South Park Biographies

School Personnel

Jerome "Chef" McElroy
Catch Phrase: Hello there, children!

The School Chef is a large inspiration to the children. He's very protective of the kids and tries to help them out when there's a problem, but his libido gets in the way and he sings a raunchy tune. He has helped the boys mate an elephant and a pig, has headed the town's rescue missions on four occasions (when the kids were in danger of getting killed by a volcano, when zombies threatened to zombify everyone, when mad turkeys threatened to overrun the town, and when Mecha Streisand was destroyng South Park), and took Mephesto to the hospital to treat a gunshot wound. He has since told the kids to stay away from drugs and has had to explain what a bris is, and has coached the South Park Cows all the way to the World Dodgeball Championship in the People's Republic of China (they won). Went to Aruba for the summer. The boys called him there, but he was in no mood to help them this time, so he told them to fudge themselves, and he hung up. When he returned to South Park he wanted to spank everyone, because he saw them all covered in ash. He came out with a line of fudge cookies for the First Annual South Park Film Festival, and accidentally directed the children to go to a prostitute to learn more about herpes. He was one of the adults hypnotized by Dr Adams and his star machine into working for Dr. Adams. He tells Stan how to play Truth or Dare, but not to do it too eagerly. Due to a new hit song, the kids find out that Chef was its original writer, and so, that he was in the music industry twenty years ago. Capitalist Records sued him for plagiarism and won with Johnny Cochran's help, but had trouble getting the money from him. Chef slept with all the women of South Park and came up with $410,300. Meaanwhile, the children first visited several rock stars and raised $95, then thought up Chef Aid to help him out, but Johnny Cochran was so moved by the music and testimonials that he took Chef's case for free, and won. While Cartman hangs from a cross, Chef appears to him in a dream. We are introduced to his parents when he gets engaged to Veronica. Of course, he removes all signs of bachelorhood from his house (the various naked female figurines, the leopard-print sofas, the pictures of naked women, etc.) while he's with Veronica. He begins to spend his time with her and forgets to keep appointments with the boys. The boys find that Veronica is a succubus and do all they can to stop Chef from marrying her, even playing their song backwards during the wedding. Veronica becomes a succubus and drops into a hellhole. Chef recovers from her spell and can't figure out what he saw in her. He gets together with some of the other men of South Park to watch football one afternoon at the Marsh house. When jakovasaur children go to school they end up eating three times as much as normal children. When sexual harassment lawsuits take their toll on the school, Chef is reduced to serving lumpy potatoes. The menu slate and the milk poster are gone. One of the songs Mr. Mackey plays during his meteor shower party is Chef's "Stinky Britches." When pirate ghosts attack South Park, he stops by to see if everyone is okay. Later, he asks Priest Maxi why he went through all the trouble of creating the pirate ghosts to scare the town out of its Halloween festivities. When Chef notices the town flag has four white men around a lynched black man, he starts a protest against the flag. The flag is changed, but he realizes the flag is part of the town's identity and not necessarily of its attitude towards black people. He reacts violently to Ms. Choksondik when her nipples accidentally show beneath her blouse. He was pissed that he was arrested for child molestation when the kids had all the adults arrested for it. He made some chili for Cartman's chili party, and Cartman made sure to eat that instead of Scott's chili or his own. He had to sort out everything when the kids and adults got worked up over the proper age to start sex education - 17 is his answer. When the boys wanna catch the Russell Crow show one night, he invites them in so they can see if the new Terrance and Phillip movie trailer will air. His TV goes nuts and starts shooting everything, then walks off firing away. He goes to Principal Victoria after talking with the boys about their new teacher's assistant to tell her how perverted Mr. Garrison was getting; she sends him off to a tolerance seminar. He takes Cartman to Scotland to get Kenny's spirit exorcised from Cartman. Kenny's spirit ends up in a pot roast, which is left behnd at Denver International Airport.

