South Park Guest
Biographies: Season 9

Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina

People linked to Mrs. Garrison's Vaginoplasty

Dr. Biber, Planned Parenthood Doctor, Townsman, Trinidad Medical Center Patient, Woman At Bar

Dr. Biber specializes in cosmetic surgery, indeed, plastic surgery. He gives Mr. Garrison a vaginoplasty, Mr. Broflovski a dolphinoplasty, Kyle a negroplasty, and a female patient a peniplasty.
The townsman rushes into Henry's Supermarket to tell everyone that Mr. Garrison is now a woman. Mrs. Garrison shows up at a shoot for "Girls Gone Wile" and shows off her new tits. Later on she talks to some women at a bar, then settles on the redhead to ask her what could be the cause of a woman not having her period. The redhead's answer makes Mrs. Garrison think, which leads to her visiting Planned Parenthood to abort her fetus.
Mrs. Garrison pulls Dr. Biber out of the Trinidad Medical Center when he realizes that the sex-change operation was only cosmetic. Mrs. Garrison thinks she's pregnant and goes to Planned Parenthood to see a doctor. The doctor informs him that he can't have an abortion because he's not pregnant, and he's not pregnant because he doesn't have ovaries and so CAN'T get pregnant.

People at the Colorado Convention Center

Head Referee, The Coaches, Denver Police Officer

An usher, Convention Center Security Guards

The head referee called the qualifying teams to the court. The Denver coach disqualifies Kyle at first because Kyle doesn't have the build or height to be a basketball player. After his negroplasty, Kyle returns to try out again, and this time the coach approves. He calls on Kyle to substiture for Owens on the next Colorado possession. The Wyoming coach is alarmed at the disruption in the game when Mr. Broflovski and Mrs. Garrison go onto the court.
The usher shown is one of several Gerald talks to for assistance in special seating and special restrooms for his species. When Mrs. Garrison, Dr. Biber, and the boys arrive at the convention center and the greeter denies them entry, Mrs. Garrison punches out the guard that shows up. Later on, the guard and his colleagues gather at one end of the hall and chase Mrs. Garrison, Mr. Broflovski, Dr. Biber and the boys down to the basketball court.

Bizarre Alteratinos

Mrs. Garrison, Mr. Broflovski as a dolphin, Kyle as a black boy

Mr. Garrison after he gets his vaginoplasty, Mr. Broflovski after his dolphinoplasty, Kyle after his negroplasty (including complimentary peniplasty). Kyle will now have artificial kneecaps (unless Dr. Biber kept the original ones).

Die Hippie, Die

Hippies! Hippies all around me!

College Hippies, Hippies in the basement, Hippie Singers

Hippie Singers

Hippies figure all throughout this episode, and are protrayed as dreamy people who spend their days listening to reggae music and smoking weed. They'll complain about the world today, but they're not motivated enough to do anything about it. This is frustrating to Stan. The college hippies are hippies because they've entered college and have been exposed to hippie teachers throughout their first year or two. Cartman goes around collecting hippies and tossing them into his basement until they die there. The hippie in the middle picture is clamoring to get out. As Cartman adds more hippies to his basement, one of them begins singing and playing guitar to pass the time away. Officer Barbrady sets them free after visiting Cartman's house and looking around.
The two singers in the second row sing in the Hippie Jam Band Festival. The first one introduces the concert, the second one agrees with Stan that they should all do something other than complain, but then just starts singing and celebrating freedom.

Elderly Woman, Guard at Festival, The non-Burning Man

Cartman visit an elderly woman at her house to look for hippies. He acts like the Orkin man, since Orkin workers are trained to rid buildings of termites and other bugs. The guard at the festival is too high to do anything to Stan but tell him to stay off the stage. The wooden structure in the third picture is a depiction of the Burning Man statue present at the Burning Man Festival.


