South Park Guest
Biographies: Season 13

The Ring


The Jonas Brothers (Nick, Joe, and Kevin), Girls at the Pepsi Center concert

Little girl (at Pepsi Center concert), Girl 1 (at school), Girl 2 (at Good Mornin' Denver)

Purity Boy 1 and Sarah, Purity Boy 2 and Carole, Purity Boy 3 and Nancy

The Jonas Bros. are Disney's newest gimmick in keeping its fanbase young, but the brothers don't like it and want to walk away from it - they don't want their music to be about purity rings or about selling sex to little girls anymore. All the girls go crazy for them though, and the youngest fans are just infants. At the Pepsi Center concert, six girls are chosen to go backstage to meet the band. Among the girls are the girl in puppy T-shirt, Tammy, the girl in O T-shirt, and the fat girl. The fat girl seems to have experience going backstage, as she says she wants to cut straight to the blowjobs.
Tammy is the tallest girl in that group. Kenny ran into her some time back and they started dating. She confessed that she had given a boy a quick blowjob, which she apologizes for. Kenny is quite happy that he's dating a slut with experience, but he doesn't let her see that. He gets the concert tickets, and some condoms for later. After the concert he wants to take her to TGI Fridays for the blowjob, but an assistant picks her and five other girls to go backstage. Kenny wants to go in too, but he's kicked out. He finds a window and looks in to see what's happening. The brothers give the girls purity rings to wear and to hand out to their friends, so Tammy keeps one and gives the other one to Kenny, who now can't get the blowjob because he has to be pure. He and Tammy spend a lot of time together, but they don't do much of anything but watch TV and eat. Tammy sometimes does homework as Kenny watches. Once the Red Rocks concert ends in failure, Tammy finally takes off her ring. Kenny does as well, and they promise to each other to be kids and not think about purity stuff - that can come later when they're in their late 30s. She then invites him to TGI Fridays, which he eagerly accepts. A funeral is held for Kenny a few weeks later, and Tammy is not present.
The little girl in row 2 announces that her 'giney tickles. This happens at the Pepsi Center concert. Most of the girls there get tickly or tingly down there when the band is performing, so they're trying to scratch their tingles and tickles away. Girl 1 makes a random comment in the school hall. Girl 2 asks what Stan, Kyle, and Cartman are doing as the three boys break through the audience at the Good Mornin' Denver show.
The purity couples in the bottom row appear in the video "I Have A Ring". It seems purity couples behave much like married couples do - once you're hitched, the need for sex takes a big dive, and you start talking about TV shows like Grey's Anatomy.


Assitant 1 and Director, Assitant 2, Assitant 3, Assitant 4

Good Mornin' Denver Host, Red Rocks Hosts, Mickey Mouse

Assistant 1 goes around the stadium in the Pepsi Center looking for fans to take backstage to meet the Jonas Brothers. Once he finds them he takes them to the band's room, where the music video director leads them in and goes to get the brothers. Assistant 2 tells the girls to wait, and walks away. Later he expresses concern that the brothers might refuse to wear the purity rings. The brothers threaten to quit performing, but the director wonders if they have the balls to tell that straight to the Boss's face. They say they do, but Assistant 3 gets off the phone with Boss's people and tells the band that the Boss is coming. Assistant 4 greets the Boss at the door - the Boss turns out to be Mickey Mouse.
The host of Good Mornin' Denver interview the Jonas Bros., who tell him about the Red Rocks concert they're headlining later in the day. The brothers also demonstrate the white foam they spray on the audience during their concerts. The Red Rocks hosts only get to introduce the Jonas Brothers: 3-D Concert Experience.
Mickey shows up to deal with the Jonas Brothers. He punches Joe in the nuts, making Joe fall to the ground. Mickey then kicks Joe all over for a few seconds before making him stand up and makes sure they understand each other. The brothers understand and Mickey walks out confident that there are no problems. Later he sees Stan, Kyle and Cartman at the Good Mornin' Denver interview telling everyone that the purity rings made Kenny a douche. He thinks they're doing this to ruin Disney's big night at Red Rocks for Dreamworks. He shoots darts at their necks through a straw and knocks them out with the sleeping potion each dart had. He has the boys taken to Red Rocks, where he waits for them to wake up. He resumes grilling them about working for Dreamworks, but he soon says things that reveal Disney's true intentions and the boys take action to have the audience hear what Mickey is saying. Kyle turns up the volume on a mic and Cartman raises the curtains. Mickey hears his voice echo in his ears and realizes what happened. He faces the audience and meekly introduces the Jonas Bros. The audience boos and the brothers walk offstage. Mickey, losing control of the situation, becomes a giant fire-breathing mouse and scatters everyone away with flames. The last we see of him is as a float drifting over the city breathing fire. maybe going to Valhalla to slumber and feed.