Mr. Herbert (Ethan F.) Garrison and his assistants

Mr. Hat and Mr. Twig (puppets) and Mr. Slave
Mr. Hat's/Mr. Twig's Catch Phrase: That's right, Mr. Garrison

Mr. Garrison is the children's semi-psycho teacher. who wears a puppet called Mr.Hat. He lost to Kathie Lee as a child, has dressed as a woman, has had a nose job, and has been rejected for his own role in America's Most Wanted. He is either bisexual or gay. He got a kick out of having Officer Barbrady in class learning how to read. Mr. Hat makes him do crazy things, like trying to kill Kathie Lee Gifford. Mr. Hat went missing on the last day of school, and Mr, Garrison had to make do without him. Mr. Hat was last seen in the Green Bay Packers' Sports Spa waiting for Brett Favre, and Mr. Garrison made himself a new puppet named Mr. Twig. Mr. Twig is just a twig dressed in a purple jacket. There is a triangle in a lighter shade of purple on the left side of the jacket, which some say reflects homosexuality, so Mr. Twig is just another homosexual puppet. The boys once found him snorkeling with Mr. Twig in the sewer, and Kyle was the only student in his class when everyone else was out with chicken pox. He took his class to the planetarium two days in a row. He pins Stan for passing notes to Kyle, then sends him to Mr. Mackey when he hears what the note says. He is troubled when he finds Mr. Twig first boiled, then broken in half. Then he learns the truth: Mr. Hat is back, and he did these things to Mr. Twig! He tosses Mr. Hat out, but goes out himslf in underwear. He is jailed for it, but set free by Mr. Hat. Mr. Twig tells Garrison to return to Mr. Hat, and so Mr. Twig is discarded. The South Park Town Committee determines that he isn't assigning enough current event projects, so he assigns a current event project to be presented as an oral report to the Committee, and divides the class into groups of five. He figures out that Tweek's group didn't write their oral report, but the town committee was so pleased the he could only prod the boys to follow through. When the boys reveal they didn't write their oral report, Mr. Garrison is hauled away. He returns, though. When Mrs. Stevens speaks about the rainforest and the choir she created to fight the forest's destruction, the boys get disruptive and he sends them to Mr. Mackey. During the spontaneous combustion crisis he denies knowing Randy Marsh when Randy seeks his help. After Chef quits, the boys go to Mr. Garrison for some help on getting a friend back from a new girlfriend. He doesn't ask who it is, but simply tells them of the succubus syndrome and how expensive poontang can be. He adds a ling to that effect in Chef's song, which Chef agrees with. Mr. Garrison had sex with a pigeon once, and when the mayor reminds him of it, he tries to deflect the reminder by saying the pigeon was a slut and a whore. Since no one else slept with that pigeon, Garrison's words betray him. When the jakovasaur kids are in class, he presides over a circus of ignorants and later complains to the mayor that he can't teach the normal kids anything. News of sexual harassments in schools around the country force him to talk to the class about sexual harassments, so he bring Petey, the Sexual Harassment Panda, to help him out. He shows his political incorrectness in calling Judge Julie "toots" and "baby." When next he teaches, there are no desks in the classroom and no chalk to write on the board with, so he uses a nail. Next day, same thing, only with Gerald present, so even he gets some advice on political correctness. During the meteor shower party Mr. Hat grabs Principal Victoria's ass and pulls Mr. Garrison wherever he wants to go. Mr. Garrison likes Cher's song. Mr. Garrison declares Wendy winner of the Halloween costume contest for another year. When the Chinpokomon craze hits South Park, he's at first frustrated that the kids answer him in Japanese, but then joins the adults of South Park by embracing Chinpokomon. That ends the craze for the kids. When Mark, the home-schooled boy, becomes part of his class, he is very impressed by Mark's breadth of knowledge and praises him for it. This angers the other students, some of whom retaliate by duct-taping Mark to a bench twice, on different days. After soliciting sex from Cartman, Mr. Garrison is arrested and kept in jail for a time, then goes to join the real NAMBLA after being in the Marlon Brando one. He is summoned to the South Park school board and dismissed from teaching due to his extensive police record. Not knowing what to do, he talks to Mr. Mackey, who suggests he write a novel. So that he does, and comes up with "The Valley of Penises." It's this book that reveals his first name and middle initial: Ethan F. (E.F.G.) Mr. Hat joins the KKK after Mr. Garrison gives him an ultimatum. Mr. Garrison then appears among the crowd to watch Cartman preach at a street corner. After that he has a nervous breakdown and ends up in the mountains outside of town. When the new school year begins Ms. Choksondik finds him there and learns directly from him how to deal with his former students, now in the 4th grade. He shows her to the Tree of Enlightenment and waits for her to come out, but tires of waiting and enters. She's no longer there, and in the silence he faces his gay side. After a time of defiant denial he breaks down and cries. Amid the tears he comes to accept his gay side and feels rejuvenated He returns to South Park Elementary a happy man and asks for his job back, but is denied. South Park doesn't hire gay teachers, says Principal Victoria, but she, Chef, and Mr. Mackey laugh about it. Mr. Garrison returns as a Kindergarten teacher and gets Ike, Kyle's 3-year-old little genius brother, as a student. The first crisis: the election for class president. Mr. Garrison is currently teaching the kindergartners much more graphic stuff than he taught the third graders. Later, he teaches the kindergartners things about sex he never shared with the third graders, and Chef points him out as a complete pervert. Which he is, as he gave the names and descriptions of all kinds of sexual acts. Turns out his first name is actually Herbert, which makes Ethan F. a pen name. He designed and produced the IT, which is a large wheel in which the driver sits and drives with hand flexigrips, and oral and anal flexigrips. The oral and anal flexigrips turn out to be unnecessary. He also lead the townsmen in a drive to get rid of the richers, a group of rich black people who were drawn to the town by a wonderful ad from Token. Mr. Garrison returns as the class teacher after Ms. Choksondik was found dead and Mr. Mackey had subbed for a few months, but he returns with a new assistant, not Mr. Hat. Mr. Slave, a really gay subservient, is now his assistant. Mr. Slave is brought in to take Mr. Hat's place, as fourth graders are too old for a puppet assistant. Mr. Garrison learns he can sue the school if he gets fired for being gay, so he starts doing perverted things to Mr. Slave so the kids will report them to the principal. He takes attendance if Mr. Garrison is late.

