South Park Guest
Biographies: Season 4

Cartman's Silly Hate Crime 2000

The Girls, including Girl In Pink

The boys decide to race on sleds, and the girls want to race as well. One of the girls, Lizzy, is particularly keen on beating the boys. The boys resist, but finally decide to let the girls compete. The day of the race is set for Saturday, and the girls spend the rest of the week needling the boys. When the girls discover Cartman has been arrested and placed in juvenile hall, their needling only gets meaner. When Kenny dies, the girls are all but sure they'll win the race. On Saturday, the girls face Stan, Kyle, Token, and a newly-freed Cartman. They almost win - until Cartman brings out the gift Romper Stomper gave him, the Romper Stomper pail shoes. Cartman tosses the pail shoes at the girls' sled and tangles the skis, causing the girls' sled to leave the race and go over a cliff. With the girls out of the race, the boys win handily.


Prosecutor, Agents Keen and Sharp, and Honorable Judge

Keen and Sharp are the agents who arrest Cartman for tossing a rock at Token and knocking him down with it. They arrest him on the premise that his action was a hate crime against blacks. The prosecutor bases his entire case on Cartman calling Token "black" in court, and linking that to the stone-throwing incident back at school. Wihtout hearing the defense, the judge announces Cartman guilty, and Cartman... escapes!


Leslie Smith, Trial TV host, and A New Colorado Governor

Leslie Smith covers the court trial for Trial TV. The governor of Colorado listens to many presentations during his working day, and on the day that Stan, Kyle, and Token show up to give their presentation on hate-crime laws. Later, the governor says that the boys' presentation is the most logical one he's heard in the last three years.


Romper Stomper

Romper Stomper is the most menacing boy in juvenile hall. All the kids cower when he approaches, and Cartman is made to be his cellmate. The only way Cartman can survive with Stomper is to get him stuff from the outside, from his friends. Cartman begins with cigarettes, but realizes his ass is so roomy he can bring other stuff in there without being detected. And so Stomper gets a Tic-Tac-Throw game, a bit ripe for the smell, but good. Stomper takes a liking to Cartman, but doesn't want to show it, so he lets Cartman escape from the hall with him. They escape, but the prison guards arrive to detain them both. Cartman resists, only to find he's been pardoned, and so he runs off happily. Later, he returns to visit Stomper and gives him a gift he'll never forget - Disneyland, straight from the ass!

The Tooth Fairy's Tats 2000

Loogie and his boys, including Kolovski

Loogie is a mafioso in the making. His family started the tooth fairy racket several generations ago, and he's the current boss. When Cartman, who has affiliated the boys with Loogie's gang, decides not to give Loogie a cut of the boys' profits, Loogie threatensn to have Kenny tossed into the Platte River. Cartman resists, and Kenny is tossed in by Loogie's boys, but doesn't sink. The Platte River proves too shallow.


Dentists, including Dr. Roberts and Mr. Foley

Ms. Cartman calls her dentist, Dr. Roberts, and expresses her concern that Cartman has been losing a lot of teeth lately. He tells her he'll be out of town at a convention, and so he'll have to see Cartman when he returns. At the convention, he learns that a lot of kids have been losing their teeth without getting any money from the tooth fairy, so both teeth and money are missing, and he and the other dentists discuss how to solve this mystery. One of the dentists who speaks up is Dr. Roberts.


Rich kid in Cherry Creek, Beat-up Boy, Weasel

When Cartman and the boys find that they can make serious money by stealing other kids' teeth and putting them under Cartman's pillow and finding a few dollars there the following day, they figure teeth from rich kids would bring in even more money, so they go the Cherry Creek to visit some rich kids' houses and look for teeth. When they visit the house of the rich kid shown above, they find themselves face to face with Loogie's gang. They are taken to Loogie, who explains to them how his family started the tooth fairy racket and describes a few scenes in the process. One of those scenes shows a beat-up boy tied to a chair who is about to get his teeth knocked out by a hammer. As a way to make more money, Cartman enlists the help of a certain Weasel, but Weasel tries to sell Cartman a set of teeth that turned out to be animal teeth, not human ones. Cartman ran him out of the den.


Field Reporter Dan Akawa, Billy Circlovich and his parents

Dan Akawa went out to report on the Circlovich family after word got out that Billy Circlovich had received $600 from the tooth fairy. He tried to interview Billy, but Billy was too stunned to say much without stammering. Dan asks the parents a few questions, but their answers are brief. It turns out that the AMA set up the interview with the Circlovish family in order to draw out both Loogie's gang and the South Park kids.

