when you should pizza, you're gonna have a bad time!
  144. If you get bit by a zombie, you'll turn into a zombie.
  145. If you look down while skiing, you're gonna fall, you're gonna have a bad time!
  146. If you step off the School Bus, a big black scary monster will eat you.
  147. If you stick food in your butt, you crap out your mouth
  148. If you touch Cartman's Trapper Keeper, big metal spikes drill through your hands
  149. If you wear an orange parka you'll die (a lot)
  150. If your stepdad popped you in eye you snatch his ass in a bear trap
  151. In all the digitally remastered movies, the guns are replaced with walkie talkies
  152. In hell, the smell is awful. In hell, everyone speaks Spanish. There is water in hell, but if you drink it you pee blood out your ass for seven hours-uh! And perhaps worst of all, in hell, there are dozens and dozens of little trinket stores! But they all have the same little trinkets in them-eh!
  153. Inward journies are gay
  154. It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas
  155. It's hard to tell the difference between Rosie and a bulbous, ravenous Trapper Keeper.
  156. It's never the wrong time to search for treasure
  157. It's okay for two guys to be naked in a hot tub
  158. It's okay to be gay.
  159. It's okay to burst into a funny song sometimes
  160. It's okay to hit things with sticks.
  161. It's okay to join a faggy boy band.
  162. It's okay to waste your time making multiple-assed creatures.
  163. It's possible for an 8 year old to beat off
  164. It's sexual harassment when one little Panda puts his furry little willy in another little Panda's ear. And that makes me a sad Panda.
  165. Jakovasaurs are REAL, and they now live in France!
  166. Jamming your thumb into something's butthole will piss it off.
  167. Japan beat the US to heaven with a much better ladder than the boys could make.
  168. Japanese girls eat their own puke all the time.
  169. Jared Has Aides
  170. Jay Leno's chin has magical powers
  171. Jesus has his own public access television show.
  172. Jesus is packing.
  173. Jewish people can't eat Christmas snow.
  174. Jimbo and Ned single-handedly killed the entire Viet Cong Army.
  175. Jimbo is gay.
  176. Jimmy is cool like a fool in a swimming p p pp pool
  177. John Edwards is the biggest douche in the universe.
  178. Kenny can sing opera even with a hood on.
  179. Kenny has death writen all over him.
  180. Kenny tastes like chocolate milk.
  181. Kids can be deputized in South Park.
  182. Korn is the coolest rock band in the world
  183. Kyle's life is worth exactly $10 milliion.
  184. Kyle's mom is a big, fat bitch.
  185. Kyle got the bad kidney
  186. Lemmiwinks is the Gerbil King
  187. Leonard Maltin doesn't like Barbra Streisand.
  188. Lighting a giant ash snake is a really bad thing
  189. Lock-ins at the rec-center always works.
  190. Madonna is an old anorexic whore who wore out her welcome years ago, and that now she suddenly speaks with a British accent and she thinks she can play guitar and she should go fuck herself.
  191. Meecrob is a curse word, and pretty disgusting
  192. Men molesting children has been around since the time of the Romans.
  193. Middle-Eastern people aren't allowed at the supermarket.
  194. Midgets in bikinis are great newscasters.
  195. Moses looks like the the MCP from Tron
  196. Mr. Garrison wanted his dad to molest him so he could finally be at peace with being gay.
  197. Mr. Hankey loves you, even if you're a Jew.
  198. Mr. Hat is a bigot.
  199. Mr. Hat is evil.
  200. Mr. Mackey is into bondage and "water sports".
  201. Ms. Choksondik stinks inside.
  202. Mung is the gooey stuff that comes out when a baby is born
  203. Never give the Loch Ness Monster tree-fiddy.
  204. Never put Worcestershire sauce and embalming fluid in a dead person
  205. Never stand behind anybody that is farting fire.
  206. NEVER, EVER, EVER eat antacids and drink water
  207. Next time you plan to free someone from execution, remember: this isn't TV kiddy hour where we all sit around and lick Barney the dinosaur's fucking pussy.
