Cesar Millan shows up and tries to rehabilitate Cartman the way he does dogs: he tries the alpha dog approach. He ignores Cartman at first, then stifles him by nipping him on the neck every time he interrupts the conversation. This irritates Cartman, then frustrates him after Cesar shows Liane how to calm Cartman down and how to get the upper hand. Cartman runs away... for four hours. He tries to move in with any of his friends, but each one rejects him for quite good reasons. He then returns home expecting his mom to have learned her lesson, but she has instead taken to painting with Cesar supervising her work. Cartman decides to kill his mom as she sleeps, then tries to get the other boys to kill her for him as he appears elsewhere at the time of her murder. No one volunteers to help him out, so he does it himself. Before he jabs his mom with a large kitchen knife he gets some pangs of conscience, resulting with his good and bad sides fighting for his soul. He passes out, but several weeks later, a thinner, more conscientious Cartman appears, and Cesar is pleased with him. For Cesar, this means his work is done and he's on his way home. For Liane, this means she has a new friend to replace Cartman and Cartman can be the son he should be and she didn't have. When Cesar tells her he's going home, her hopes are dashed, and Cartman is the only person she can turn to for comfort - she'll give him whatever he wants if only he goes to Madame Butterfly with her on Friday night. Cartman knows this and smiles, hugging her as Cesar walks out of their lives.
Nelson, USGS geologist
Nelson looks much different here than he did in "Goobacks" He sees Randy at the computer and asks him if he's working on sediment analysis. Randy tells him he's participating in an MMORPG and goes on to show him the character he's playing as and what it means to him to be playing that character. Later in the episode, Randy calls up Nelson to borrow his computer, as Stan has taken the family computer to ...somewhere. Nelson turns him down.
World of Warcraft Support Line Representative and her boss
The rep is one of many people who field calls from frustrated players wondering who is killing their characters. Her boss walks by to check up on her and she tells him of yet another call, then advises that he tell the guys upstairs about this crisis.
These seven men have to figure out how to stop the rogue player from killing everyone at will. One of them mentions the Sword of a Thousand Truths, but he's reminded of its power and danger. He responds with the prophecy that there may be players in the future who could handle this weapon, and now seems to be the time. The Presdient and Member 1 (with graying sideburns) go in search of that player, who goes by the name of lovestospooge. They can't find him, but since Randy is his father and a new WoW player, they entrust him with the sword. He goes to Best Buy to enter the game and give the sword to Stan.
Blizzard Gaming Entertainment President and his board members, including Jim and Thomas
The greeter at Best Buy points out the demo table to Randy, who quickly goes over there and shoves the boy out of the way. The rogue player plays so much he hardly moves anymore to keep killing other players and go up the levels. He's the one who strikes fear into player and executive alike.
Best Buy Greeter, Boy at Best Buy demo, The Rogue Player
The SP kids, Randy, and the Rogue as WoW characters
Stan (Staniscool), Kyle, Cartman, Kenny
Token, Clyde, Craig
Jimmy and Timmy
Butters (on the left)
Ike, Randy (Valcorn), The Rogue
|The Mystery of the Urinal Deuce
The Hardly Boys are called in twice to solve two different cases. First, a police officer calls them in to solve the mystery of the deuce in the urinal, but clues in that case lead them to the case of the World Trade Center conspiracy. Both these boys get hard, raging clues about the cases and follow their clues... wherever those clues lead them. :D Their father appears after killing the 911Truth man. He got info about the man from his sons, the Hardly Boys, and lays out for Stan the role of the U.S. government in creating 9/11 truth sites so it can get the truth out while denying it officially.
Frank and Joe Hardly, and Police Officer; Mr. Hardly
President George W.Bush has been seen before, so he doesn't need to be seen here. These are just three members of his staff. Condoleezza Rice doesn't have a line here, but it's nice to see how she would look in SP form. Donald Rumsfeld has a few lines. Dick Cheney tries to kill Stan and Kyle with his crossbow on Bush's order, but misses, and hits a marble vase behind them. The arrow hits a fire alarm, which turns the sprinklers on. Some aides rush in and the open doors give the boys a chance to escape.
George Bush's staff - Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice
Leroy, a new classmate
Leroy shows up in this episode to talk about his frog, which he doesn't name. No word as to his becoming a regular background character. He reminds me a bit of Kyle's cousin, Kyle.
