South Park Guest
Biographies: Season 11

With Apologies to Jesse Jackson

Randy, Nigger Guy

Pat Sajak, Jesse Jackson, Brian, Field Reporter

We all know about Pat Sajak and Jesse Jackson, right? Anyway, Pat Sajak hosts Wheel of Fortune, and ends up trying to ask the cameraman to cut away to commercial after Randy flubs the answer, NAGGERS. Jesse Jackson hears Randy out and accepts his apology - on condition that Randy kiss his bare butt. Randy kisses it and leaves, feeling like he's accomplished something good.

Randy is targeted

Laugh Factory Comedian, Man 2 at the Laugh Factory, Man 3 on the sidewalk, Convenience Store Clerk

Convention Member; driver, Skeeter, and passenger, Michael Richards, Mark Fuhrman

The comedian at the Laugh Factory goes through his routine when he notices Randy in the audience, then teases him a bit. Another man notices Randy there as well. Randy is first embarassed, then ashamed, and walks out leaving his Corona unfinished. Outside, a thired man notices him and mentions him to his wife. The couple walks away, and Randy hangs his head in shame. Randy goes before a group of black people to announce a new foundation, but it met with silence when he tries to relate his own persecution to that experienced by black people over centuries. One person asks if Randy is being serious. After the meeting he walks outside. Some rednecks pass by in their truck, back up, and notice Randy as the nigger guy on TV. Randy sees their shotguns and runs. They pursue him in their truck and corner him in an open field. Four other guys appear and defend Randy against the rednecks. Richards and Fuhrman are members of a group of men who've been labeled "nigger guys" for various reasons.

Randy gets help

Scott, U.S. Senators

Randy and the other "nigger guys" appear before the Senate and petition to have "nigger guy" banned. The first Senator doesn't know what the term means, the second one wonders if that term could soon refer to all white people, the third one says he's never had a racist thought, but he's debunked by the black Senator to his left. The first Senator acknowledges the importance of Randy's bill and asks for a vote. The bill is passed with one dissenting vote - the black Senator's. Outside, the third Senator announces the new bill, saying that "nigger" can be no closer than seven words to "guy." If the words are any closer, as the field reporter finds out, you get arrested.

A Little Person

Mr. Nelson, Woman at the gym

A businesswoman introduces Mr. Nelson, a dwarf, to the school. Mr. Nelson talks to the kids about the harmful power of words and how to overcome it. Cartman sees him and goes into long bouts of laughter, which doesn't please Mr. Nelson any. He talks to the principal about this and asks to speak to Cartman one on one. She allows it, and Cartman enters and laughs at Mr. Nelson again. Mr. Nelson loses his composure and startles everyone present in the office. A few second later, Cartma starts laughing at Mr. Nelson again. Mr. Nelson tries to turn the tables on Cartman, but that doesn't work. Mr. Nelson engages Cartman in a wrestling match, but Cartman defeats him. Just as Cartman declares victory, Mr. Nelson knocks him down and Cartman doesn't move for a few seconds. Mr. Nelson leaves, satisfied that he made his point and put Cartman in his place. Cartman wakes up and laughs at Mr. Nelson again. The kids don't see how, but Stan finally realizes that he doesn't see how black people are still hurt by the use of the word "nigger" even as words like "fuck" have lost almost all their shock value.

