Kenny's Wisdom

By Wild Willie Westwood

Sometimes, when Kenny says things along with other kids, those things don't show up here.

Kenny's deaths and the dialogue around them are here, too.

June 20, 2001 - There was once a thread at South Park Studios entitled "Kyle and Hot Tamales??" The following post is from that thread, and it's good know both that my site is quite accurate, and that it's not perfect.

January 18, 2000 - As the BBS has been corrupted several times since the post below was made, you won't find it there anymore.

Posted by: butters @ 06-19-2001 19:43
That's odd. I put up a post under this topic earlier. I even hit submit twice. I guess it was too long.
Actually, the only thing I talked about was how accurate the SP Scriptorium is regarding the references. It's almost as if Willie has access to our rental records at the local video shops.
Matt wants the fans to figure out what Kenny says on their own. Sometimes he really is just mumbling, so it's funny when people try to figure out what he's saying. Nevertheless, the accuracy some of these people have is amazing. The same goes for Trey and the references. That's when fan sites like the Scriptorium come in handy for the big SP fans.
There are some minor inaccuracies and reaches, but by in large, the Scriptorium is amazingly accurate.

And so, this page is now linked from the Script Guide rather than the front page.

Thanks, Butters, for the notice about the references. :D I couldn't have done them without the half dozen fans out there who occasionally proofread the stuff I have, and the occasional fan who sends me a correction. At the bottom of the page is a very special mention, retrieved from Beef-Cake's archive at the Wayback Machine.