Man in Audience, CAA Agent Don Heisman

The boys start their own talent agency and get Token as their first client. He already has a gig as singer at the Miss Colorado Beauty Pageant, but the boys want to insinuate themselves into Token's gig so they can make a little money for themselves. When Token goes to Denver to sing, the man shown at left wants to hire Token to sing Tommy's bar mitzvah. After the show, a CAA agent shows up and introduces himself as Don Heisman. He talks to Token about opportunities to show off his talent in Los Angeles and Token accepts. The boys then try to figure out whom they can take for a new client. Mr. Kim enters the picture trying to get an agency to sponsor his newly-arrived illegal-alien wife.

Guest Star Wing, Tong Leader, American Idol Doorwoman

Agent for The Contender, Sylvester Stallone and Producers

Wing is Mr. Kim's wife, and Mr. Kim thinks enough of her talents to shop her around. He has her audition for the boys, and they take her in. They take her to Los Angeles to audition for American Idol. On the way there, the Tong pay Mr. Kim a visit. The Tong leader gets the information he wants: Wing's present location and current destination. He and his men head for Los Angeles. The South Park boys are turned away at the door by the doorwoman shown. They leave dejected, but happen upon a man whose client can't make an audition for The Contender. They offer him Wing's services and he accepts. Wing ends up singing in the boxing ring in The Contender and is knocked out by Manuelo Furnanda. Sylvester Stallone is impressed enough with Wing to offer the boys $4000 if she would sing at his son's wedding. Since Stallone slurs his sentences, the producer over his left shoulder translates everything he says. The boys accept, but can't find Wing anywhere so they can share the news with her. They find that the Tong have her so they follow the Tong to their lair. They confront the Tong and shoot it out until Stan makes both sides see the error of their ways. Both sides decide to stop trafficking in people's lives and then tear up their contracts. Everyone involved then goes to the wedding, including Mr. Kim, and he and the Tong leader sing Wing's praises.

Best Friends Forever

Heavenly Host

Michael, Gabriel, Uriel, Peter

Kenny enters heaven through its gates, and he meets Peter. Peter tells him that his death is not an accident and then tells him why he's there. Kenny then meets Michael, who tells him why Heaven sent the PSP and how his high score will help them defeat Satan, who's revving up his armies in order to attach Heaven. Michael enjoys the smell of Sharpie marker fumes. When Kenny is revived on Earth, he disappears from heaven and Gabriel and Uriel are sent to Earth to get him back. They learn he's being kept alive with a feeding tube, and they have to remove it somehow without interacting with humanity. They learn quickly that Cartman has done that job for them, but also that Stan and Kyle mean to put the tube back in. They do what they can to stop them. Once everyone involved in the Kenny McCormick case learns what his last wish really was, they let him die. Kenny returns to Heaven with Gabriel and Uriel and resumes marshalling Heaven's forces against Satan.

Infernal Host

Kevin, Satan's Spy

Well, Satan's gone through Saddam, whom he's sent to Heaven, and Chris, whom he broke up with. Now he has Kevin, a more appropriate right-hand man, but even Kevin doesn't work out. Kevin has an unusual influence on President Bush though. Satan has a spy who seems to enter heaven without arousing suspicion and reporting back to Satan on stuff happening in Heaven. In this episode, he tells Satan about Heaven's "Keanu Reeves," who is actually Kenny, marshalling Heaven's armies against Satan through a Golden PSP.

HBC Anchorman, Kenny's Lawyer, Supreme Court Judges

Truck Driver, George W. Bush

The HBC anchor reports on Kenny's resuscitation, brain damage, and hospitalization, and eventually, on his death. Kenny's lawyer reads his will to the boys, but has lost the last page. That, with Kenny being brought back to life, has everyone trying to figure out what Kenny's last wish was. Cartman claims Best Friends Forever status and has Kenny's feeding tube removed. He even brings in the Supreme Court Judge on the left to make sure it's done. The justice on the right just asks if Cartman and Kennyy are BFFs.
The truck driver doesn't see Kenny and doesn't even notice that he's run over anything, he's so busy playing on his own PSP. George Bush is on Cartman's side, but he begins to echo the words of someone he doesn't see (more on that in the secrets).

Kenny's little sister

Now that Kenny has a little sister, it seems he can't be born and surpass her in age in less than a week, right? Right? Well, this is South Park. The impossible happens there weekly.