Murphy, the Half-Chicken/Half-Squirrel

Murphy is one of the dentists involved in the sting. He tries to be funny, but the other dentists are not amused. The half-chicken/half-squirrel was supposedly a made-up creature the dentists devised to explain why so many kids were losing so many teeth. The dentists had the creature intelligent enough to perform algebra equations before a class of math students. The creature appears after the ADA breaks up the tooth fairy racket and arrested Loogie's gang. It bounces around and chases everyone away from the Circlovish house for a while.

Quintuplets 2000


Clown in blue, Clown in yellow, The Hobo Clown

The blue clown tried to get Stan to smile, to act happy, but Stan would not. Cartman got pissed off and made the clown walk away. The yellow clown simply sold stuff outside the tent. The hobo clown sang a song, and Kenny buys a tape and a copy of the clown's costume. He dresses up as the clown and does karaoke while the other boys practice some acrobatic moves with the quints.


Romanian officials, The Vladchick Quintuplets, Grandmama Vladchick; Mr. Vladchick, the Quints' father

The quintuplets are the stars of the Cirque du Cheville, but their Grandma is looking for a way to escape the circus. After the girls perform, their Grandma dresses them up and all escape through a window. The two Romanian officials who oversee the Vladchicks find them missing and pursue them. They even chase the girls by boat, but run into some explosives after the girls perform an amazing feat to get out of the way. Grandma Vladchick leads the girls to a house, which turns out to be Stan's, and meets Grandpa. She and Grandpa have sex later that night, and she dies in the act. Grandpa is proud of his performance, as Grandma Vladchick is still in bed at noon the following day. Randy tells him she's dead. Later on, the Marshes and the quints see a report, a plea from the quints' father to have his girls returned to him. But the plea is suspect, as the father has a gun to the side of his head. The girls go through several adventures before finally telling everyone just what's wrong with them and then going on a book tour and an appearance on Oprah. Oprah's limousine shows up to take them away


Music Instructor, Romanian President

The music instructor teaches Kenny how to sing, but he advises him and his mom to go to Romania for further instruction and a career there - it seems Romania is a great place to earn a living singing opera. The Romanian president learns of the life the quints are living in South Park, and he sends two of his officials out to get the quints back.

Janet Reno

The Romanian officials come and talk to Janet Reno just before Easter to get her cooperation in retrieving the quints. She agrees to this, and dresses up as an Easter bunny in order to get the girls herself and take them to the officials. She breaks into the Marsh house and rolls a large Easter egg into the living room. The egg goes off and the family scatters and hides. Eventually, the quints are found and whisked away. Janet Reno has done her part.


Lead Agent Collins and other agents, Riot Police

The military agents, led by Collins, come to South Park and order the Marshes to hand over the quintuplets, but the Marshes refuse. There's a stalemate until Janet Reno comes to town and takes the quints with her. Riot police show up in Romania to get Kenny back and return him to South Park in exchange for the girls. Unfortunately, one of the officers has a hair-trigger finger and shoots Kenny to bits. The officers quickly leave.

Timmy 2000


Clinic Doctor, Mark the Pharmacist, Dr. Shay, Christina Aguilera monster

The Clinic Doctor read to the kids from "A Farewell To Arms". As none of the kids could answer a question about the book, the doctor prescribed Ritalin to all of them. Mark, the pharmacist, dutifully filled out the prescriptions and told the parents that Ritalin could have side effects in some children. Chef, hearing about the kids being on Ritalin, decided to do something about it. He tried playing a video of Dr. Shay, who endorsed a radical form of corporal punishment (i.e., spanking or paddling), but found that the parents, too, had fallen to the calming effects of Ritalin. Chef then went to the pharmacist to warn him and the doctor about the dangers of Ritalin and the effects the drug was already having on the people of South Park. When Chef arrived, he saw the doctor and pharmacist exchange money between them, and they put it away quickly when he knocked on the door. He entered and pleaded his case, but they laughed at him untl he told them about Lalapalalapaza, and that the kids were going to see Phil Collins at that concert. The doctor and pharmacist broke down after that and did as Chef told them: they created an antidote called Ritalout. One of the effects of Ritalin was the appearance of Christina Aguilera monsters to Cartman. At the concert, Chef passed out the antidote to Ritalin to all the people in attendance, and the antidote went to work. The people soon remembered that Phil Collins suck, and the effects of Ritalin vanished.


host of VH1 News, Charlie Rose, Phil Collins, Sisters of Mercy Hold No Pain Against the Dark Lord