Mr. Hat is based on Trey's kindergarten teacher's puppet (the teacher apparently felt this, and a record player, was a better way of teaching), and Mr. Garrison is based on his college English Lit. teacher, who is homosexual.

Ms. Choksondik

The boys enter a new grade and get a new teacher. A teacher from Denver, Mrs. Choksondik comes in and tries to teach the class witha firm hand, but without result. A major cause of her troubles is that Timmy crashes through her blackboard when the 4th graders attempted to return to 3rd grade. She demands to speak to their former teacher, but the staff deflects her demands until she's had it with the runaround. Principal Victoria, Mr. Mackey, and Chef are taken aback by her very long breasts, which dangle to her waistline, and which nipples are visible when she raises her arms. They finally answer her questions, directing her to the mountains outside South Park. She climbs the mountains and finds him, and he teaches her as Yoda instructed Luke in Star Wars. She returns with renewed confidence, and the kids recognize Mr. Garrison's influence in her teaching methods. She fixes up the blackboard as best she could and resumes writing on it and teaching. One day, after the classroom was repaired professionally, she brings manatees into class for science experiments, only to find she was given the wrong animals. She was to have received frogs. When the children cry Molestation, Ms. Choksondik is rounded up with all the other adults and sent to prison. When a reporter goes to the street to find out why people are so down on Christmas, she gives a couple of opinions. She gave erroneous advice to the girls during sex ed. and so berayed the negative attitude about sex she developed in high school. A courtship with Mr. Mackey works to soften her views on sex. She takes the class on a field trip to a veal ranch. She was last seen running out of class after Professor Chaos, but was found dead at her place a few days later. Cause of death is unknown.

Mr. Mackey
Catch Phrase: Mkay?

Normally the school's counselor, a lack of judgment led to his dismissal as counselor when he passed a blade of marijuana around for the class to sniff, but the leaf didn't return. After he was fired, he sunk his sorrows in beer and then whiskey, encountered marijuana after he was evicted, and went on to LSD when he met two boys he had suspended from school some time ago. He went on to recover at the Betty Ford Clinic when Jimbo and friends found him in India and forced him to get treatment for his drug addictions. He tried to help Kyle get over Mr. Hankey, but that backfired. He helped Damien fit in with the other third graders. And he placed a crank call to Mr. Garrison after Mr. Garrison lost Mr. Hat and was distraught about it. Mr. Mackey revealed that he knows an ancient counselor's technique called the mind meld, by which he can sedate, by mind power alone, a very agitated patient long enough to learn what the patient is trying to say. He disciplines Stan for his skylarkings, but ends up counseling Stan's parents for problems in their marriage. He is seen ferried by the crowd over their heads in Chef Aid. Mr. Mackey reads Mr. Garrison's note and makes sure the boys go on the rainforest tour with the Getting Gay With Kids choir, on whose board of directors he sits. He joins the choir in Costa Rica as Spanish interpreter and summit coordinator, and spends the night and the next day waiting for the choir to return from the rainfoest. When everyone is town is combusting, Mr. Mackey makes sure the boys are farting regularly so they don't combust. He shows them how to do it. He sues Tweek for commenting on the shape of his ass and wins. He hosts a meteor shower party that becomes a backdrop to a night in the lives of the three main characters. To make this party possible he installs a hot tub and hires a maid. During a spelling bee, Mr. Mackey keeps score. Mr. Mackey turns out to be a bad sex ed. teacher for the boys, as he reveals he hasn't actually had sex since he was 18 or so, so he's forgotten what it was like. A courtship with Ms. Choksondik serves to remind him of the glories of sex. Dunno his reaction to her death yet. He subs for a while as the fourth grade teacher, until Principal Victoria brings back Mr. Garrison as the class teacher.