The Losing Edge

The Teams

South Park, Fort Collings

Pueblo, Denver

The Greeley and Conifer teams aren't in here because there were no team photos of them. South Park defeated these two teams as well as Fort Collins and Pueblo on their way to Denver, where they lost due to Randy Marsh's penchant for brawling with the dads of the opposing teams. The South Park team was sure glad its season was over, though.

The Announcers

Conifer Announcers, Fort Collins Announcers, Denver Announcers

Here are the announcers for Conifer, Fort Collins, and Denver. The Greeley and Pueblo ones didn't show themselves.

The Dads

Mr. Barkas, Mr. Pratt, A Dad in Pueblo, Brian's Dad, Mr. "Bat Dad" Nelson.

These are all the men Randy Marsh fought with. Mr. Nelson is most notable because he dresses up as "Bat Dad" to support his second-baseman son.

Things to Notice

Craig, Mickey

The pic to the left is that of Craig, who always wears a blue cap... until now. His hair looks like Stan's except that it's brown. The pic to the right is Randy's vision of Mickey, Rocky's trainer and coach in the Rocky movies.

The Death Of Eric Cartman

A couple, Mental Health Doctor, Psychic, Three escaped convicts

The couple is quite puzzled about that little fat kid, so the husband just tells his wife to ignore him and they walk on. The mental health doctor comes out to visit Butters on his parents' suggestion and decides to run some tests on him. The tests all amounted to a 14-hour anal probe, and boy, was Butters' butt sore! The psychic was willing to to help Butters out until he tells her the ghost is sitting right next to him. She screamed and ran away, hiding from the boys. The three convicts hold up a Red Cross, and Cartman finds his ultimate act of atonement before he leaves for Heaven. He and Butters devise a way to distract the convicts while their hostages sneak past them to freedom. Cartman does everything he can to distract them, but they just end up confused. The police then come in and arrest them.


Cartman broke the toilet at his house after eating all the skin off the pieces of chicken at Stan's house. He announced that he would go home and sit on the toilet reading comics, and that he did. He went to school the next day and convinced himself he was dead after all the kids began to ignore him. He ran back home and saw the two white plumbers carrying a box away, and he thought that was his coffin. He heard his mom crying a few moments later and thought it was over his passing. It was actually because she was being rammed from behind by the black plumber and enjoying it.

Erection Day

Doctor Pal, Bertha, Shawna and her Mom, Roma

When Jimmy discovers erections he gets embarassed about it and so flees whenever he feels one coming on. His parents heard from Mr. Mackey about it and cal in a doctor to help Jimmy cope with the erections. Unfortunately, the doctor is also interested in shirtless boys, and Jimmy ain't having that. The doctor leaves, disappointed. Butters and Cartman help Jimmy out after this, but their advice gets him in trouble with the girls. Jimmy tries to pick up on Bertha, but he's way too frank in his intentions, so she rejects him right away. Cartman arranges a date between Jimmy and Shawna. Her mom tells her her date is there, so Shawna goes to the front door and greets Jimmy. They then go out to Buca de Fagghecini, where the waiter Roma waits on them.

Is an updated ? In storyboards, the girl on the right goes by Red, but she's never had a name on the show. The girl on the left is Bertha, but her clothes are darker than Red's. Still, they could be the same character, in which case Red now has an official name.

Nut Gobbler, Q Money, Cab Driver

Officer Barbrady gives Jimmy some advice of his own, but realizes too late what he did. Jimmy ends up at Colfax Point to pick up his next date, a big woman named Nut Gobbler. Jimmy tries to chat her up like he did Shawna, but Nut Gobbler sets him straight. When Jimmy decides to skip foreplay, Q Money comes in and takes Nut Gobbler away, but Jimmy hails a cab to get her back. Jimmy disarms Q Money with comedy and Nut Gobbler whacks him with a pipe. Jimmy then takes Nut Gobbler to a ho-tel room and ... well, you figure it out. Jimmy returns to the school to participate in the talent show, but finds the erections return.