Man from 911Truth.org
This man is the guy Stan and Kyle go to about getting Kyle off the hook about both 9/11 and the deuce in the urinal - but he's not a lawyer. He gives Kyle two large jars of anthrax and says he'll use them as evidence the government was behind 9/11. Chicago police rush in after monitoring the house and arrest the man along with Stan and Kyle. The trio is given to the secret service, which presents it to Bush at the White House. Bush takes it upon himself to kill the 911Truth guy, but he turns up alive later on, after Stan and Kyle pass a McDonald's he's exiting. Kyle notices, then tells Stan. They chase the 911Truth man into an alley and corner him. He pleads for them not to kill him, but he's killed anyway, by ... Mr. Hardly.
Cartman's tenure as hall monitor begins when the hall monitor before him calls him to the principal's office. Cartmn resists, but Principal Victoria calls him to the office moments later. Cartman has no choice but to go to the office. Once there, Principal Victoria tells him it's his turn to be hall monitor, and Mr. Mackey tells him the responsibilities that come with the job. Cartman likes the fact that he gets to exert real authority, and he doesn't waste any time putting on an outfit for the part. His first victim... er, citation... is a boy he sees wandering around. The boy turns out to have a valid pass, so Cartman lets him go. When the boy challenges the need to stop him in the first place, Cartman just kicks him away. Then he sees a wad of paper that turns out to be Ike's and he learns that Ike and his teacher are dating. Miss Stevenson gets in trouble when Cartman finds her in the hall kissing Ike. He reports her to Principal Victoria, who calls the police on her. The police laugh, since they don't consider this a child molestation case, but arrest Miss Stevenson at Principal Victoria's insistence. Miss Stevenson posts bail, holds a press conference to announce that her actions were fueled by alcohol and that she'd go to a drug rehab center. She undergoes therapy and leaves the center. She goes to Ike's house to kidnap him and take him to Milan, but Kyle is alerted to her presence by some noises coming from Ike's room. He alerts his mom, who tries to convince the police to arrest Miss Stevenson again, but the police are again reluctant. She and Ike end up at the Hilton, but they head for the roof when she hears police sirens approaching. She tries to get Ike to join her in eternity, but Ike turns back at the last minute, leaving Miss Stevenson to fall to her death.
A Hall Monitor, A school boy, Miss Stevenson
Other People In The Story
The car salesman tells Cartman to get out of an SUV he's in, which Cartman does, as the video he's shooting is almost finished. The reporter breaks the story about Miss Stevenson's indictment, while the lawyer says that Miss Stevenson has agreed to drug rehabilitation. The therapist treats Miss Stevenson for alcoholism and releases her.
Car Salesman, Reporter, Lawyer, Rehab Therapist
The Hilton Hotel
The receptionists greets Cartman and his crew, but the conceirge comes in and tries to stop the crew from looking for Ike. Beth sprays the concierge with bear mace, and the concierge begins to throw up ..
Cartman Dawg the Hunter and his crew. Leeroy, Earl, and Beth are the people Cartman rounds up before bringing Kyle in for the hunt for Miss Stevenson. Below the row of characters in the show is a picture of the real Dog and his partner Beth. Beth weilds the bear mace while Earl drives and Leeroy assists. Kyle is in the hunt for his brother and nothing more.
Leeroy, Earl, Beth, Kyle, and Cartman the Dawg
Demonius and Zazul are two of the six elders who sit before Satan at a half table. Demonius acts as Satan's financial conscience, expressing concern at the cost of the party and the logistics of making and transporting a life-size Ferrari cake to the W hotel. Zazul takes charge of the Ferrari cake mission, calling forth three of the most evil souls in Hell: Jeffery Dahmer, Ted Bundy, and John Wayne Gacy. Zazul dresses like a school girl for Halloween, but is forced to change costumes when Satan finds it hotter than his own Crow costume.
Demonius and Zazul
The Three Murderers
Zazul calls these three Bozos to have a Ferrari cake made for Satan. They find the bakery Zazul refers them to - Napoleon Bakery - and pick up the cake. Unfortunately, they do have a habit of killing, so they end up killing the bakers one by one. woth Gacy killing two of them and Dahmer killing the third. Gacy also kills someone outside who offers to help them, and Dahmer has sex with the man's intestines. Bundy becomes the leader, having the other two position the Ferrari cake onto a flatbed truck, taking charge of the situation when Gacy kills the Good Samaritan, and directing the creation of a new cake when the original one falls off the crane and shatters all over the road. In the original airing, Bundy kills both Dahmer and Gacy before he dies from a stab wound Dahmer inflicted on him, but in subsequent airings, Dahmer kills Bundy with a knife and Gacy kills Dahmer with a rolling pin.
