South Park Guest
Biographies: Season 15

HumancentiPad


Japanese Man, Woman, Leslie and Frothgar, Replacement Friend, Dr. Phil, Best Buy Prez, Steve Jobs

The Japanese man and the woman unwittingly agree to participating in the HumancentiPad experiment Apple is trying. The Japanese man is placed at the head of the creature, so any food going through the HumancentiPad goes through him, then through Kyle, then through the woman. After the HumancentiPad is wired, her poop performs some function or other on the iPad attached to her butt.
Leslie and Frothgar are the two Geniuses whom Stan, Gerald, and Butters talk to at the Apple Store. At first, these Geniuses say there's no way out of the agreement, and offer store credit instead, but they also research for some other way for Gerald to get his son back. One of their solutions is to give the boys a replacement friend, but the bous decline. Nothing more is done with this friend. Frothgar is Leslie's boss at the Genius Bar, but Leslie is the one who initiated Gerald into the cult of Apple. This gives Gerald approval power over any agreements Kyle signs online in the future while invalidating retroactively any agreements Kyle had signed before.
Steve Jobs runs Apple and oversees the HumancentiPad experiment. He's frustrated that Kyle is all too willing to sign agreements without reading them. He tries various scenarios to see if Kyle would learn to read contracts before signing, but all of them are fruitless, until something clicks and Kyle finally learns to read agreements. Dr. Phil interviews Cartman about his mom's behavior, and Cartman lets loose. The president of Best Buy appears because it was at one of his stores that allegations of Liane fucking her son in the ass first came out.


Business-Casual G-Men, Apple Man 4, Apple Tech. Rescuer 1. Staffer, Staffer 2, Doctor

All the people here are involved in the development of the HumancentiPad. The Business-Casual G-Men chase Kyle down in order to make him a part of the new device. The first G-Man tells Kyle they're there to fulfill the agreement; the second G-Man reads out Kyle's weight: 83 lbs. Other Apple employees serve to create scenarios that would make Kyle read the agreements before signing or declining the, but Kyle signs every time. Several of them simulate paramedics who show up to take the HumancentiPad apart. They take him to a hospital so a doctor could separate the Humancentipad, but the dcotor needs permission before performing the surgery. He has Kyle read the agreement first, then sign, but Kyle again just signs. In the end, two of the staffers come to take the HumancentiPad apart after Gerald joins the Apple team and goes to work retroactively invalidating all the agreements Kyle signed without reading.


Sizzler Man, Reporter 1, Audience Man, Man and Son

The Sizzler Man is the man Kyle talks to when he's showing off his iPad. The man expresses concern about Apple following him through the iPad and collecting information about his whereabouts. The reporter asks if the HumancentiPad can actually read (the Apple people have had trouble making this thing read contracts before signing). The first man in the audience chides Liane for fucking her son and not giving him a kiss. The second man demonstrates his love for his son by kissing him on the forehead. The father and son reappear at the end of the episode and the dad kisses his boy again.

Funnybot

The Germans

President Wulff, Angela Merkel, German 1, German 2

When the Germans hear that the South Park Elementary students voted them the least funny people on the planet, their leaders march into the school and hold everyone hostage. They are led by President Wulff, who does most of the speaking for them. President Wulff protests that the Germans are indeed funny people and says a few jokes to prove his point. During the hostage situation Cartman talks to Wulff about the Germans taking Kyle as an offering to make up for the vote, but the offer is rejected. The other two Germans shown give commands along with Wulff and Merkel when the Germans show up to take the school hostage.

The Comedians

Tyler Perry, Eugene Levy, Adam Sandler, Jay Leno

Tyler Perry is a comedian who overstays his welcome after accepting the Kathy Griffin Award from Jimmy. Token can't resist laughing at him whenever he talks (President Obama can't help it either) and ends up paying him for every joke. Everyone else decides they've had enough of him and do something about it.
Eugene Levy is the man who finds Funnybot messing around with his two daughters in the filming of a movie..
When Funnybot gets so popular that other comedians begin to lose gigs to him, they go to South Park Elementary and hold the school hostage jsut like the Germans before them did. They are led by Adam Sandler and Jay Leno. Jay begins to lose his cool and aims his gun at various students, including Kenny. Adam Sandler keeps his cool though, but what he ended up wanting to get done was not the destruction of Funnybot.