Mr. Mackey is based on Mr. Lackey, Trey's Jr. High school counselor.

Principal Victoria

She helps Cartman change Halloween costumes, but it didn't work. She corrects the boys on what "feeding the children" is all about. She announces Ms. Ellen as substitute teacher, but then has to turn her over to the Iraqis when she learns of Ms. Ellen's past. She fired Mr. Mackey for distributing marijuana (he simply passed a sample around so the class could know what it smells liks should any of them smell it in the future, and stay away from it). Had a hand in creating Conjoined Twin Myslexia Week. She checked out the Kenny Loggins laser show when it was featured in the planetarium, but got bored with it quickly. Seems like Principal Victoria is one hot woman: Mr. Hat grabbed her ass, and Gerald wouldn't mind taking her home. She announces the South Park Bay Of Pigs Memorial Dance to the students during lunch, which gives Kyle an opportunity to dance with Rebecca and get to know her better. She gets to know Ms. Choksondik, but turns away in disgust when Ms. Choksondik's breasts peek through the bottom of her blouse. She tells the class that Mr. Garrison will return as their teacher after a few months of Mr. Mackey filling in. She sends Chef to a tolerance seminar for not tolerating Mr. Garrison's homosexuality.

Richard Adler and Pearl Choise
Richard's Catch Phrase: You're screwing around too much!

Mr. Adler is the school's (wood) shop teacher. He's big on safety, and one reason is that he lost his fiancée, a pilot, in a plane accident. He makes sure there are no accidents in his shop so he won't lose anyone more. When Kenny dies, Richard gets visits from his fiancée, his uncle, and his grandmother. Pearl is the school's home economics teacher. She tries dating Mr. Adler for a while, but because he's still hung up on his late fiancée Pearl doesn't make much progess, so she stops.

Mrs. Muffin Crabtree
Catch Phrase: Sit Down! We're running late!

Mrs. Crabtree is the school bus driver. She is mean and ugly. Stan will cuss her out, then mask his words with rhyming ones so she'll forget what he said the first time. On the bus, she has the last word! She had a chance at romance in Cartman's dream when she went to look for help and found a tender truck driver. Still, she shouted Chef down, and knocked Mr. Garrison off his feet by the sheer power of her voice when she shows him how to quiet the kids down. Has sex with Chef, with a bag over her head.

Nurse Gollum

She is a pretty nurse, but she has a stillborn fetus attached to the left side of her kead. She doesn't want to risk having it removed, since the operation might kill her. The town got carried away in acknowledging her disfigurement, and she resented it. She treated van Gelder for unusual stress due to working for Dr. Adams. She needed Mr. Mackey's help to get into van Gelder's mind, though. She makes a cameo appearance as one of the freaks in the True Freaks' Union ("Freak Strike").