Jeffery Dahmer, Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy
The Catholic Church hears about Satan's party and plan to crash it, as the Church wasn't invited to it. The resident bishop at the cathedral plans to call the fire marshal so the fire department could break up the party, but learns that the fire marshal is at the party, so the clergy procures Knott's Berry Farm wristbands and try to crash the party. They are refused, since their wristbands are the wrong color, but once Satan opens the doors to everyone, the priests return. The one notable thing about the priests in this episode is that some of them have naked kids on leashes, which is a commentary on the continuing existence of pedophile priests in the Church even after the Boston pedophile priest scandal came and went - it seems the Church can't or won't get rid of them, so they're just an accepted fact now. In real life, Cardinal Mahoney is often criticized for not turning over documents to the district attorney relating to pedophile priests under his care.
Cardinal Mahoney and the Presiding Bishop
Biggie Smalls is just one of many celebrities who are summoned into kids' bathrooms on Halloween as kids test the urban legend of summoning a dead person back to life when saying that person's name three times to a mirror. He's summoned first by Butters, then by Kyle, then by Randy, and each time he begins shooting at people. He misses each time. After Kyle summons him, he has Kyle and the other boys buy him a ticket to Los Angeles, but disappears before he has a chance to get on the plane. The ticket agent hands Kyle the ticket Biggie Smalls needs to get to Satan's party. Butters completes the trip to Los Angeles and then borrows a mirror belonging to a catwoman. He says Biggie's name three times quickly, and Biggie appears next to him. He's upset that he's been summoned yet again, but looks around and realizes that he's at the party. He invites Butters in, and Butters gladly accepts, seein' as he's going to get grounded anyway.
Biggie Smalls and the airline ticket agent
Princess Diana appears dressed as Lara Croft. Hitler appears dressed as the "Can you hear me now?" cell guy, carrying his phone everywhere pretending to test it. Frank Sinatra tells Satan about a guy dressed as the Crocodile Hunter, and later on calls Satan a jerk for saying "Hell On Earth 2006" was all about him and not the guests. Steve Irwin appears at the party unaware that he should be in costume. He appears with the stingray that killed him still attached to his chest. At first Satan assumes it's some person dressed as Irwin and tells him that it's too soon to be dressed that way. When Irwin asserts that it's in fact him, Satan has him kicked out for not coming in a costume. Irwin may have returned later, though, as Satan threw open the doors for eeryone to enter, wristband or no.
Princess Diana and Adolph Hitler, Frank Sinatra, Steve Irwin
After Cartman loiters at EV Games one too many times waiting for the Nintendo Wii to come out, the clerk reminds him that pacing in front of the store isn't going to make the Wii arrive any faster. There's a new girl in class, but some of what she's learning disturbs her enough for her to tell her parerts about it. They go to school to talk to Principal Victoria about it - it seems the girl is bothered about the science Mrs. Garrison is teaching the class - Mrs. Garrison doesn't like to teach about evolution, so she teaches the worst version of it she can find. Richard Dawkins is an evolutionary scientsit who comes off much sweeter here than he is in real life. He's brought in to teach evolution while Mrs. Garrison is asked not to teach it because she doesn't know enough about it to teach it well. He finds Mrs. Garrison quite attractive - she is full of fire, full of life, full of spunk, so bold, with such balls, the most outspoken woman he met. He falls for her and soon they're having sex.
EV Games Clerk, Richard Dawkins, evolutionary scientist; The Triscotti family
The UAL finds Cartman's frozen body and thaw him out. The medic makes sure the process goes smoothly, and Shvek introduces himself. He tells Cartman that someone he knew created the UAL, the group Shvek now leads. Cartman only cares to know if a Wii is available, but he's told it doesn't exist anymore - it's a museum piece in the 26th century. The tower the UAL is in is attacked by the UAA, whose troops kill all the UAL members with laser-guided syringes and capture Cartman. They bring him to their ship to show off to the Allied Atheist Allegiance, which is the sea otter species. Its leader announces the age of the sea otter.
Unified Atheist League, its leader Shvek, a medic, and an analyst.
