The Songs of South Park - Secondary Characters

By Wild Willie Westwood

Background Songs | Cartman Sings | Chef Sings | South Park Playlist | South Park Songs Main

Characters' Songs

If they are spoofs, the original singer(s) and/or title are shown below the title used on thte show.

Cartman, Officer Barbrady

Episode 101: Cartman Gets an Anal Probe - I Love To Singa

I love to singa!
About the moona and June-a and the springa
I love to singa
about a sky of blue-a or a tea for two-a . . .

Kathie Lee Epstein

Episode 102: Weight Gain 4000 - If They Could See Me Now
(Shirley MacLaine)

If they could see me now, that little gang of mine.
I'm eating fancy chow and drinking fancy wine.
I'd like those stumble bums to see for a fact
The kind of top-drawer first-rate chums I attract
[Mexican puppet] All I can say is, "Wow-wee, look-a where I am."
[Tourist puppet] Tonight I landed, Pow!, right in a pot of jam.
What a setup! Holy Cow!
They'd never believe it, if my friends could see me now!

The Big Gay Boat Ride Singers

Episode 104: Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride - It's Okay To Be Gay

We're all gay, and it's okay
'cause gay means happy and happy means gay.
We're not sad anymore, cause we're out the closet door.
It's okay, hey, to be gay!

It's okay to be gay
It's okay to be gay
Shalala, waylaylay
Shalala, waylaylay
It's okay to be gay

Richard Stamos

Episode 104: Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride - Loving You

Loving you
is easy cause you're beautiful
- doo-n-doo--doo-doooo--
Ahhhh [his voice cracks and the music stops] Ahhhh

Mephesto, Chef

Episode 105: An Elephant Makes Love To A Pig - Pig And Elephant DNA Just Won't Splice

Diindoon - pig and elephant DNA just won't splice!

The Marshes

Episode 106: Death - Happy Birthday To You

Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday dear grandpa, happy birthday to you.

Mrs. Cartman

Episode 107: Pinkeye - Decorating for Halloween

Oooh, I'm gonna decorate the house for Halloween,
with scary ghosts and bats and creepy crawly things…

Episode 107: Pinkeye - The Most Wonderful Time Of the Year

It's the most wonderful time of the year….

Mr. Hankey

Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo - Santa Claus Is On His Way
(Howdy Ho)

Santa Claus is on his way
He's loaded goodies on his sleigh
To drop them off on Christmas Day
And I'll say 'Howdy-ho'

Folks'll gather round the fire
sing a song, stroll the choir
Pretty song they'll all retire
And I'll say 'Howdy-ho'

I hope that Santa comes real soon
I've been waiting for some we…

Santa's loaded up his sleigh
flying around his merry way…

The Town

Episode 110: Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo - Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
he loves me and I love you
Therefore, vicariously he loves you
Even if you're a Jew

Sometimes he's nutty, sometimes he's corny, he can be brown or greenish-brown
But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve, he might come to your town

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
He loves me. I love you
Heeeeeeee Looooooves Yoooooouu!

A Japanese Singer

Episode 112: Mecha Streisand - Barbura

Sung
Barbura, Barbura, kirai no hito.
Barbura, Barbura, anata no hi.
Barbura, Barbura. Ugoina chichi da.
Barbura, Barbura!

Ultura Lenardu Marutin!

Megara Poatia, Megara Poatia. sokuroi da ne.
Megara Poatia, Megara Poatia.

Raabaa Tsumiito, Raabaa Tsumiito. tashiwa ga suki Raabaa Tsumito.
Raabaa Tsumiito, Raabaa Tsumiito!

English Translation
Barbra, Barbra, you are so hateful.
Barbra, Barbra, today is your day.
Barbra, Barbra, those tits are wonderful.
Barbra, Barbra!

Ultra Leonard Maltin!

Megara Poitier, Megara Poitier, look, how black you are.
Megara Poitier, Megara Poitier.

Robert Smith, Robert Smith, I like you a lot, Robert Smith.
Robert Smith, Robert Smith!

Officer Barbrady

Episode 203: Chickenfucker - Swingset

Swingset, Swingset, up and down I go
'Whoosh!' goes the willy-wind, flowing through my toes.

A Singer

Episode 205: Conjoined Fetus Lady - You're My Conjoined Twin

You've got the strength, you've got the courage
Even with a dead fetus on your head
Carry on! Fight for tomorrow!
Dead fetus or no, you never let go!

You're my conjoined-twin, dead-thing-hanging-off-your-head woman

Jimbo

Episode 206: The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka - Huntin' and Killin' Closing Song

We're so glad you spent your time with us
While we slaughtered our way through nature's guts
Come again and stay a while
We'll kill a lot more living things to make them bleed

South Park Parents

Episode 207: City On The Edge Of Forever - Runaway, Ccome Home

Little lamb, you're lost in the great big world
Runaway, findin' streets so cold
You left home lookin' for somethin' new.
But all you need is right here waitin' for you

Runaway, come home. We love you just as you are.
Runaway, come home. We're sorry things went this far.

Shari Lewis and Lambchop

Episode 208: Summer Sucks - Together, We Can Do Anything

As long as we're together, we can do anything.
We can take on the whole darned world.
We're happy as clams, we've got plenty of pearls.
Through thick and thin, we've always been together…

Elton John

Episode 214: Chef Aid - Cheddar Cheese Girl

Oh oh, you're my cheddar cheese girl
You're soft but firm, and you go well with wine
Oh oh, cheddar cheese girl
Cheddar, cheddar cheese girl

Episode 214: Chef Aid - Wake Up, Wendy

Wake up, Wendy. Smell the coffee
You know I do want you
Your flavors smell of peanuts peanuts peanuts…

Rancid

Episode 214: Chef Aid - Tonight

California sun has sunk
But Amana mailed, she'll come tonight
I wish I were junk-

Joe Strummer

Episode 214: Chef Aid - Rocking World

Well it's a rockin' world, make no mistake about it
It's a shockin' world, could be what's so great about it
It's a rockin' world, there ain't nothing fake abou-

Ozzy Osbourne

Episode 214: Chef Aid - Nowhere To Run, Nowhere To Hide

Ain't nowhere to run (come everybody let's)
Ain't nowhere to hide (come on!)

Ween

Episode 214: Chef Aid - The Homo Rainbow

Many colors in my homo rainbow.
Don't be afraid to let your colors shine.

Many colors in my homo rainbow.
Don't we all just-?

The Cartman Clan And The Boys

Episode 216: Merry Christmas, Charlie Manson - Hark, The Herald Angels Sing

"Hark," the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the newborn King.
Peace on earth, and mercy mild.
God and sinners reconciled."
[Manson jons them]
Joyful all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
"Hark," the herald angels sing…

Charlie Manson and Crowd

Episode 216: Merry Christmas, Charlie Manson - Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Holidays

Manson:Holidays are that special time
When we laugh and sing and feel warm and cozy
Forget about being angry for a day

Remember how it felt to be a child
Opening presents on Christmas mornin'
That's the way that we should all feel now

So I say Happy happy happy happy holy happy happy happy
Holidays

Everyone Else:Happy happy happy happy holy happy happy happy
Holidays
Manson:Happy Kwanzaa, too.
From me, to you.

Happy Holidays, you guys.

The Underpants Gnomes

Episode 217: Gnomes - Search For Underpanties

Time to go to work, work all night
search for underpants hey!
We wont stop until we have underpants
Yum tum yummy tum day!

The Getting Gay With Kids Choir

Episode 301: Rainforest Schmainforest - Getting Gay With Kids Is Here!

(before)

[Intro]
Men:Tootin' tootin' to, tada choo choo wow!
[Verse]
Men:There's a place that is magical, and full of rain.
Women:But now it needs help, because it is in pain.
Men:Cleaning the earth is a mighty big chore
All:We're spreading awareness like never before!
[Chorus]
All::Getting Gay With Kids is here!
To spread the word and bring you cheer
Let's save the rainforest! What do you say?!
Being an activist is totally gay!
[Bridge]
Man:Someday if we work hard, boys and girls,
Woman:There'll be nothing but rainforests covering the entire world!
Man:[joins her] World!
[Chorus]
All::Getting Gay With Kids is here!
To spread the word and bring you cheer. Yeah!
[Move to E flat] Getting Gay With Kids is here!
Let's save the rainforest! It's totally gay!
It's totally gay!

(after)

[Intro]
Men:Tootin' tootin' to, tada choo choo wow!
[Verse]
Men:There's a place called the rainforest; it truly sucks ass.
Women:Let's knock it all down and get rid of it fast.
Men:You say, "Save the rainforest," but what do you know?
All:You've never been to the rainforest before.
[Chorus]
All:Getting Gay With Kids is here!
To tell you things you might not like to hear.
You only fight these causes 'cause caring sells.
All you activists can go fuck yourselves!
[Bridge]
Man:Someday if we work hard, boys and girls,
Woman:There'll be no more rainforests left in the entire world!
Man:[joins her] World!
[Chorus]
All::Getting Gay With Kids is here!
To spread the word and bring you cheer. Yeah!
[Move to E flat]
Getting Gay With Kids is here!
Let's knock down the rainforest! What do you say?!
It's totally gay! It's totally gay!

The Splendifs (Randy, Sharon, Stan and Kyle)

You And Me, Girl - Episode 302: Spontaneous Combustion (Spoof of Scooby Do)
Episode 1113: Guitar Queer-o

I've been telling everybody that you're my girl,
Cause I'm not one to be shy.
You don't have to go with me if you don't want to, just
Tell everybody I'm your guy
You and me, girl, it's forever
Sha la la la la laaa
I've been telling everybody that you're my girl,
Cause I'm not one to be shy.