Blond Girl (Katie) and her family, Clerk, Clerk 2, Reporter

Katie asks her father if they should put on their 3-D glasses on. He tells her it's not time yet. After Mickey Mouse inadvertently reveals Disney's real plan for its young girl fans, the father turns the TV off and tells his girls they won't be seeing Disney TV for a while.
The first clerk sells Kenny the Jonas Brothers concert tickets, the second sells him a bag of condoms so Tammy could give Kenny a blowjob safely. It didn't work. The reporter covers the failure of the Red Rocks live concert and Mickey throwing a fit over it.

The Coon


Lisa and Josh, The Coon, Mysterion

Lisa and Josh are just minding their mind, having a romantic date when they decide to kiss. The Coon watches from the roof of a restroom building, thinking Josh is about to rape Lisa. When they finally kiss, the Coon leaps into action, attacking Josh and telling Lisa to run away, which she does. After a few seconds he runs off. When the Coon waits atop the Walgreens buildings for his new fans, another superkid walks up to the roof's edga and waits for his signal. Cartman notices and quizzes him about whom he is, even suggesting several other classmates this superkid could be. The superkid would only say that he's Mysterion, but he could be anyone in his class. Could be Craig, could be someone else. The police welcome Mysterion into their offices, but they're annoyed by the Coon to they point that Detective Yates wants the window Coon enters through to get locked. The Coon and Mysterion fight to be South Park's superhero symbol. Professor Chaos enters the fray and fights the Coon at first, but the Coon offers to help Professor Chaos defeat Mysterion. They join forces and wait for Mysterion to arrive. Mysterion and Professor Chaos fight as the Coon goes to buy some lighters for the TNT in the construction site they're fighting in, and Chaos gets help from General Disarray. Between them they knock Mysterion out. The crowd below think Mysterion dead, but he comes back. The Coon arrives and decides to help Mysterion. After Professor Chaos runs off with a broken tooth and bloody nose, the Coon warns Mysterion South Park would continue to be attacked by other villains if Mysterion doesn't reveal himself to the town. Mysterion decides to reveal his identity, but only the town knows who it is - we viewers only see the face, which can belong to a normal white kid.


The Two News Anchor and the Reporter, and a well-known YouTube personality

The two news anchors and the reporter cover the news about Mysterion but conpletely ignore the Coon. Both anchors just have to know who Mysterion is. The reporter is there when Mysterion seems to have died at Professor Chaos' hand, but Mysterion wakes up, and everyone cheers.
There were a bunch of other people I'd have included here, but they all just had one line or so and they're not real important to the story, except for the one dude with the gold front teeth. He comes from this video right hmyah, which also forms much of the first newscast in the episode:

The video is from 2006. As far as I can tell, it was a slow news day and this was a piece made to fill out the news show. :D

Margaritaville

Stan's Story

Bank Teller, Elderly Woman, Sur La Table Clerk

The receptionist, Josh, Stockbroker

Three Treasurers and a Sir

Stan's story is all about getting his money back for the Margaritaville Randy bought and now can't use because of the recession. Stan's story begins at the bank, where he opens up a savings account so his money can earn interest. The teller instead puts the money into various accounts and loses it all. The teller does the same thing to the elderly woman, Mrs. Farnicle, and then to Randy. At dinner, Randy drinks a margarita from his new Margaritaville maker, tellsl Stan why there's no money, and asks Stan if he understands. Stan says he gets it, and then tries to get back the cost of the Margaritaville. He tries Sur la Table, but the clerk there says he has to go to the financial group that sponsored part of the payment plan that came with the Margaritaville. Stan goes to the financial group, Big Orange Finance Company, and talks to the receptionist, who sends him to Josh, her boss. Josh tells him he has to go to Wall Street, since the payment plan was combined with thousands of others into a big Margaritaville security. Stan goes to Wall Street to talk to a stockbroker about getting his money back, but the stockbroker tells him to go to the Department of the Treasury in Washington, D.C. Stan goes there and finds out from the three treasurers how important decisions about the economy are made - a headless chicken is let loose on a chart until it does. The spot it lands on is announced by one of the treasueres and the Sir makes the decision official. Stan, disgusted by this procedure, throws the Margaritaville onto the chart, where it shatters, and walks away.