Cartman Sucks

Camp New Grace

Leader, Campers, Director

Bradley, Pastor Phiillips, A counselor

Butters' adventure begins when he arrives at Camp with his father, who drops him off there to be cured of his bicuriosity. A camp leader introduces him to the other campers, who are standing around to meet him. The camp director gives him a tour of the place and introduces him to his first accountabilibuddy... who's dead, having hung himself. The director suggests another accountabilibuddy, Bradley, who's always quoting scripture and who seems afraid of his own sexuality. Butters and Bradley become friends quickly, but Bradley is always mindful of bad thoughs concerning the nature of his emotions. The director introduces the campers to Pastor Phillips, who tells them how he got over being gay with the help of prayers and Jesus Christ. The director comments on how God wants his followers straight, at which point a Latino boy brings forth a gun and kills himself with one bullet to the brain. Bradley runs away because of a bad thought he's having about liking Butters, and Butters is called into the camp office for losing Bradley. Steven shows up later to ask what's going on. A counselor rushes in and tells the group that Bradley has been found at a nearby bridge. The director tries to talk him down, but it doesn't help. Butters tries, but he's told to keep out of it, since he's as confused as Bradley is. After the director tells him to stay out of it again, Butters gets fed up and turns to the crowd, asserting that he was not confused until other people told him he was, and that he's not going to be confused again. Being bicurious is fine. Bradley listens and agrees with Butters, and so decides to get back on the bridge's road. Everyone considers this another successful salvation by Jesus Christ.

Lice Capades

The lice colony

Travis Mayfield, Kelly, President and Vice President, Redhead, Angelina Jolie

Travis is a scientist louse, harvesting the choicest hair from Clyde's head like other lice are, but he begins to worry that he and other lice will soon have to move to a new world. The first warning is rain, in the form of a shower Clyde takes one night. The second sign is a flood of green liquid which destroys the lice it comes in contact with. The third sign is hurricane force winds. Travis takes Kelly and their growing egg Hope and climb up a hair to escape the green liquid, but he doesn't foresee the powerful winds coming from the hair dryer. He loses Kelly when the winds rip her from one of her forelegs, and he's left holding just that foreleg. The President, a bald louse, doesn't have much of a role, but his Vice-President does - he decides to go to the new world with Travis and a redhead. When the three of them reach the Forbidden Zone - Clyde's hairline on his neck - the Vice President kills the redhead and is about to kill Travis when he decides to show Travis that the world won't feel any bullets, since it's not a living entity. He quickly learns he's wrong when two fingers reach down to pick him up and throw him away. Travis relaxes and breaks out crying, and a fly comes by to take him to a new world...
Angelina Jolie's crotch turns out to be the world where lice go to live undisturbed, which says something pretty bad about Jolie's genital hygiene. The fly drops Travis off there, where he's welcomed by the resident crabs.

Getting rid of the lice

Lead Screener, Girl, Nurse, Doctor

The lead screener has all the students line up by grade. She takes charge of the fourth grade students and checks them for lice. She discovers them on Clyde and has him go to his doctor for treatment. At the doctor's office he meets a girl there who's going to see the doctor about an ear infection. The nurse calls Clyde in, and the doctor gives him the prescription for a powerful lice-killing paste.

The Snuke

Bahir Hakeem and his parents

Bahir is the new Muslim student in South Park. Cartman has an instinctive aversion to him and frames him for being a terrorist to the CIA and the President. Other government agencies - the FBI, the ATF, the EOD - get involved in searching for the terrorist. Bahir's parents are interrogated to find out Bahir's location. Cartman farts on their faces until Mrs. Bahir's cell phone rings and she finds out Bahir is at Butters' house. Cartman goes to Butters' house, finds Bahir there, and demands to know where the detonator is, but Bahir runs away. Terrorists drive by in a van and capture Cartman and Bahir, holding them hostage in a warehouse. The CIA finds the warehouse and the terrorists, kill the terrorists and release Cartman and Bahir. Bahir's parents are also released and the Hakeems leave town - and the U.S. - immediately.

CIA Head Alan Thompson, CIA Vice Head, Agent Frank Waters, Two CIA Agents

Two More CIA Agents, Second Vice Head and Female Agent, CIA Agent Chase

CIA Head Alan Thompson gets the call from Cartman and gets the ball rolling on finding the terrorist and his detonator. His vice head runs some of the operation from Kyle's room and leads the charge into the warehouse when they find the terrorists' hideout. Frank Waters tells Brian that the bomb in Hillary's snizz is a snuke. A second vice head takes over in Kyle's room for a while and tells Mr. Thompson that the terrorists have been located. During that time, he tells Agent Chase to find anything on Vladimir on JDate, but Chase comes back with info from eHarmony. The female agent confirms Stan and Kyle's statement that Russian terrorists are responsible for the terrorist threat. Tow of the remaining agents witness Cartman's interrogation of the Hakeems, while the other two are part of the operation in Kyle's room.