I've been telling everybody that you're my girl,
Cause I'm not one to be shy.
You don't have to go with me if you don't want to, just
Tell everybody I'm your guy
You and me, girl, it's forever
Sha la la la la laaa
You and me, girl, forever and ever
You and me, girl, forever and ever
You and me, girl, forever and ever [fade]

Petey, the Sexual Harassment Panda

Episode 306: Sexual Harassment Panda - Sexual Harassment Panda

Who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree?
Sexual Harassment Panda.
Who explains sexual harassment to you and me?
Sexual Harassment Panda.
"Don't say that! Don't touch there!
Don't be nasty!" says the silly bear.
He's come to tell you what's right and wrong.
Sexual Harassment Panda.

Singers in Commercial

Episode 306: Sexual Harassment Panda - Sue Their Asses

Kids picking on you? Well, don't be sad.
Just sue their asses with Kyle's dad!

Skyler

Episode 307: Cat Orgy - Shelley

When I saw her walking down the street, I thought she was Shelley, Shelley.
Now that we're together I'm absolutely sure that she's Shelley, Shelley.
Move into my mom's house with me, Shelley Shelley.
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of
Shelley Shelley!

Shelley

Episode 307: Cat Orgy - TURDS!

Shelley:So much pain in the world today.
Too many turds are headin' my way.
But we can press our turds together.
Passing by turds whenever.
Skyler:Don't you know? Isn't…
Shelley:Life so full of happiness?
Feel free to mark my words.
But me and you, will my love do
in a world that's full of turds? TURDS!
llama judgin finger-lovin' turds. TURDS!

Pip

Episode 308: Two Guys Naked In A Hot Tub - The Merry Tune of Stratford

Whippy-tippy tootoo, tralala-la.
Whippy-tippy tootoo, tralala-la.
Whippy-tippy tootoo, tralala-la.
Wickersham tally-ho, (paf).

Squirt leader

Episode 309: Jewbilee - We Are Squirts

We are Squirts, we are Squirts. We're so kosher that it hurts.
When we get older we'll be Scouts, but until then we are Squirts.

Episode 309: Jewbilee - We Are Jew Squirts

We are Jew Squirts, we know Jewish
Stick stick smiley smiley Stick stick smiley smiley
dur dur dur dur dur-

Commercial Singer

Episode 310: Chinpokomon - Chinpokomon

I've got to buy Chinpokomon
I've got to buy it, I've got to buy it…

Episode 310: Chinpokomon - Chinpokomon Camp

Chinpokomon Camp!
I've got to buy a ticket!
I've got to buy one! A ticket!
I've got to buy buy buy!
Chinpoko Mon!

Episode 310: Chinpokomon - Wild Wacky Action Bike

Wild Wacky Action Bike! The bike that's hard to ride!
Goin' to try to ride all day long, but I'm goin' to fail
'Cause it's Wild Wacky Action Bike!
You get about in, you get about in Wild Wacky Action Bike!

Episode 310: Chinpokomon - Alabama Man

Alabama Man! He's quick, he's strong, he's happ'nin'
He can bowl, he can drink, he can drink a bowl. Alaba-ma Man.
He beat the wife and picks chicks up. Alabama Man!

Fr. Maxi and the People of South Park

Episode 316: Are You There, God? It's Me, Jesus - For He Is Lord

For he is Savior
For he is Lord
He gives me hope when
I have only been bored
And he lifts me up with
His gentle arm…

Sisters of Mercy Hold No Pain Against the Dark Lord

Episode 404: Timmy 2000 - Spilled Blood on the Footsteps of My Mind (Revisited)

Look alive, lettin' it feel (so light). Lettin' it feel so light.

Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld

Episode 404: Timmy 2000 - Lords of the Underworld

[as Timmy says "Timmuh" to no end…]
Lords of the Underworld.
Darkness fills my heart with pain.

Phil Collins (ahem)

Episode 404: Timmy 2000 - Bubudio
(Sussudio)

Last night I went, "O!"
Bubudio.
Last night I went "Bubudio"
Last night I went "Bubudio"
Last night I went, "O!"
Bububudio

Episode 404: Timmy 2000 - You'll Be In… Me!
(You'll Be In My Heart)

You're inside of me.
Deep inside of me.
So deep inside, I can feel you pushing against my heart.

You'll be inside of me…

Ghetto Avenue Boys

Episode 409: Something You Can Do With Your Finger - You've… Got… It!

Ghetto Avenue Boys:You've… got… it!
You know you've got… it. [Randy: Girl]
What you've got is it!
Randy:It's obvious to me.
Ghetto Avenue Boys:Shirl! You've… got… it!
It… is what you've got, girl!
What you've got is it!
Randy:Now, give it to me, 'cause-

Wendy

Episode 409: Something You Can Do With Your Finger - Mrs. Landers Is A Health Nut

Miiis-suuus Landers was a health nut. She cooked food in a wok.
Mr. Harris was her boyfriend, and he had a great big-
Cock-a-doodle-doodle, the rooster just won't quit
And I don't want my breakfast, because it tastes like-
Shih tzus make good house pets. They're cuddly and sweet.
Monkeys aren't good to have, because they like to beat their-
Meeting in the office or meeting in the hall,
The boss, he wants to see you so you can suck his
Balzac was a writer, he lived with Allen Funt
Mrs. Roberts didn't like him, but that's 'cause she's a-
Contaminated water can really make you sick.
Your bladder gets infected, and blood comes out your-
Dictate what I'm saying, 'cause it will bring you luck
And if you all don't like it, I don't give a flying fuck!

Congregation

Episode 410: Do The Handicapped Go To Hell? - Walk Hand-In-Hand With Jesus

I walk hand-in-hand with Jesus
Over at the park by where he lives
I tell him all my problems
And sometimes he tells me his

What a friend I have in Jesus
I can say that honestly
He's not like all my other friends
Who really don't care about me.

Amen.

Satan

Episode 410: Do The Handicapped Go To Hell? - Hukilau

Singers:Are we going to the Hukilau?
The Huki Huki Huki Huki Hukilau? [Satan joins them]

Are we going to the Hukilau?
The Huki Huki Huki Huki Hukilau?
Everybody loves a hukilau
Where the laulau is the kaukau at the luau.
We throw our nets out into the sea
And all the ama-ama come swimmin' to me
Are we going to the Hukilau?
The Huki Huki Huki Huki Hukilau?

Hula Dancers:Are we going to the Hukilau?
Three Tortured Souls:The Huki Huki Huki Huki Hukilau?
Hula Dancers:Everybody loves a Hukilau,
Males:Where the laulau is the kaukau at the luau
All:We throw our nets out into the sea.
And all the ama-ama come a-swimming to me
Are we going to the hukilau?
The Huki Huki Huki Huki Hukilau?
Huki……… Luki……… Lau?………
Satan:Yeah!

Kids

Episode 414: Thanksgiving - 1800s Alabama

1800's, Alabama! What a great place and time!
We're so happy that we live in 1800's Alabama 'cause it's sunny and there is no crime!
And in this little town in 1800's Alabama there's a family by the name of Keller!
Their daughter's deaf and mute and blind as a bat, and her parents can't even tell her!!

Episode 414: Thanksgiving - Water, Helen, Water

Bebe:Water, Helen, Water.
Kids:She's never gonna do it. There's no way she'll ever do it.
Bebe:Helen, Helen. Water, Helen.
Kids:How can she talk if she can't hear? This is absolutely pointless

Episode 414: Thanksgiving - Water, Helen, Water (Reprise)

Kids:She did it! She did it! Water! Water water aaaaaaaa!
Water, Helen, Water.
We can't believe she did it.The dumb kid really did it.
Water, Helen, Water.
Jeffrey:Now that I can communicate the world is not so cold and dark.
Kids:
[slowing]
Water, Helen, Aaa-aaaaaa!

Episode 414: Thanksgiving - Blind As A Bat

Helen Keller, Helen Keller, blind as a bat.
She can't hear us speak. What's up with that?

Episode 414: Thanksgiving - Helen!

Wendy:John, come quick! Our little baby's very sick
[Stan rushes in]
When I pout she doesn't flinch, and when she doesn't move an inch.
Stan:No, that cannot be. Honey you are scaring me.
Wendy:She can't see hear, John. Watch. Helen!
Stan:Helen!
Wendy:…Helen! [the audience stares in disbelief]
I think our baby's deaf and blind. Oh no!
Stan:Oh no! [they lean on each other]
Wendy:Oh no! Oh no!!!

The Kindergartners

Episode 414: Thanksgiving - Thanksgiving Dinner

It's getting dinner. Let's all eat.
E I E I O.
And on that dinner we'll invite some Indians
E I E I O.
With an Indian here and an Indian there
Everywhere an Indian, Indian. Uh thank, thank-

Mr. Hankey and Cornwallis

Episode 417: A Very Crappy Christmas - The Circle of Poo
(Elton John - The Circle Of Life)

Mr. Hankey Everything that lives on earth poos in some way
And that's how the cycle happens, each and every day
Just look at the green green grass and the birds up in the sky
It's all here because of poo, and now I'll tell you why
'Cause it's eaten by cattle, which is eaten by women and men
It fuses with their bodies and becomes poo again
And that poo goes through the sewer, where it's dumped into the sea.
And it's eaten by the plankton, and becomes the fishes' meal.

And then that bigger fish with the poo still inside
Swims up near the shore and gets eaten alive
By the grizzly bear that poos on a dead piece of sand
So it can spring to life and become food for the land
It's the poo of the antelope, the poo of the giraffe
It falls onto the earth and becomes the blades of grass
The grass is eaten by the cattle, which comes out the other end
To make food for the humans and start all over again

You see, son? You're not an insignificant part of life. You are life.

Cornwallis:But how can I be that giraffe and blade of grass, and a human? I don't control what they do.
Mr. Hankey:Just like your heart beats without you thinking about it, so, too, your giraffes and your humans do what they do without you even thinkin' about it. But it is all one life form. It is all… you.
Cornwallis:I think I see now.