Randy and Kyle's Story

Dan Banks, Orator 1, Orator 2

Man 1 and Man 2, Man 8 and Man 9, Man 11

Councilman 1, Councilman 2, Councilman 2

Randy and Kyle represent two views of the economy. Randy wants people to save money in the hopes that the economy will shrink and that prices will go down low enough for people to consider shopping again. Until then, he wants extreme frugality. Kyle, on the other hand, wants people to shop so the economy can get revved up.
Randy's story begins at the bank, where he has Stan open up a savings account so his money can earn interest. The teller instead puts the money into various accounts and loses it all. The teller does the same thing to the elderly woman, Mrs. Farnicle, and then to Randy. When news of a South Park bank failure airs, reporter Dan Banks takes his gun and shoots his brains out on air. Soon, a few people begin to preach about the economy. The first orator blames low interest rates from the Fed, while the second one blames Wall Street stockbrokers. The third one, Cartman, blames the Jews, and the fourth one, Randy, blames the consumer for living beyond his means. He urges everyone to save money and dress and live simply.
Men 1 and 2 believe that Randy preaches the truth, and so begins Randy's cult and subsequent Council of Economic Recovery. Men 8, 9, and 11 report any dissenting voices to the Council - in this case, Kyle. Councilman 1 leads the stoning of Mr. Garrision with squirrels. Councilman 2 reports that the Jew continues to preach spending as the way to revitalize the economy. Councilman 3 votes to kill the Jew. Other councilmen, including Father Maxi, agree. Cartman arrives with a promise to deliver him, but Kyle senses that someone will betray him and tells his friends that he won't let that someone have the opportounity. Kyle instead passes out from paying off everyone's debt with a no-limit AmEx platinum card.

Eat, Pray, Queef


The Queef Sisters Katherine & Katie, Doctor, Bishop, Regis & Kelly

Terrance & Phillip's gimmick seems to have run its course, so Brian, the Network President, tries some new talent - the Queef sisters. Katherine and Katie. Their gimmick is much the same, except it's queefs instead of farts, and all the guys are offended, probably because queefs come out the front instead of the rear. Anyway, Brian fires Terrance & Phillip and gives them parting gifits for all their years of service. Terrance & Phillip then go visit the Queef sisters in order to kill them, but the sisters tell the guys about how much they idolized them growing up and wanted to please them in all sorts of ways. The guys are insrantly attracted to the sisters and soon the four of them go cross-country visiting Canadian wineries. Later on, the couple are having sex at the sisters' house when Phillip and Katherine get into a fight about queefing in bed. She kicks him out of bed and throws vases at him. Terrance is offended when Katie admits to queefing in bed as well, and the women kick the men out. The men hang out on the terrace for a while and then return to apologize to the women. The women accept and the couples go back to having sex. The couples end up getting married. The bishop marries them quickly so they could stop farting and queefing on him and he can escape.
The doctor is part of the TV show the Queef sisters star in. In that show he stops being their gynecologist after trying to inspect their vaginas for cysts and getting queefed on.
Regis and Kelly receive the Queef sisters as guests on their show. Kelly expresses the support of American women and queefs on air. Regis runs away from the smell and the women laugh.

Fishsticks


Kanye West and his Entourage (including Aide 1, House, and Aide 2 in clear shades)