Two Days Before The Day After Tomorrow

Field Reporter Mitch, Pentagon General

The Tom Pusslicker shown and mentioned in this episode is none other than the Tom we normally see on the show, only with a new shirt. :) With him out of the way, we have Mitch, a field reporter covering the Beaverton Dam flood, and the General, direct from the Pentagon, handling search and rescue. The Army might have been two days late, but it did show up to save the Beaverton residents and Stan, Kyle, and Cartman in Army helicopters.


Butters as Marjorine, A Girl

Butters is sent under cover into the girls' slumber party as Marjorine, after seemingly commiting suicide and coming to school the next day as the new girl. Once he got the future-telling device, he got out, ripped off his wig, and went straight home.
The girl on the right was in the playground playing fortune-teller with the other girls and was present at the slumber party. You might remember her as Kal from "Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset," but she's not wearing her ribbon.

Heidi Turner and her parents

Heidi Turner hosts a slumber party, and her mom tells her Marjorine is coming. Heidi isn't too happy about that, as she didn't invite Marjorine, but accepts it. Her parents make sure everything runs smoothly, and her father makes sure there are no boys sneaking around. When he sees the boys across the street, he's sure there's a boy in the party. Marjorine takes the fortune teller and runs off with it, making a clean getaway.

Rachel, from Quality Curtains

She arrives after getting called to come over and see about curtains for... the basement. She goes downstairs and faces Butters, then screams. At that point, Butters' father whacks Rachel with the shovel and kills her. He shoves the body towards Butters so Butters can eat all he wants, but Butters just wants Spaghetti-Os.

Follow That Egg

Governor of Colorado, Jakartha

Colorado has changed governors since we saw one last. The Governor here has to make a decision he isn't really interested in making - he figured he's just become Governor and take it easy until he runs again or leaves office. He makes his decision after looking at Stan and Kyle's (and Wendy's) egg and seeing that it's fine. Jakartha is the assassin hired by Mrs. Garrison to kill Stan and Kyle's egg. He's a bit offended by having been hired to kill the egg, but he's more offended at being called a pussy for not doing so, so he takes the job. He kills the egg, but it turns out to be a fake egg he killed. Kyle had the original, which the boys presented to the Governor and Mrs. Garrison.

Ginger Kids

The Foleys and their three kids

Kyle sets out to rebut Cartman's assertions about redheads, so he looks for a family which has ginger kids. He finds one in the Foleys. The parents are rather freaked out that all three of their kids are redheads and the father speaks in a nervous tone. He shoos the boys out quickly, warning them to marry Japanese women if they don't want ginger kids, as Asian women don't carry the recessive ginger gene. The kids are rather pale, and their grins get to be creepy after a while since they don't go away.

Ginger Kids; Gary Nelson, Hilton Guest Relations

Gartman has gathered all the gingers here to assert their specialness and superiority to everyone else. The kids eat it up. Gary Nelson drops by from time to time to make sure the group has everything it needs. When Cartman learns what Kyle and Stan did to him, his drive for ginger supremacy vanishes and he tries to get everyone to get along so he won't have to die.

Trapped In The Closet

Kelly, Brian and Mike, Michelle

Kelly is seated with another recruiter at a table outside the Scientology Center when Stan passes by the table. She invites Stan in and shows him around the center before she hands him off to Brian for a personality test. Brian (left) quizzes Stan for over an hour and finally tells him he's quite depressed. Brian suggests auditing for Stan, for $240. Stan gets the money out of his bike fund and returns to the center. Kelly takes him in and introduces him to Michelle, who takes the $240 nominal fee from Stan and gives him a quick tour through the center, explaining a bit about Scientology. She then takes him to the auditing room and uses an E-meter to test his thetan levels, which are measured in OTn, in which n is a number from 1 to 9, and Stan scores an OT9, which only one other person in the history of Scientology has achieved - L. Ron Hubbard himself. She calls Brian over to verify the score, and he can't believe it either. They try three other E-meters and get the same result each time. Brian looks for Mike (right) and shows him the results. Mike urges Brian to tell the president about this, which Brian does.