FBI Leader, ATF Leader, Secret Service Leader, SS Agent Nelson

EOD Leader, a police officer

The FBI takes over the operation on orders from the Secretary of Defense, the ATF takes over on orders from the CIA, the Secret Service takes over on orders from the President, but Nelson abdicates the job. The CIA takes over again - until Kyle dismisses him and takes over. The EOD leader is in charge of defusing the snuke, but he doesn't want to send any of his men in there. Later on, he tells Brian to get his head out of there, but it's too late - whatever is in the vagina with the bomb ate Brian's head. A police officer comes out of the Hakeem house and says no detonators were found there.

Hillary Clinton, Brian Jeffries, Otis Green, Chris, Female Aide

Pig Wrangler, HilDog Fans

Hillary is in town for her Presidential campaign. and her aides make sure everything goes smoothly. Brian is her head aide, with Otis, Chris, and a woman being the other three aides in her car. Otis makes sure the bomb-sniffing pig is doing its job while its wrangler guides it through the crowd. The pig finds the bomb and races up to Hillary to sniff it out. Chris is the mole in the Clinton campaign, keeping his terrorist friends updated on the status of the bomb. He tells them that the bomb has been found, and they tell him they're going to blow Hillary up in South Park instead of Boston. The female aide just tells the other aides that the bomb is not under the stage. Hillary is called Hildog here, so she has fans everywhere calling themselves Hildogs.

Vladimir Stolfsky and Terrorists

Vladimir and his terrorists have managed to install a snuke in Hillary Clinton's snatch, unknown to her somehow. They do this so they can blow her up in Boston, site of the Boston Tea Party, so that the U.S. would enter a state of chaos and the British could come in and reclaim the U.S. for itself. They take Cartman and Bahir hostage when they learn Cartman knows what's going on.

Queen Elizabeth II and her Red Coats

It turns out that the British want to get the U.S. back as a colony, so the Queen uses the Red Coat navy to try to defeat the U.S. and deny it its Independence. The navy fails once USAF jets fly in and bomb the ships to bits, and the Queen commits suicide.

Fantastic Easter Special

Mall Bunny, Nelson, Hares chasing Stan

Grand Hare, Hare Club For Men Members, Nick Donovan

Stan's questions take him to places he didn't anticipate, and it begins in the mall. He asks the mall bunny what he knows about Easter and what the connection is between Jesus and Easter eggs. The mall bunny just tells him to go with the flow, but Stan says he's getting to the bottom of this. When he leaves, the mall bunny places a call to another bunny and tells him to call the others. As Stan walks home, the bunnies, or hares, begin to follow him, and he runs home. He finds his father in the bathroom and tells him about the bunnies, only to see the door open and find Randy dressed as a bunny himself. Randy dismisses the other bunnies and takes Stan to his room to tell him about the secret society he's in - The Hare Club For Men. The Grand Hare officiates over Stan's initiation ceremony. Jesus makes his first appearance in a long time in answer to Nick Donovan's prayer.

Bill Donohue and two of his Ninjas

Bill Donohue appears just as Stan is about to learn the secret of the Easter Bunny. His ninjas attack the Hares and kill half of them, injure the others and haul them away for something terrible later on.

Teabag and his butler

Stan and Kyle go to Professor Teabag to learn the secret of the Easter Bunny. He shows them how Leonardo da Vinci left clues in the painting of the Last Supper showing how the Easter Bunny was kept as St. Peter - Peter the Rabbit, or Peter Rabbit - enlarged so he looked human and the bunny ears painted over to leave no hint of his cunnicular origin. The small loaves of bread are actually Easter eggs. And thus did Stan and Kyle learn the link between the Easter Bunny and Jesus. Before meeting Teabag, though, they had to get past the butler, who was going to dismiss them when Teabag appeared in the background.