Kanye West is the rapper who'll defend his own ego against any perceived attacks. When someone tells the fishsticks joke to Kanye, he assumes someone started a rumor about him being a gay fish. At first he threatens anyone who says the joke around him, but he can't stop a news conference in which all the reporters laugh at the joke. He walks off thinking the reporters are laughing at his expense. His entourage, especially House and Aide 1, tries to help him understand the joke, but he insists on dissecting the joke himself. It didn't help. Later on, Aide 2 comes in announcing that the entourage has captured the creator of the fishsticks joke. Moments later they see Carlos Mencia tied down to a chair. Kanye demands answers, but Mencia tells him he didn't start the joke, that he just stole it and added a Mexican accent to it. Kanye is not convinced and has his men batter Mencia around with bats. Mencia suffers a shattered right hand and a fractured left shin. Kanye tries the joke once more on Mencia, and Mencia tells him the only possible outcome. Kanye takes his bat and whacks Mencia's off with it. Kanye and his entourage then visit Jimmy and Cartman and tie them down demanding answers. After Cartman "realizes" what Kyle was trying to tell him, Kanye comes to a realization of his own. He has his men untie the boys and the entourage leaves. Finally, Kanye bids farewell to his entourage and his fans and begins his new life... as a gay fish.

Late Night Comedy Circuit

Jimmy Kimmel, David Letterman and Paul Shaffer, Jay Leno

Tom Snyder, Conan O'Brien and Carlos Mencia, Ellen DeGeneres

Jimmy's Fishsticks joke gets famous pretty quickly. First the kids spread it around, then Mr. Garrision tells Mr. Mackey. Then it hits late night, beginning with Jimmy Kimmel, going on to David Letterman and his sidekick Paul Shaffer, then to Jay Leno. Tom Snyder is the first talk show host to interview Kanye one on one. He tries to get Kanye to understand the joke, and that it's not about him, but Kanye just doesn't get it and throws Snyder off his seat. Then Conan O'Brien has Carlos Mencia on as a guest, and Carlos says he's the one who started the joke. but this gets Carlos in deep trouble. Finally, Ellen DeGeneres has Jimmy and Cartman on as guests, but this gets them in trouble too.

Other Folk

Mr. Peterson, a Doctor

Mr.Peterson gets the fishsticks treatment at South Park Market. The doctor is at Kanye's side to prove that Kanye does not have fins, and so is not a fish.

Pinewood Derby


Agents Clark and Marx, General, Kevern Zaksor/Baby Fark McGee-zax, Two Space Officers, the General

The agents come to Stan's house following up on a report they received about the Pinewood Derby car Stan won the finals with. An alien had encountered the car in space and traced it to Earth, so he's coming to Earth to find the makers of the car. First contact is made with all the world leaders on the line with Randy. The alien calls himself Baby Fark McGee-zax and pretends to be a gangster. He demands that Randy and Stan make him a new car because his ship's warp drive is busted and he needs to escape the space police. He sees the cops coming from the sky and cloaks the ship, then takes Stan captive. The cops ask about McGee-zax and are told no one has seen him. The cops reveal that McGee-zax is wanted for stealing some space cash from the universal bank The cops leave and McGee-zax comes out again. He urges the Marsh team to finish the car. Randy and Stan do so. Randy has filed a butter knofe into a shank and gives it to Stan, telling him to kill McGee-zax while Randy demonstrates the car to him. Randy calls McGee-zax over and tells him about the car. Stan stabs McGee-zax and McGee-zax groans from the wound and bleeds to death. Randy, the general, some technicians and a few other people inspect the ship and fine some space money. They decide to keep it for themselves and the planet, and each nation gets its share. Some of the nations begin spending it immediately, not considering that the cash might not be worth a thing outside of Earth. The cops return and notice the fugitive ship, so they know McGee-zax was there after all. They learn that the Earthlings killed him, then ask about the space cash. No one claims to has seen it. The cops note that Mexico has new hospitals and water parks, but Randy tells them the other nations pitched in to help Mexico out. He didn't specify what currency was used, but the cops let that slide. The cops leave and Randy gets on Mexico's case. Finland gets cold feet and Randy asks its leader to go on hold for a moment. He does so and Randy tells the other leaders that they need to get rid of Finland. They agree, and Finland is bombed. The space cops return to ask about that, and that's when Stan comes clean. The cops ask if anyone else has anything to say, but no one offers anything new. The cops then call out their boss, who turns out to be McGee-zax... or Kevern Zaksor. Zaksor explains what they're doing on the planet - now that Earth has warp power, they wanted to see if humans were worthy of it. He says we failed and leaves the planet with the two cops, who weren't cops at all. Earth is now in a cube made of energy shields, forever banned from the Federation of Planets.
The general gives the phone to Randy so he can talk to the other world leaders. Later on, the general has the space money put in boxes and later on has it distributed evenly among the nations.