Both Charlie Rose and the VH1 reporter had news items on Phil Collins and Timmy. Charlie Rose did an analytical piece on the rise of Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld while the VH1 reporter anounced the breakup of the group. Phil Collins had a role to play in each report. Phil Collins was headlining at Lalapalalapaza until Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld took his place. When he learned he had been replaced as the headliner, he did his best to discourage this in the media and to convince Skyler that Timmy was taking his place as frontman in the band. Skyler began to see things this way and soon left the group for a solo carreer. This bit of news resulted in Phil Collins getting to be the headliner again, and the kids, as they were on Ritalin, went along with it. When Phil Collins sang his song at the concert, Chef passed out the antidote Ritalout and the audience came to its senses. Phil Collins was taken from the stage and bounced above the audience. Someone took the Oscar he carried with him at all times and shoved it up his ass.
Sisters of Mercy Hold No Pain Against the Dark Lord was one of the bands in the Battle of the Bands. They lost to Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld.

Great Expectations

Pip

Joe and Mrs. Joe, Ex-Convict, Lawyer, Pocket

This episode is most remarkable because it tells Great Expectations in its time period, with the Pip we know from the present. Joe and Mrs. Joe are his parents here. Joe is looking for a new job, and he shows his talents in making just about anything out of metal. Mrs. Joe is a housewife, but she's a bossy one compared to Joe's tender self. When we first meet Pip here, he's confronted by an ex-convict. He offers food to the ex-convict and breaks him out of his chains. The ex-convict is quite impressed with this act of kindness. Later on, Pip gets to go to London because of some money sent to him by an anonymous sponsor by way of a lawyer, shown above. He learns in the end that the ex-convict was the sponsor who had sent him the money for proper schooling, and that the ex-convict had indeed turned his life around and become a millionaire. Mr. Pocket is the boy Pip first met at Mrs. Havesham's. Pocket was there as one of Estella's living toys, a boy there only for Estella's amusement and not her friendship. Pocket later shows up at the same gentleman's school Pip attends in London, and they become best friends. They return to Mrs. Havesham's because Pip, now a gentleman, is determined to take Estella away from Mrs. Havesham's influence. Unlike the original story, Pip's efforts worked this time.


Ms. Havesham, Estella

Ms. Havesham is the woman who would not see her daughter Estella fall in love with any male, and so raised her daughter to hate men, to use them for her own pleasure, and to dispense with them when they no longer amused her. Ms. Havesham was stood up at the altar when she was young, so she left her house exactly as it was on that wedding day. Pip found Estella quite lovely and was sure she was as lovely inside as she was outside, if only she weren't so icy towards boys. Things were working exactly as Ms. Havesham had designed them to, but her goal in this version went far beyond exacting vengeance on the male gender for being stood up at the altar. When Pip returned as a gentleman he found his feelings for Estella had not diminished; indeed, they were stronger now, but he learned she had gone to school to be a lady and now had a boyfriend, an older boy. Ms. Havesham's ultimate goal, and the fates of all involved, are given below.


Steve, and Other male victims

Steve is the boy who was introduced to Estella and came to be her boyfriend, but he was just another victim in Ms. Havesham's scheme to exact vengeance on all men because one man failed to show up to marry her. He, Pip, and other learn that she wants to do this for all eternity, and that the first place to start is with Estella - she was going to unite her soul with Estella's in order to continue breaking the hearts of the male sex. She needed Esella's young body to do this, though, as her own body had grown old and incapable. Along the wall was a rack with a bunch of other men and boys whose hearts Estella had broken, and whose tears Ms. Havesham needed to fuel the Genesis device she had designed to unite her soul to Estella's. Pip and Pocket returned in time to stop the device and free the men and boys. Pip persevered in winning Estella over, and he finally suceeded.

A British Person (Malcolm McDowell)

Nothing need be said about him except that he narrated the story for the viewers.

Cartman Joins NAMBLA


North American Man/Boy Love Association, NAMBLA leader, Patrick, Mr. Harris

NAMBLA shows up when it hears that some boy lovers are in jail in South Park. They storm the police station and demand the release of Mr. Garrison and Tony, but Barbrady won't do it, and threatens to arrest them if they don't leave. NAMBLA then meets at the South Park Inn to discusss the FBI arresting some of their members. Cartman enters and asks to join the organization, and the members welcome him. Cartman soon becomes the new poster child. He boasts that he's now part of NAMBLA to his friends, but Stan and Kyle don't want any part of it. Other kids decide to join, though, so Stan and Kyle have sercond thoughts. A dinner is held at the South Park Inn to congratulate Cartman and admit the new kids into NAMBLA. Some of the members give testimony about the boys they've foiund in town. Patrick talks glowingly about Butters while Mr. Harris raves about Timmy. After dinner there's a dance, in which members dance with their new boy partners, and then the men and their boys go to their various hotel rooms to get better acquainted. Another NAMBLA, discussed below, shows up to prevent NAMBLA from having its way with the boys of South Park. The second NAMBLA is successful, and NAMBLA is arrested.