Two Cardinals, Tourist, Vigil Reporter

The two cardinals did as Bill demanded until Jesus killed him and placed Snowball in the papal throne. The cardinal at left ask Snowball if it had anything to say about how people should conduct their lives, and there was no reply. The Italian cardinal to his left said this was as Jesus wanted it - a non-judgmental pope, letting things run as they are.


Allyson, Kate and Linda, Patty and friend

Katie, Blonde, Betsy

Mrs. Garrison has given up on men after one too many rejections, so she starts exercising to get her mind off them. She goes to Curves, a fitness center, and encounters Allyson, who invites her to Les Bos, a girl bar. Mrs. Garrison reveals that her first name is Janet. At Les Bos Mrs. Garrison meets other women, not realizing that a girl bar is a lesbian bar. She meets Kate and Linda, and she makes a pass at Linda later. She also makes a pas at Patty, but Patty's partner doesn't take too kindly to this, so she and Janet start brawling. Janet gets a bit of scissoring in before Katie walks in and announces that Les Bos is going to be converted to a Persian bar. Betsy suggests that they should send people in as undercover agents to get some info on the Persians. Janet, Allyson and the Blonde go to the laborers at Moovit Trucking to get them to dress as Persians and find out what they could about Club Persh. The laborers return to reveals to Janet that Xerxes is a woman.

Emir, Tumon, Rauf Xerxes

Emir is sent to talk to the lesbians, but Janet kicks him in the balls and he's sent back to Club Persh to tell his boss what happened. Tumon, his boss, determines to gather up as many Persians as he can to attack Les Bos. The army of around 60 Persians comes to Les Bos to redecorate, but the lesbians prevent them from entering. Eventually, the Persians give up and go shopping. A few of them return to Club Persh, where they see Rauf Xerxes arrive sitting on a great throne atop a gold hummer. Raug is extremely tall and buff - about nine feet tall - and he learns of Tumon's failure. Xerxes goes to Les Bos and talks to Janet, who reveals Xerxes' secret. Xerxes is taken aback, but learns that Les Bos accepts all kinds of women, even those who couldn't work in a Persian environment. She and Janet hook up and do some scissoring. As a result, Les Bos remains open as a lesbian bar, and Xerxes is at home in it.

Laborers, News Anchor, Lesbian Couple

The Mexican day laborers were supposed to write essays for the boys, but they end up writing their "eses" - friends. Janet calls upon the laborers to dress as Persians and infiltrate Club Persh, and they return with info that helps Janet - and Les Bos - quite a bit. Finally, the SPUSD hired them to sub for Janet at least for a day. The news anchor announces the incident at Les Bos, and the lesbian couple watching the news at that time urge the lesbians to keep going forward. The one eating potato chips gets a slow-mo closeup of her biting into a chip.

Night of the Living Homeless

Homeless Advisor, Chris Swollenballs, Glen, Dennis and Christine, Man from Evergreen

South Park is seeing more and more homeless on its streets and the Mayor calls a city council meeting to do something about it. The Mayor brings in a guest speaker, the Homeless Advisor, for his input. All he sugeests is that everyone should be careful, because if they give anything to the homeless, there will be more of them. When the Mayor's aide drives them to safety, he tells them where they should go to find out how to deal with the homeless, and they end up at the advisor's office. He tells them how the homeless operate and live, sustaining themselves on our change, always asking for change after promptly forgetting we just gave them some. When they hear voices coming down to the lab asking for change, the advisor shows the boys a way out and makes sure they go out safely. He then takes a gun and tries to kill himself... nine times. He finally succeeds, and the boys head to Evergreen.
Chris Swollenballs is the reporter covering the story about the homeless in South Park. Glen is the head of public safety in town and one of the people on the roof of the community center. He learns from his wife that the value of their house has plummeted, so the bank decided to foreclose on his house and kick him and his wife out of it. He has no place to store all his stuff. He is now homeless. Randy holds off on killing him though, until he hears the magic word: change. When the boys return with a fortified bus to lure the homeless away, Randy props up Glen's corpse twice as if Glen were still alive.
When the boys arrive at Evergreen, they find a town utterly destroyed. Three men pop up in front of them. One of them is Dennis, who tells the boys about the arrival of the homeless in Evergreen three months prior, how the homeless saved enough change to buy apartments and then homes, how they became indistinguishable from homeowners, and how suspicion drove families apart, to the point that Dennis killed his wife by burning her in bed while she slept because he thought she had become homeless. Another of the men commented on Cartman's 30-bum jump, which never actually happened but which somehow arrived at Evergreen as fact. Christine is the woman Dennis thought he killed, but all he did was burn her lips off. For some reason her underwear is down at her ankles. When Dennis tells her he has a time hard understanding what she's saying, she kills him. The third man in the group kills her, but she gets a final shot and shoots the second man before dying. The second man kills the third man before he himself dies.