Funnybot, Guard

Funnybot is the finest piece of German engineering ever produced. His jokes and timing are impeccable and he ends up taking gigs from other, human, comedians. The Germans made him to convince the students that Germans are NOT the unfunniest people on Earth, and this succedds beyond their wildest dreams. Funnybot takes this too far and the boys have to tell him where jokes truly belong.

F.E. Warren Missile Base

General, Officer 1, Officer 2

The General and two of his officers are alerted that their missiles have been activated and are ready to go. They hear the same thing from the Russians, but neither country has actually armed the bombs. Then Funnybot appears onscreen and tells the world he's about to destroy it. The boys find a way to stop this from happening.


Sandy Cervix, Man with Afro, Field Reporter

Sandy Cervix is the host of Hollywood Minute, and he covers Funnybot's meteoric rise to stardom. The man with afro was targeted by Funnybot for one of his jokes, but the man didn't find it all that funny - the joke was a jab at his hair. The field reporter covers the massacre at the Hollywood Forum live, and begins to laugh when he describes how the massacre went down.

Royal Pudding


Prince And Princess, Geddy Lee, Male, Baby, Female

Canadian PM, Leader

The Prince and Princess of Canada are set to get married, but the Princess is abducted in full view of everyone present. The Princess is found in an isolated castle later on by Ike, Ugly Bob, Scorr, and an Eskimo woman and child. Ike resuces the Princess and is knighted for it. He is now Sir Ike. The Prince and Princess resume their wedding, in which the Prince pulls off the Princess's right arm, making her a one-armed Princess. Geddy Lee, of Rush, sings a spoof of "Candle In The Wind" and breaks down when his guitarist, Eric Lifeson, blows his brains out.
This exkimo family is first seen ice-fishing before the rest of the tribe surreounds Ike, Bob, and Scorr. The family is later sent to guide the white Canadians to the castle that is holding the Princess. Well, the mother and child are sent. The mother throws her spear into Tooth Decay, but it simply pulls the spear out and throws it away. It doesn throws mother and child into a wall, but they come to later. The mother, called Katuktuk, received the Canadian Medal of Courage for her role in saving the Princess.
For lack of a better title, I took the guy in the projection to be the Canadian Prime Minister who gathers everyone in Edmonton so their leader can tell them who took the Princess and then go after that person. When that person shows up, it's Scott, who has become a giant dick. But Scott also proclaims his patriotism - why would he take the Princess? So, the Leader just tells everyone to go home, because of bad intelligence. Scott suspects some other people of abducting the Princess, but those people end up helping him, Ike, and Bob find the monster.


Pianist, Sweets, Toothpaste, Dental Floss, Toothbrush, Tooth, Dentist; Touth Decay

None of these kindergartners stood out in the B story, which was mostly about Mr. Mackey losing composure as the boy who should be Tooth Decay goes missing and another boy takes his place, only to prove a disappointment to the other cast members. But they're so cuuuute.
Ike and Kyle both portray Tooth Decay in the play, but the real Tooth Decay has captured the Princess and is holding her captive in an isolated castle. Tooth Decay also took Mr. Mackey's father two years prior, and this hastened Mr. Mackey's desire to get this dental hygiene play on stage.

T.M.I.


Surgeon General Rebecca Turnod, Aide 1, Aide 2, Aide 3

Rebecca Turnod shows up when Randy's equation for T.M.I. turns out to be too outlandish for the students and their parents and offers her own equation for T.M.I., which turns out to be the official equation, as she is the surgeon general. When the Pissed Off and Angry Party demands her resignation, she instead changes the ranges of penis length so the Pissed Off and Angry Party can feel better about itself. But Cartman stays pissed off because his penis is still below average. The first aide tells Dr. Turnod how many more FedExes had been taken over, the second aide tells her they've shut down American Airlines and American Apparels all over the country, the third aide tells the second one that a team is ready to fuck Kyle.