Tony

Tony, whose screen name is Tony316, is the first man Cartman meets after going online to look for men - ahem, mature people to hang out with. They meet at Mel's Buffet and talk for a while. Tony offers Cartman some candy, books on Kama Sutra, and a back rub. He's terribly tender, which makes for an insidious approach. Two agents come in and haul Tony away. Cartman immediately suspects Stan and Kyle of messing with his new friendship.

North American Marlon Brando Look Alikes

This second NAMBLA happens to be meeting in town, and Dr. Mephesto is head of that organization. He invites Cartman to join the group, as Cartman has theh size and a bit of the voice to be a Brando lookalike. This NAMBLA meete in the cafeteria at South Park Elementary. One night, agents looking for the North American Man/Boy Love Association find this group instead and have to apologize for the mix-up. It is at this time that Mephesto learns of the other NAMBLA's presence in South Park. He and the others move to confront the other NAMBLA and stop them from molesting any of the town's boys. They reach the hotel and go looking for the other NAMBLA.

Waiter

He gets to be in the middle of the action as the two NAMBLAs and the FBI converge in the hallway at his hotel, all looking for the town's boys. He's startled thrice: first by nude NAMBLA members, again by the members now dressed, and yet again, but this time by Mephesto's NMBLA. Each time he drops the tray he's holding and then has to get a new tray. It's not known to whom he was delivering food.

Cherokee Hair Tampons

Mr. Wyland, substitute teacher

He took over for Mr. Garrison after Mr. Garrison was arrested for soliciting young boys. He had the class make a greeting card for Kyle, and they used Butters as the basis for the card. In "Chef Goes Nanners" he has the class debate whether the South Park Flag should be changed, as the current one shows a black man being hanged. Quite a change from Mr. Garrison, who was flamboyant, Mr. Wyland is as normal a teacher as South Park ever gets.


Miss Information, Carlos Ramirez and Chief Running Pinto

Miss Information is a dealer in alternative and holistic medicine. Mrs. Broflovski goes to her for help with Kyle because she's heard great things about Miss Information. Miss Information tries to heal Kyle from his diabetes, but it doesn't work. She enlists the help of Ramirez and Running Pinto, but they realize Kyle's condition is such that he needs a doctor's care, not Miss Information's quackery. One of the things the men do sell is Cherokee Hair Tampons, which all the women buy up. Once the townsfolk realize that the men and Miss Information really can't cure people with their kind of medicine, they attack the three. Ramirez and Running Pinto manage to escape.

Chef Goes Nanners

The KKK and their leader

The KKK get wind of the debate being held in South Park about the flag there and arrive screaming "White Power! White Power!" in support of people who want to keep the flag the way it is. They hold their meetings in the woods nearby and then hold a cake raffle. Jimbo and Ned infiltrate the KKK and conivnce thr group to vote for changing the flag. Doing so will convince the town to keep it the way it is, as the town hates the KKK. The KKK agrees and then moves on to see "Whose got the silliest thing on under their robe?"

Something You Can Do With Your Finger

Harried Mall Manager

The mall manager is a little befuddled, if not easily distracted. He talks to a person as if someone else is whispering in his ear ("Who?" "What?"). Cartman walks through the door with the rest of Fingerbang and auditions for the manager, but he rejects them. Cartman returns with a video, but Timmy ruined the shoot, and there's an added bonus that the manager was pleased with, but which Cartman didn't expect. Fingerbang gets the gig after the mall manager sees the Fingerbang bit. When Fingerbang is at the mall stage, the manager pops in from time to time to remind the group that they should play or leave the stage, with or without their fifth member. Kenny shows up, but is killed by an elevator, the manager tells them to get out, and the group has to wait for Stan's father to show up.

Record Producer

When Randy was still in high school he sang in a choir, and that choir would sing around town. On one of those occasions a record producer stopped by and noticed Randy's singing and asked him to try out for a group to be called the Ghetto Avenue Boys - in New York. Randy jumped at the chance and left everything and everyone he knew behind. The groups recorded its songs and hit it big, and Randy was amazed. Two years later Randy and the group return to the studio to begin recording their next album, but find that their producer is working with a new group, the Avenue Ghetto Street Boys. The Ghetto Avenue Boys had aged and no longer looked like boys, so the producer dropped them like a bad habit. And the group, despite its success, was in debt to the studio, so the members lost their homes, cars, and women. Randy returned to South Park disgraced.