  208. Ninja stars can cause serious injury, and it hurts. You can put an eye out with it. It hurts even more when you attempt to remove it with pliers.
  209. No matter how you dress up at a costume contest, the winner is Wendy, for her Chewbacca costume.
  210. No one really knows how many Star Trek episodes there are.
  211. Nothing Is Worse Than Cartman With Authori-tah
  212. Officer Barbrady can't read
  213. Old people are connected to machines that suck their life out of them.
  214. Old people driving can be life-threatening
  215. Only a mountain lion can kill The Anti-Christ, but Santa can help by killing the statnic critters.
  216. Only Mr. Slave could swallow Paris Hilton whole... with his ass!
  217. Only once have the words "only" and "candy" been used in the same sentence
  218. Oprah Winfrey has huge knockers.
  219. Osama bin Laden has a tiny penis.
  220. Ozzy Osbourne can bite your head off.
  221. Paint thinner is no way to get a vision
  222. Pat Robertson has a spaceship.
  223. People can live with just one kidney
  224. People go to bars to atone for their sins.
  225. People who fuck chickens disguise themselves as Booktastic Bookmobile drivers.
  226. Pig and elephant DNA just won't splice!
  227. Planetariums have neuroneutralizers.
  228. Planetariums suck ass.
  229. Playing "Lord of the Rings" does not mean dry-humping people
  230. Polo is for rich fags.
  231. Poor people live in exotic sounding street names.
  232. Rainbows march up your leg and bite the inside of your ass
  233. Reading books sucks ass!
  234. Repeats suck
  235. Roger Ebert Should Lay off the Fatty Foods.
  236. Russell Crowe is gay and has anger management problems
  237. Russell Crowe loves to go foight'n 'round the world beating up people.
  238. Saddam can be Canadian, but not Alanis Morissette.
  239. Saddam is gay.
  240. Saddam used to have a nuclear weapons fac-errrrrrrr cookie factory in heaven.
  241. Santa has a back-up sleigh with eight other reindeer.
  242. Satan is gay.
  243. Satan was a headstrong rebel in Heaven, and now he's just a whiny little bitch.
  244. Saying "shit" as somethng other than fecal manner is appropriate for public use.
  245. Shouting "Rabble rabble rabble" will not solve all of your problems.
  246. Skiing is a stupid sport.
  247. South Park is the coolest town in the world, but the people there suck.
  248. Stan is Bulimic.
  249. Stan never wanted a gay dog
  250. Stevie Nix looks and sounds like a goat.
  251. Summer sucks, especially without fireworks.
  252. Talking poo is cool.
  253. The basis of all reasoning is the mind's awareness of itself. What we think, the external objects we percieve, are all like actors that come on and off stage, but our consciousness, the stage itself, is always present to us.