Deaths on the show | Deaths off the show

Kenny Doesn't Die In

Episode 110 - Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
  1. Notices Kyle holding Jesus wrong: "Kyle has Jesus' head instead"
  2. When he tastes bird dung instead of snow: "Ptui"
  3. Before Mrs. Broflovski drags Kyle away: "Kyle's crazy!"
  4. On seeing Mr. Hankey for the first time (just a piece of poo, no hat or gloves): "That is the sickest thing I have ever fuckin' seen"
  5. On being asked to remove a star from the stage and learning that it is above a shark tank: "huh?"
  6. After removing the star successfully, he gives a "phew!"
  7. On seeing that he's still around for the closing credits: "Woo-hoohoo!"
Episode 207 - City On The Edge Of Forever
  1. When Kyle tells the boy in the red shirt not to upset Kenny, "Huh?"
  2. What time is it? "Almost 7:30"
  3. His turn to remember: "Hey guys. Remember back when Terrance and Phillip was off the air? All I know is that it was a loong time ago, and Death was chasing us on a bicycle down the street."
  4. Revision: Kenny taking on Death, "Take… that! And that, that is for me, and that, that and that, that and that, that, that, that!"
  5. Stan: Oh my God! Kenny- killed… Death!
  6. Kyle: You… bastard.
  7. After his flashback, "Heheheh. Now that's what I-he call a sticky situation!"
  8. Being corrected, "Oh, yeah."
  9. Dream Exit 1: The Scary Monster reaches for him, "Uh oh. Hey uh, you guys! Help me doooowwwwnnnn! Heeyy, you guuuuyyyyys!"
  10. Stan: Oh my God, it's killing Kenny!
  11. Kyle: You bastard!
  12. Stan: Hoh boy, we're in big trouble.
  13. Dream Exit 2: the boys imagine themselves in a Happy Days episode, and the Fonz has landed his bike and is headed for a brick wall. Kenny fails to move, "Hey, that freakin' bike-"
  14. Stan: Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
  15. Kyle: You bastards!
  16. Back on the bus when it lands in the vat of ice cream, "Hooray!" Follows from Dream Exit 1.
  17. After Stan wakes and calls Kyle to tell him about his dream, Kyle mentions that Cartman, Kenny, and he are going to Happy Burger and asks if Stan wants to come along. Thus, Kenny wasn't really a part of this epiosde except as a part of Stan's dream, so those deaths don't really count.
Episode 311 - Starvin' Marvin in Space
  1. When the agents grab the boys to talk to them on a matter of national security: "Huh?"
  2. Why would anybody send money to Pat Robertson? "To pay for the pockets on his peehole."
  3. Trying to get to the Marklar ship with the other boys: "Hey, you guys, I'm a little bit be-" [trips over a rock and lands on his face] "Oof."
  4. Getting caught: "You guys, just fly away!"
  5. Realizing why he's still alive: "Oh my God, I get it."
  6. He doesn't die, but after being encased in carbonite, he appears with the other boys in the Marklar ship after Sally Struthers released the ship from the junker's grasp. He's not with them when they land on Marklar, though.
Episode 410 - Do The Handicapped Go To Hell?
  1. Tries to get Cartman's poem right: "It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's operation-"
  2. Tries to understand the Eucharist: "What?!"
  3. Realizes what telling his sins at all means: "OH, SHIT!" (he has plenty…)
  4. Cartman blames Kenny for setting Mr. Garrison's cat on fire: "What?"
  5. Stan doesn't want Timmy going to hell: "What are we gonna do?"
  6. Stan is saying his Hail Marys: "Hey, dude."
  7. Stan shows his frustration: "What??"
  8. Mad that Stan couln't keep from cursing: "Fuck! Oops!" [covers his own mouth]
  9. Exit: "Yow!" [a tour bus slams into him and takes him away, but see next episode]
  10. Stan: …Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
  11. Butters: He had sins that he didn't confess!
  12. Cartman: And he never took Communion!
  13. Stan: He's doomed.
Episode 411 - Probably
  1. Return: [scraped from the bottom of the tour bus in Ensenada.] "Ahow!" [He didn't die after all.]
  2. Gathers himself: "Where am I?"
  3. Repeats his question to the gas station attendant: "WHERE AM I?"
  4. Calls Cartman from a pay phone: "Cartman?! Cartman, you've gotta help me, and I'm not foolin' around!"
  5. Cartman asks him to describe hell in all its horrible detail: "Um…"
  6. Sees Cartman get off the bus, rushes up to him: "Eric! Eric!"
Episode 415 - Fat Camp
  1. Kyle asks Kenny to slice open the manatee: "Nuh uh!"
  2. Kyle offeres him $5: "FIVE BUCKS???" [grabs the knife and starts cutting away]
  3. Kyle asks Kenny how much to eat the manatee's spleen: "I'm not eatin' that!"
  4. Kyle asks Kenny how much to eat his vomit: "WHAT?!"
  5. Nineteen bucks are on the line: "Ungh." [goes ahead and eats his vomit]
  6. Jesus thanks him for coming on the show: "Sure!"
  7. Stan asks Chef if Kenny's a prostitute: "Yeah. Am I?"
  8. Crap lands on Kenny's face while he's under the Porto-Potty toilet: "Ow."
  9. The Krazy Kenny Show announcer asks him what he'll do next: "Well, I'm gonna give my grandfather a full-body sensual massage."
  10. Howard Stern starts the bidding for perfomring oral sex on him at $50,000: "And me!"
  11. Kenny undercuts Johnny and Tom: "…Ten bucks!"
Episode 505 - Terrance & Phillip: Behind the Blow
  1. He speaks gibberish as the other boys go nuts over Terrance & Phillip appearing at the Denver Coliseum.
  2. Stan says the boys can't help with the preparations for the Earth Day Brainwashing Festival: "Yeah"
  3. Terrance says Phillip is doing Shakespeare in Toronto: "Toronto?"
  4. Carl chops off Kenny's left hand: "AAAAHH!"
  5. Stan: Oh my God!
  6. Carl chops off Kenny's right hand: "OOOWWW!"
  7. Kyle: You bastards!
  8. Carl chops off Kenny's left lower leg: "Aahhh!"
  9. Carl chops off Kenny's right lower leg: "AH how!"
  10. Cartman tells him everything turned out okay: "Oh, well now that's sweet."