I'm the poo of the antelope, that flows down to the ground

Mr. Hankey:Becomes the grass of tomorrow
Cornwallis:Yeah
Mr. Hankey:Which the grazers turn around
Cornwallis:So I'm the leg of a leopard and the wings of a hen
Mr. Hankey, Cornwallis:Which becomes dinner for the human and turns back to poo again.

That's the Circle, the Circle of Poo!

Stan, Kyle, Kenny, the Hankey Family

Episode 417: A Very Crappy Christmas - Even A Miracle Needs A Hand
a faster version of the song in the animated TV film, 'Twas the Night Before Christmas

Kyle:Miracles happen most every day.
To people like you, and me.
But don't expect a miracle.
Unless you help make it to be.

You hope, and I'll hurry.
You pray, and I'll plan
We'll do what's necessary, 'cause
Even a miracle needs a hand!

Kyle:You love…… And I'll labor.
Stan:…… We love…… Tralala
Kyle:You sit…… And I'll stand.
Stan:…… We sit……Tralalalala
Stan, Kyle:[with Kenny humming] Get help from our next-door neighbor, 'cause
Boys, Hankeys:Even a miracle needs a hand!
[Interlude]
Kyle:You wish…… -And I'll whittle.
Stan:…… We wish…… Tralalalala
Kyle:You sit…… And I'll stand.
Stan:……We sit…… Tralalalala
Kyle:[with Kenny humming] Let's all try to help a little, 'cause
Boys:Even a miracle-
Stan:…It's okay. We'll just have his character die in the film.
Stan, Kyle:Even a miracle____ needs____ a____ hand!!

A Townsman

Episode 502: It Hits The Fan - Old McDonald

Old McDonald took a shit, E I E I O

Marc Shaiman

Episode 503: Cripple Fight - Too Fat Polka

I don't want her; you can have her. She's too fat for me.

Timmy

Episode 503: Cripple Fight - Old McDonald (Timmy Version)

Tim-mih Tim-mih Tim-mih Timmy, Tim-mih Tim-mih Timmy.

Terrance & Phillip (as kids)

Episode 503: Terrance & Phillip: Behind the Blow - Chicken And Ham
(Glenn Miller - Little Brown Jug)

Beef and lamb, chicken and ham
Step to the left and clap your hands!
Gosh we love our chicken and ham
Don't let it go to waste that chicken and ham!

Towelie

Episode 508: Towelie - Funky Town
(Lipps, Inc)

Won't ya take me down... to Funky Town.

Fleetwood Mac

Episode 509: Osama Bin Laden Has Farty Pants - Edge of Seventeen
(Fleetwood Mac)

Fleetwood Mac:Just like the wild winged bird sings a song-
Stand back, she's singin'.
Goat:Maaa
Fleetwood Mac:Baby
Goat:Maaa
Fleetwood Mac:Babe
Goat:Maa-ha

Snoop Dogg

Episode 512: Here Comes The Neighborhood - Snippets from his new album

I found a girl who had an innie and I felt her with my jimmy Player-haters try to do me 'cause my rhymes are just tooo-

I shout "Hell Yeah!" from my vehicle. Livin' is a miracle-

Millionaire Protesters

Episode 512: Here Comes The Neighborhood - We shall Perservere

We shall perservere. We shall perservere.

Token

Episode 512: Here Comes The Neighborhood - If I Can't Be Poor

Why can't I be like all the other kids?
They all have three-bedroom homes, broken trucks on their lawns.
And cut-up hot dogs for lunch
It's not my fault my parents succeed so much.

There's no one in town I can relate to
I play with autographed baseball bats
while everyone else just plays with sticks and pine cones
Has a boy ever felt so alone?

Well, who needs them anyway? I won't pretend to be something I'm not
If I can't be poor, I've got to deal with what I've got.
If I can't be like them, what I need is more rich kids around,
So I'm not the only one, and then I won't be so... down.
Please, God, send more rich kids...
To my...
Town

ARG Truck Driver

Episode 513: Kenny Dies - On The Road Again

...going places that I've never been
Seeing things that I may never see a-

The Butters Show Choir

Episode 514: Butters' Very Own Episode - Everyone know it's Butters!

(after "Everyone know it's Butters!", one can say "That's me" as Butters would.)

Who's the boy who can laugh at a storm cloud?
Turn a frown into a smile for free?
Who's the kid with the heart full of magic?
Everyone know it's Butters!

Who's the boy with the eyes full of wonder?
Thinks being yourself is the best thing to be?
Who's that rascal with the tweezers in his pocket?
Everyone know it's Butters!

Jumpin' in puddles, skippin' down the hallway
Pettin' at the petting zoo. He loves John Alway.

Who's that tyke with the cutest little dimples,
Battin' his eyes at every puppy he sees?
If you look inside yourself, you might be surprised when you find
A little boy named Butters!

Butters and the Freaks

Episode 601: Freak Strike - The True Freak Label

Look for the True Freak label when you are watching a TV talk show
Remember somewhere our union's growing, our wages going to feed the kids, and run the house.
We work hard, but who's complaining? With TFU we're making our way!
So always look for the True Freak label, because you need us right here in the U.S.A.!

Original - The Union Label
A song by Paula Green, music by Malcolm Dodds ©1975, UNITE
Union of Needltrades, Industrial and Textile Employees
(formerly International Ladies' Garment Workers'Union and other unions)

Look for the union label when you are buying that coat, dress or blouse.
Remember somewhere our union's sewing, our wages going to feed the kids, and run the house.
We work hard, but who's complaining? Thanks to the I.L.G. we're paying our way!
So always look for the union label, it says we're able to make it in the U.S.A.!

Various

Episode 602: Jared Has Aides - Variations on a commercial

(The Clay Henry commercial)

Mr. Garrison:His name is Garrison, Mr. Garrison.
He lost ten pounds takin' Jared's lead-
Stan:
Cartman:
Kyle:
Stan:
Cartman:
His name is Butters, it's Butters.
He used to be fat but not no more
City Wok brought him down to a size 4.
Now he's got lots of moneys and girls
[slowing] and a lifetime of free food at City Wok.
City Wok Owner:His name is Jared, he lose some weight.
Shitty Wok food sure sells great.

Offscreen Singer

Episode 602: Jared Has Aides - Subway dirge

(spoof of "Streets Of Philadelphia," by Bruce Springsteen)

His name is Jared. Jared lost weight eating Subway and ... sandwiches of

Singer for Subway

Episode 602: Jared Has Aides - Still Lookin' Good!

He's still lookin' good!
His name is Jared
His name is Jared and he likes to eat the sandwiches...

He's still lookin' good, with all those... sub sandwiches...

He's still lookin' good, eatin' them sandwiches all the time...

Tad

Episode 603: Asspen - Stan Darsh

Staaaaan... Daaaaarsh...
Stan. Darsh. Darshy Daaarsh
Stan Daaarsh
Stan Darsh, Standarsh
Stan Daaaaarsh Daaarsh
Stan Darsh...

The Russell Crowe Show

Episode 604: The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer - Foightin' 'Round The World

Intro

Born in New Zealand in sixty-four
A hot-headed actor named Russell Crowe
He loves to act but he loves one thing more:
Fight-in' Round The World

He fight his directors and he fights his fans
It's a problem no one understands
If there's two things he love it's fighting and,
Fight-in' Round The World

Makin' movies, makin' music and
Fight-in' Round The World!

Russell Crowe!

Exit

Tugger's whistle's blowin'
Means we must be goin'
No more Russell Crowein' for you.

But now don't you start to whine
I'll see ya again next time.
'Cause there's plenty a-more a-foightin' left to do.

Makin' movies, makin' songs, an' foightin' round the world.

Free Hat Club Members

Episode 609: Free Hat - Tropical song

Members:In the tropical isle with the coconut tree,
the air is fresh and the people are free.
Man 5:But here in the mountain there's no freedom like that.
Skeeter:There's a man in prison and his name is Hat.

Alan Jackson

Episode 612: A Ladder To Heaven - The Ladder To Heaven
(Alan Jackson - Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning)

Where were you when they built the ladder to heaven?
Did it make you feel like cryin', or did you think it was kind of gay?
Well I, for one, believe in the ladder to heaven.
Oh yeah yeah yeah. 9-11
I said 9-11, 9-11, 9-11, Ni-hi, hi-hine___
Eleven.

Where were you when they ran out of stuff to build the ladder to heaven?

Where were you when they saved that ladder to heaven?

Where were you when they decided heaven was a more intangible idea 'n you couldn't, you couldn't really get there?

Frankenstein Alien

Episode 615: The Biggest Douche In the Universe - The Biggest Douche In the Universe

Here he is, the Biggest Douche of the Universe! In all the galaxies, there's no bigger douche than you!
You've reached the top, the pinnacle of douchedom! Good going, douche. Your dreams have come true!

Future Stan

Episode 616: My Future Self N' Me - My Future Self N' Me
(Together - theme for Silver Spoons)

Here we are, face to face, My Future Self n' Me
So much alike, and yet so different
One of them's messy, the other one's clean!
Gettin' along isn't always easy, sometimes we disagree
But in the end we know we're good for each other
Two peas in a pod, Future Self n' Me
Future Self n' Me, Future Self n'
Me

Mr. Hankey and Cartman

Episode 617: Red Sleigh Down - Poo Choo Train

Mr. Hankey:Poo Choo Train's layin' down its tracks with a
Whistle:Poo Choo!
Mr. Hankey:All the way and back!
Cartman:Poo Poo Train is my favorite thing, spreading Christmas joy as we ride and sing!
Mr. Hankey:Christmastime wouldn't be the same without hugs and kisses and a Poo Choo Train.