Doctor, Receptionist, Chase, Daniel, Gretchen, Wayne D

The doctor greets Liane and Eric and talks to Eric about his anger. He tries to provoke Cartman, but Cartman stays cool by texting someone on his phone. The doctor concludes that Cartman is pretty normal for a boy with anger issues, but he gets news from his receptionist that his wife is on the phone. He talks to his wife, who accuses him of having an affair with a 14 year old girl, which she learned of in a chat with "Mitch Connor", who, of course, is Cartman. The doctor's wife kills herself and the doctor is distraught. Cartman flatly tells him he's not fat, he's bigboned. Somehow, the doctor continues with Cartman by putting him in an anger-management class with six other people, including Goth 2, Tuong Lu Kim, and the four others mentioned above. Randy joins them all later. Daniel is a Tea Party member who believes that Obama is a fascist who wasn't born in the United States, and wants to see his birth certificate for proof. Wayne D is a wigger who wants his mom to stop trippin'. Chase doesn't like sissies, and Gretchen is a butch woman.


Clerk, Customer, Woman

The clerk asks the customer how she can help him, he says he has mail to send out. Randy and the other anger-management class members raid the FedEx she works in and destroy it. Randy later takes her hostage when the police and media show up to cover the story. The woman is another customer who doesn't want to be killed.


Girl 1, Girl 2, Girl 3

The first girl tells Randy that babies are made when a man and a woman have sex. The second one wants to know what a penis is. The third reads the first example out loud for Randy, who works it out on the board.


Driver 1, Driver 2, Driver 3

These three drivers pass by Butters' house just seconds after Butters' mom asks him what driving a car has to do with his penis size. Turns out that men with small penises are angry and drive trucks and other huge vehicles in order to vent their anger.

Crack Baby Athletic Association


Waiter, Betsy MacIntosh, Marty and Postman

At Denny's, a waiter has a table ready for Cartman and friends. Cartman and Butters visit Betsy MacIntosh to get her crack baby to be part of their organization as soon as it's born. Marty tells the boys that Slash is nowhere, and everywhere, but the other postman comes in to tell Marty that it's up to the parents to tell their kids at the right time that Slash isn't real.


Sarah McLachlanm, Ms. Williams, Dean Howland, Mr. Peters

Sarah McLachlanm switches from abused pets to crack babies to make the same kind of commercial, which is pretty depressing to look at. Ms. Williams is a nurse that works with crack babies. At the end of the episode, she's working in a brand-new orphanage for the crack babies. Dean Howard has no idea what Cartman is talking about, and eventually kicks him out of his office. Mr. Peters is the head of EA Sports, and he's managed to gain all rights to Crack Baby Basketball and leave the kids with no money.

City Sushi

The Germans

Dr. Janus, Junichi Takayama, Cashier, Customer, A Woman

After causing an Asian turf war, Butters is sent to a psychiatrist specializing in multiple personality disorder. There, Dr. Janus meets him and tries to get to know the other pernoalities inside Butters' head. Butters begins to suspect that his doctor isn't all right. Seems all of his personalties were afraid the mean one was about to take over for good, and that mean one turned out to be... Tuong Lu Kim! Junichi Takayama is the owner of the new City Sushi that just opened in town. He and Tuong Lu Kim begin a rivalry that goes through Asian Diversity events both of them plan together and ends with the death of one of them. The cashier is the first to receive one of Butters' flyers for City Sushi - and the first to throw it away. The customer didn't know that Teriyaki rice is not a Chinese dish. The woman hands Mr. Takayama a note from Tuong Lu Kim.

You're Getting Old


Doctor, Waitress

The doctor asks Stan about his interests and how they might have changed over the past year. He tests Stan's interests in music. When Stan has the same reaction to songs several decades apart - they all sound like shit - the doctor determines that Stan has become cynical, not merely older. The waitress is concerned that Stan is too young to be so pessimistic.


Man 1 and Wife, Man 2, Tween Kids

The man and wife think Tween Wave sounds like shit, the second man just can't understand kids' tastes in songs, and the Tween Wave kids just think parents don't get it because their ears are old!


Janitor and Friend, Bar Patron, Steamy Nicks

The janitor and friend hear Steamy Ray Vaughn and determine to save his britches from him, as those britches (underwear) have taken too much of a beating fron Randy's farts, as far as they're concerned. They sneak into the the Marsh house to steal Randy's underwear and are later arrested for it. The bar patron tells Randy that he sucks, and Steamy Nicks just pounds her britches the way Randy does.