  11. Exit: Still alive at end of episode, but bleeding badly.
Episode 612 - A Ladder To Heaven
  1. Taking the ticket stub from Kyle: "Okay."
  2. Greeting the boys a few days later: "Hey you guys. What's goin' on, man?"
  3. After hearing Cartman sing "Vicious Circle": "Shut up, Cartman, you blood-belching vagina!"
  4. Reiterates for Cartman: "I said: Shut up, Cartman, you blood-belching vagina!"
  5. Once more: "I said: Shut up, Cartman, you blood-belching vagina!"
  6. Exit: none, as Kenny didn't return in his own body
  7. Stan: Dude, don't you know what this means? You drank Kenny!
  8. Cartman: Shut up!!
  9. Kyle: You did, dude! You drank his whole body!
  10. Cartman: Shut up!
  11. Taking the ticket stub from Kyle: "Okay." (this time, it's from Kenny's viewpoint)
  12. Cartman says he's not sharing his body with that poor piece of crap: "Stop calling me poor, you fat dick!"
  13. Cartman tells Kyle to stop shaking him: "Where am I, you guys?"
Episode 613 - The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers
  1. Stan asserts that there's four fourth graders to face the sixth graders: "Yeah!"
  2. Stan reminds Craig that Cartman has Kenny's soul in him: "Yeah. Luckily, Cartman's body is big enough for the both of us."
  3. Reminding Cartman of what the word to "we just don't know where we are" is: "That's what lost means, stupid!"
Episode 615 - The Biggest Douche In the Universe
  1. Greeting Stan, Kyle, and Chef as they enter Cartman's recovery room: "Hey you guys! How's it goin'?"
  2. Laughs at a trailer of Rob Schneider as a stapler: "Ha-heheheh"
  3. Fights with Cartman in Cartman's body on the way to Scotland: "You shut up, fatass!"
  4. Fights with Cartman about watching The Carrot: "I wanna watch, fat boy!"
  5. Exit: Dives into Mrs. McCormick's pot roast, which gets lost inside Denver International Airport. Rob Schneider finds it, takes it home, and eats it.
Episode 617 - Red Sleigh Down
  1. Walks into the scene at City Hall: "Hey guys. What's goin' on?"
  2. Kyle asks where he's been: "Oh, I've just been hanging out."
  3. Agrees with Stan about things being back to normal: "Yeah."
Episode 701 - I'm A Little Bit Country
  1. Cartman says he wants to have a flashback: "A what?"
  2. Explains why he's with the boys to his father: "I'm doing my homework."
  3. Stuart urges Kenny to leave with him and the protesters: "But Dad, I-"
Episode 703 - Toilet Paper
  1. Wonders with Stan how their art teacher could talk down to them: "Yeah, how the fuck is that?!"
  2. Likes Cartman's idea of TP'ing the art teacher's house: "Yeah!"
  3. Joins in the verbal assault agains the art teacher at her house: "Yeah! Fuck you!"
  4. Surprised that Mr. Mackey wants to talk to him first: "Me??"
  5. Agrees that Kyle will reveal their crime first: "I think so too"
  6. On Stan saying they won't be killing Kyle: "Yeah!"
  7. On Stan saying my they should confess: "Yeah, maybe we should."
Episode 704 - Cancelled
  1. Cartman farts on Kyle the third time: "Gaaahaha, he got you again!"
  2. Cartman farts on Kyle the fourth time: "Derrr!"
  3. Cartman farts on Kyle the fifth time: "Yes it is!"
  4. The boys look back at Earth from the visitors' ship: "Awesome"
  5. The large doors open and Stan assumes the head alien is coming in: "Oh no!" [tightens the hood on his face]
  6. Joins the boys in judging a good appearance for the alien: "No!"
  7. Stan likes the new appearance the alien gets, a taco that craps ice-cream: "Me too."
  8. On hearing the show can stay on, with the other boys: "All right!"
  9. Kenny arrives with the photo of the joozians: "Hey you guys, look."
  10. What the hell is that? "I don't know."
Episode 705 - Fat Butt and Pancake Head
  1. Cartman offers to buy food for the boys at the mall with his gift certificate: "Woohoo!"
  2. "When you eat a taco it comes out your backside too, cholo!": "Heheehee, heheh yeahah."
Episode 706 - Lil' Crime Stoppers
  1. Supports Stan's determination to keep playing Detectives: "Yeah!"
  2. Playing the Good Cop to Cartman's Bad Cop: "Awww, don't be so hard. Maybe he's tellin' the truth, huh?"
    "Aw. Now just be nice. Poor lil thing."
    "Aw, please don't make him confess."
    "Aw, it's okay kid. It's just done in a jiffy."
  3. After the boys are kicked out by the FBI boys: "What do we do now?"
  4. Realizes he's in a strip club: "Woohoo!"
  5. Firing off his own "gun": "Pakew! Pakew!"
Episode 707 - Red Man's Greed
  1. Supporting Cartman on what Cartman would do to the Native Americans: "Yeah!"
Episode 708 - South Park is Gay
  1. Shows off his new purple jacket: "I just LOVE this jacket 'cause it's SOOO beautiful!"
  2. Agreeing with Cartman that Kyle just isn't presentable in his regular clothes: "That's the truth!"
  3. Anticipating the girls being all over him: "Woohoo!"
  4. Looking forward to the fancy floats in the metrosexual pride parade planned on the spur of the moment: "Woohoohoo!!"
Episode 709 - Christian Rock Hard
  1. Kyle says Kenny's music style is more Latin Jazz: "What? Is it?"
  2. Asserting that you can download music for free on the Internet: "Yeah!"
  3. Remembers an artist the others didn't mention: "Oh you forgot to get some Judas Priest"
  4. Agreeing with Stan to just get home and get back to band practice: "Yeah."
  5. Supporting Kyle's decision to not play until people stop downloading music for free: "Yeah!"
  6. Agrees that MOOP is cooler than Faith + 1: "Yeah."
Episode 710 - Grey Dawn
  1. Noticing all the old people driving towards the boys: "Ohhhhh, look! You guys!"
  2. A bit alarmed that a police car is chasing Stan's grandpa down. The boys are in Grandpa's car at the time: "Oooooo my God!"
  3. In Cartman's mind, once Cartman's plan to kill Kyle succeeds: "Woohoo!"
Episode 711 - Casa Bonita