Randy and Skeeter

Episode 701: I'm A Little Bit Country - A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Rock-n-Roll (Medley)
(partly spoofs Daryl Worley - Have you forgotten, and Sonny & Cher - A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Rock-n-Roll)

Skeeter:Well excuse me if...
I'm a little bit country.
Randy:Well I'm a little bit rock-n-roll!
Skeeter:I'm a little for supportin' our troops.
Randy:And I'm a little for bringin' them home.
Skeeter:I believe freedom isn't free.
Randy:No, but war shouldn't be our goal.
Skeeter:We must defend our country.
Randy:If it means war, then we say NO!
Skeeter:Did you forget them towers in New York?
Did you forget how it made you feel
To see them towers come down?
Were you like me? Did you think it weren't real?
Randy:I like to rock, but I don't wanna rock Iraq!
The only kind of rockin' America should do is the kind that we can all dance to, yeah!
Skeeter:We got GPS, ICBMs, and good old-fashioned lead.
We're gonna show Saddam what America means; that son of a bitch will be dead.
Randy:Why are we fightin' this war?
There's a man in the office we didn't vote for.
They didn't give me a choice.
War is not my voice! Yeaaaaahhhh!

Randy, Skeeter, The Town

Episode 701: I'm A Little Bit Country - A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Rock-n-Roll

Skeeter:Hey I'm a little bit country
Randy:And I'm a little bit rock-n-roll-eh
Skeeter:I'll be the muscle of America
Randy:And me, I'll be the caring soul.
Together:When you put us together you get a nation with one goal
To thrive and prosper, with a little country and rock and roll.
Randy:Come on up here, everybody!
Everybody:We're a little bit country, and we're a little bit rock-n-roll
Stuart:We can be a nation that believe in war,
Mr. Mackey:And still tells the world that we don't.
Everybody:Let the flag for hyprocisy fly high from every pole
We're a little bit country, and we're a little bit rock-n-roll
Randy:Well, goodnight everybody. It sure has been great bringing you a hundred episodes.
Skeeter:We want to thank our guests, the pro-war people. And the anti-war people.
Everybody:For the war, against, the war, WHO CARES?? One hundred episodes!

Crips and Bloods

Episode 702: Krazy Kripples - Naaa na naaa, Crips and Bloods

It used to be that Crips and Bloods didn't get along,
But now we're all a family, so we wrote this song.
Naaa na naaa, Crips and Bloods. Naaa na naaa, hope and love.
Naaa na naaa, friendly thugs.

Butt Out!

Episode 713: Butt Out! - Butt Out!

Butt Out!:Butt out! Yeah yeah! Kids, that cigarette butt is gross!
Butt out! Uh huh! Smokin's got to go!

[rap]
Butt out! Yeah yeah! It's cool to say no!
Butt out! Uh huh! Smokin's got to go!

Randy:[beat box] ... Smoking, no. No smoking.
Kyle:Freestyle!
Pam:Vernon!
Vernon:Don't smoke! Don't ever smoke!
Butt Out!:Kyle!
Kyle: B to the U to the T to the T to the
O to the U to the T to the C to the
I to the G to the A to the R to the
E to the T to the T to the E!
Butt out, cigarette!
Butt Out!:Randy!
Randy: Smoke you know has got to go.
You go, you got to know to say the "no"
To the smoke, you go go ...
You gotta get it!
Butt Out!:Pam!
Pam:[screech] Don's smoke.
Butt Out!:Woohoo!
Butt out! Yeah yeah! Give that cigarette butt a throw!
Butt out! Uh huh! Smokin's got to go!

Big Tobacco Factory Workers

Episode 713: Butt Out! - The Cigarette Song

Factory workers: With a hidey lidey lidey and a hidey lidey lay
We work and we make cigarettes all hidey lidey day
So folks can get a breaky from their stressful lidey lives
And relaxy with the cigarettes we make all day and night
Young Worker: I like to have a cigarehette every now and then
It makes me fee-l calmer when the day is at an end.
Older Worker: And if it gives me cancer when I'm eighty I don't care
Who the hell wants to be ninety anyway?
Factory workers: So with a hidey lidey lidey and a hidey lidey lay
We work and we make cigarettes all hidey lidey day
So folks can get a breaky from their stressful lidey lives
And relaxy with the cigarettes we make all day and night

The Broflovskis

Episode 715: It's Christmas in Canada - Chanukah, Chanukah

Chanukah, Chanukah, sivivon, sov, sov
Sov, sov, sov! Sov, sov, sov! Ma nayim vi-tov.

The Canadians

Episode 715: It's Christmas in Canada - Welcome to Canada!

Canadians: Welcome, friend, to Canada! Canada Friends loves you!
We're just like any other country without the big tattoo!
Sailor: We greet thee with pleasure, but one question, if we may?
Businessman: What brings you folks to Canada? Why are you here today?
Kyle: Uh. My adopted brother got taken back here to Canada? So, we want to talk to the new Canadian Prime Minister about getting him back?
Canadians: His brother is our quest. The question is, is what?
You must talk to the new Prime Minister if you think his brother's home's back there

Episode 715: It's Christmas in Canada - Follow the Only Road

Priest: Follow the only road.
Man: Follow the only road.
Canadians: To go anywhere in Canada, you just follow the only road.
There's only one road in Canada. We call it the Road, the only road.
Hip-hip, hooray, let's hear it for our Road.
Road Workers: And it's paved and wide and up to code.
Canadians: You're off to see the Prime Minister, the Prime Minister of Canada!

Episode 715: It's Christmas in Canada - Ding Dong, They Caught Saddam!
(Judy Garland - Ding Dong, They Killed The Witch!)

Ding dong, they caught Saddam! Merry Christmas to the world!
Ding dong, the Americans caught Saddam!
Now Canada is free for you and you and me
It's the best Christmas presents we ever got
Canadian Christmas, it's the best! We drink and dance and show our breasts!
Let's celebrate! Saddam Hussein's been caught!

The French Canadians

Episode 715: It's Christmas in Canada - There'z no Canada like French Canada

French Canadians: There'z no Canada like French Canada, it'z za bezt Canada in ze land.
Ze ozer Canada is hardly Canada. If you lived here for a day, you'd understand.

There'z no Canada like French Canada, it'z za bezt Canada in ze land.
And ze ozer Canada.

Mime: Is a bullshit Canada
French Canadians: If you lived here for a day, you'd understand.
Mime: I think you'd understand.
...You understand.

A Rancher

Episode 805: You Got F'd In The A - Honey, Babe, Be Mine
(Foggy Mountain Boys - The Crawdad Song)

(Cocaine Round)
You'll do a line and I'll do a line, honeeey.
You'll do a line and I'll do a line, babe.
You'll do a line and I'll do a line, we'll fight an' screw 'til the mornin' time.
Honey, babe, be mine.

You'll do a line and I'll do a line, honey-

(later)

You'll snort K and I'll snort K, honeeey.
You'll snort K and I'll snort K, babe.
You'll snort K and I'll snort K, we'll fight an' screw all night and day.
Honey, babe, be mine.

Episode 807: The Jeffersons - Songs by Michael Jefferson

My Wishing Tree

Have you been up my ...Wishing Tree?
It's where I come to think and dream.
And now I'd like to show you my ...Wishing Tree.
Where we can laugh and giggle and scream.
Imagination is the key. Won't you imagine along with me?
We can be spacemen, or pirates on the sea
Yes we can do everything, and I mean, everything!
Up in my Wishing Tree!

Let's Ride the Train

Mr. Jefferson:Would you like to ride the train with me,
and start a magical journey?
Cartman:Yes I would, Mr. Jefferson.
You're so awesome, Mr. Jefferson.
Mr. Jefferson:
(Cartman:)
Let's ride and ride on the train together
(... Train together)
On a journey through both of our minds.
(... I've got time. Do youuu??)

I'm Peter Pan

Look at me, I'm Peter Pan. I'm a little boy forever.

Goodnight

Now let's all sleep and dream of fun and adventurous things
It's time for us all to say goodnight

The Power to Change

We all have the power to change if we search inside our hearts
And we start to heal the wounds of all our yesterdays
And you know it might be hard, but all you've got to do is start,
And you can change all of your evil molesting ways.

Puff Daddy and his Posse

Episode 808: Douch and Turd - Vote or Die!

Posse: Vote or die, motherfucker, motherfucker, vote or die!
Puff Daddy: Rock the vote or else I'm gonna stick a knife through your eye.
Posse: Democracy is founded on one simple rule!
Puff Daddy: Get out there and vote or I will motherfuckin' kill you.
Yeh.
I like it when you vote, bitch! (bitch!)
Shake them titties when you vote, bitch! (bitch!)
I slam my jimmy through your mouth roof (mouth roof)
Now get your big ass in the pollin' booth.
I said vote, bitch, or I'll fuckin' kill you!
Posse: Vote or die, motherfucker, motherfucker, vote or die!
Puff Daddy: You can't run from a .38, go ahead and try!
Posse: Let your opinion be heard! You gotta make a choice!
Puff Daddy: 'Cause after I slit your throat you won't have a fuckin' voice
Vote or die! Vote or die!

Woodland Critters

Episode 814: Woodland Critter Christmas - Woodland Critter Christmas

It's almost time when the time is here,
The time that's only once a year.
We can hardly wait, 'cause it's so near.
A Woodland Critter Christmas!

What special time and special day,
It's Woodland Critter Christmas!

A Hippie Singer

Episode 902: Die Hippie, Die - This World O' Mine

What's goin' on in this world o'mine?
There's a whole lot of killin' in this world o'mine.
Somebody's gotta help this world o'mine...

Tall Goth

Episode 907: Erection Day - Talent Shows Are For Fags

No no nono no, I'm not gonna be in the talent show.
Oh no no nono no. I'll never be in your faggy talent show

Ike

Episode 907: Erection Day - The Yankee Doodle Boy

I have a Yankee Doodle sweetheart,
She's my Yankee Doodle girl.
'Ankee Doodle came to London,
Just to ride the ponies,
I am da Yankee Doodle
I am da Yankee Doodle
I am da Yankee Doodle boy.