President, church leaders

Scientologists, Xenu

The president, upon learning the results, declares that L. Ron Hubbard had returned and been reincarnated, as he said he would, and he and the leaders go to Stan's house to talk to him. A crows of Scientologists gathers outside waiting for the church leaders to arrive. A helicopter arrives and drops them off, and they talk to Stan and his parents. The president asks Stan if he wants to know the secret of Scientology. Stan says OK and his parents are sent out of the kitchen. The president tells Stan the secret, including the story of Xenu's annihilation of other aliens in his galaxy and subsequent reprogramming of their souls, and asks him to continue where L. Ron left off - writing new doctrines for the church to follow. Stan takes to this with gusto. When the president reads the new doctrines, he's pleased until he gets to the section in which church members are no longer obliged to give the church any money. The president is pissed and tries to impress on Stan the importance of money in the church's scam. Stan pretends to understand and later goes back on that understanding when he's outside introducing the new doctrines. The president, church leaders, Scientologists, and celebrity members all vow to sue Stan. Stan finally accepts their challenge.

Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, John Travolta, R. Kelly

Tom Cruise sneaks into Stanley's room and is awed that he's in the presence of the reincarnated prophet, L. Ron Hubbard. He wants L. Ron to tell him how he feels about his acting. Stan tells him it's not as good as even Jon Heder's, but it's okay. Cruise was hoping for higher praise, but, not getting it, he runs into the closet and locks himself in there. Randy tries to get him out after Stan tells his father that Cruise is in there. Nicole Kidman tries to get him out, but fails, so Stan has to continue writing the new church doctrines at the kitchen table. John Travolta tries to get him out, but Cruise won't come out, so Travolta goes in... and finds it comfortable, like Cruise did. R. Kelly is outside with the crowd and talks to the field reporter twice. Each time, R. Kelly pulls out a gun and everyone scatters. The police think this might be a good idea, so they take R. Kelly upstairs to Stan's room and have him try to get Cruise and Travolta out of the closet. R. Kelly pulls out his gun and the police and family run down the stairs. R. Kelly counts to three, threatening to shoot Cruise and Travolta through the door if they don't come out. The door opens on 3 and R. Kelly goes in. Later on, he emerges with Cruise and Travolta, with his left hand over his right upper arm and shoulder, as if he were injured by them in the closet.

Free Willzyx

Star and Staffers at Denver Sea Park

Willzy-x, Announcer Brian and Partner Mike, Orca Trainer Kelly

Stingray Announcer, Security Guard, Denver Sea Park Owner

The star of the Orca Ocean exhibit at Denver Sea Park is Jambu, who seems to speak to Kyle after everyone leaves. Jambu says his name is actually Willzy-x. Kyle brings his friends back to listen, but nothing happens until Cartman turns to leave. Craig said Willzy-x talked to him too when all the boys met to plan Willzy-x escape. The voice behind Willzy-x was actually Brian, and he and Mike love messing with kids. That all changes when the boys pull off the abduction. Kelly is one of the trainers who teach Willzy-x new tricks. The stingray announcer sounds rather bored with his work.
After Willzy-x is abducted, the security guard, who couldn't figure out what was going on behind him at night, was reprimanded in the morning by the owner of the park. Still, he goes along with the owner and Kelly to get the whale back. Brian and Mike also go after the whale, on their own, and Mike meets a most untimely death.

Local Law Enforcement and Protesters

Denver Police Sergeant, Officers Nelson

ALF Members and Leader, Two Motorcycle Cops

The Denver police help the sea park owner, guard, and trainer in getting Jambu back. Nelson brings the note the boys left behind to the Sergeant's attention; he's sent off to track down the kind of crayon the note was written in. The Animal Liberation Front gets wind of the boy's efforts to Free Willzy-x and come to their aid. As the boys make their escape to Tijuana, they're stopped by Brian and Mike, who want the whale back. When they're about to do so, two motorcycle cops arrive and start making arrests. At that moment, the ALF arrives and they start shooting at the cops. One of the cops dies, the other stays alive long enough to report the incident and that the whale is headed for Tijuana. The ALF leader (gray-haired female in the ALF pic) drives the boys to the border while an ALF van follows close behind. There, they face the sergeant and his men as well as the sea park owner, guard, and Kelly. The truck and van plow through, forcing everyone to jump out of the way.