Around Town

The Mayor And Her Aides

Her last name is McDaniels, though none of the episodes have confirmed it. She is the mayor of Southpark and a Princeton alumna. She only cares about getting publicity, and her tries always make her look worse. Throttled Brabrady for not learning how to read any faster (she found him on the swings), but Chef has seen them together… She hosted the only Fourth of July fireworks festival in Colorado by arranging for the largest snake in the world, but found out she got more than she bargained for when the snake got out of control and spread throughout the country. Has sex with Chef, and proves too vigorous for him. For years she had been telling her friends just how inept Mr. Garrison is, so she is surprised when some of his students present a report on a true current event in South Park: the arrival of Harbucks Coffee and its threat to Tweek Bros. She decides to create Prop. 10, a proposition to get Harbucks out of South Park for good. It never is voted on, as the boys have a change of heart and decide to let Harbucks stay. When she learns that everyone in South Park is combusting, she hires Randy Marsh to find out why. She creates Randy Marsh day, for his efforts in solving the problem. She leaves him out to be stoned when the town starts to heat up and the people find themselves between farting and killing the planet, and not farting and combusting. She leads the town in praising him again when he comes up with farting in moderation. Jimbo tells her about the jakovasaur he found, and she calls the Department of Interior. Much of the town is present when she presents the DOI agents with the jakovasaur. When Mr. Garrison offers to keep it at home, she warns him against it, since he'll try to have sex with it. She reminds him of the pigeon. Later, she and the agents provide an update on the status of the jakovasaurs and present a house to them so they can reproduce. She's present for the artificial insemination at Mephesto's lab and the delivery at the jakovasaurs' house. She presides over an impromptu meeting on what to do with the jakvasaurs and the next day tries to get them to move to Memphis, only to be thwarted by Cartman's desire that they stay. Knowing that the jakvasaurs now star in their own program, she calls in and invites them to a game show offering a trip to France. Jakov accepts. She has Stan, Kyle, and Kenny distract Cartman while the show goes on. Jakov just needs one right answer to win and go off to France, but he doesn't get one right. Barbrady, told to give wrong answers on purpose, gets every one right. The Mayor declares Jakov the winner and has everyone whisk the jakovasaurs to a waiting jet. She then has to explaing to Cartman why the jakovasaurs had to go away. She hosts the 15th Annual South Park Spelling Bee which the home-schooled kids won. She tries to calm the townsfolk when pirate ghosts come to town, and again when the kids get addicted to Chinpokomon. She suggests introducing two American toys for the kids to play with to get them away from Chinpokomon. She passes an anti-discrimination law for rich people who happened to be black, as the town wanted these "richers" out of there, but sees it go to ruin when the townsmen dress as "ghosts" to run the richers out of town. She returns to host Christmas festivities at South Park. She has Jimmy sing his favorite song, but he puts everyone to sleep. Once he's finished she has him light the town's Christmas tree, but it fizzles.
Her aides are the ones that think up solutions, but she'll take credit for just about anything, even if she had no part in the solution. In Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls Aide 1 becomes Johnson. Aide 2 is the aide with the bang.

Q: Since you do most of the females on the show, you might know this:
Is the Mayor just "Mayor" or is it "Mayor McDaniels?" I've not heard her last name in any episode so far, though I've seen "McDaniels" on fan sites and the Chef Aid CD, and your site.
What's the priest called? I've seen "Priest Maxi" on Photowire.
Thanks much.

- Willie Westwood.

A: You are correct on both counts: their official names are Priest Maxi and Mayor McDaniels. Kenny's mom has no first name; it's just Mrs. McCormick, FYI... Thanks for watching!

Mary Kay Bergman

Officer Barbrady
Catch Phrase: There's nothing to see here!

Clueless police Officer. Has since learned to read (with a little help from the boys), only to disavow it after reading Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand. Gave Cartman a license to use a night stick, at least until he could read. He and the Mayor have a secret relationship. Dr. Adams used his star machine to convince Barbrady that he was Elvis, but Mr. Mackey later snapped him out of it. During Cow Days he arrested Tom and Mary for suspicion of stealing a 60-foot tall Cow Memorial, and answered two declarations of Shenanigans by Kyle. The first one was dismissed, but the second one was supported by the rest of the town, and the carnival people were promptly beat with brooms and then arrested. Stan called him Buttbaby. Barbrady was called by Garrison to look for Mr. Twig's assailant, but he simply looks at Garrison before he leaves. He and another man take Mr. Garrison away when it turns out some of Garrison's students didn't write their oral report to the South Park Town Committee. When Kenny combusts, Barbrady makes room for him by moving the gathering crowd back. Later on, he sees Cartman on the cross and can only think of T, for turtle, then walks away. He's asked to lose in a game show so the town could be rid of the jakovasaurs, but he answers every question correctly. He shows up to help the ATF agents try and stop a religious cult from commiting mass suicide during a meteor shower (the cult was actually just a group of people partying at Mr. Mackey's house). He arrests Priest Maxi for the various crimes he committed in scaring the town out of its Halloween festivities. In season six Officer Barbrady goes from moron to reluctant police chief. He gets Mr. Denkins' calves back to him after a week of negotiations involving the FBI and the four boys. Now that he has a proper police department to run, he's not seen as much as before.