The World Leaders

England (Prime Minister Gordon Brown), South Korea (Primer Minister Han Sueng-Soo)
Kenya (Prime Minister Raila Odinga), France (President Nicolas Sarkozy)

Italy (Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi), China (Premier Wen Jiabao)
Japan (Prime Minister Taro Aso), Brazil (President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva)

Australia (Prime Minister John Howard), Finland (Prime Minister Matti Vanhanen)

Germany (Chancellor Angela Merkel), Russia (Prime Minister Vladimir Putin)

Mexico (President Felipe Calderon)

Italy's government buildings were attacked early on, but Finland was destroyed after it decided to tell the truth about the space cash. Mexico stayed mute about the hospitals and water parks it built .

Pinewood Derby Finals

Pinewood Derby Judge, Mr. Hollis and Emmett

Pinewood Derby Official, Tommy and his dad

The judge runs the derby and announces the winners, and later on gets the trophy Stan is returning for cheating. The official is one of three who make sure the cars are qualified to race in the derby. Tommy Brett wins his round and gives a high-five to his father. Emmett loses his round to Stan's warp-enabled car. Later on, his father shoots himself in the head over the loss. Unfortunately, Emmett witnesses it and starts to hyperventilate.

Fatbeard


Somalis 1 and 2, Pirates 1-5

Pirates 6, 7, and 8

The first picture has the two Somalis the boys meet when they get off the bus in Mogadishu. The second one, with the torn shirt. warns the boys not to go into the pireates' lair because it's dangerous. Cartman, not speaking the language, dismisses the warning and goes into the lair. The next picture has the first two pirates, who direct other pirates to take the boys hostage and demand ransom for them. The third picture has the three pirates who take the boys hostage and negotiate with the French to exchange the boys for some Euros. They threaten to kill the boys if they don't get their ransom. Once the deal is done, the pirates send the boys up to the French ship and take off. Pirates 6 and 7 report that another American kid has arrived on the bus. Pirates 6 and 8 wonder if all American kids are as crazy as Cartman and his crew are.


Mr. Leon, Cruise Attendant, French Captain, Deck Hand

This crew picks up the boys and give the pirates the Euros, but... Cartman and his crew take over the boat once Clyde waves his lightaber around. Cartman sends the French crew off on a lifeboat, where the Paolo finds them and picks them up. The French explain how the boys took over the boat.


Paolo Captain, U.N. Leader, A U.S. Commander And Sniper

The captain of the Paolo picks up the French crew and tells the U.N. about them. Later, an American ship shows up and the commander orders a sniper to ...not kill the white people, so the sniper kills all the pirates on the beach.


A Ginger, An Airline Clerk, A CNNN Anchorman

Clyde invites a ginger to become a pirate, but has him disguise himself so Cartman might accept him as a pirate, but Cartman isn't fooled. He sends the ginger boy home. The airline clerk finds it odd that five boys are going to Somalia alone, but lets them go anyway. The CNNN anchorman just announces the pirate situation off Somalia.

Dead Celebrities

The Doctors

Dr. Land, Dr. Carroll, Dr. Phillips

Dr. Land tries to understand how Ike sees dead celebrities and to cure him of it, but it doesn't work. The boys take Ike to Denver Children's Hospital, where Dr. Carroll believes in the existence of ghosts and brings in a specialist in that area, Dr. Tangina Phillips. She explains to the boys why ghosts exist and how to get ghosts to move on to the other side. She then sets up equipment that allows the living to communicate with the dead, and several dead celebrities talk to her and the boys. Michael speaks and then enters Ike, making the equipment shake and spark violently. A ball of plasma shoves Dr. Phillips out the window to her death a half block away.

TAPS

Jason, Grant, Kris, and another member

TAPS comes in to investigate the existence of ghosts in the Broflovski house, but their outrageous behavior.has the boys wondering if these guys are real ghost hunters - the guys make the biggest deals out of such mundane things as peeing in your pants. They run out of the house in terror even though no ghosts were found... but Billy Mays appears to Ike again. Only Ike can see them.