Le Petit Tourette

People affected by Tourette's

Thomas and his mom, Mr. Donaldson, Doctor

Blond Girl, Brunette, Teen Boy

Thomas has a terrible twitch that makes him curse one or two words at a time. Cartman is inspired to pretend to have Tourette's because of him, and Thomas soon sees that Cartman is faking it. He conspires with Kyle to prevent Cartman from getting on Dateline by having pedophiles arrive from all around to meet a boy they chatted with online. Thomas's mom apologizes to the people at Toy Safari for her son's disorder and explains it a bit, then buys him a toy and leaves the store. Mr. Donaldson conducts therapy sessions for Tourette's victims at The Children's Therapy Center, where he has Kyle learn more about Tourette's from several kids who actually suffer from it. The doctor has a look at Cartman and wonders if he has a case of latent Tourette's, which is said to show up later in a boy's life and could get worse.
The blonde has a habit of bending her neck to the left, straightening it up, and snapping the fingers on both her hands. People don't notice this as Tourette's because it's kind of cool to do. The brunette blinks twice and says "Boop!" in a squeaky voice. The teenage boy goes into spasms of "brrrrr" after every sentence.

Clerk (vest) and customer (blue shirt); Chris Hansen; HotForBoys219; Patty Nelson

Not much to say about the clerk and the customer. Chris Hansen hosts several shows including "To Catch A Predator" and has a speech impediment that makes him slur words from time to time. HotForBoys219 brings a Wendy's meal for Thomas and gets giddy when Thomas blurts out an obscenity. He dances into the Dateline studio, realizes that it's not a house, and shoots himself dead. Patty Nelson is not happy with Cartman fantasizing about her.

More Crap

Dr. Doctor of Hell's Pass Hospital makes a return to the show with this episode by seeing Randy Marsh about constipation. He gives Randy a laxative to take home so his poop comes out easier. Randy lets out a big ol' poop the size and shape of a football. He has Jimbo come over to witness this and to tell the guys at the bar about it. The guys urge him to contract the Guinness Book of World Records. He calls them, but the secretary says that they don't keep track of that record. She tells him to call the EFSM after getting its number from its Web site. Randy gets in touch with the EFSM office in Zurich to report his record, and three of its members come out to Randy's house in Colorado to verify it. Sharon is not happy at all that Randy kept the poop after whe told him to flush it away. Bono hears about it and reports his own record-breaking poop, which is accepted without verification. Randy gets depressed that his record was broken so quickly, but the guys urge him to try again. He does, but now with their help and deliberately. This time at Hell's Pass, a doctor's assistant looks at his belly and finds a piece of poop bigger than the last one and treats it like a fetus. Jimbo runs in and everyone in the room that Randy has to go to Zurich and poop in person, but the assistant advises against it. Randy makes the trip with his family and friends, and Bono is present as well. Randy has a very hard time getting that poop out, but when he finall does, he lets out a huuuge stool almost six feet tall and 250 lbs.

Bono and his butler

Bono had the record for biggest poop until Randy went and broke it. Bono struck back with an even bigger poop, but his butler told Stan the truth: that Bono doesn't hold the record, he IS the record, and as such, got bigger, and no one could take a poop that big without Bono growing past it. Now, as an adult, he's the biggest poop in existence. No one could beat that record... until Randy did with a poop weighing over 250 lbs. Bono is 200 lbs.