Priest Maxi

His first name is Maxi. He first appears when Jesus shows up at the playground to do battle with Satan. He fails to recognize Him, calling Him just a public-access show personality. Later, he wonders when Satan will show up, then sides with Jesus. He has reservations when Satan shows up. He chides the bar patrons for betting against Jesus, but Jesus exposes the priest's own bet against Him. The priest pretends to repent, but wonders if Jesus is crazy after He leaves. After Shiela protests to the Mayor about religious overtones in a Christmas play, the priest retorts that Santa and Frosty should be removed if Jesus is removed. When the play opens, he says it's the worst play he's seen. Everybody fights and the Broflovskis trap him and beat him up. When the chickenfucker starts his cickenfucking spree, the priest wonders who would make love to a chicken, then, after Halfy answers that he would, tells Halfy to have some respect for people's feelings. He holds funerals for "Ike" and Kenny. He is with the crowd when Nurse Gollum defends herself against the town's patronizing attitutde towards her. When Cow Days end he tells the carnival operators that the food is terrible. When everyone begins to spontaneously combust he holds a funeral service for Kenny, and ends it with a prayerful cheer for the Broncos. He drafts the boys to perform the Stations of the Cross for the church. He protests the arrival of KoRn to South Park, and the entire Halloween festivities at the docks. He is later exposed as the person behind the pirate ghosts and their ghost ship. He appears with the other adults in the Mayor's office to complain about the Chinpokomon craze. After a powerful exposition about hell, Priest Maxi finds the boys taking Sunday classes leading to their first Holy Communion. After Cartman finds the priest in a missionary position with Mrs. Donovan, though, Cartman walks out to form his own church. He preaches to his congregants about Hell and doesn't have an answer as to whether Timmy would go to hell for not being able to confess his sins. He turns out to be the lone voice against priestly pedophilia when he gathers with fellow priests to discuss the scandal. He goes all the way to Rome to talk to the pope and to try to get the Code of Vatican Law changed so that priests would no longer molest boys, but that goes terribly when the pope appeals to the Queen Spider.

Dr. Alphonse Mephesto and Kevin

Mephesto is the town geneticist and produces creatures that turn on him and wreak havoc on South Park (Mutant Stan, mad Thanksgiving turkeys). Carries a staff with an ass at one end. Kevin is Mephesto's silent, dwarf partner, and monkey boy. He is asked to find out who Cartman's father is, but is shot before he reveals it. When he recovers, he reveals that Mrs. Cartman is the father. When Stan found the prehistoric ice man, Mephesto took him, thawed him out, studied him, and put him on display for everyone in town to see. After "Steve" escapes, Mephesto looks for him, and Barbrady, some federal agents, and some reporters join in the search. Mephesto sees "Steve" fly away in a helicopter and calls to him not to go. He is one of the candidates for the Nobel Prize in Science for his seven-assed Galapagos turtle, but lost to Randy Marsh. He vows to get even, and does so by revealing that all the methane released by the constant farting has led to global warming, for which Randy is sought and stoned. He artificially inseminates Junjun so the jakovasaurs could reproduce. He is present for the delivery. He is also present for the spelling bee.

Dr. Doctor and Nurse Goodly

They were the two that treated Dr. Mephesto's gunshot wound, and who treated everyone's wounds during a power outage. Nurse Goodly has no arms, so she had to handle all syringes with her mouth. Dr. Doctor treated Shelley, then Stan, then the other boys, for chicken pox. During Cow Days, he treated Cartman for head trauma. Mr. Garrison took Mr. Twig, scalde, to Hell's Pass Hospital so Dr. Doctor could look him over, but Dr. Doctor stated the obvious: it's a stick. Dr. Doctor returns in "Fun With Veal" to reverse Stan's vaginitis.

The Sports Bookie and Carl
Appearance: Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride
Bookie's Other Appearance: Ike's Wee Wee

The Sports bookie is the one who takes your bets and gives you your winnings or keeps your money. He took all the bets for the South Park Cows to beat the spread against Middle Park. When Jesus and Satan were scheduled to fight in the South Park Forum, he let Jesus know that all bets but one were changed in Satan's favor. He returns as the bartender when Mr. Mackey loses his job over a drug incident at school. He tries to keep three bar patrons mellow when they spot the Sexual Harassment Panda, the boys, and a beautiful woman at the bar. He gets tired of them pretty quick. Carl, the town's explosives expert, designed the bomb that Jimbo and Ned placed on Enrique, the Middle Park mascot.