The Tiny Miss Pageant Judege, Contestants and their Moms

Brandy's Mom, Jessica's Mom

Kylie and her Mom, Heidi and her Mom

MC, Lady Judge

Brandy's Mom and Jessia's Mom encourage their daughters to do well in the pageant. Brandy's Mom urges Brandy to blow a kiss to the judges. Brandy does this, and one of the male judges catches the imaginary kiss and masturbates with it. Kylie's Mom thinks her daughter should win the pageant and squeezes her daughter's cheeks. Kylie complains that her Mom is squeezing her cheek implants. Heidi's Mom tells Heidi that she's sure to win because the lady Judge likes her a lot, but when Heidi apologizes for not winning, her mother slaps her hard. The MC runs the show and gives Ike the trophy. The Lady Judge is a no-nonsense woman who has a weakness for Chipotle burritos. Cartman takes advantage of this to tell her about Chipotlaway and she returns the favor by choosing Ike to win. She gives Ike the crown. Michael, who has been possessing Ike, finally finds rest and freedom, having been lauded for something he always wanted to be: a little white girl. He goes to purgatory with his own copies of the crown and trophy.

Other people

Man 1, Man 2, Flight Attendant

Man 1 and Man 2 appear in in Mays' Chipotlaway commercial. Man 1 complains how getting blood stains out of his underwear was a nightmare, while Man 2 shows off a Chipotle burrito on some clean underwear and then begins to eat that burrito. The flight attendant has her hands full keeping the celebrity passengers calm until Michael Jackson finally finds rest and freedom from his ghostly state.

The Dead Celebrities and the Purgatorial Plane
(the ones who had no lines are greyed out)

Ted Kennedy, Billy Mays, Natasha Richardson, Ricardo Montalban, David Carradine, Oscar Mayer

Patrick Swayze, Bea Arthur, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Dom DeLuise

Walter Cronkite, DJ AM (Adam Goldstein)

Nothing of note to say about them except that they were all waiting for Michael Jackson to come back to the plane so they could take off to the next plane of existence, which turns out to be Hell. Billy Mays is still pitching products after his death, Michael Jackson was in denial until he possessed Ike and won the Tiny Miss Beauty Pageant, Walter Cronkite has been waiting to use the restroom for three months...

Butters' Bottom Bitch

Butters Kissing Company, Ltd.

Sally Darson, Kayla (left) and Ashley, Megan, Annie

Butters begins to think of life after school when he kisses Sally, finally becoming a man. A man has responsibilities, see? Anyhow, he goes into business for himself, bringing new clients to Sally and getting a cut of the money for each one. Sally likes Butters' initiative and soon supports his every idea. Butters learns that he's become a pimp, and so goes to study up on it. He forms the Butters Kissing Company with Sally and three other girls - the girls will charge $5 per kiss, $2 per hug, and $6 for half and half. The three other girls are Kayla, Ashley, and little Megan. After a few days, Butters brings in Annie. Kayla and Annie don't have any lines.

The Real Deal

Bishop (Keshawn), Pimp 2

Driver, Driver 2, Officer, Frat Boy 3 (and Kevin)

Black Bitch and White Bitch, Charise

Butters meets Bishop at the Playas Ball and learns the ins and outs of pimping from him and from the other pimp. Bishop returns later on to beg Yolanda (Chief Yates in disguise) to return to him and become his wife. Yolanda accepts and Bishop, going by Keshawn, thanks Butters for changing the game. Bishop and Yolanda marry, going to Switzerland to get away from all this madness. Yolanda reveals herself as Yates and arrests him after their first wedding anniversary.
Yates goes undercover as a prostitute and lives out the role a bit too well. Two of the drivers Yates ends up with are shown and busted. The officer hears Murphey's command and waits for the code word. The frat boy congratulates Kevin (the man he's hugging) on his 21st birthday, and on full manhood. He and the rest of the frat boys end up being arrested for having sex with a prostitute after having a gang bang with Yates.
The two prostitutes with cigarettes in hand discuss the new pimp up in Park County. The white one wouldn't mind signing up to be that pimp's newest bitch. Charise joins the kissing company and becomes its biggest revenue maker, so she soon challenges Sally for the position of bottom bitch. Sally tells her to back off, and Butters steps in to prevent a fight.

ACORN

Boss (Mr. Daniels) and Receptionist (Mrs. Davis)

Butters goes to ACORN for housing assistance for his adult bitches, who have relocated to South Park. The receptionist knows what kind of business Butters is running better than he does, so she rejects his application. Her boss, though, is one of Butters' clients, so the receptionist has to take the application and approve it. Charise and the other women now get to choose housing loans and Medicare, and the kissing company now has tax-exempt status.