United Atheist Alliance and its leader
the Allied Atheist Allegiance (sea otters) and its leader
The maintenance man has trouble connectiong the Nintendo Wii to the float screen in Cartman's room. The woman comes in to talk to Cartman a few times - to introduce him to K-10 and alert him that the UAA is under sttack. The tactical officer reports to the UAA Leader. K-10 becomes Cartman's pet, friend, and conscience throughout the episode, warning him several times not to mess with the past, lest the present change in unforeseen ways. Cartman doesn't notice at first that K-10 had morphed into KIT-9, but once he notices, he puts that knowledge to good use. When he goes home, it's KIT-9 turned into COCKA-3 who sees him off.
UAA Maintenance Guy, UAA Woman, UAA Tactical Officer, K-10/KIT-9/COCKA-3
Blavius is the second sea otter leader to appear. Cartman tricks him into taking him to New New Hampshire so he could get the Wii... and escape. Blavius had considered that possibility, so he put false information into the crystal Cartman was wearing, thereby fooling the UAA into going to some clam fields the AAA was supposed to be mining, but the AAA wasn't going to be there. The AAA was going to lay in wait until both the UAL and UAA were out in the open, then destroy them both. When Cartman begins to fiddle with the past, the present changes until Blavius joins the other two leaders in harmony, ready to see Cartman off to his own time. Before this happens, the Wise One tries to impart his wisdom to his fellow otters, but they stone him to death. He reappears when Cartman fiddles with the past. Shvek is succeeded by his son, Young Shvek, who is indistinguishable from his father except in the number of bulbs attached to his suit.
Blavius, the Wise One, Young Shvek
The first three boys are in the commercial for the Crank Prank Time Phone, calling people all over the past. The other two boys become Cartman's target when he has K-10 search Zeebod's sales records for someone who bought a phone from there over the past week. He neutralizes the boys with bubbles and runs away with the phone. Those two boys had crank-called the man from the early 20th century to tease him with a few jokes.
Boys using the Crank Prank Time Phone, Man from the early 20th century
Stan has his first paying job - delivery boy for the South Park Gazette, which is a newish paper, being just nine years old. Mr. Jarvis reprimands hm for being late on delivering the paper. Stan explains that one of his pedals was broken, but he got it fixed and is ready to continue delivering the paper. A tow truck appears and the driver takes Stan's bicycle away, and Stan is out of a job. He goes to the Park County Government Center to try to get his bike back, but the jodge he sees tells him he won't get his bike back until he gets another job and pays the fee. The judge then makes several appearances throughout the episode acting as a preview/trailer announcer, letting us know what Stan will face and what he'll have to learn. He sounds a bit like the announcer in "The Biggest Douche In The Universe"
Mr. Jarvis, Tow Truck Driver, Judge
Park County Pee Wee Players
Of the eight Park County players, only Ike and Nelson are significant here. Ike is here as the ringer, an expert player brought in to boost a lagging team's chances at winning a game. Nelson has cancer and goes into the hospital as Stan tries to figure out how to talk about cancer to the team and to Nelson's parents. Nelson puts his hopes on Stan, which means he'll die if Stan fails. Stan tries his best, but he's put up against insurmountable odds, which guarantees that Nelson will die. Gavin Throttle is a driven Adams County coach who talks big, but when the game finally arries, his team stumbles as often as Stan's does, and there's no score at the end of the game. Stan and his father dream about Stan's shot as a Pee Wee player where he has the chance to score the one and only shot left, but the puck doesn't make it into the goal. There was no Denver goalie there, as that goalie left the goal to get his underwear changed (he pooped his pants.) Kyle is in the game as well, while the announcer does commentary for the game.
2 (Ike), 3, 6, 7
8, 10, 13 (Nelson), 15
Gavin Throttle and the Adams County team, Mr. (Jack) and Mrs. Brown
Pee Wee Stan, Pee Wee Kyle, Denver Goalie, Pee Wee Announcer
The NHL official comes to Stan and tells him that the Denver Pee Wee team didn't show up. Stan figures his team could win by forfeit, but the official denies him that. Instead, the Avs show up and say that Park County could finish their game with the Red Wings. Stan's team goes on to be beat up by the Red Wings, who win 32-2, and his players now hate him. The Red Wings celebrate and father and son coaches give eachother heartfelt hugs.
NHL Official, the Colorado Avalanche, Red Wings Coach And His Dad