Cartman and the Gingers

Episode 911: Ginger Kids - Hand In Hand (We Can Live Together)

Cartman:Hand in hand, we can live together. Ginger or not, we're all the same.
Black or white, brown or red, we shouldn't kill each other, 'cause it's lame. Come on, guys!
Hand in hand, we can live together.
Gingers
(Cartman):
[unsure] Ginger or not, it's all the same. (That's it! You've got it!)
Black or white, brown or red, we shouldn't kill each other, 'cause dying's lame.
Hand in hand, we can live together. (Live together!)
We shouldn't kill each other 'cause we're all the same. (The same, you and I!)
Gingers:Black or white, brown or red, we shouldn't kill each other, 'cause dying's lame.
Hand in hand, we can live together. We shouldn't kill each other 'cause we're all the same.
Black or white, brown or red, we shouldn't kill each other, 'cause dying's lame.
Hand in hand, we can live together. We shouldn't kill each other 'cause we're all the same.
Black or white, brown or red, we shouldn't kill each other, 'cause dying's lame.
Hand in hand, we can live together. We shouldn't kill each other 'cause we're all the same.

R. Kelly, Tom Cruise, and John Travolta

Episode 912: Trapped In The Closet - Come Out The Closet
(R. Kelly - Trapped In The Closet)

R. Kelly:Well I was just standing here, and Tom Cruise locked himself in the closet
I asked myself why won't Tom Cruise just come out the closet?
Nobody has no answers, and so I pull out my gun!
Tell my why Tom Cruise in the clsoet or else I'm gonna shoot someone!

I was just standing here. Tom Cruise locked himself in the closet
Then John Travolta come and now, John Travolta in the closet too.
Please Tom Cruise and John Travolta come out the closet!
But then I calm myself down, and I pull out my gun!
If Tom Cruise and John Travolta don't come out the closet, I'm gonna cap this biiitch!

I've been asked to come up here, get you both out of the closet
Man, this is some crazy shit. Why won't you both just come out the closet?
And they said...

Cruise, Travolta:We're not comin' out the closet, so you can just go away.
R. Kelly:But everyone wants you out the closet.
Cruise, Travolta:That doesn't matter 'cause we're gonna stay.
R. Kelly:Now I'm startin' to get angry, so I pull out my gun!
I'm gonna give you a count of three to open this closet door.
1. I'm gonna shoot you both.
2. I'm gonna cap some bitch.
3. ...

Now I'm in the closet. Now I'm in the closet too.

Cartman and his Mom

Episode 1007: Tsst - Who's Got the Greatest Mom In The World?

Cartman:Who's got the greatest mom in the world?
I dooo.
My mom is number one in my heart.
It's true!
Liane and Eric:My mom's the best mom, better than your mom.
It's singing together in harmony.

Hares, Crowd

Episode 1105: Fantastic Easter Special - Hippitus Hoppitus

Sanctum Piter oteum, Deus ore uneum.
Hippitus hoppitus reus homine.
In suspiratoreum, lepus in re sanctum.
Hippitus hoppitus Deus Domine.

Cartman And Friends, Backup Singers

Episode 1107: Night of the Living Homeless - California Love
(2Pac & Dr. Dre)

Backup Singers:California Love
The Boys:California
Cartman:Is nice to the homeless
Californiania
Supercool to the homeless
The Boys:In the city
Cartman:City of Santa Monica
Lots of rich people
giving change to the homeless
The Boys:In the city
Kyle:City of Brentwood
They take really good care
of all their homeless
The Boys:In the city
Cartman:Marina del Rey
They're so nice to the homeless
built a port about it
Cartman:California
Supercool to the homeless
Cartman:Californiania
Idn't on the tona
The Boys:In the city
Cartman:City of Venice
Right by Matt's house
You can chill if you're homeless.

The Mayor of Imaginationland, Stan and Kyle

Imaginationland: The Trilogy - The Imagination Song

Imagination (change the notes, sing it ad nauseam)

Jimmy Buffett

Episode 1201: Tonsil Trouble - Medley
(Cheeseburger In Paradise, (Wastin' away again in) Margaritaville)

AIDSburger in paradise!
AIDSburger and it ain't nice

A little boy in South Park
Dyin' of AIDS in the cold dark
How he got AIDS I haven't a clue.

Wastin' away again because of AIDS and stuff

Cureburger in paradise!
Cureburger. There I said it twice!

Britney Spears' Backup Singers

Episode 1202: Britney’s New Look - MTV Performance

The way she fee-els.
Love inside.
Temporary.
So hot!

Canadians

Episode 1204: Canada On Strike! - Canada On Strike!

Canadians:Canadaaa! Canadaaa! Canadaaa! Caaanaaadaaa!

Canada on strike! Canada says "No more!"
No more neglect! We want respect! That's what we're striking for!
All you bureacrats and corporate cats

Border Guard:Can all just take a hike!
Canadians:It's Canaada! On Strike!

Canada on strike! From Vancouver to St. John's
We raise our middle fingers for you all to sit upon!
And with our fingers up your ass, you won't be very psyched
It's Canada! On Strike!

And we will not bow a bunch! Our resolve is strong!
We even took three hours to rehearse this striking song!

Canada on strike! No matter where you are,
If you are Canadian then you've got to do your part!
March out of the halls!

Café 180 Patron:That's right, suck my Canadian balls!
It's Canada! On Strike!
Canadians:It's Canada! Canada! Canada! On Strike!

Mouse and Penis

Episode 1205: Eek, A Penis! - Someone Somewhere...
(Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram - Somewhere Out There)

Mouse:Someone somewhere is loving me tonight
Looking at the same moon and seeing it so bright.
Penis:Someone somewhere is feelin' my despair
Mouse:feelin' my despair
Penis:And this same moon is
Penis, Mouse:making them think of the-.

The Kids

Episode 1213: Elementary School Musical - Everyone Is Special

Wendy:Everyone is special in their own way.
Move to the beat and let your spirit out!
Bebe:As long as we've got each other, we'll never have any trouble.
Girls' Table:That's what bein' friends is about. [Cue full instrumentation] (Oh ye-ah)
Everyone is special in their own way, and we'll always be together as one.
Together as one
As long as we stick together, together we'll stay.
And every kid in school is special in their own way.
Kids:Oh yeah oh yeah!
Boys:Boys... are special in their own way.
Girls:Girls... are special like a birthday.
Kids:We'll always be dancin' and singin' aloud. Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh!
Heidi:Here he comes.
Bridon:I like havin' fun in the hot summer sun (wooo!)
An' groovin' to the beat when my homework is all done. (yeah!)
If you ask me what I know, then you know what I will say?
That every single body is special in their own way.
Kids:Everyone is special in their own way
Bridon:Special in their own way!
Kids:Move to the beat and let your spirit out!
Bridon:Let it out party people!
Kids:As long as we have each other, we'll never have any trouble.
That's what bein' friends is about.

The Class

Episode 1213: Elementary School Musical - East Side, West Side

Wendy:East side, west side, whatever side that you're on.
Bebe:As long as we care about each other we can still have some fun.
Class:Don't sweat what you might get by assuming the other side as a threat
Class:Each side is right or wrong, we've gotta learn to all get along.
Bridon:[enters the classroom] East side, west side, doesn't matter to me.
We've gotta learn to power through, set each other free.
Wendy:We don't care what other people wear or the way they like to syle their hair.
Bridon, Wendy:Each side is right or wrong, we've gotta learn to all get along.
Class:East siiide, west siiide, east siiide...

Mr. Güermo

Episode 1213: Elementary School Musical - If You Can Talk It, You Can Sing It

If you can talk it, you can sing it.
You can lay down the rhythm and bring it!
Just put a melody to the words that you're sayin' and sing the beat-

Episode 1213: Elementary School Musical - I Slap You

That's it! I'm gonna slap you!
I slap you!
I slap you!
I slap slap slap you!
Slapping you slapping you silly 'cause you disrespected meee.

The Kids (Jimmy)

Episode 1213: Elementary School Musical - Together At School Again

And you know, we're together at school again.
(School again)
With all of our friends, and you know, we'll be dong this forever.
Together at school again. What a special day.
We could say that neverrrrrrrrrrr
Goes away.

Bridon's Parents

Episode 1213: Elementary School Musical - Kids These Days

Mr. Güermo:Can you believe it? What'd he just say?
What's the matter with kids these days?
Mrs. Güermo:[slowly, carefully] Kids these days.
Mr. Güermo:Kids these days!

The Jonas Brothers

Episode 1301: The Ring - Purity Ring

Joe Jonas:I'm ready... to get it on...
But there's no gettin' on... until I'm ready...
Too soon... slow down...
Take it easy, oh my girl, I need your love! Bay-bay!
Jonas Brothers:I can't wait till the day I kiss you.
Until then I have to diss you.
'Cause my mom doesn't like it when I'm naughtih
She'll make me clean my room if I'm naughtih,
Joe:Bay-bay!

I'm hot

Nick Jonas:He's hot...
Joe:Tell me how was I to know?
Jonas Brothers:You'd take your love and go.
Joe:Was it 'cause I wanted to wait till we were married
Jonas Brothers:To put my arm around you?
Joe:The seasons change
Kevin Jonas:Bay-bay!
Joe:And the world goes round
Nick:The world goes round and round and round
Jonas Brothers:Yeah yeah I'm gonna take my time
Can't wait till you are mine, but it might be a while, 'cause
Yeah yeah, girl we can take it slow
So we have room to grow.
And then someday we can get it on.
Until then go back to Montreal
Joe:'Cause I still love you Bay-bay!
Nick:Love you Bay-bay!
Kevin:Bay-bay!