  1. Agreeing that catchng a disease and dying isn't funny: "Yeah."
  2. Glad to hear Kyle can take three friends with him to Casa Bonita: "Woohoo!"
  3. Agrees that going to Casa Bonita will be awesome with Butters coming along: "Yeah!"
  4. Sing Happy Birthday to Kyle along with the other boys.
Episode 713 - Butt Out
  1. Kyle says the boys should just play cards and forget about the anti-smoking commercial Cartman ended up taping: "Well yep, that's what I think."
  2. Agrees with Kyle that Cartman was totally wrong about the other boys being his friends: "Uh huh."
Episode 801 - Good Times with Weapons
  1. Cartman shows Kenny a weapon he can afford to buy: "Shuriken. Awesome!"
  2. Kenny transforms, but what he says is hard to understand.
  3. Cartman suggest they show off their weapons to Craig and his friends: "Hey yeah! That'd be awesome!"
  4. Cartman concludes that Butters is their new sworn enemy: "Yeah"
  5. Fires his shuriken at Butters: "Yeah! Take this, Professor Chaos! Feel my wrath!"
  6. Tries to explain his action: "I just threw it like Stan asked me."
  7. Looking for Butters with the others: "Butters!" (twice)
Episode 803 - Up the Down Steroid
  1. Tries to console Kyle: "Don't take it personally, Kyle"
Episode 804 - The Passion of The Jew
  1. Stan leaves Cartman and Kyle to their feud: "Me too!"
  2. Amazed at how much The Passion has made at the box office: "Goddamn!"
  3. His opinion of The Passion: "Yeah, it totally sucked!"
  4. "How can they even call that a movie?": "I dunno."
  5. Stan wants to get his money back, and so does Kenny: "Yeah!"
  6. Stan asserts that The Passion is a snuff film, not a real movie: "Yeah!"
  7. Stan suggest they to go to Malibu: "Malibu? But how?"
  8. Greets Mel Gibson: "Hello"
  9. Stan aknowledges that they lost money, but that it was the principle that was important: "Yeah. And the truth."
Episode 805 - You Got F'd In The A
  1. Kyle tells the OC leader he just got served: "Woohoo."
  2. The boys cheer: "Woo woo."
Episode 808 - Douche and Turd
  1. Likes the idea of write-in candidates: "Yeah, totally awesome!"
  2. What's funnier? A giant douche or a turd sandwich? "Giant douche."
  3. Cheers with Kyle: "Go giant douche!"
  4. Message to the parting kids: "Giant Douche! Vote for him!"
  5. Agrees with Kyle that they should make Stan understand the importance of voting, because he'll definitely vote for our guy: "Yeah."
Episode 810 - Preschool
  1. Upon hearing of Trent Boyett's release from Juvenile Hall: "WHAT??"
  2. Not satisfied with playing fake Fierman: "How about we put a real fire out?"
  3. On taking pics of Mrs. Marsh's tits: "I'll do it."
  4. Remembers he's the one carrying the necklace to put around Cartman's waist: "Oh yeah."
  5. On the sixth-graders helping them out: "Woohoo!"
  6. Rejoices with Cartman: "All right!"
  7. With the boys, trying to apologize to Ms. Claridge: "And it's time for us to come clean."
Episode 811 - Quest for Ratings
  1. Joins Craig at the VIP table: "Woohoo!"
  2. Cartman wants to know what he's doing there: "Craig just asked me to do his show, geez."
Episode 813 - Cartman's Incredible Gift
  1. Kyle is sad that no one will listen to him about Cartman's gift: "Don't take it personally, Kyle"
Episode 902 - Die Hippie, Die
  1. Upon being told that the government is using its corporate ties to make the boys sell magazines so the corporations can get rich: "Sonofabitch!"
Episode 906 - The Death Of Eric Cartman
  1. He cries when Cartman eats all the skins and leaves the other boys the meat and bones
  2. The other boys talk about Cartman's bad habits: "Yeah, fuck him!"
  3. The boys plan to ignore Cartman: "Fuck yeah!"
  4. Stan and Kyle have been visited by Butters apologizing for Cartman, who was with him: "Me too."
  5. Kyle figures Cartman is apologizing so the other boys will let him back in their circle of friends: "That guy would try anything"
Episode 910 - Follow That Egg
  1. Stan is afraid Mrs. Garrison will pair him up with Wendy: "So?"
  2. Mrs. Garrison asks him and Powder how their egg is: "Our egg is okay"
Episode 911 - Ginger Kids
  1. Kyle thinks it's a great idea to make Cartman into a ginger kid, but Kenny's not paying attention: "What's a great idea?"
  2. Kyle thinks it's a great idea to make Cartman normal again, seeing as Cartman turned being ginger to his advantage: "Hehe, yeah. Hehe."
  3. On their way to Cartman's house, Stan remembers Cartman's warning about gingers snatching other kids away in the middle of the night: "Hehe, yeah, heh"
  4. A ginger kid snatches Kenny away while the boys run from the gingers: "AH!"
Episode 912 - Trapped In The Closet
  1. Cartman suggests that the boys go play at FunLand: "Hey yeah!"
Episode 913 - Free Willzyx
  1. Kyle asserts that Jambu can talk: "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Episode 1001 - The Return of Chef
  1. Stan is glad Chef is back in town, even if he is acting weird: "Yeah, me too."
  2. Kyle suspects something is making Chef act weird: "Like what?"
  3. As the boys discuss Chef's pedophilic behavior, Stan notes that Chef has been with the Super Adventure Club for the previous three months: "Yeah, I think what we need to do now, guys, is get down to the bottom of this shit once and for all."
  4. Chef seems to be his old self after coming on to Spantaneous Bootay: "Chef!"
  5. Cartman tells Kenny to use his Spin Blossom Nut Squash on William, the man guarding Chef back at the Super Adventure Club: "Yeeeeehah!"
Episode 1003 - Cartoon Wars, Part I
  1. Cartman wants to do something about Family Guy showing Mohammed on TV: "Like what?"
Episode 1006 - Manbearpig
  1. Cartman wonders why they're going to visit Al Gore at the Komfort Inn: "Yeah, I don't get it."
  2. Calling out with the others for help after the caves crumbles around them, sealing them in: "Hello!"
  3. Kyle determines that no one can hear them: "What are we gonna do??"
  4. Stan thinks there's another way out: "Oh, no kidding."
  5. Kyle asks Kenny if he sees a way out: "No, nothing!"
  6. Kyle concludes that they're completely sealed in: "Yes, I see that."
  7. The boys have found a way out of the collapsed chamber they were in, so they must be closer to the outside world: "We're almost there!"
Episode 1007 - Tsst
  1. Cartman wants to crash with Kenny for a while: "Fuck you."
Episode 1008 - Make Love, Not Warcraft
  1. Checks out Kyle's avatar: "I think Kyle has fake titties, hahaaha"
  2. Confirms that he's logged in to the final battle against the rogue: "Me too."
  3. Celebrates the victory with the other boys: "Woohoo! Oh man!"
Episode 1010 - Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy
  1. Kyle tells his friends that Ike and his teacher are having sex: "Really??"
Episode 1012 - Go God Go
  1. Wonders what Cartman can do to get the Wii that much faster: "What?"