The MC, The Senator, A Man in the audience, The Anchorpeople

The MC presents an award to Bono, who accepts it and launches into his speech when his cell phone rings and he learns that Randy had broken his record. At a ceremony honoring Randy's record, a senator is announcing the new record when someone whispers in his ear and he announces that Bono has sent a special message. The message turns out to be that he's reclaimed the poop record, and he shows off that poop lovingly. A man in the audience cheers wildly for Bono for getting his record back. Sharon is stunned that Bono is involved in this, and Randy is dejected that he lost the record so quickly. After Randy announces his intention to break the record again, an anchorman and his co-anchor talk about it, with the female co-anchor agreeing that she just doesn't get men's fascination with poop.

Imaginationland: Episode I

The Pentagon

General, Tom the Specialist

The general and specialist receive the terrorists' tape and discuss it with other members of the Pentagon. The Pentagon has run out of ideas and taps Hollywood for new ideas, as it often does in times of war for propaganda, but they don't like what they hear, except for Mel Gibson. They do as he suggests and find Stan and Kyle, who are whisked away to Washington D.C.

The Directors

M. Night Shyalaman, Michael Bay

M. Night Shyalaman tries to pitch plot twists at the General and his personnel, but the General dismisses him because those aren't idea. Michael Bay tries to pitch special effects, but again the General dismisses him for lack of ideas. Mel Gibson comes in and suggests a background check for all the characters found in the terrorists' videotape. Mel Gibson appears as he does in "The Passion of The Jew," so he's not picturred here.

Citizens of Imaginationland

Cheetara, Cinderella, Draco, Fanciful Mayor, Leprechaun

Lollipop King, Mr. Tumnus, Rockety Rocket and Terrorists, Suitcase, Pat the Hammer

All these characters had lines in the episode, but the only ones to have any impact on the plot are the Leprechaun, the Fanciful Mayor. Draco, and Rockety Rocket. The Leprechaun warns of an impending terrorist attack, which sounds odd coming from an imaginary character. The boys catch him, but he gets away by using rainbow teleports. The fanciful Mayor hears the boys talking about the leprechaun later on and intrudes to ask if the boys had seen it. The boys have doubts about the Mayor, so he asks them to join him on a journey. Butters is afraid the Mayor is going to rape the boys, but the Mayor looks back at him, confused. The boys climb into the Imagination Flying Machine and float a long distance before arriving at Imaginationland. When the terrorists show up and destroy Imaginationland, Draco swoops down and takes the boys back home, except for Butters, who becomes the terrorists' one real hostage. Rockety Rocket is taken and armed with bombs, then pointed towards the Barrier, a great wall separating Imaginationland from its own dark side.


Judge, Driver

The judge hears Cartman's case and decides in favor of him - Kyle has to suck Cartman's balls within 24 hours or get arrested for contempt of court. Still, she's shocked at Cartman's case. After the Pentagon whisks Stan and Kyle away, Cartman follows in a gas tanker. The driver picks him up since it's not good for a kid to be on a highway alone.

Imaginationland: Episode II

Real Characters

Operator, Kurt Russell and soldiers

Paramedic, Secretary, Guard, Elderly woman

Lead Tech, Technicians 2, 4

Most of these characters just have a line or two. The elderly woman asked Cartman if anything was wrong after Cartman woke up from a nightmare. The secretary keeps her lips sealed very well, but Tom ruins it all when he talks to Cartman. The operator checks for a connection to the imagination as the portal revs up. The guard comes around to tell everyone to head for the main hall, as the Pentagon's portal had become extremely active. The paramedic tries to bring an unconscious Kyle back around, but it doesn't work. Cartman's persistence saves the day. Kurt Russell was called in to help the soldiers go through the portal, as he had done in the movies before.