Bijou theater clerk

He first appeared in South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut when he wouldn't sell tickets to the four boys and Ike. Stan got a bum to stand in as their guardian and gave the bum the money to pay for the tickets. The bum paid for the tickets, which included one for himself, but when the boys came back out, they did so without the bum, and the clerk took notice. They told him to fuck off. He's since stopped Cartman from paying for his ticket with pubic hair.

South Park Express Clerk

He confronts a herd of cattle who seem to want to get out of South Park due to some aliens who want to mutilate them. The cows try their best to soften him, but he stands his ground. When Ike is due to get his bris, Kyle runs away with him and gets him a ticket to Nebraska. The clerk confuses Ike for a trash can. When the Australian Outback Guy comes after Larry, Stan and Kyle go to the train station and get Larry a ticket to Des Moines, Iowa.

Quotes: I haven't. I would.

The smallest role. When Garrison asked, "Who here didn't [sleep with Mrs. Cartman]?", Halfy said he didn't. When the priest asked who would have sex with a chicken, Halfy said he would. Both times he was dismissed, since he doesn't have any legs. He can still do flips, though. He participated in the Running of the Bulls during Cow Days. A tree-hugger who looks like him appears in "Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo," except that the tree-hugger's hair is blomd, and he was in a wheelchair. He is patterned after Lt. Dan in Forrest Gump.

Rancher Bob Denkins and his Cattle

The rancher notices that his cows are being mutilated, and some of them seem to have been eaten. While he tells his concerns to Officer Barbrady, some aliens appear and entice the cattle with hay, and the cattle bolt. Barbrady then goes after the cows. The cows receive a gift from the aliens - a radio-controlled device which they use on Barbrady when he shows up to corral them. The rancher appears once again when his chickens are being molested, and Barbrady has to find the culprit. After he learns to read, Barbardy solves the case of the Chickenfucker, and the rancher can rest easy. He soon gives shelter to two Jakovasaurs. The rancher has since sold a turkey to Jimmy and fired at Scott Tenorman's parents for trespassing on his property. It is when Cartman is training a pony to bite off a weiner that we learn the rancher's name is Mr. Denkins. Ms. Choksondik takes the class on a field trip to his ranch, where Stan learns about the mean life veal calves lead before they're slaughtered and determines to save the 23 calves he finds there. Denkins summons Officer Barbrady to help him get the calves back, but they have to wait until Stan and friends make a break for it. Eventually he gets his calves back, but they get to live out their lives with the rest of the cattle.

Red Harris, Luau's Toys Proprietor

Red Harris runs South Park Toys, since renamed Luau's Toys, where South Park kids go for all their toy needs. Eric wants to get a Chinpoko Mon doll and gets his mother to take him to the toy store, but when they get there they find all the other kids rushing about grabbing Chinpoko Mon. Red has no idea why the kids like the dolls so much, but he soon finds reason to worry. After hearing the dolls spout rampant consumerism and anti-American sentiments Red goes to Japan to confront Mr. Hirohito. After some promises and some flattering remarks about American penises from Mr. Hirohito, Red returns home a happy man. He has also appeared in "A Very Crappy Christmas," lamenting over lack of toy sales, an indication of the spirit of Christmas ebbing. Stan's mom bought Stan and the boys the Okama GameSphere from Luau's.

Tuong Lu Kim, City Wok Proprietor

The boys are prank-calling and he answers. They start ordering food just to hear him repeat the orders in his Chinese accent. They visit him when Cartman gets the idea to make some commercials for City Wok with one of them doing what Jared did for Subway sandwiches. Butters is chosen, and they fatten him up. They then take him to City Wok to cut a deal with the owner: if Butters loses the weight, City Wok could make commercials touting the healthiness of its food, and the boys could get paid for having Butters promote the restaurant. The deal is struck, but Butters can't lose the weight. The boys perform an emergency liposuction and bring Butters to City Wok to make the commercial and get paid. The owner doesn't want to do the commercial anymore, because Jared had come clean and the town is about to lynch him for it. The boys rush to the town square to clear things up. The owner shows up later, having heard that AIDS is now funny. He pays the boys $15 dollars for their trouble, but there's no commercial for City Wok. In "Child Abduction Is Not Funny" his name is given as Tuong Lu Kim, and he builds the Great Wall of South Park to keep abductors out. Mongolians arrive, though, and chip away at the wall with their swords. Eventually, the Mayor asks Tuong to tear the wall down.