Episode 1102 - Cartman Sucks
  1. Cartman asks if putting someone's penis in your mouth makes you gay: "Ehe, that makes you very fucking gay."
Episode 1103 - Lice Capades
  1. Cartman says that only poor people spread lice around, and since Kenny is poor...: "What? Fuck you!"
  2. Cartman says the lice inspection is unnecessary, since all it'll do is send Kenny home with his lice: "Hey! Fuck you!"
  3. Cartman accuses Kenny of coming to school with lice and lyring about it. How does Kenny plead? "Not guilty!"
  4. Kenny speaks twice more, but those two statements are clearly intelligible.
Episode 1106 - D-Yikes
  1. Mrs. Garrison has assigned the class a weekend assignment the boys find quite impossible to do in time: "What the hell are we going to do?!"
  2. He's the first to realize that the day laborers didn't write the essays, they wrote (to) their eses (friends): "Uh oh..."
Episode 1107 - Night of the Living Homeless
  1. Echoes Stan after Kyle says they should do something about the homeless: "Yeah, what are we supposed to do?"
  2. Cheers Cartman on for jumping one homeless person: "Yehes!"
  3. In the sewer, Cartman complains that it really smells like Kenny's house: "Dude, shut the fuck up about my house!"
  4. Kyle says he saw a bus the boys could modify: "What are you gonna do?" Kyle replies that they're going to save their parents from killing each other.
Episode 1201 - Tonsil Trouble
  1. Greets Cartman with the other boys in the teachers' lounge: "Hey Eric."
Episode 1203 - Major Boobage
  1. The only line here is the one I couldn't finish deciphering. Remembering what he saw while he was still cheesing: "The titties. On a..."
Episode 1205 - Eek, A Penis!
  1. Whose idea was it to take the answers out of Garrison's desk? "Yeah, that was my idea."
Episode 1207 - Super Fun Time
  1. Cartman wants Kenny to be his partner: "No, I'm partners with Craig"
  2. Mr. Garrison uses Kenny as a human shield: "What? Hey, let go."
  3. Frans asks if the employees want to see a child die: "NO they don't wanna see a child die! You guys! Uf."
  4. Frans starts a countup to 3: "Goddamnit, someone help me!"
Episode 1208 - The China Probrem
  1. He's disappointed Kyle didn't call Cartman out on his racism: "Damn."
Episode 1210 - Pandemic
  1. Why does Kenny buy razors and shaving cream at heis age? "Hey dude, I like to shave my balls"
  2. Why would he shave his balls? "'Cause girls like shaved balls"
  3. They do? "Yes they do"
  4. What girl is gonna see his balls? "Well I don't know."
  5. Excited at the prospect of making some money: "Woohoo!"
  6. Reacts to a guard in a watchtower shooting dead a musician standing next to him: "Jesus Christ, he fucking shot that guy!"
  7. Offers his reason for wanting to be released: "Sir, please, I have to get back to my ???"
  8. Kyle asks why Homeland Security would send the boys into Peru: "Because they have us to kick out again?"
Episode 1211 - Pandemic 2 - The Startling
  1. Cartman says the boys are getting sick of Craig's attitude: "Yeah!"
  2. Notices something behind the two captains and warns them: "Hey, look out!"
  3. Tells Cartman what he thinks: "I thnk you suck."
  4. Inside a beautiful Incan temple with waterfalls everywhere: "Yeah. Pretty."
  5. Craig shuts the door on them when they invite him to be part of a Mariachi band: "I fuckin' hate Craig!"
Episode 1213 - Elementary School Musical
  1. Agrees not to take part in an elementary school musical, should one be made: "No way in Hell I'm doing it."
  2. Swears not to take part...: "I swear too."
  3. With the other boys, reminds Stan about their promise: "Yeah."
  4. Agrees with Kyle that Stan broke his promise because he's afraid of losing Wendy to Bridon: "Yeah!"
  5. With the other boys, sees that Stan has broken his promise not to take part in an elementary school musical: "Yeah, look at yourself, dude."
  6. His line in the song the boys sing together at the end of the episode is indecipherable.
Episode 1308 - Dead Celebrities
  1. Alarmed at Michael Jackson, who has possessed Ike, acting like a kid: "Holy shit, dude!"
  2. Stan mentions the two male judges loving a very girly Ike, still possessed by Michael Jakson: "Yeah."
  3. Disappointed that Ike might not win: "Son of a stinking bitch!"
Episode 1309 - Butters' Bottom Bitch
  1. Stan mentions a girl selling kisses whom Kenny is interested in: "Stacey Anderson?"
Episode 1311 - Whale Whores
  1. Cartman doesn't care about whales being slaughtered: "Yeah, me neither"
  2. Kenny now cares about them: "Yeah, totally!"
  3. Admits this to Stan: "I just want to be on TV."
  4. Decries the whales' fate: "And still they're shot."
  5. Goes along with Cartman's scheme: "I would do anything!"
  6. Wants to get away from Emperor Akihito's interrogation: "Yeah, can we go?"
Episode 1312 - The F Word
  1. Getting away from the city with the guys: "Meee toooo."
  2. Frustrated by people who don't know the lingo: "This is fucking ridiculous."
  3. More frustrated by people who don't know the lingo: "Jesus fucking Christ!"
Episode 1402 - The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs
  1. Mr. Garrison mentions strong vulgar language in Catcher In The Rye: "Awesome, dude!"
  2. Kenny doesn't find Catcher In The Rye all that vulgar: "Dude, what the fuck is so filthy or offensive in here?"
  3. On writing a book that would get banned quickly: "Awesome."
  4. His suggestion for a book title: "Nono, Scrotie McBoogerballs"
  5. Pissed that their book isn't banned yet: "It's fucking disgusting!"
  6. Cartman only wants to help get Jessica Parker killed, not kill her himself: "Okay."
  7. On the lookout for hunters: "Not yet."
  8. Kyle tells Kenny and Cartman they don't need to help: "Huh?"
Episode 1404 - You Have 0 Friends
  1. Kyle asks Kenny how many friends he has: "62"
  2. Kenny would love Stan to join Facebook: "Yeah!"
Episode 1406 - 201
  1. Stan reminds Knny that he's supposed to be watching Muhammad: "I am. He's right here."
  2. Kyle gets an idea: "What"
Episode 1408 - Poor And Stupid
  1. At the locker
    "What?"
    "Yeah dude, I looove NASCAR."
  2. At a NASCAR booth at the mall
    "Yeah! How cool!"
    "Woohoo!"
    "Woohoo!"
    "Yeah! Yeeaahh!"
  3. A certain fan makes NASCAR fans look stupid: "No! NASCAR fans aren't stupid! Cartman is!"
  4. The fan vows to succeed next time: "Oh that fucking asshole! Oh that fucking asshole, I'm gonna talk to him..."
  5. Kenny pays Cartman a visit:
    "Dude, what the fuck are you doing?!"
    "Dude, fuck you!"
    "Dude, that's NOT how you get good at NASCAR!"
    "No you fucking don't!"
    "What?!"
  6. Cartman will drive for Vagisil at the next NASCAR event: "No fucking way!"
  7. Cartman plays up being poor and stupid: "Fuck this!"
  8. Tries to get past security with a rifle
    "Aww, come on!"