Veteran and Rookie Security Guards, Mall Madman, Little Girl, Piano Player

The guards handle security at South Park Mall. The veteran guard, at left, shows the rookie how to handle the crowds, usually by interrogation, sometimes by using a can of pepper spray. He usually says, "Move along, sir." The madman carries a bottle of something strange around claiming that it contains a new strain of anthrax that he will soon unleash upon all of North America. The little girl was just collecting autographs, but the mall guard came and shot some pepper spray at her. She runs away. And the piano player should be familiar to anyone who's ever watched Peanuts on TV or video. In "Cartmanland," Cartman hires the veteran guard to handle security at his new theme park. But the guard starts alerting Cartman to other personnel he needs to run the park smoothly, and Cartman hires them grudgingly, and opens the park up to guests against his original intentions. The guard still employs the pepper gas, which seems to affect Cartman more than it does Stan.

Do The Handicapped Go To Hell?


Sister Ann, Papal Secretary, The Pope

Boy and Girl

Sister Anne is the catechism teacher at South Park Church and belongs to the sisters of the Bleeding Eyes of Jesus. She finds herself at a loss when the kids ask if Timmy would go to hell for not being able to confess his sins. She asks the kids to ask Priest Maxi, but his answer doesn't seem satisfactory. She calls the pope, but talks to the papal secretary first. It is at this point that one learns for sure that South Park Church is a Catholic church. Sister Anne does get to talk to the pope, but he just babbles without really hearing what she's asking him. The boy and girl are just there to take the CCD class.


Cantor, Mrs. Donovan

The cantor doesn't do much except announce Mr. Mackey's reading (Psalm 46). Mrs. Donovan is the woman found in the confessional with her ass up against the partition. Priest Maxi is on the other side of the partition having sex with Mrs. Donovan. Cartman sees all this, seeing Mrs. Donovan first, then Priest Maxi. Mrs. Donovan flies out of the confessional giggling, then Priest Maxi exits trying to save face by calling her a temptress. Cartman decides that if this priest who's supposed to guide the town to salvation can fall to sin like this, then no one can save the town, unless the kids do it. So Cartman goes on a preaching binge.

Chris, Satan's Lover

Satan, having killed Saddam in South Park: Longer, Bigger, & Uncut, looks for a new lover, and finds one in Chris, a vegetarian nutritionist before he died. Chris is so understanding that he doesn't let Saddam's return bother him. Satan sees this as smugness, as such an understanding person doesn't try to fight for the person he loves. Chris would have love fight for him, but Satan wants someone who will fight for love. Satan loves Chris, but he still has feelings for Saddam, and goes off to spend one more night with him. In the followng episode, Chris learns that understanding is not enough: he fights for Satan. This ends up forcing Satan's hand, as Satan realizes that Chris and Saddam fighting over him isn't getting the situation anywhere.

Probably

Tour Bus Driver

In the previous episode he runs over Kenny, and the other kids think Kenny is dead. In this episode he announces their arrival at Ensenada in Baja California and pulls up at a gas station. He learns from one of the attendants that the bus ran over a child. He asks if the kid is okay. Little does he know that Kenny is the kid he ran over, way back in South Park.


Boy wearing glasses, Ugly Girl

Marcy and Her Parents Stephen and Mom

The boy and girl are two of the kids Cartman purports to heal. The boy is healed of his sight and the girl supposedly loses her ugliness. Marcy becomes born again and her parents try to pull her out of Cartman's church. A piece of wood falls down from the ceiling and kills Stephen, sending him to hell. Marcy loses her dog, Robby, in "Helen Keller, the Musical"


Hell Director, A very pretty blonde girl in Hell, Mormons In Heaven

The Director of Hell greets everyone who comes into Hell in large orientation meetings. In a question-and-answer session he explains that the reason a lot of seemingly faithful people are in Hell is that none of them belong to the right religious group. Only the Mormons go to Heaven. But Satan has man trouble, as Chris and Saddam are constantly killing each other. Satan can only live with one of them, and it isn't Saddam, for Saddam had enjoyed his time in Hell too much. Satan talks to the pretty blonde girl, who tells him to talk to God, but Satan has his doubts about that, seeing as how he and God have become enemies. After some thought, Satan goes up to talk to Gad, who chastises him for being such a pussy. Satan makes up his mind and sends Saddam to God. Saddam finds himself among the Mormons.