Imaginationland Characters

Perseus, Strawberry Shortcake, Snarf

Snarf joins the Lollipop King and Butters on the way to Castle Sunshine, but Butters finds him annoying soon. Strawberry Shortcake (here wearing cherries for parody purposes) has been kidnapped by the evil characters, and they plan to do really bad things to her. The Headless Horseman and Frankenstein's Monster kick her, an Imperial Stormtrooper smacks her around with his rifle, and Jason gouges her left eye out. Perseus stands guard at Castle Sunshine with Robin Hood and gives orders to other guards who are dressed in Tron outfits.

Evil Characters

Freddy Krueger, Headless Horseman, Jason Voorhees

ManBearPig, Orc, The Minotaur, The Creature

All of them argue as to who the most evil of them is. Jason Voorhees scoops out Strawberry Shortcake's left eye. ManBearPig makes it out of Imaginationland for a while and kills two techs. He chokes Kyle until the portal pulls him back in. Kyle drops to the floor. The Creature from the Black Lagoon tells the Minotaur who the Woodland Critters are and where they came from.

The Council of Nine

Aslan, Glinda, Luke Skywalker, Morpheus

Popeye, Wonder Woman, Zeus

Jesus is not pictured, as he's appeared before. There's no good image of Gandalf. Aslan has appeared before, but he's much more regal here.
They ponder Butters' presence in Imaginationland and conclude that he's the key to its survival.

Imaginationland: Episode III

Anchorman Steven, Commentator Mike

Anchorman Steve has the breaking news on the Supreme Court announcing that imaginary things aren't real. Commentator Mike expounds on the impact this decision has on cases like the Cartman v. Broflovski ballsucking case.

Hippies 1, 2, 3, 4

Guard 2, Lab Techs 1, 2, 3, Tech 7

The four hippies are among a group of them protesting the imminent nuking of our imagination. The guard tries to stop Kyle from entering the Pentagon, and tells him to join the protesting hippies. The various techs shown here get involved in the discussion of what is real and what isn't, and why some things that are considered real shouldn't be, and vice versa.

Doctor, Official, Chief Justice

The doctor says Kyle is recovering, but has some trauma to the brain which might explain why he's hearing voices in his head. The official simply tells Al Gore that he does see ManBearPig onscreen. The Chief Justice announces that imaginary things are officially not real, and therefore no approval is needed to nuke them.

The Press Corps

Reporters 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5

The reporters ask questions concerning the nuking of our imagination. The fourth reporter asks if Kurt Russell could be sent through the portal to reason with the terrorists, but the general tells him that was already tried and failed..

Robin Hood, Cavity Creeps, Icarus

Tron Soldier, Gandalf, Wonder Woman

Robin Hood comes to the Council to announce that troops are being shot down by the Cavity Creeps. The Cavity Creeps march through the battlefield, crushing everything in their way. Butters imagines up a giant tube of Crest Gel with Tartar Control to fight them, and Robin Hood and Perseus walk him to the battlefield. Icarus flies in to say the good guys are losing the battle. The Tron soldier is excited by his first kill, but Beary Bear kills him with laser blasts from his eyes. Gandalf tells Butters that he, Butters, is a creator, and so can imagine things into existence in Imaginationland. Butters then tries this and fails a few times before he masters this power, which comes in very handy at the very end. Wonder Woman urges Butters to imagine Santa back into existence, which he finally does. She wonders what could destroy the Cavity Creeps.

Guitar Queer-o

Brett, The Dragon from Heroin Hero, Mick, Older and Younger Boy

Brett is a clerk at EV Games, and he sells a few games to Stan: first Guitar Hero, then Heroin Hero so Stan could mellow out after getting too stressed playing Guitar Hero. He would have sold Stan Rehab Hero as well, but Stan didn't want any more Hero games. He opted for Cross Country Cruiser, a driving game. Heroin Hero's only character is the Dragon, who always remains just out of reach, teasing the player to catch him. After Stan takes Thad on as his new playing partner, Kyle is reduced to playing Guitar Hero at Mick's Bowling Lanes. After Mick hears him play, he lets Kyle play Guitar Hero for a small salary, as he's just helping out a guy who's down on his luck. Kyle gets free Frescas as part of the deal. Two boys come by and the older one asks Kyle to get off the game, as they wanna play too. Kyle doesn't get off until the younger boy recognizes him and tells the older boy who he is. The older boy asks why Kyle's is playing at the bowling alley instead of on TV. Kyle leaves the game, telling the boys to leave him alone, and sits at the bar.