    "Aw come on, fuck you!"
  9. Kenny tries to stop Cartman from completing the race:
    "Stop this car!"
    "Stop this car right now!"
    "Let me in right nnow!"
    "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."
  10. Patty Hamill runs Cartman off the track: "HA! You're fucking gay!"
Episode 1409 - It's A Jersey Thing
  1. Stan tells Cartman that Kyle is not like his mom: "Yeah."
  2. Kyle promises a miracle at Sizzler: "What kind of fuckin' miracle?!"
Episode 1411 - Coon 2: Hindsight
  1. Speaks as Mysterion, so all his lines are intelligible.
Episode 1414 - Crème Fraîche
  1. What Kenny thinks of Cartman's Gordon Ramsay impersonation: "Yeah, it's really good."
Episode 1501 - HumancentiPad
  1. Repeats what Stan and Butters said: "The Geniuses..."
Episode 1507 - You're Getting Old
  1. Advising Kyle on what to do on a video game: "Get him!"
  2. Doesn't agree with Cartman about the player: "No, he's telling the truth."
  3. Reminds Kyle: "Hit the X button, Kyle!"
Episode 1508 - Ass Burgers
  1. Worried that the school is going to give all the students shots: "Are you serious?!"
Episode 1510 - Bass To Mouth
  1. Stan talks to Kenny about Eavesdropper getting their e-mails:
    "What?"
    "I don't know."
    "No!"
  2. Wendy shows up and asks Stan if he likes looking at girls' butt cracks: "Oh fuck I'm gettin' out of here!"
Episode 1511 - 1%
  1. Cartman demands to know if Kenny knows where Cartman's dolls are: "I don't really know!"
Episode 1513 - A History Channel Thanksgiving
  1. There must be a reason it's called History Channel: "Yeah."
  2. On aliens and history being linked: "Yeah, that's true."
  3. Cheers as Miles kicks Sawitsky's ass:
    "Go dude!"
    "Woohoo!"
Episode 1602 - Cash For Gold
  1. Kyle asks Kenny to tell Cartman to shut up: "Shut the fuck up, dude! You're a fuckin' asshole!"
  2. Expresses his frustration at the smelting plant: "Fuck yeah!"
Episode 1603 - Faith Hilling
  1. On how boring the meme films the class saw were: "Tell me about it."
  2. Cartman on the Denver Post Faith Hilling: "That's fucking awesome, dude!"
  3. Kenny is worried about Faith Hilling:
    "Pffft. Alright, fuck you, Stan."
    "I don't know. It just seems... pointless."
    "That Faith Hilling is going out of style!"
    "Well..."
  4. Kenny gives up on Faith Hilling: "I'm sorry guys. Faith Hilling is just... a stupid fad, right?)"
  5. About Mr. Kitty: "This is Tango. I've got the goods."
Episode 1604 - Jewpacabra
  1. Craig can't wait till Sunday: "Me too!"
Episode 1607 - Cartman Finds Love
  1. Wants to know about the new girl: "Yeah, what's her name?"
Episode 1608 - Sarcastaball
  1. In reply to Butters: "Yeah."
Episode 1611 - Going Native
  1. On being called Butters' best friend: "I'm not his best friend."
  2. Tries to take Butters home: "Butters, come on."
  3. Goes to the teller: "Excuse me, he needs to get to Hawaii."
  4. Pleads with the teller: "Please, could you just let him on the plane? It's really important. Please?"
  5. The teller will allow this if Kenny goes too: "Yeah?"
  6. Addresses Butters: "Okay, okay! I'll go."
  7. Under suspicion: "What about me?"
  8. Assures Butters: "No, I won't fucking betray anybody!"
  9. Falliing into the river: "Whoops"
  10. Butters feels better that Ben Affleck isn't with Jennifer Lopez anymore: "You do?"
Episode 1612 - A Nightmare On FaceTime
  1. On the guys having to put their costumes on together: "Yeah."
    The rest of his lines are intelligible, as he speaks as Iron Man
Episode 1613 - A Scause for Applause
  1. Cartman regrets buying a wristband: "I told you it was a bad idea."
Episode 1614 - Obama Wins!
  1. Kenny interprets for Butters, who is blabbering: "He said Cartman is helping the Chinese get something they want."
  2. Is thar more important than the election? "The Chinese actually want to protect something that's important."
  3. Kyle asks where Cartman is to hand over the ballots: "At Red Lobster."
  4. Huh? "Red Lobster!"
  5. What?? "Red Lobster!"
Episode 1702 - Informative Murder Porn
  1. Reaction to Corey teaching the boy's parents about Minecraft: "I would never..!"
Episode 1706 - Ginger Cow
  1. Stan and Kenny are worried about Kyle: "Dude, maybe he's like mentally ill or something."
  2. Stan thinks thre's more to Kyle's behavior than Cartman's farts: "Huh? Like what?"
  3. Kyle apologizes to Kenny: "That's okay, Kyle"
Episode 1707 - Black Friday
  1. Cartman looks for Lady McCormick: "She's not here right now."
  2. Clyde tells Kenny there are bigger problems to worry about than Sony: "What do you mean?"
  3. He and Cartman discuss what to do about Kyle:
    "Yes. What's up, my lord?"
    "But Stan and Kyle are best friends"
    "Yes. That's right."
    "Yes, I believe we do."
Episode 1708 - A Song of Ass and Fire
  1. Cartman tells Kenny he can't be a princess: "What?!"
  2. Kenny is now an authentic Japanese princess: "Wooo!"
Episode 1801 - Go Fund Yourself
  1. Thinking of a startup name: "Dilapidated Titties Incorporated"
  2. Likes the name "Washington Redskins": "Me too!"
  3. On learning that Kickstarter isn't coming up anywhere: "What?!"
  4. On the Kickstarter site earning its first dollar: "Yahoo!"
Episode 1802 - Gluten Free Ebola
  1. Crtman observes that people are pissed off at the boys: "Yeah, it's fucking ..."
  2. Kyle notes that four hours into the school day, the other kids still won't speak to them: "Right. What the fuck is going on?"
  3. On Lorde playing live: "This will beee awesome!"
Episode 1805 - The Magic Bush
  1. Cartman sees Craig's house through the drone: "Okay, try to get closer!"
  2. Craig's mom is taking off her clothes: "Are you serious?!"
  3. Alarmred at what Cartman is seeing: "Stop taping!"
  4. Cartman asks Kenny if the camera is recording: "Yes."
  5. Cartman swears Kenny to secrecy: "Yeah, I know, dude."
  6. Cartman does it again: "Alright!"
  7. Cartman offers to show the other guys pics of Craig's mom's bush: "Dude, what the fuck!"
  8. Cartman offers again: "Dude!"
Episode 1806 - Freemium Isn't Free
  1. Kyle asks Kenny who told him about the Terrance & Phillip freemium game: "Jimmy"
  2. Finishes off what Kyle and Cartman said: "Fuck??"
  3. Kyle tells Jimmy to stop recommending that game to people: "Yeah"
Episode 1807 - Grounded Vindaloop
  1. Finds Cartman passed out and rushes to tell the other guys: "You guys! You guys, come see what Cartman" [the rest is hard to make out. They go to Cartman's room with him and see Cartman as his mother saw him earlier, passed out wearing the Oculus headset] "You see?"
  2. Kyle asks Kenny if he thinks Cartman is trapped in virtual oreality: "Yes!"
  3. Kyle doesn't believe him: "Huh??"
Episode 1808 - Cock Magic
  1. Tuong Lu Kim asks for payment to get to the cock fight: "What?"