Episode 1301: The Ring - I've Got A Ring On My Finger

Jonas Brothers:I've got a ring on my finger to remind me what I cannot do.
Can't just do whatever I feel like, I've got to stay right, just and true.
I can't hang out with my buddies and get into trouble, 'cause now we're both wearing these rings for each other.
But who needs sex and drugs and partying when we can cook a meal, then sit around and watch Netflix...
Bay-bay!

I've got a ring on my finger to remind me that I must behave.
No need to chase after girls; it's a promise I can never break.
I made a commitment and it is forever, so we can spend every waking minute together.
And if we get bored it won't be a problem, 'cause we can just hang out with other couples who wear these rings...
Bay-bay!

I've got a ring on my finger to remind me what I cannot do.
What I cannot do.
Bay...bay...
Baaay...
Baybay.
Baybay.
Baaaybaaaaay.

The Men Of South Park

Episode 1304: Eat, Pray, Queef - Queef Free!

Randy:There's a time in our lives when we must listen to the oppressed.
Randy, Stan:And realize we've been keeping women down.
Mr. Mackey:They have power and they have courage
Steven, Butters:And we must all stand by the belief
Gerald, Kyle:That a woman is strong, and she has the right to queef.
The Males:Fly free. Free to queef aloud; fly free. Let every queef show that you’re proud.
Randy:You face so many challenges to put an end to your grief.
The Males:You are woman now, and you are free to queef.
Cartman:It's time for equality. We must give them the respect they deserve.
Mr. Garrison:They're just the same as you and me. Their rights must be preserrrr-r-r-rrrved.
The Males (Randy):Queef free (Queef free). Every woman has the right;
Queef free (Queef free). Let your queefing stars shine bright.
You are woman, hear you roar (queef free), queefing too loud to ignore.
Queef a little each day and let your soul take flight!
Ah-aaaaaaah-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, queef free.

Kanye West

Episode 1305: Fishsticks - Gay Fish
(Heartless)

Uh. Come on.

I’ve been so lonely, girl, I’ve been so sad and down.
Couldn’t understand why haters joked around
I wanted to be free with other creatures like me
And now I got my wish...

‘Cuz I know that I’m a gay fish gay fish (Gay fish, yo)
Motherfuckin’ gay fish gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish gay fish (it’s alright, girl)
Makin’ love to other gay fish gay fish (Unh)

All those lonely nights at the grocery store
In the frozen fish aisle feeling like a whore
‘Cuz I wasn’t being true even though everyone said
That I had to make a switch (dead fish)...

Now I know that I’m a gay fish gay fish (Gay fish, yo)
Motherfuckin’ gay fish gay fish (I'm a, I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish gay fish (Yes, now where I belong, girl)
Making love to other gay fish.

Cartman and his Pirate Crew

Episode 1307: Fatbeard - Somalian Pirates We

Cartman:Weee drink and we pillage and we do what we please!
We get all that we want for free!
Cartman, Butters:We'll kick your ass and rape your lass.
Somalian pirates we!
So with a yo ho ho!
Pirates:Yo ho ho.
Cartman:And with a yee hee hee!
Pirates:Yee hee hee
Cartman:We take to the African sea!
We'll brave the squalls and bust your balls
Somalian pirates we!
Pirates:Somalian pirates we.
All:We left our homes and we left our mudders
to go on a pillagin' spree!
We'll cut off your ears and break your toes
and make you drink our pee!
And if you sail into our waters,
you best hear this decree:
We'll take your boat, set your ass afloat!
Pirate:Somalian pirate we.
Cartman:And with a yo ho ho!
Pirates:Yo ho ho!
Cartman:And a tricky lahty do!
Pirates:Tricky lahdy do!
Cartman, Choir:We'll shoot you in the face with glee!
Then we'll cut off your cock and feed it to a croc
Ike:Somalian pirate we.
Pirate Choir:Somaliaaan piiiraaates weeeeee.
Cartman:Somaliaaan piiiraaates weeeeee.

Michael Jackson (through Ike)

Episode 1308. Dead Celebrities - I'm Just A Little Girl

I'm just a little girl. Hee hee. A dainty little thing.
And I know you all want to be a llittle white girl like me. Shamohn!
Hee hee hee. Hohhh

Tryout #37

Episode 1310. W.T.F. - Do I Have What It Takes?

All my life, all I ever wanted was to
Beeeee a wrestler
Fiiiiighting in the ring
Winning that belt.
And so I dreamed every night that I was the
Uuuuundertaaker
Smaaaaashing skulls in
Breaking arms.
But I'm so worked up. This is something I can do.
Do I have what it takes inside?

Jimmy and the Campers

Episode 1407. Crippled Summer - Tardicaca Hula Girl

Jimmy:So I made up my mind that I've just got to find the Tardicaca girl I did adore.
Campers:Wawawawander...
Jimmy:Hurr a little Tardicaca...
Campers:Hula...
Jimmy:She's a candy cane to wiggle
Campers:Hula...
Jimmy:She's sure to make you g-giggle.
Campers:Hula...
Jimmy:With her naughty little wiggle. I know someday
Campers:Hula...
Jimmy:I'm gonna try to make that Tardicaca gally mine, gally mine.
'Cause all the while I'm dreaming of her. My Tardicaca Hula Gal!

Out ont he beach with my cute little peach where the waves are rolling in so high
Holding her hand, our feet on the sand-

The Coon (Cartman) and Singers

Episode 1412: Mysterion Rises - You and Cthulhu
(Theme for My Neighbor Totoro)

Singers:Cthulhu Cthulhu, Cthulhu Cthulhu.
Coon:Yeeheah!
Singers:The evil hate-filled Cthulhu, from a dimension far away.
Flying through gates of madness and into your heart
Coon:Yeah, fuck all o'you!
Singers:Turning dreams into nightmares
Coon:Lick my balls!
Singers:Destroying all he sees
Coon:Now begins a new adventure for... MEEEE!
Singers:You and the dark one, Cthulhu
Sharing adventures and smiles,
It's a magical band two pals can share.
Soon the whole world will be made aware of
You and the death lord, Cthulhu
Makin' the world a better place.
Together you will have so much fun
Coon:Sending all my stupid friends to oblivion
Singers:You and the dark one, Cthulhu
Coon:Suck it, bitches!

Butters and Backup Singers

Episode 1509: The Last of the Meheecans - Work Mexican Work

Singers:Work, Mexican, work.
Butters:All week long, bossman say
Both:Work, Mexican, work.
Butters:Señor Sol, earn your pay
Both:Work, Mexican, work.
Work, Mexican
Singers:Sweat
Butters:Mexican
Singers:Hard
Butters:Mexican, it's your
Both:lot in life.
Butters:While people play in the sun all day
Both:Work, Mexican, work.

Singers

Episode 1511: Broadway Bro Down - Wicked People

...Heaven knows we know what goodness is
O heaven knows wicked people aren't good.
From head to toe, she was just wicked people
Head to toe...
She wasn't good, to konw what goodness is...

Episode 1511: Broadway Bro Down - Wicked People (Reprise)

No one cares about wicked people.
Now she's gone but we don't care.
And are we gonna live in peace, and all live free, you'll see.

O Heaven knows we know what goodness is
O heaven knows wicked people aren't good.
From head to toe-

Episode 1511: Broadway Bro Down - That Special (Blowjob) Place

Take me away to that special place (that blowjob place)
Where people like us can all live free (Free to give blowjobs)
Take me away and let's live together
That's the place/blowjobs for you (blowjobs) and me

Witches and Male

Episode 1511: Broadway Bro Down - Defying Gravity

Witches:Now let's try ... defying ................... gravity ...
Male:....... Look at them ... becoming friends ... here in Oz, you love blowjobs.
Witches:And new loves cry ... defying ................... gravity ...
Male:....... Suddenly ... Don't you love free love blowjobs?

Medley

Episode 1511: Broadway Bro Down - Man Time

Country Singer:Man time! I need some Man Time!
I got the horses fed and the truck locked up, been workin' my fingers to the bone.
Now I need a little bit of man time, gonna see me a Broadway show!
Anything Goes
Female Sailor:Anything gues
Male Sailor 1:Blowjob!
Female Sailor:Anything gues
Male Sailor 2:Blowjob!
Godspell
Singers:Man time!
Females:Hear things more clearly
Males:Day blowjob day!
The Jersey Boys
Country Singer:I'm about to get drunk and loud, gonna have me a rowdy good time.
All I need is my girl and my truck and some Rodgers and Hammerstein!
The Phantom of the Opera
Christine:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
The Phantom:Sing, my angel of blowjob music!
Les Misérables
Female:But the tigers come at night!
Male:On your face.
Sunday in the Park with George
Singers:Man time!
Males:...........job, blowjob.
Females:It's cold up here, I'm locked up here
Singers:Man time!
Man time!

Cast

Episode 1511: Broadway Bro Down - Football Sunday

Lady 1:O what a glorious Sunday. I know what I'd like to do with my time.
Would you like a blowjob?
Man 3:Yes I would like a blowjob
Both:Nothing beats a blowjob on football Sunday.
Lady 1:Excuse me, I'm the queen of blowjobs.
Man 4:Really? I would love a blowjob.
All:A woman should give blowjobs on football Sunday
Lady 1:I want to be covered in semen on a bed in the Hotel Jerome
A woman is prettiest covered in semen.
All:Give you husband a blowjob when you get home.
Man 4:And what about you, my fair lady? Could I trouble you for a quick Lewinsky?
Lady 2:Oh I don't know, kind sir. Blowjobs seem a little degrading to me.
Man 4:Come now, a blowjob isn't with your mouth, it's with your heart.
Men:Now get on your knees and put that heart to work!
All:Blowjobs, give up your blowjobs.
[concurrent]
Men:You're guilty at blowjobs, you love giving blowjobs
Women:... Blowjobs, ...blowjobs, ...blowjobs, ...blowjobs
[together]
Singers:So what could be better on a football Sunday? What could be better on a football Sunday

Episode 1511: Broadway Bro Down - A Hummer At Halftime

Lady 1:Oh Reginald! How about a hummer at halftime? A Superbowl suckle from me?
Man 4:A Supwerbowl hummer at halftime from my lovely blowjob queen!
Both:Two people in love it's amazing. Tim Tebow please don't let us down. How about a hummer at halftime-?