Ass Burgers


Riley, Molly, Boys 1 and 2, Boy 3

Riley is the first customer after Kyle to try Cartman's hamburgers. Both of them love the taste. Molly gets her burger from Cartman, and a bag of chips. The two boys standing together comment on Wendy and Kyle's conversation, while the third boy expresses pleasant surprise at being Stan's possible new best friend.
Fun fact: Boy 3 called himself Douglas in "Dances With Smurfs" two years earlier, and first appeared in "Breast Cancer Show Ever."

Fast Food Executives

Subway, Burger King, Pizza Hut, McDonald's, Chick-fil-A, Taco Bell, KFC

These executives have joined forces to find out why Cartman Burgers are so yummy. The McDonald's exec leads the group and the Chick-fil-A exec is a sniper dressed as a chicken. They are all killed by the Secret Society of Cynics shown below.

The Secret Society of Cynics: The Matrix Hits South Park
Researcher/Morpheus
Mr. Mathers
Martin
Neo
Neo 2
Cypher
Captain Niobe

A Twin, Trinity

The researcher takes Stan in as a new patient. Later on, he turns into Morpheus, leader of the Secret Society of Cynics. Morpheus gets Stan to go back into society as a messenger of truth, but screws things up by having Stan drink whiskey, which made Stan drunk and unusually happy for a while. The two Neos tell Stan that they, and the other members of the Society, know the truth behind this world's ills. Neo 1 accidentally shoots himself in the head and dies when they're taking out the fast food executives. Mr. Mathers is shown as a patient who must have been a gymnast before, because he's wrapped his legs around the back of his neck. He's blowing fart bubbles through a blower. Later on, he's participating in the slaughter of the fast food executives. Mr. Mathers is shown pissing on the wall when the reseacher passes by. He seems to have a bottomless bladder, since he doesn't stop pissing when he turns to introduce himself and is still pissing when he enters the meeting room moments later. But he does stop pissing when he's seated. Later on he offers Stan some whiskey when its effects wear off from the last drink. Chpher is resomsible for Stan's vitals, so he mentions that Stan's beta levels are fine before Stan gets his first mission. Later he assures Stan that his hangover is perfectly normal. The three ladies don't have speaking roles, but they are part of the Society, so they're included here.


Aide 1, Aide 2, Nurse Bronski

The two aides get President Duck to sign - er, poop on - Stan's Bill. Nurse Bronski has replaced Nurse Gollum as the school nurse. Cartman goes to see her complaining of some strange symptoms, and she finds some hamburgers in his underwear. He wonders if they're ass burgers - his take on Asperger's - and she runs him out of her office.

The Last of the Meheecans


Officers 1 (Charlie/Marcus Andrews) and 2, 3, 4 (Richards), and 5

Officers 1 and 2 don't see any Mexicans when we first see them, but they're sure Mexicans will continue to cross the border. Officer 2 expounds on this until he sees Mexicans going back to Mexico, and the first officer, Andrews, tells them they're going the wrong way. Officer 2 leads the team and briefs them on what they are to do: apprehend Mexicans no matter which direction they're going. Officer 3 spots some Mexicans at 2 o'clock position. Officer 2 spots them and tells them to turn around and go back to work. Andrews asks for backup and Cartman provides it. The men are tazed and dropped off in San Francisco. Still, the Mexicans get through and Officer 4 is despondent ovr that. Officer 1 agrees, lamenting that Obama's solution to the border problem was to ruin the economy, thus dissuading Mexicans from coming here to find work. All the officers brighten when they see one Mexican coming to the US. Officer 5 welcomes him in with the other officers, but Cartman doesn't like this after he sees who the Mexican is. He tries to stop Butters from crossing the border, but Butters outsmarts him and hops over the fence.