  2. Kenny has his doubts about cock fighting: "I don't know. It just seems kind of... mean"
  3. Cartman asks if Kenny feels bad about the roosters: "Yeah, I feel bad for the roosters."
  4. Cartman thinks roosters are stealing Kenny's thunder: "No."
  5. A little bit: "NO."
  6. Cartman asks if Kenny is all right: "Yeah, I guess. I just wonder about McNuggets."
Episode 1809 - #REHASH
  1. Cartman explains why people go to YouTube to watch people play video games: "Commentary?" That scene is replayed on Cartman's channel later.
Episode 1901 - Stunning And Brave
  1. Butters tells the boys that Cartman got four days' suspension for calling Heidi Turner "clitty litter": "Really?"
Episode 1902 - Where My Country Gone?
  1. Cartman wants someone to volunteer to ask a Canadian girl out: "Not it!"
Episode 1903 - The City Part of Town
  1. Cartman says that Kenny's a bumpkin: "Well fuck you, dude!"
  2. Looking outside the window: "Hey Dad, there's a bunch of people outside."
  3. Mr. Kim says everyone else has left for the day: "I'm not going home until I get this floor as clean as I can."
  4. Everyone hates the shitty part of town: "Yes. I know what you mean."
  5. "Hey, I have an idea."
  6. You have an idea? "I actually do!"
  7. Barbrady captures him: "What. The. Fuck?!"
  8. Escapes: "Come on, dude, I've gotta make some money!"
Episode 1909 - Truth And Advertising
  1. Stan is bothered by a certain ad: "What?"
Episode 1910 - PC Principal: Final Justice
  1. Kyle says that Jimmy is dead: "Are you fuckin' serious, dude?"
  2. What to do now that the boys have guns? "Now we need to steal a car and escape"
Episode 2010 - The End of Serialization as We Know It
  1. He's done what Kyle has asked of him: "I did too, dude. What's next?"
No lines, but present.
  1. Episode 614 - The Death Camp of Intolerance (Makes a paper airplane through Cartman.)
  2. Episode 702 - Krazy Kripples
  3. Episode 712 - All About The Mormons
  4. Episode 714 - Raisins
  5. Episode 802 - Awesom-o
  6. Episode 806 - Goobacks
  7. Episode 809 - Something Wall*Mart This Way Comes
  8. Episode 812 - Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset
  9. Episode 814 - Woodland Critter Christmas (Most of the ep was a Christmas story Cartman wrote about Stan.)
  10. Episode 901 - Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina (He consoles Kyle after Kyle is rejected from the basketball team for being too short.)
  11. Episode 905 - The Losing Edge (He was in all the games wearing a cap instead of his hood, so his face and hair were seen.)
  12. Episode 907 - Erection Day
  13. Episode 909 - Marjorine (He detonated the girls' fortune teller.)
  14. Episode 1009 - The Mystery of the Urinal Deuce
  15. Episode 1110 - Imaginationland, Episode I (He is building a snow sculpture with the other boys. Later, he joins the boys to Imaginationland with the Fanciful Mayor, then escapes from there with the other boys on Draco.)
  16. Episode 1113 - Guitar Queer-o (He's with the other boys watching Stan and Kyle play Guitar Hero, and playing basketball with the boys.)
  17. Episode 1209 - Breast Cancer Show Ever (He'ss with the other boys at the center table in the cafeteria. He appears throughout the episode.)
  18. Episode 1214 - The Ungroundable (He's with the class at the computer lab.)
  19. Episode 1302 - The Coon
  20. Episode 1303 - Margaritaville
  21. Episode 1305 - Fishsticks
  22. Episode 1403 - Medicinal Fried Chicken
  23. Episode 1407 - Crippled Summer
  24. Episode 1410 - Insheeption
  25. Episode 1502 - Funnybot
  26. Episode 1504 - T.M.I.
  27. Episode 1509 - The Last of the Meheecans
  28. Episode 1511 - Broadway Bro Down
  29. Episode 1601 - Reverse Cowgirl
  30. Episode 1605 - Butterballs
  31. Episode 1609 - Raising The Bar
  32. Episode 1610 - Insecurity
  33. Episode 1701 - Let Go, Let Gov
  34. Episode 1703 - World War Zimmerman
  35. Episode 1704 - Goth Kids 3: Dawn of the Posers
  36. Episode 1710 - The Hobbit
  37. Episode 1803 - The Cissy
  38. Episode 1905 - Safe Space
  39. Episode 1906 - Tweek x Craig
  40. Episode 1907 - Naughty Ninjas
  41. Episode 2002 - Skank Hunt
  42. Episode 2004 - Wieners Out
Not present.
  1. Episode 201 - Not Without My Anus
  2. Episode 307 - Cat Orgy
  3. Episode 308 - Two Guys Naked In A Hot Tub
  4. Episode 405 - Great Expectations
  5. Episode 514 - Butters' Very Own Episode
    After Season 5 the plan was to kill Kenny for good, but the fans wanted him back, so Matt and Trey brought him back at the end of Season 6.
  6. Episode 601 - Freak Strike
  7. Episode 602 - Jared Has Aides
  8. Episode 603 - Asspen
  9. Episode 604 - The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer
  10. Episode 605 - Fun With Veal
  11. Episode 606 - Professor Chaos
  12. Episode 607 - Simpsons Already Did It
  13. Episode 608 - Red Hot Catholic Love
  14. Episode 609 - Free Hat
  15. Episode 610 - Bebe's Boob Destroy Society
  16. Episode 611 - Child Abduction is Not Funny
  17. Episode 616 - My Future Self 'n Me
  18. Episode 908 - Two Days Before The Day After Tomorrow
  19. Episode 914 - Bloody Mary
  20. Episode 1002 - Smug Alert
  21. Episode 1004 - Cartoon Wars, Part II
  22. Episode 1005 - A Million Little Fibers
  23. Episode 1011 - Hell On Earth 2006
  24. Episode 1013 - Go God Go, Part XII
  25. Episode 1014 - Stanley's Cup
  26. Episode 1101 - With Apologies to Jesse Jackson
  27. Episode 1104 - The Snuke
  28. Episode 1105 - Fantastic Easter Special
  29. Episode 1108 - Le Petit Tourette
  30. Episode 1109 - More Crap
  31. Episode 1111 - Imaginationland, Episode II
  32. Episode 1112 - Imaginationland, Episode III
  33. Episode 1202 - Britney's New Look
  34. Episode 1204 - Canada On Strike!
  35. Episode 1206 - Over Logging
  36. Episode 1212 - About Last Night...
  37. Episode 1304 - Eat, Pray, Queef
  38. Episode 1306 - Pinewood Derby
  39. Episode 1307 - Fatbeard
  40. Episode 1313 - Dances With Smurfs
  41. Episode 1405 - 200
  42. Episode 1503 - Royal Pudding
  43. Episode 1505 - Crack Baby Athletic Association
  44. Episode 1506 - City Sushi
  45. Episode 1705 - Taming Strange
  46. Episode 1804 - Handicar
  47. Episode 1810 - #HappyHolograms
  48. Episode 1904 - You’re Not Yelping
  49. Episode 1908 - Sponsored Content
  50. Episode 2001 - Member Berries
  51. Episode 2003 - The Damned
  52. Episode 2005 - Douche And A Danish
  53. Episode 2006 - Fort Collins
  54. Episode 2007 - Oh, Jeez
  55. Episode 2008 - Members Only
  56. Episode 2009 - Not Funny
Other stats
  1. 257 episodes total
  2. 47 episodes not present
  3. 37 episodes present, but no lines
  4. 92 episodes prewent, with lines
  5. Me: 87 deaths in 81 episodes
  6. SPS: 98 deaths in 86 episodes
  7. Discrepancy: 11 deaths in 9 episodes
  8. No deaths in seasons 6, 10, 12, 13, 18
  9. One death in seasons 7, 8 15, 16, 17
Differences in the number of deaths