Foreign Aid

Russian President Putin, Tijuana Greeter

Manuel and other members of MASA

The boys try to enlist nations that will help them get Willzy-x to the moon, but they all want millions of dollars to do this. The Russian President thinks Kyle's call is another of George W. Bush's prank calls when Kyle says he can't afford $20 million to send the whale up to the moon, and hangs up on him. When Stan and Craig get to Tijuana, they're greeted by a sleepy Mexican, who shows them where MASA is. Stan then meets Manuel (center of the MASA pic), a sleepy Mexican who's actually cleaning a part. He shows Stan and Craig to the rockets, where they choose one for just $200. The MASA crew prepares the rocket and moves it into position as the ALF leader speaks about the goodness of the boys in releasing Willzy-x. The boys and the MASA crew celebrate a job well done as the ALF, sea park personnel, and police look on dumbfounded.
Bloody Mary

Karate Instructor

The boys take karate classes at his Ichi Ban Karate Dojo. The instructor, or sensei, reprimands Eric for being spontaneous and undisciplined. He tells the class that discipline comes from the inside. Later on, it is him whom Stan refers to as a great teacher, to his father's chagrin. The boys like the sensei enough to imitate his speech patterns from time to time. As he instructs the class, the boys' parents watch from behind him, or read, or snooze...

South Park police officer, South Park desk officer, Bailey police officer

Randy is stopped over for driving erratically, but after flubbing some replies to the officer, he's asked to step out of the car and to perform some simple moves. His failure to do so gets him arrested for driving drunk. He's given community service, which includes stopping at elementary schools and discouraging kids from drinking and driving, or not driving after drinking. He also has to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and follow the 12-step program, which he learns involves a lifestyle change similar to a religious conversion. He's taught that he's powerless over alcohol and that alcoholism is a disease, which just makes him drink more, since he has no control over it. Stan tries to talk some sense into him, but that fails. When he sees the report about the bleeding Virgin statue, he determines to go there, and since he's drunk, to have Stan do the driving. Once he gets in line, he looks for open spots. He slides into an open spot created when a man in line goes to the bathroom rather frequently. He slides into another one when he sees Josh Garrett in line, and once more when the Bailey officer sees that he's an alcoholic, like the officer's brother is. The officer takes him to the statue right away.

AA Group

AA Leader Michael, AA Boy

Randy doesn't think he has a drinking problem, but Michael and the rest of the AA group convinces him that he does. Stan shows up the next day and chastises the group for making Randy, a hypochondriac, think he has a disease he really doesn't have. Later, Randy embraces the new lifestyle he's found with AA and celebrates five days without alcohol with them at Whistlin' Willy's. One of the boys asks Stan if his father drinks, and after hearing "no" asks if this means they're friends. When Randy sees the report that the Virgin statue is not miraculously bleeding out its ass, his faith in his recovery is broken, and he orders lots of drinks for himself. Other AA members follow suit, and Michael has to redo everything undone at that moment.

Hispanic priest, Cardinal Mallory, Pope Benedict XVI

The hispanic priest, who doesn't have a name here, notices the statue bleeding after he leaves the rectory for a walk. He blesses himself and says "It's a miracle!" in Spanish. He tells his fellow priest, who alerts the Cardinal. Cardinal Mallory tells the Vatican about it, and it tells him to investigate further, which he does. He's the first to get squirted in the face. He declares this a miracle, which prompts the Pope himself to see if this is true. Benedict XVI arrives and investigates, and gets squirted too, for a long time. He declares that this bleeding virgin statue is not miraculous, as it's bleeding from the vagina instead of the ass, and it's normal for females to bleed out the vagina.

Believing Women, Josh Garrett and daughter

Two women are interviewed as to why they're in Bailey to look at the statue. They offer their theories, one of them being that Mary is crying for this world and its problems. No theory as to why Mary is crying out her ass. Randy joins the pilgrims already in line to visit the statue and sees a fellow South Park resident, Josh Garrett there. Jose is there so his daughter, who is suffering from elephantitis, would be cured of it. Randy tells him he's there to be cured of alcoholism.