W.T.F.






Thirty rednecks

An obese woman, Two El Pollo Loco Fans

All these rednecks have at least one line, usually concerning the story arcs the boys create for their wrestling matches. Professional wrestling is indeed soap opera for men. Rednecks 5 and 13 have the most lines, so they might be worth keeping an eye on. One of these rednecks is an obese woman, seen at the Pepsi Center cheering for Edge. The two El Pollo Loco Fans say the usual "they killed Kenny" lines (for El Pollo Loco, not for Kenny) when El Pollo Loco is pulled up into the air by the RPG and blows up with it.


John Cena, Edge, Coach Connors, Vince McMahon and Assistant

The boys attend a WWE RAW event at Pepsi Center in Denver. The match we see is a mixed-partners tag team match.with the male wrestlers being John Cena and Edge. Coach Connors tries to teach traditional wrestling to the boys, but they find it rather gay, considering all the grunts and close contact. The coach tries to convince the boys, the town, and Principal Victoria about the legitimacy of traditional wrestling, but loses. Principal Victoria fires Connors for teaching a sport which contains a lot of adult issues, but when he sees the newspaper he sees that the wrestling she's firing him over is not the one he's teaching. She then tells him the other reason he's being fired is all the "gay porn" (actually Greco-Roman wrestling) the school district found on his iPhone. After Vince McMahon learns of the boys' Wrestling Takedown Federation Connors decides to attend the Smackdown show on Saturday and kill McMahon, the boys, and all the fans for taking away his job. Instead, McMahon attends the show and sees his performance, comes into the ring, and offers him main-act status on WWE. Connors accepts and walks away with Vince.


Tryouts #17, #24, and #37

There were seven people in the ring during rehearsals - three men, four boys. Cartman calls on the three men to do a bit of acting, then call on them again to share a bit of info about themselves. Number 17 is asked to react to a terrorst attack on his own family. Number 24 is asked to be a man in love with Mackenzie Phillips and reacting to news of her sleeping with her own father. Number 37 shares his love of wrestling, then breaks into song after sharing how his father's death influenced his wrestling dream.

Whale Whores


Prime Minister Hatoyama, Emperor Akihito

The Marauding Japanese

The marauding Japanese go around killing whales and dolphins, even going so far as to fly into them and killing themselves in the process. Some of those Japanese fly into the Sea Shepherd and destroy it. A Japanese whaling ship captures the three surviving boys and sends them to a Japanese prison. Emperor Akihito visits the prison and talks to the boys about why they're disrupting the whaling industry, and Stan asks why the industry exists. Akihito takes the boys out of prison and reveals why the Japanese hunt the whales and dolphins so relentlessly - a whale and dolphin were the ones who dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima. Stan realizes the error of their ways and tries to clarify who actually did the bombings, but Cartman reminds him of their relentlessness, so Stan has Kyle produce a picture for him with the "actual bombers" in place - a chick and a cow. Stan takes this to Prime Minister Hatoyama, who is backed by the emperor and other Japanese officials. When the prime minister sees who actually dropped the bomb, he has the Japanese go after cows and chickens. In this way does Stan save the whales and dolphins from extinction.

Sea Shepherd Crew

Captain Paul Watson, Benjamin Potts, Luke Van Horn, Woman 1 (Shannon Mann), Woman 2 (Laura Dakin)

Deadliest Catch Captain and Crew

The Sea Shepherd crew thinks it's doing great things and being badass doing them, but Stan is not impressed and shows it how to really make an impact on its whale wars. Captain Watson leads his crew in a stinky butter attack against the Japanese whalers, but they strike back with a rocket-powered harpoon to Watson's head, impaling it and killing Watson. Stan strikes back with a flare gun that sends a flare into the fuel storage section, blowing the ship up. That gets the message across and things are finally happening on Whale Wars. We learn that Luke is an Aussie and that Woman 2 is quite gung ho about being on the show. The Deadliest Catch crew learns of the Whale Wars crew's success and try to put a stop to it by blocking the Sea Shepherd's path at every turn. Several whales sense what the Sea Shepherd is trying to do and haul the Deadliest Catch ship away.