South Park Studios' tally - 15

  1. Season 1
    Weight Gain 4000 – Twice. First the teepee kills him, then Mr. Garrison kills him
    Volcano – Twice. First the boulder of lava kills him, then Ned's gun kills him.
  2. Season 3
    The Succubus – Twice. First he dies in his sleep and the rats nibble on him, then the succubus kills him.
  3. Season 4
    Cartman Joins NAMBLA – Twice. First a mutant baby decapitates him in a dream, then the ambulance runs over him.
    Fat Camp – Once. A boy dressed as Kenny comes out of Ms. Crabtree's uterus.
    Do The Handicapped Go To Hell? – Once. Dies under a bus headed for Mexico.
  4. Season 2
    City on the Edge of Forever – Twice. First the Big Black Scary Monster kills him, then Arthur Fonzarelli kills him riding a motorcycle.
  5. Season 6
    The Biggest Douche in the Universe - Once. Dies inside Rob Schnieder in the film Kenny.
  6. Season 10
    Make Love, Not Warcraft – Twice. First the gonker kills him, then one of his scorpions kills hiim.

South Park Scriptorium's tally - 4

  1. Season 1
    Weight Gain 4000 – Once. The teepee didn't kill him.
    Volcano – Once. The boulder didn't kill him.
  2. Season 3
    The Succubus – Once (the rats nibbling on him as he slept doesn't mean he died)
  3. Season 4
    Cartman Joins NAMBLA – Once. The first one is in Kenny's nightmare, so it doesn't count.
    Fat Camp – None. That wasn't Kenny in Ms. Crabtree's uterus.
    Do The Handicapped Go To Hell? – None. He sticks to the undercarriage until the bus stops in Mexico.
  4. Season 2
    City on the Edge of Forever – None, as these were misremembered flashbacks in Stan's dream, so they don't count.
  5. Season 6
    The Biggest Douche in the Universe - None, as Kenny is in Rob Schneider's body and had yet to return in his own body.
  6. Season 10
    Make Love, Not Warcraft – None. It was Kenny's avatar that was killed twice. Kenny himself kept playing with the other boys.

Magic the Gathering Commercial

Kyle: This program is brought to you by 'Magic, the gathering'
Kenny: 'That sounds fucking gay'

Here's the letter Trey sent to Taison Tan, Beef-Cake's Webmaster, about that commercial

Hey, dude-

I was just f*cking around on the net and looked over the site, great work. One part troubled me, though. There's this section called 'What Kenny says' where some guy claims to know what Kenny is saying and he's totally wrong. I want to put it out to the viewers - especially the part about 'Magic The Gathering' Your guy (Mike Kalec) writes that Kenny is saying something that is a slogan of magic ("It's Not just a Game"), but in fact, Kenny says 'That sounds f*cking gay' in the commercial. I want fans to know this, because Matt and I were so pissed off at having to do the stupid promo. Could you get it out to the fans loud and clear that this is what Kenny is saying? Once you know, and you watch it again, it's totally clear.

Take it easy,
Trey Parker