4th Grade


Two Sci-Fi nerds

These two nerds work on Timmy's chair to make it a time machine so the fourth graders can return to third grade. They have a running argument as to how many episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series there were. Neither of them was right. Still, they argue over it enough to break up after they see their modifications finally work. Unfortunately, only Timmy got to travel through time. Stan and Kyle try to get the two of them to make up and get together to build another time machine so the rest of the fourth-graders could return to third grade. The effort pays off when Stan convinces the brunet nerd that they could go back in time to ask Gene Rodenberry for the definitive answer. This time machine is a microwave oven with a duck tied to it. The nerds get into a fight again, this time over Battlestar Galactica, and during their fight they activate the time machine, which turns into a portal the other kids can walk into and go back to third grade. They return in "Freak Strike" to put prosthetic testicles on Butters' chin so Butters can pass himself off as a freak and get a prize for himself and the other boys. We learn they live next to Kyle in this epiosde, and down the street from Stan in "Freak Strike"


Rescuer Hansen and his pilot, A brunette

When Timmy rolls down the street in his souped-up wheelchair, Hansen has to come down from a helicopter, flown by the pilot. His pilot has to match the speed of the helicopter to that of the wheelchair before Hansen could attempt to lift the woman off the wheelchair. He tries several things to take her off the wheelchair, but none of them work until he says that as long as the boy stays on the chair, everything will be fine. Which means she can get off at any time. When she realizes this, she just hops off and lets Timmy continue on his way. Hansen then gets to work on disabling the chair and then rises away from it, thinking he's disabled it. It simply speeds up and disappears.

New Fifth Graders

Now that the class in is fourth grade, the fifth graders are now in sixth, and the former fourth graders are now in fifth, and the three fifth graders above become the new tormentors. Note how fifth graders are the first kids to get noses that show.

Trapper Keeper


Android VSM471 (aka Bill Cosby), Two Cheyenne Mountain security guards

The android arrived after learning that Cartman had the Trapper Keeper that could destroy the world. The kids thought him odd and too old to be a fourth grader, bu tthey soon accepted him. He did everything he could to destroy the Trapper Keepers Cartman kept getting, even sleeping with Liane, but Cartman kept getting them, and one of them took over him. Cartman began to morph and expand, and the android, who went by the name Bill Cosby, followed him to Cheyenne Mountain with the other boys, where all he could do was watch as Trapper Keeper took over the mountain. Eventually they approach Trapper Keeper and Kyle goes inside to disable it. "Bill" fears that it's too late, seeing Trapper Keeper fuse with everything. VSM471 stays around until Trapper Keeper is destroyed by Rosie O'Donnell; then he vanishes.


Rosie O'Donnell, Jesse Jackson

Rosie O'Donnell arrives after Filmore tells her of the voting dilemma in his class. Mr. Garrison throws a fit after Rosie details her plan to count the votes and count them agian. Rosie, being offended by the fit, threatens to bring the press and more lawyers and statesmen to town. Later she shows up with the others near Trapper Keeper and it swallows her up. Then it gets sick and dies, ejecting Kyle and Cartman, and a half-eaten Rosie. Jesse shows up to protest the black vote count, only to learn that there aren't any blacks in Garrison's class. He turns around and leaves.


Filmore and Quaid, Kindergartners Jenny, Sally, Flora, and another girl

Filmore is Ike's rival in the kindergarten presidential race. His aunt is Rosie O'Donnell, who tries to break the tie. Jenny, Sally, the unnamed girl, and Flora are other kindergartners. Flora has the hardest time making up her mind. In the end, the other kids get tired of voting so much and want to move on to fingerpaint. Filmore's friend gets a name in the fifth season: Quaid.