  254. The best way to piss something off is to jam your thumb in it's butthole.
  255. The brain's texture is kinda like jello (im not sure how to write this :)
  256. The Brown Noise is awesome. Try it sometime!
  257. The bus driver WILL shoot the bunny, so please, SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!
  258. The Catholic religion is fucked up
  259. The Chinpokomon game is (unfortunately) not for the Okama Gamesphere.
  260. The coolest thing ever is a taco that craps ice cream
  261. The Cure For SARS is DayQuil, Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup and Sprite.
  262. The Cure rules.
  263. The Earth is just a TV show.
  264. The fifth season of Night Court is lame.
  265. The fireman is very magical. If you rub his helmet, he spits in your eye.
  266. The handicapped probably go to hell.
  267. The heart of Wall*Mart is a mirror located near the televisions at the back of the store.
  268. The idea of adding four asses to a monkey is possible.
  269. The Klu Klux Klan really enjoys hot showers.
  270. The man's hoo hoo dilly goes in the woman's cha cha.
  271. The Mole lives!
  272. The outside world looks down on a man marrying a llama, or a chicken, or an ostrich, or any other animal.
  273. The poo-choo train is Cartman's favorite thing
  274. The population in Hell is far greater than the population in Heaven.
  275. The rain forest sucks ass
  276. The s-word dragon [Geldon] has a stupid voice
  277. There's a lotta black people in Africa
  278. There's a lotta black people in China.
  279. There's never anything to see here, even if there is.
  280. There's only one road in Canada. We call it the road, the only road.
  281. There are cherokee-hair tampons.
  282. There are condos in Hell (reserve yours NOW).
  283. There are Knights of Standards and Practices.
  284. There is a "Biggest Douche In The Universe" award.
  285. There is a dangerous kind of frogs called "The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka".
  286. There is a Gay Animal Sanctuary.
  287. There is a law that says anything past second trimester abortions are illegal.
  288. There is a place called the rainforest that truly sucks ass.
  289. There is a time and a place for everything and its called college
  290. There is a word such as Queef and what its defintion is (a vaginal expulsion of gas.)
  291. There really is a place called South Park
  292. There really IS a Santa Claus
  293. They always save that new movie trailer till the last commercial
  294. Third graders know a lot more about sex than math.
  295. To make Sea people all you need is brine shrimp and semen
  296. Toilet Papering houses is bad.
  297. Towelie is the worst character ever.
  298. Towels can walk, speak English, and get high.
  299. TV's Patrick Duffy is one of Scuzzlebutt's legs.
  300. Tweek has ADD
  301. Underpants gnomes come at precisely 3:30 A.M.
  302. Vegetarianism causes vaginitis.
  303. Vietnam had rollercoasters and stuff
  304. Visitors have chameleon-like powers of blending in
  305. Vote, or die at P. Diddy's hands.
  306. We're a little bit country, and we're a little bit rock-and-roll.
  307. We've all learned to appreciate how good 3rd Grade was
  308. Weirdos cut their hands with large knives giving them sick pleasure.
  309. Wendy is a cont- Wendy is a cont- Wendy is a cont-cont-cont-continuing source of inspiration to Stan.
  310. When a v-chip goes awry by technical faults, you can use it to swear and summon awesome electrical powers against your foes.
  311. When Snoop Doggy Dogg talks to Will Smith, he speaks in a New England lockjaw accent.
  312. When you die you DON'T go to Detroit.
  313. Where Professor Chaos goes destruction will follow!
  314. Wild turkeys can kill you.
  315. You're supposed to call it a fireman or else you get a spanking
  316. You aren't really famous and important unless you know John Elway
  317. You can't change the history of the Union and the Confederaceh
  318. You can't sit in jail for crimes you didn't commit.
  319. You can't survive inside Mrs. Crabtree's uterus
  320. You can bust your head open with a conch shell.
  321. You CAN crap your pants
  322. You CAN deliver SARS by rabbing Chinese over carpets and then give the carpets to other people.
  323. You can DIE if you leave a tampon in for too long.
  324. You can drive from the U.S. to China.
  325. You can gain superhuman strength by sucking fetuses.
  326. You can get AIDS or herpes if you dont use a condom
  327. You can get anything to make sweet love buy getting them good and drunk first
  328. You can get killed in a mosh pit.
  329. You can have a bone disease which impedes the ability to pronounce the "t" in "plane'arium
  330. You can look out through the windows in South Park, but you can't look in, unless there's something happening at that window.
  331. You can travel back in time by either 1) combining TIVO, yourself and water or 2) using a wheel chair and 2 arguing star trek geeks.
  332. You don't buy pubic hair
  333. You dont have to ride IT in a gay position.
  334. You dont want to perform lyposuction surgery on yourself at home.
  335. You know you're doing the wrong thing when hippies and/or the KKK are on your side.
  336. You shouldn't open you mouth when your friends unzip their flies and say "close your eyes"
  337. You really CAN light a fart on fire.