El Pollo Workers 2, 1, and 3, Nurse Jimenez, Patient, and Doctor, President Calderón

The El Pollo Loco workers are doing their work when Butters announces that he is Mantequilla. They stop and look at him, then talk amongst themselves about how famous he is and about what he's saying - that he wants to get back to his friends. They think he has friends in Mexico and decide to go along with him, since they have friends there too. They then discuss how bad the conomy is here and how the US sucks now. They and Butters then drive to an ER where one of them calls out for Jimenez, who in turn calls out José and Martinez. All the Mexican staff at the ER answer the call to go back to Mexico. The doctor was waiting for the elderly man to be wheeled in when the staff up and left. President Calderón presides over Los Días de Mantequilla, a festival quickly created to celebrate one Mexican's return to his motherland. Later, Butters explains that although he's been happy to make friends all over Mexico, his friends back at home must surely miss him. President Calderón then asks him what he wants to do: stay in Mexico or return home. Butters heads for home.


Brian Ripple and wife, Mr. Geiger

The Ripples accidentally run Butters off the road when he turns around and they try to avoid him. They see that he's not hurt, so they take him in as something of a personal servant. They have him doing all the chores Americans don't want, like washing cars, washing dishes, blowing leaves into piles for removal later... Eventually Mrs. Whipple has a change of heart and they drop off Butters at an El Pollo Loco, thinking he would be better off with his kind. Mrs. Whipple cries as the couple drives away.
Mr. Geiger explains why the Mexicans are going back to Mexico: all this talk about the bad economy as of 2011 has them longing to go home, because they realize that the US sucks now.

Bass To Mouth


Jenny Simons, Tammy Nelson and Emily, Tommy Edwards

Cartman figures Jenny Simons (whoom we've seen before, but whose name we didn't get until this episode) would make a nice victim - er - date, so he brings some cupcakes from home and offers her one. She poops her pants later, and much worse than Pete Melman. She breaks down in class and attempts a suicide from the school roof, but survives. Tammy and Emily confess to each other that their moms have drinking problems, but Wikileaks is eavesdropping and soon puts those confessions into Eavesdropper. Tommy Edwrds is typing a confession into his iPhone and Wikileaks steals it, putting that confession into Eavesdropper too.


Vernon and his mom, Selena Gomez, Pete Melman

The kids come looking for Vernon and his mom shows them in. They don't find Vernon, but they're here for Lemmiwinks, whom they find in Vernon's room. Vernon finds them and calls for him mom, but he doesn't know that she let them in. Cartman demands payment for his services, but it's not money he wants. He waants to see Selena Gomez beat up, and Mr. Mackey obliges him. Mackey has Adler bring her in and then take her away after he punches her a few times. The episode begins with reports of Pete Melman pooping his pants, and the faculty tells Cartman to see Pete through this. Instead, Cartman figures everyone will forget about Pete if someone else poops in his pants worse than Pete did, and he chooses Jenny Simons for that.

Broadway Bro Down

The Directors

Andrew Lloyd Webber, Stephen Schwartz, Elton John, Stephen Sondheim
Representative, Elton John before

These four directors come to South Park to have a word with Randy. They're not happy that he's brought subtext to the fore, as it threatens to destroy the Broadway business model - to bring couples back for more after the men receive blowjobs from their wives or girlfriends, and make money off that. Stephen Sondheim later has a bro down with Randy, after which they have a bro out at Hooters. The representative visits Randy at the playhouse to tell him the directors would lkie to talk to him.
Elton John looks more real than he did back in Season 2's "Chef Aid."


Man 1, Elderly Man, Usher, Audience Member, Field Reporter

Man 1 talks to Randy after Randy goes out for a drink during "Wicked" while Sharon remains seated. The man tells Randy that plays are worth watching because of the benefits you get after watching one. :) Later, when Randy's daughter Shelley is watching "Wicked" with Larry, Randy realizes the implications the subtext could have for her, so he goes after her to pick her up. While Randy tries to get Shelley to go hom, an elderly man wants Randy to speak quietly so he can enjoy the play with his granddaughter. Randy is soon kicked out of the theatre by the ushers and breaks a window so he can get a Spider-Man outfit. He dresses as Spider-Man and reenters the theatre. He goes up to the rafters and starts swinging from them, knocking out some of the "Wicked" cast. An audience member remarks that it's Spider-Man swinging here and there. During one of the swings, Randy bursts open a water main and floods the theatre. Finally, after Randy ruins the play, everyone leaves the theater except for one boy, who drowned from all the water flooding the theatre. The field reporter covers the unfortunate accident.