Thanksgiving, aka Helen Keller: The Musical


Gobbles and Alinicia, Jeffrey Maynard (Timmy's stand-in) and Lamond

Two Waterworks Installers, Some hunters

Gobbles is quite a defective turkey, which is why Timmy chose him. They are both handicapped, and they get along quite nicely. Gobbles cannot keep him head up. Timmy is asked to choose a turkey for the fourth grade play, and he chose that one. But Gobbles isn't much of a performing turkey, which is what Cartman wanted. Jeffrey Mayanrd, who was called in as a consultant, tells the class of a turkey he worked with on Broadway. Cartman asks if Jeffrey could get the turkey to perform in the play, and Jeffrey says yes. The next day the Broadway turkey shows up - . She's a fussy turkey, sensitive and beautiful, and she knows it. Cartman takes Gobbles out of the play, and Kyle reminds Cartman that only Timmy can play Helen Keller - no Gobbles, no Timmy. When Cartman says Timmy can have two turkeys, Lamond protests, saying his bird won't work with other turkeys. Lamond and Alinicia retire to their dressing room and Allenisia throws a fit. Cartman goes to check up on them, and Lamond suggest that Cartman have Gobbles killed. Later, during rehearsal, Cartman positions Gobbles to be struck down by an overhead light, but he forgot which light he rigged. Kenny is struck down. Later, Timmy is showing Gobbles a few tricks when Lamond comes and tells him that some people from an animal shelter are coming to take Gobbles away. Timmy sees two men round a corner, and he flees the building with Gobbles in tow. Those two men install waterworks for the play, but they don't do electricity. Jeffrey takes Jimmy's place as Helen Keller through to the end. Timmy find a place to get rid of Gobbles and shoos him away, then rolls away wistfully. When Timmy returns to the rehearsal without Gobbles, Kyle gets suspicious, and Lamond is proud of the success of his plan. Gobbles is picked up by a driver and finds himself among other turkeys headed for a slaughterhouse. Once there, his handicap helps him avoid the fate of the other turkeys. He escapes and faces the guns of some men from the town, inluding Jimbo. Gobbles runs away, and the hunters follow. Meanwhile, back at rehearsal Lamond's comments make Timmy realize what Lamond was up to, and Timmy rushes to save Gobbles from any danger. He shows up at Gobbles' former home as the hunters close in oin Gobbles. Timmy jumps out of his chair and takes a bullet for Gobbles, but comes up just injured. Timmy somehow conveys to the hunters that the real turkey they should go after is at the theatre, so they all show up and the hunters decimate Alinicia. Gobbles performs the trick in the finale quite nicely, and the kids and audience are impressed.


Public Service Announcement participants.

Cameos, basically. The man and boy cry over their loved one's death. An elderly man apologizes to his son. A couple argues over the husband's infidelity. Then the announcer appears asking the viewers if they've don the right things. The PSA was about these people regretting not doing the right things when they had the chance, but the father and son, and husband and wife, do get to make up after being negligent for so long.

Fat Camp

Manatee and Manatee Schematic

The class gets manatees (a Florida mascot) and divides into groups to tackle them. Kenny is challenged to eat a manatee's brains, and after some protesting he agrees to do it. Later, Ms. Choksondik learns that the class should have gotten frogs instead of manatees for dissection, so she has the class reassemble the manatess.



Fat kids, including Horace Sanders, Chad, and Tony (shown below)

These are some of the kids whom Cartman meets in fat camp. They try and lose weight, but Cartman undermines all that by selling contraband food after taps. Some of the kids escape every night, but a fake ice cream truck always round them up. Cartman is just such a victim one night. Once in their cabins, the kids complain of cravings, and Cartman plans a way to satisfy those cravings. A few nights later, Cartman breaks out the good stuff after the counselors go to bed. Chad (lower center) breaks down and Cartman comforts him with a chocolate bar, charging him $4 for it. The blonde girl (upper right) gets two doughnuts and a pack of licorice. Tony (lower right) gets "the usual." Horace's parents visit the camp to see how Horace (lower left) is doing, but find he hasn't lost any weight. They want to take him away, and Horace is about to give the reason why he stayed fat, but Cartman glares at him and he doesn't say anything more. Camp ends and all the parents return for their kids. Chad's parents want a refund, as none of the campers lost weight. Chad is the first to confess the truth, and Horace follows him. The other kids confirm the story and beg for the counselors to take them back. The counselors permit it and Cartman is banned from the camp.

Camp Counselors Rick and Susan

Rick and Susan are the counselors who try to get the fat kids in shape, giving them foods low in sugar and fat, if not fat-free foods. They make sure the kids follow the regimen and they send out drivers to track down any kids attempting to escape. They're very enthusiatic about their work, but are willing to refund the money the parents paid to have their children thin down. The kids realizse they like being in fat camp and come clean about their remaining fat, and counselors see their work wasn't in vain.

Krazy Kenny Show and host

Kenny's very own show, and its host. Kenny gets his own show after displaying an amazing ability to eat just about anything anyone places before him, stating with manatee brains. On the show he goes out on the field and into a Porto-Potty. He goes into the septic tank and lets himself get crapped on for hours. Then he gives hsi grandfather a sensual full-body massage and .. well, his replacement climbs into Mrs. Crabtree's uterus and stays in there way too long.


James Taylor, Howard Stern, Tom Green and Johnny Knoxville

James Taylor shows up in the kitchen when Chef is singing about prostitutes and accompanies Chef on guitar. Once Principal Victoria.sees this Chef chastises James and James walks off. Principal Victoria, not fooled, calls Chef to her office. Meanwhile, Kenny begins to star in his own show and soon sets up a Pay-Per-View special. He's called in to guest on the Howard Stern show and talk about the special. Tom Green and Johnny Knoxville are also there. Howard is willing to offer them $50,000 apiece to give him oral sex, but Kenny, Tom, and Johnny begin a price was that has Kenny winning with a low bid of $10. The others withdraw, and Kenny gives Howard a hummer. The others proclaim him the biggest whore.