Alex Hart, Charles Kincaid, Thad Jarvis

Jay Cutler, Tom Shane, Male Diner

Charles Kincaid is the talent agent who learns (through a signal in the game, probably) that Stan just passed a hundred thousand points on Guitar Hero. He becomes Stan and Kyle's manager and presents them to music producer Alex Hart so they can promote the boys and have them find superstardom. Mr. Kincaid has bigger plans for Stan though, and has the perfect partner for him: Thad. Thad is a master Guitar Hero player, and Stan takes him on as a partner, but Stan calls the shots. Thad quits when Stan fails to keep up with him and plays horribly during a session that would have Stan find superstardom if he broke one million points.
Jay Cutler is a quarterback for the Denver Broncos, and he wears #6. Someday he'll be a good quarterback. Tom Shane owns a company that sells diamonds and other jewelry. He's looking for his wife.The male diner likes "John the Fisherman" which he recognizes even though Thad is playing it without any power on his controrller.

The List

Nelly, Rebecca (formerly Red), Girl With Gray Headband, Lola, Blond Girl

Nelly is the list keeper, so it's her Pee Chee folder the boys steal in order to find who's the cutest boy and who's the ugliest. Cartman has Butters run up to Jenny and kick her in the balls. That doesn't work, so Butters tries again. That doesn't work, so Cartman abandons the mission and Butters gets a black eye and bruised arm. Cartman and Butters learn that girls don't have balls, so Cartman tries another plan involving Kenny spitting on the ground in Jenny's way. That seems to have worked, as the boys steal the folder and pin the list on the boys' bathroom wall. Rebecca and the two girls at the Rainbow Railing (in front of Bebe) are involved in a conspiracy to make Clyde the most popular boy in 4th Grade so they can get free shoes at his father's shoe store. Bebe, the committee leader, is also involved, and Wendy finds herself in danger when she has to wrestle the gun away from Bebe, who would have killed her if she didn't give back the original list. The blond girl agrees that Jennifer's purse is prettier than Teresa's, but that doesn't make it the prettiest. Lola first appeared in "Follow That Egg!" in season 9. Mrs. Garrison paired her up with Token, but she wasn't shown until she and Token were shown seated together with their egg.
Trey can't decide what Red's name is supposed to be. In "Erection Day" she's called Bertha, but here she's called Rebecca.

Fat Girl, Bushy Eyebrows Boy; Blond Boy, Glasses Girl, Yamal

The fat girl just wants to be sure the ugly kids aren't in fact ugly. The boy with the bush eyebrows loves pickles, so he asks Kyle for his, and steals Cartman's later on. The blond boy just says "hey." Kyle tries to make the girl with glasses prettier, but it does't work - he puts her glasses back on. Yamal gets the most exposure here, as he's seen playing the piano and wanting to burn the school down. Kyle comes around to Yamal's point of view and tries to burn the school down starting at the roof. Yamal tells Stan and Wendy where Kyle is, and they arrive in time to stop him.

Abraham Lincoln, Jerry, Officer, Hall Girl

Abraham Lincoln takes Kyle on a tour of houses having pretty and ugly people, telling him that pretty people are cursed, especially when their looks fade with age. Kyle doesn't want to wait until adulthood to know if he's cute, then tells Lincoln to take him back home, as he's tired of Lincoln's speech and doesn't want anyone to tell him how to think. Jerry is the True-Value clerk who sells Kyle all that lighter fluid and kerosene. The officer arrests Bebe for tampering with the list for cutest 4th Grade boy. The girl in the hall is one of the girls Clyde talks to after he learns he's the cutest boy in class.