Episode 1511: Broadway Bro Down - Blowjob Queen

Blow--- job--- Queen!
Don't stop giving that blowjob. Even when you're tired, don't stop! Don't stop!
Shaaaaroooon!

Larry Feegan

Episode 1511: Broadway Bro Down - Shelley

You make me come out of my shell, Shelley.
You give me strength where there was only fear
I ate at a Burger King today, Shelley
And stood up to a boy who called me "queer"

When you pushed me off the diving board I
...fell.
And you make the world a nicer place, Shelley
So I can come out of my... shell.

Cartman and Pharaoh

Episode 1603: Jewpacabra - Our Love Grows

Cartman:Daaaad? When is it gonna stop raining frogs?
Pharaoh:It'll be okay, my son. The weather will clear.
Cartman:But my friend Kyle, he says that the reason we've had all these plagues and stuff is 'cause you won't let all the Jews leave.
Pharaoh:[sighs deeply] It's a complicated political issue, my son. An economic social issue that needs time. We can't let them leave, but is it really all that different from when the North didn't let the Confederate States leave the USA?
Cartman:Wow, that makes sense. I don't think anyone can deny that. [another frog lands on the balcony bannister, dead.].
Pharaoh:Poor frogs. I feel so badly for them.
Cartman:But Daaad, my friend Kyle says that if we don't do whatever the Hebrews want us to do, God is gonna kill little Egyptian boys.
Pharaoh:Hoh, I don't think God would do such a thing, little one. No matter what happens, we can't let ourselves believe in the Hebrew version of God. We believe in a just lord who would never murder innocent children.
Cartman:I love you Dad. [leans towards him]
Pharaoh:And I love you, son. And our love grows.
Cartman:And our love grooows.
Together:And our love grooows, like the might River of the Nile
Cartman:River of the Nile
Pharaoh:He is close.
Cartman:He's close.
Together:We'll never be apart.
Cartman:[walks up to a lamb back on the street] Have no fear, for God is near, and God loves all his children-

South Park Elementary Kids

Episode 1605: Butterballs - Stop Bullying
(Kaitlyn K - Who Do U Think U R?)

Clyde:You wanna know who I hate?! I hate that kid Butters! He's a dork!
Jimmy:Yeh. Let's go bi- pick on him! Yeh!
Stan:Hey guys, gusy! Don't pick on Butters! That's not cool. You can't do that. Bullying? Did you know that in America, hohoh, over 200,000 students every day are afraid to come to school because of bullying? At South Park Elementary we're better than that. Come on. Let's all put an end to bullying. Right now! Five Six Seven Eight!
The Kids of South Park Elementary: • [Stan leads]
Bullying isn't cool. Bullying is lame.
Bullying is ugly and has a stupid name.
For a healthy world, bullying's unfit.
And I think I know what we should do to i-it.
Do do do do do to i-it.
• [Clyde takes over]
Let's all get together and make bullying kill itself.
Bullying's an ugly thing
• [Wendy takes over]
Let's shove its face in the dirt and make bullying kill itself.
• [Token takes over]
Woah-oh. Woah-oh. Woah-oh.
Cartman:[tarted up, takes over and backs up the stairs]
Boy you like my body. Set the mood, let's play!
You can touch me anywhere except for my vujayjay.
The Kids of South Park Elementary:• [Stan takes over]
We can make it stop. We can stomp it out.
We can beat it back until it starts to cry.
Let's gang up on it and tell it it smells
And beat it back worse if it ever te-lls.
If if if it ever te-lls.
• [Craig takes over]
Let's all join together to try to make bullying kill itself.
It'll be fun to see just how bad we can make it feel
and make bullying kill itself.
• [Timmy takes over]
Woah-oh. Woah-oh. Woah-oh.
Cartman:[takes over at the corner and backs up, pointing at his own crotch]
My heart says ye-es (ye-es ye-es) but my vujayjay says no-o
Butters:Trapped inside the darkness of my mind.
I try to break free. The words are so unkind.
Jason:Stupid! (stupid stupid...)
Pete:Ugly! (ugly ugly ugly ugly...)
Kyle:Pansy. (pansy pansy...)
Older Girl:Dork! (dork dork dork dork...)
Butters:Can I, can I not do this, please?

Various

Episode 1605: Butterballs - Jackin' It In San Diego

Singer (background singers):Baaam badam baaam baaadam. Baaam badam bam
Baaam badam baaam baaadam. Baaam badam bam

I'm gonna jack it where the sun always shines. (He's gonna jack it)
Been spreadin' the word and now I need to ease my mind. (Jackin' it)
(Ohhhh...) Been plantin' them apple seeds and while the apples grow,
I'm gonna go out jackin' it in San Diego!

(Jackin' it, jackin' it, jackity jack
Smackin' it, jackin' it, smackity smack)

I don't need no shirt, no, I'm gonna take them pants right off (he's about to jack it)
On such a bright day who needs underwear or socks? (Jackin' jack it)
(Ohhhh...) Been around God's country, and there's one thing I know.
There's no better place for jackin' it than San Diego!

(Jack it, jack it, jackity jack
Smackin' it, smackin' it, smackity smack
Jackin' it, jackin' it, jackity jack [the lead singer comes in]
Jackin' it, smackin' it, smackity smack) Jack it for the Loooord!

Mayor Jerry Sanders:Come to San Diego. There's so much to see. From the sparkling waters of Mission Bay to the warm tortillas of Old Town. And after a day of sight-seeing, why not try spankin' it in one of our charming city streets? San Diego. Come, take a load off.
Singer (background singers):(Jackin' it, jackin' it, jackity jack
Spankin' it, spankin' it, smackity smack
A whackin' it, whackin' it, whackity whack
Smackin' it, jerkin' it, smackity smack)

The cars are all passin' me by, they're honkin', sayin' hello.

Passenger:[from a passing car] Hey that guy's jackin' it!
Singer (background singers):From his window there's a guy shootin' video. (Video of him)
(jackin' it) And if the good Lord Jesus comes knockin' on my door,
Just tell him that I'm jackin' it in San Diego. [a tourist map shows up with Stan dancing on it]

(Jackin' it, jackin' it, jackity jack
Spankin' it, spankin' it, smackity smack (he's about to jack it)
Whack it jack it whack it jack it whackity jack
Whack it whack it smack whack whackity whack)

Brad Paisley

Episode 1607: Cartman Finds Love - The Star-Spangled Banner

O! say can you see by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars-

Cee Lo Green

Episode 1608: Sarcastaball - Sarcastaball Anthem

I love sarcastaball
It's so much better than football
I'm so glad they got rid of violence in sports
'Cause sarcastaball is so superfun to watch

Randy Newman

Episode 1609: Raising The Bar - Fatty Doo Doo

Who's that scootin' on a scooter? Fatty Doo Doo
Who's got doodoo like a fatty scoop de do?
Nobody scoots a fatty doo like you do.
Scatty foo foo
Patty poo poo
White president, black president, I don't care.
Just scoop me up some doodoo and I'll be right there.

I. Only. Know. Five. Chords.

Episode 1609: Raising The Bar - Divin' In The Deep

I've been divin' in the deep and I'm feelin' so cheap.

Yo Gabba Gabba

Episode 1705: Taming Strange - Come On And Dance
(I Like To Dance)

Yo Gabba Gabba:Come on, let's dance!
Go Go Go Toodee! Go Go Go Toodee!
Toodee:Come on, let's dance!
Yo Gabba Gabba:...Brobee! Go Go Brobee!
Come on, dance, Brobee! Come on Brobee Brobee!
Go Go Go Foofa! Come on Foofa!
Foofa:Come on, let's dance!
Yo Gabba Gabba:Go Go Go Foofa! Go Go Go Foofa!
Flex:Come on!
Foofa:Come on, let's dance!

Episode 1705: Taming Strange - Don't Bite People
(Don't Bite Your Friends)

Don't bite beople!
Don't ever bite people!

George R.R. Martin's Choir

Episode 1708: A Song of Ass and Fire - Wiener Wiener
(Theme for Game Of Thrones)

Harmony:(Wie-ner wiener, wie-ner wiener, wie-ner wiener, wie-ner wiener)

Harmony(Wie-ner wiener, wie-ner wiener, wie-ner wiener, wie-ner wiener)
Melody:One_________ wie______ner_ next____to a___ no______ther

Harmony:(Wie-ner wiener, wie-ner wiener, wie-ner wiener, wie-ner wiener)
Melody:wiener____________________________________________

Harmony(Wie-ner wiener, wie-ner wiener, wie-ner wiener, wie-ner wiener)
Melody:Two_________ wie______ners alongside yet ano_______ther

Harmony:(Par-ty wiener, par-ty wiener, par-ty wiener, par-ty party)
Melody:wiener____________________________________________

Harmony(Par-ty wiener, par-ty wiener, par-ty wieners flop-ping, wieners)
Melody:Soft_______ wien___ers___, nice and soft_ non-erect__________

Harmony:(Flop-ping, keep them flop-ping, flopping wie-ners, flopping)
Melody:wieners___________________________________________

Harmony:(Wie-ners, dangle dan-gle, dangle dan-gle, dingle dan-gle)
Melody:Five__________ wieners______ in my face_____________

Rick, shopper

Episode 1709: Titties and Dragons - Jingle jingle jang-le

Iiii... ate my son for a Blu-ray play-er
With a ho ho ho and a jingle jingle jang-le
My son got ate and it tasted good ho ho jingle jingle ho ho!
Ho ho jingle jing-le
Jingle jingle jang-le
Jingle jingle jingle ho ho!