Druggie, as himself, Cartman, and Kenny

There's a boy who runs errands for Cartman. He poses as Cartman to convince Cartman's family and friends that he's cured of his obesity, but he's actually there to steal food for Cartman. He returns to Hopeful Hills Children's Weight Management Center to exchange food for money, and we find out that the boy is a drug addict, a druggie. Cartman sells the food he gets to other campes, and part of that money goes to the druggie. After a while the druggie asks for a bigger cut of the earnings, which Cartman allows, as long as the druggie doesn't blow his cover. Still, the druggie's behavior arouses Kyle's suspicion, as much because of "Cartman"'s behavior as his appearance. Kyle pulls off the druggie's hat and is vindicated for his suspicions. He presses the druggie to dress as Kenny and replace Kenny on the Krazy Kenny Show. The druggie dresses as Kenny, goes up into Mrs. Crabtree's uterus, and dies in there.

The Wacky Molestation Adventure

Mark and Linda Cotner

This couple entered South Park looking for Breckenridge but got lost in the mountain roads. They entered South Park without knowing it, for the sign had been covered over and the letters read "Welcome to Smiley Town." Mark is looking for a place that'll fix his car. He comes to a gas station looking for a mechanic and talks to Butters and Craig. Finding no real mechanic at the gas station, he asks for a phone to use. They direct him to Treasure Cove. When they cross the white line to Treasure Cove they enter a strange world run by kindergartners. A little truck squirts the couple with lemon juice, then the kindergartners show up to "play" with the couple. At this, they escape back to Smiley Town, where Craig taeks them to the Mayor - Cartman! At the mayor's office the couple wintesses even stranger things, including a means of communication that involves jars that can carry voice messages without any loss in sound quality. Cartman tells them what they can do to get a phone. The couple goes to John Elway Memorial Park, where they are to find a book under a statue of Elway and deliver it back to Cartman before Mark can use a real phone. The couple finds Kenny dead under the statue, a recent sacrifice to the Provider. The kindergartners show up again with other kids and captures the couple. Back in Treausre Cove, Stan and Kyle explain that they have the only working phone and tell the story of how Smiley Town and Treasure Cove came to be. Later, Mark sends Linda back to the car while he goes to get the book. She goes there and finds Butters, who tells her a window handle was the problem. She looks at the car and finds it dismantled. Cartman's group finds her and seizes her. Mark returns to Treasure Cove with Smiley Town's book, and Cartman goes there with Mark's wife hostage. The couple and all the kids return to John Elway Memorial Park to see the Provider. Snce Smiley Town's book is missing, Smiley Town has to offer a sacrifice - Butters! But Mark intervenes and tries to explain to the kids that the birthgaviers they sent to prison love them and miss them, that the rules they set were for their benefit. The kids ponder this and realize he's right. Kyle hands Mark the cell phone and Mark calls the police to get the parents released.


Social Worker, Scott Evans, Prison Rehabilitation Counselor, Jenny's Parents

The social worker shows up when the kids of South Park start calling the police on their parents. She's there to see Kyle's parents arrested and hauled off to jail. She then walks up to Kyle and hugs him. She then takes off with the law enforcement personnel. Scott is the Canyon City Maximum Security Prison rehab counselor who tries to rehabilitate the new prisoners by having them look at a life-size cutout of Beaver Cleaver, list other things they can do besides molest children, etc. Jenny's parents are welcomed home by her when the kids' parents are released and return home.

Fidel Castro

He reads the letter Kyle sends to him and is moved by it. He calls everyone to gather together for a press conference. He announces the end of Communism and the return of tourism to Cuba, saying it was Kyle's letter that changed his ways.

A Very Crappy Christmas

Tele's Store Owner, and Sound Man

Tele's store owner laments the lack of consumerism in Christmas 2000, as no one is buying TVs at his store. This is the spark that gets the boys fired up about making a short to bring the Christmas spirit back to South Park. The sound man records the boys as they make their first animated short, which they present to the people of South Park. While the lines are being recorded Stan reminds Kyle that Jews don't celebrate Christmas, and Cartman says Chanukah sucks when Kyle begins singing the Dreidle song. Kyle and Cartman get into a fight, and the sound man loves it. But the argument isn't in the script, so Stan has to write it in.