Man 3, Lady 1 (Queen of Blowjobs), Lady 2, Man 4

These four are part of the cast for Randy's play. The directors are mad at Randy for making his play all about blowjobs instead of keeping the blowjobs hidden under the main story.


Mr. and Mrs. Feegan, Larry (between them)

The Feegans are vegans, but also survivalists of a sort - they all wear life jackets. Somehow, Larry Feegan got fat and for that the other kids at his school make fun of him. Doubly so since vegans aren't normally fat. Shelley shands up for him against his parents. He and Shelley go see "Wicked" but when Randy ruins the show, Larry is the only one who doesn't get out in time - and he drowns.


Worker 1, Bob, Randy, Man 2, Worker 2

Workers 1 and 2 work with Randy and Nelson at the USGS. Bob Black and Steven Stotch join them after hours along with Man 2.

1%


Board Rep amd Receptionist, Stephen Tamil amd friends

The board rep announces the results of the Presidential Fitness Exam to the assembled students, with the revelation that one fourth grader made the school fail because of his size. Jimmy and Butters visit him to ask that Cartman's score be dropped so the school average could rise enough for the school to pass the exam, but the rep won't do it. Later, he and the receptionist have to deal with the Occupy Red Robin movement, which consists of Jimmy and Butters protesting for the 99% of students who passed the exam. The movement by itself is small, but there are a lot of media and emergency services. Stephen Tamil (the fifth grader in the middle) plots to avenge the other students by making Cartman pay. The suspicions Stan and the others have, though, don't materialize. Instead, Stephen and two other fifth graders make their own protest signs singling out the fourth graders. Bickering over the 1% leads to class warfate between the fifth graders and the fourth graders.


Officers 1 and 2, Firemen 2 and 1

Officers 1 and 2 help Sgt. Yates manage crowd control at the Occupy Red Robin movement. Officer 1 shows him where the police are positioned, and officer 2 tells him about the stage some officers are building for Bon Jovi, as the police will need some entertainment while they cover the movement.


Field Reporter 1, Field Reporter 2, Field Reporter 3

Female Reporter 1, Female Reporter 2

The various field reporters cover the Occupy Red Robin movement. Reporter 1 seems to be focused on Butters, as he was waiting by the restroom for Butters to come out after his movement. Field reporter 3 and the second female reporter cover the class warfare that erups between the fifth graders and Butters and Jimmy.


Coach, Muscleman Marc, Red Robin Patron

The coach leads the classes through exercises in compliance with the Presidential Fitness Program. When the fourth grade class was with him, he had them climb ropes. Muscleman Marc was one of Cartman's new toys, but he was boiled to death by Polly Prissy Pants. The Red Robin patron loves the A1 Peppercorn Burger.

A History Channel Thanksgiving

The History Channel Group

Agents 1 and 2, Agent 3, Agent 4

Agent 8, Agent 6, THC President, Agent 7, Agent 5, Agent 9

Agent 10, Agent 11, Agent 12

Agents 1 and 2 spot the boys and bring them in for an interrogation. Agent 1 asks the boys if they came by some kind of ship. Agent 2 points out how a hand print superimposed on a picture of Cape Cod points to five Pilgrim settlements, and Agent 2 shows how a hand print superimposed on the night sky points to corresponding points in space. Agent 3 points out how it sometimes takes a child to show us the most simple things. At Plymouth Rock Agent 4 tells everyone to disperse, and Agent 5 concludes that Kyle must have been wrong when a handprint put on the rock had no effect on it. After Standish crashes into Earth, Agent 6 tells the THC president that the object that crashed is a Pilgrim. Agent 7 tells the president about the Pilgrim being put in the back seat of a truck, and Agent 6 adds that the truck belongs to Natalie Portman. Agent 8 adds that there's a stuffing shortage, and Agent 9 quips that Natalie Portman knows about stuffing. When the THC group finds the Pilgrims and his compnay, Agent 10 reports that Professor Kyle is with them. Agent 11 puts two and two together - Natalie Portman is the keeper of the portal! Agent 12 reminds everyone that the window of opportunity is closing and that the wormhole needs to be opened now!