Lisa Berger

Episode 1710: The Hobbit - Work Out, Slut
(Britney Spears - Work, Bitch)

You wamna?
You, you, you wanna?
You wamna?
You wanna look pretty?
You want a boyfriend?
You want a nice ass?
You better work out, slut!
You want nice things?
You want boys to give you nice things?
You better work out, slut!
Now get to work, slut!
Party in the cookie trough!
Party in the cookie trough!
Party in the cookie trough!
You better work out, whore!

Kanye West with Backup Singers

Episode 1710: The Hobbit - My Girl Ain't No Hobbit (Bound 2)

(Oh yeah, babe. Oh yeah, baby.)
One thing I know, my girl ain't no hobbit.
She might be stumpy; that don't mean she a hobbit.
She's not a hobbit 'cause she couldn't be.
She got no Bagginses in her family tree.
Yes on occasion she hangs out with her dwarf friends.
But she never went on no quest with her dwarf friends.
Except for one time she went to kill that dragon.
She took his gold and she-

It wasn't no dragon, so my girl ain't no hobbit.
That was a Quizno's and my bitch went to rob it.
'Cause they got that ham that she robs on her cellulite.
While she drinking her grog and singin' those merry songs... at night...
My girl ain't no hobbit.
Please God, tell me I'm not engaged to no hobbit. (Kim is not a hobbit.)

The Minstrel

Episode 1805: The Magic Bush - A Magical Bush To Behold

Have you heard the tale of Craig's mon's bush
And the night that it saved us from drones?
Nobody knew the power it had.
They just thought it was shaggy and gross.
Craig's mom live a life of shame and despair
Everyone feared her great giant bush!

But then when drones were filling the sky,
She unfurled her bush and she used it to fly.
Craig's mom's bush, Craig's mom's bush.
Gargantuan thicket of madness.
Bigger than earth and denser than gold.
Truly a magical bush to behold.

And she flew and she flew away into the sun
And then she diieedd.
Craig's mom's bush, Craig's mom's bush.
Truly a magical bush to behold.

Miley Cyrus

Episode 1809: #REHASH - There's A Party Going On

There's a party going on and it's all right here, yehhhehehah!
Throw my hands in the air while I'm twerkin' this chair
There's a party going on and it's all right here, yehhhehehah!
And I'm movin' my hands while I'm shakin' my tits.

Iggy Azalea

Episode 1809: #REHASH - Missy Who Who?

Missy who who?
That's all I do is rip off Missy.
Missy who?
Missy who? Missy who? Missy who who? Missy who who?

Kurt Cobain's Hologram

Episode 1810: #HappyHolograms - Up On The House Top

Up on the house top, reindeer paws
Out jumps good ole Santa Claus
Down through the chimney with lots of toys
All for the little ones, girls and boys
Ho ho ho, who wouldn't go
Yeh-he-he-eah who wouldn't go
Up on the housetop clickity click click
Down through the chimney with good St. Nick?

Elvis Presley's Hologram and Iggy Azaleea's Ass

Episode 1810: #HappyHolograms - Have A Holly Jolly Christmas

Elvis' Hologram:Have a jolly holly Christmas
Iggy's Ass:It's the best time of the pfffffffft.
Elvis' Hologram:I don't know if there'll be snow
but have a cup of
Iggy's Ass:Pfffffffft

Taylor Swift and Bill Cosby's Hologram

Episode 1810: #HappyHolograms - Baby, It's Snowin' Out There
(Margaret Whiting and Johnny Mercer - Baby, It's Cold Outside)

Taylor:Well I guess it's time to leave.
Bill's hologram:Oh but it's snowin' out dere.
Taylor:Yeah but I need to get home.
Bill's hologram:But it's snowin' out dere.
Taylor:I really should go
Bill's hologram:Oh what's the hurry?
Taylor:Say, what's in this drink?
Bill's hologram:That's just some J-E-L-L-O.
Taylor:The holidays are comin'-

Mr. Stkrdknmibalz and Class

Episode 1902: Where My Country Gone? - The Alphabet Song (Canadian Version)

Mr. Stkrdknmibalz:A B C D E F Guy
H I J K L M N O Buddih
Q R S T U Fwiend
W X Eh And [farts]
These are Canadian ABCs
Susie likes hairy balls. Whattaya think of these?

Alright, now everyone!
Class:A B C D E F Guy
H I J K L M N O Buddih
Q R S T U Fwiend
W X Eh And [farts]

Various

Episode 1904 - You’re Not Yelping - The Yelper's Special (Boogers And Cum)

Lead Singer:So you're one of Yelpers' special blessed.
You demand a restaurant's very best.
Well they're gonna treat you special, I'm tellin' you, chum.
Now get yourself ready for some boogers and cum!
Backup Singers:Boogers and cum.
Lead Singer:That's called the Yelper's Special!
Backup Singers:Boogers and cum.
Lead Singer:Say, what's that on your pretzel?
[together]
Lead Singer:Your online critiques are real useful to some.
Backup Singers:Oooo-oooo-oooo-oooo
Lead Singer:Now have a good time eatin' boogers and cum.
Backup Singers:Boogers and cum.
Lead Singer:Someone farted on your salad.
Backup Singers:Boogers and cum.
Lead Singer:But your décor critiques are valid.
[together]
Lead Singer:You think you're special, like you're A #1!
Backup Singers:Oooo-oooo-oooo-oooo
Lead Singer:Well there's a whole lot of special in
All Singers:Boogers and cum.
Backup Singers:Boogers and cum.
Lead Singer:How 'bout some feces with your flounder?
Backup Singers:Boogers and cum.
Lead Singer:You like that queefy quarter pounder?
[together]
Diner 4:What's that spice that feels tangy on my tongue?
Backup Singers:Oooo-oooo-oooo-oooo
Waiter 2:Oh that's a yuzu pepper [to himself] along with some boogers and cum
[At the school cafeteria]
Davíd:Here you are, sir.
Cartman:Why thank you, David. That's good service.
Davíd:I will bring you food every day, my friend.
Cartman:Mmmm, is that a jalapeño cream sauce?
Davíd:Yes. My father made it just for youuu.
Cartman:Hmmm. It's tart, but savory.
Backup Singers:Boogers and cum.
[Back to random shots]
Lead Singer:Bein' a food critic's easy!
Backup Singers:Boogers and cum.
Lead Singer:Oh, you feel a little queasy?
[together]
Lead Singer:Do you need a diagnosis? The doctor's got one.
Backup Singers:Oooo-oooo-oooo-oooo
Dr. Doctor:Your stomach seems to be filled with boogers and cum.
Backup Singers:Boogers and cum.
Lead Singer:Piss in your tomatoes.
Backup Singers:Boogers and cum.
Lead Singer:Some guy shit on your tomatoes.
Alright, fancy food critic, looks like you've won.
Now please enjoy all the boohoohoogers.
Boohoohoohoohoohoogers.
Aaannnddd.
Cuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmm!
Backup Singers:Boogers and cum!

Cartman. PC Principal And Others

Episode 1905: Safe Space - My Safe Space

Cartman:Everyone likes me and thinks I'm great in my safe space.
Seagal:My safe space.
Cartman:People don't judge me and haters don't hate in my safe space?
PC Principal:Your safe space.
Cartman and Seagal:Bully-proof windows, troll-safe doors, nothing but kindness and healing.
Randy:You might call me a pussy, but I won't hear you in my safe space.
Seagal:My safe space.
Cartman:Bully-proof windows.
Demi Lovato:If you do not like me, you are not allowed in my safe space.
Plus-sized models:My safe space
PC Principal:[to Vin Diesel] Look and you will see there's a very select crowd in your safe space.
All:My safe space.
Cartman:People that support me.
All:Mixed in with
Cartman:More people that support me.
All:And say nice things. Rainbows all around me, there is no shame in my safe space.
Randy:My safe space.
Cartman:Bully-proof windows. [a change in tempo and a masked villain enters the video.]
Reality:I am going to tear down your safe space! Brick by brick, I shall smash it with glee!
Cartman:What? Who is that?
Reality:You cannot stop me from getting inside! I am cold and I am hard, and my name... is Reality.
Demi Lovato:Oh no, not reality! Somebody stop him!
Cartman:I'll take care of him, Demi!
All:You can't ruin our lives, Reality!
Cartman:Our safe spaces will keep you out!
Reality:Drat!
All:We can face almost anything!
Cartman:But Reality we can do without!
Reality:Nooooo... [vanishes]
Cartman:Bully-proof windows.
All:Troll-safe doors. [slowing down] My Safe Space! [all stop]
Cartman:That was nice.

Heidi and Cartman

Episode 2005 - Douche And A Turd - Let's Come Together (As A School)

Heidi and Cartman:Let's come together as a skewl.
Cartman:We can work together hand in hand to make the whole world understand that
Heidi and Cartman:We came together as a skewl.
Cartman:Put our difference aside, feeling hope now feeling pride.
No more fighting, it's time for something new.
Heidi and Cartman:Let's come together as a skewl.
Heidi:I really feel like this is the start of something new! We're gonna help Denmark, and Denmark is gonna put an end to trolls.
Cartman:And then maybe everyone can finally be as happy as we are.
Heidi and Cartman:Let's come together as a skewl.
Cartman:Terraform Mars.

Bill Clinton and Bill Cosby

Episode 2007 - Oh, Jeez - Bill and Bill

Bill Clinton:I'm Bill
Bill Cosby:And I'm Bill
Bill and Bill:And together we're Bill and Bill
Two birds of a feather comin' to your school
Gonna show you all about what gentlemen do.
When you're not quite sure how you feel
Ask Bill and Bill.