Commentators 2 and 1 (Dan Dierdorf), News Anchor, Larry King, Sid

The two commentators are announcing the Dolphins-Chiefs game when the Japanese rush the field and kill all the Dolphins players just as the game is about to start. The news anchor covers the news about the rise in whale and dolphin killings. Larry King interviews Stan after Stan becomes the new captain of the Sea Shepherd and makes news after making his crew do actual stuff against Japanese whaling ships on Whale Wars. Sid is on to say how wrong this is - Whale Wars should be run like a professional TV program is.


Chet, Girl, Trainer 2, Guide, Trainer 3

Chet and Trainer 2 work at the Denver Aquarium. Chet asks if anyone wants a kiss from a dolphin. The girl wants to, but Randy cuts her off before she could finish saying so. Trainer 2 exclaims that it's a Japanese crowd running towards them when a rumble is heard. The Guide and Trainer 3 are among the victims when the Japanese raid other aquaria and marine parks around the nation.

The F Word



Bikers (the lead biker is the last one on the right in the upper row)

Judges, Emmanuel Lewis

These bikers ride into town on loud motorcycles. When they don't receive the kind of attention they were expecting, they start imitating motorcycle motors with their voices and cheeks. When that doesn't work, they resort to musical instruments, roosters, and carnie calls. When they learn that the town has made fag officially mean "Harley rider" and plan to get the definition changed in the dictionary, they plan to disrupt the event and stop the change from happening.
There are five judges, actually, but one of them doesn't have any lines here, so she's not included in the picture. The judges question the boys as to why they are using the term "fag," and the boys reply that it's not because the people they're calling fags are gay, but because they're loud and inconsiderate.
Emmanuel Lewis comes to town to officially change the definition of the word "fag," but has to hold off on it for a while as a Harley rider pulls him away on a chain wrapped around his ankle. He comes back limping, his right leg broken, but he makes the change official.


News Anchor, Field Reporter, Martin, Another Mayor

The news anchor covers the boys' campaign to change the definition of the word "fag" to refer to Harley riders with extremely loud motorcycles and not to gay people. He also notes that even gay groups realize that "fag" isn't used exclusively for "gay people" any more. The field reporter asks kids too young to know what a fag is to point to one, and they point to Harley riders every time. Martin is one of the kids who answers the field reporter's question. The field reporter also covers the event at which the chief editor of Webster's Dictionary, Emmanuel Lewis, shows up to officially define the word "fag" as a Harley rider.
A rival mayor reminds people that "fag" right now is a derogatory term for "homosexual."

Dances With Smurfs


Mike, Casey

Mike is one of three kids to try out for morning announcements, but didn't get the job because his stammer prevented him from getting past the first word in the passage Mr. Mackey wanted him to read. Casey is the third person to try out, but Cartman sabotaged his chance. When Cartman has to give up the job because he became student body president, Casey takes over the morning announcements.

Pee


Pi Pi, Lawyer, Water Tester and Assistant, Researchers

Pi Pi runs his own water park, SplashTown. He's warned that too much pee in the pools will overrun with pee, but he ignores the warrning. Sure enough, one girl pees in the wave pool and the water park is swamped in pee and severely damaged. His lawyer threatens to sue the water tester when the tester and his assistant first warns Pi Pi about the pee. The tester tells the fire marshall about the high concentration of pee at the park and has a monkey brought forth to deomnstrate what too much pee could do to a person. The researchers assist the water tester with the monkeys.


Fire Marshal, Fireman 1, Fireman 2, Fireman 3

Police Captain, Officer 1, Officer 2, Stevens

The fire marshal coordinates the rescue effort and waits for a working antidote. He doesn't want the media or the public at large to know about the pee breach at the water park. He also gets to pee on the first human volunteer, Randy. The police captain is quick to give the antidote to everyone, but the water tester reminds him that the antidote hadn't been tested on humans. The firefighters and police officers shown contribute a line or two to the story.


Elderly Couple, Teacher, Seņor Lopez, Coucilman

Even the elderly pee in the pool, as Kyle finds out when he walks by an elderly couple arguing about it after the husband pees in the pool. When Cartman begins to daydream about a future in a minority-run world, he imagines a black teacher, a hispanicn boss named Seņor Lopez, and a black councilman, and he can't take it anymore.