Duncan Everton, Charles Biggens, Donald T. Brown

These three men are guest experts on the History Channel Thanksgiving specials. Duncan Everton says there's no journal entry that denies that aliens were present at the first Thanksgiving. Charles Biggens says that there's no mention of stuffing before 1621. The History Channel ties this in with aliens being at the first Thanksgiving. Donald T. Brown says there's no evidence that the first Thanksgiving wasn't haunted.


Miles Standish, Natalie Portman, Pilgrim King, Pilgrim

Miles Standish is pulled towards earth by a wormhole that was activated by a hand print and Natalie Portman - he stumbled into her truck's path after he landed, and she became his driver to wherever he needed to go. She was also asked to open her wormhole, which she resisterd until Kyle dined her and wined her. Once she said yes, members of the History Channel group helped ehr to open the wormhole. When it was opened, Miles Standish ran towards it, jumped into it, and went back to planet Plymouth to defeat the Indians and take back the stuffing mines. The Pilgrim King worries about his people while Miles Standish is missing. He proposes that all Pilgrims should abandon Plymouth. He's with Miles Standish when Miles leads the Pilgrims to victory. While the King is waiting for word from Miles, a Pilgrim goes to him to tell of the losses the Pilgrims are taking in the stuffing mines.


David Running Horse Sawitsky, Indian Chief, Attendant 1 amd Chet

David Sawitsky is invited to South Park Elementary to talk to the fourth graders about Thanksgiving from a Native American viewpoint. He later learns of Stan and Kyle appearing on The History Channel and confronts Kyle about it. Miles Standish shows up and puts an orb in Sawitsky's moust to see if he's a full-blooded Native American. The orb destroys him, so he wasn't a full-blooded Native American.
The Indian Chief leads his men to war against the Pilgrims over ownership of the stuffing mines. He and his people are destroyed when Captain Miles Standish returns to Planet Plymouth. Cartman sees Attendant 1 and asks him where to find the stuffing. The attendant leads him to it, but sees that the shelf is empty. He calls Chet over, and Chet tells him he put all the stuffing on the shelf, so there's nothing in the back.

The Poor Kid

Greeley Elementary

Boy 2 and Boy 1, Girl 1, Boy 3, Melissa Pinkerton, Greeley Principal

Boys 1 and 2 are Kenny's classmates in Greeley Elementary. Boy 1 tells Cartman whom the poorest boy in school is - Jacob Hallory - then asks Kenny if Cartman gloated in song and dance in his old school. Boy 2 mentions that Jacos's mom can't hold a job because of depression after his father died. Girl 1 alerts the principal about Karen about to be beaten up. Boy 3 says maybe Melissa Pinketton shouldn't beat Karen up. Melissa tells him to shut up and is about to beat Kaern up when Mysterion appears and whisks Karen away. The principal hears about Cartman's actions and calls him in to the office. He also calls Mr. Adams in to tell him what happened.

Life in Foster Care

Mr. Adams, Mr. and Mrs. Weatherhead, Melissa and David, Girl 3

Mr. Adams works for Child Protective Servies and sometimes works with the police to place kids in foster care. He places the McCormick kids into the Weatherhead foster home, where there are 9 kids alreoady present - this fills their quota of 6 boys and 6 girls. Cartman is sent there later. The kids have chores to do around the house, but the house is somewhat dilapidted. David doesn't know if he believes in God, and indeed, if he believes in anything. Melissa doesn't know what Dr. Pep-er, in both forms, is supposed to taste like. Girl 3 is certain that she saw Karen's guardian angel, but is told not to believe in such certainties.
One other boy had a line, but he wasn't fully shown, and there wasn't a good shot of him, so he's not in here.

White Trash ..In Trouble!

Narrator, Man 1 and Woman 1, Woman 2 and Woman 3

The Narrator is the host of "White Trash... In Trouble!," and the case the show is covering this week is the McCormick case, from the arrest of their parents to the arrest of the Weatherheads. Man 1 and Woman 1, Woman 2 and Woman 3 are people who have appeared on the show and are now in the opening credits for that show.
I'd have included the police in this episode, but eh, they only had one or two lines each.