On Television

Jesus Christ
Catch Phrase: Blessed art thou.

The Son of God. Has His own cable access TV show called "Jesus and Pals." Has done battle with Frosty, Santa, and Satan, and has won two out of three. But he didn't do anything to fight Mecha-Streisand, though he did call Robert Smith "Our Savior" for disposing of her. He pumped up his Jesus and Pals show with live guests and bad behavior when his producer saw his ratings slip while those of Jimbo and Ned rose. He learned from the boys that his producer had put them up to lying to improve the show's ratings. For that, he sent the producer to Hell. In one show, Jesus talks about global warming, but Stan calls in to find out how long it took for Him to die and resurrect. Instead, He asks for Stan to comment on global warming. Jesus returns to sing a few duets with Santa. He plans to appear at Las Vegas for the New Year's 2000 celebration there, with all of South Park, but the townsfolk ask Him to have God appear. After a while, he gets God to appear, and all are happy. Once he learns that Cartman is collecting money from his own church for his own purposes, He returns to stop it and send the kids home. In "Super Best Friends" he introduces the boys to His friends, who includes many religious figures, and battles David Blaine to stop him from hypnotizing any more people. For Christmas later on, he's found blessing people at an Italian church. The boys tell him of Santa's predicament in Iraq, and he joins them in order to save Santa. He kills several soldiers and a general, but he is gunned down when he leads Santa and the boys out of the torture room.

In The Spirit of Christmas I, Jesus comes out as an infant ready to defeat Frosty with his halo.

Terrance and Phillip
Catch Phrase: You Farted

The Canadian duo who star in a fartfest. They have farted around in space and farted through events in American history. Terrance has a daughter by Celine Dion named Sally. When they remember that Saddam uses germ and chemical warfare, they engineer a chemical attack just as Saddam is about to make his takeover of Canada official. Terrance is a famous surgeon and Phillip is a defense attorney. Scott, the prosecutor and TV critic, is their avowed enemy, and Ugly Bob is Celine's new boyfriend and ticket agent at Canada Air. Terrance told Phillip that Phillip had cancer in the ass, as his ass was collapsing. Terrance later takes them both to the operating room in order to give half his ass to Phillip. The operation was a success. In a later episode of the Terrance and Phillip show, Terrance has trouble farting, but finally manages a high one. During Cow Days, dolls of these two were carnival prizes, but you had to trade seven Bon Jovi toothpicks or Barbie mirrors for the pair. This past Halloween they wore ghost outfits, farted on each other, and stabbed each other with little daggers as they laughed. During the Christmas season they teased a reindeer continuously. They came out with their first movie, and the language in it leads to World War III as the mothers have them arrested and then executed. Later on, they fight over who contributed more to the team, and they break up. Terrance gets fat and finds a new non-Canadian partner while Phillip goes off to do Shakespeare. The boys do their best to get the duo back together as much to see them perform again as to escape being killed by the Earth Day Brainwashing organization, but it looks destined to fail until the duo see a biography dedicated to them called, "Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow." Once it's over, they find each other, make up, and perform their skit, "Who Farted?" for the South Park audience. Terrance was born in Toronto, Phillip was born in Montreal

Kurt Loder, host of MTV News

Kurt Loder is the host of MTV News. He reported on the developments around Lalapalalapaza and Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld. The announcer sometimes has to spin Loder's comments so that viewers keep the impression that MTV is cool. When Cartman goes after Scott Tenorman for selling him pubic hair, he finds that Radiohead is Scott's favorite band. He finds a taped interview of Kurt Loder and Radiohead, and dubs his voice over those of the band members.

Tom, news anchor

Tom has been the main news anchor for Channel 4 News at South Park since the show began, so he's had a lot of stories to report on. And his stories aren't always handed to him. In one episode, a news update lands on his desk wrapped around a stone. There are plenty of field reporters to help him with the news, like Creamy Goodness, Dan Akawa, and a quadriplegic Swiss man on a pony.